with every inhale
comes the unbearable realization that
while you are not,
i am still here.
my ribs crack with
every shift of my body
my chest is bound with no hope for freedom.
i see more than you ever could.
with every exhale you gave
came a burst of flowers and life.
everything you touched was whole and good
and everywhere i look there is only death
i bring nothing good into this world
and yet somehow you made it okay.
you were honey and earth
you were yellow and fish and smiles.
you were everything.
were.
granted,
youre not dead.
you just decided to
join in on the hurt.
you ****** me
with a knife sharper than
anything id ever experienced before.
maybe it hurt more because it was you.
every moan that escaped me
turned into a scream
for you
every time you told me you loved me
suddenly turned into hatred.
i pretend that it is okay
and we can still be friends
yet every time you exhale
i am suddenly met with the stench of death.
everything you touch crumbles
and all that surrounds you is red
you are hatred and pain
anything that hurts
you have and hold dear.
i guess that makes me a *********
Sep 27, 2020
Sep 27, 2020 at 5:52 PM UTC
she showed up at my doorstep last night.
crying.
granted, she was higher than a kite and
only wanted to give me money.
but then she told me he wasnt doing too well.
and that he missed me.
and that she was "hurt"by my actions.
and everything
came
crashing
down
Sep 27, 2020
Sep 27, 2020 at 10:31 AM UTC
Red and black sludge flows
From his mouth
He tries to scream but it
Comes out as a gargled wail
Roses bloom on his fingertips
As the thorns tear his palms
To shreds
He is dying in a way that
Can only be described
As living
Tears flow down their cheeks
As they reach for help
From anyone
Someone
Please
The mess I have been thrown into
Is impossible to escape
A train wreck of burning garbage
a bed of nails that i have been
carelessly thrown onto
And everything else that hurts
And no one thought
To tell me
That my grandpa
Was dying
Sep 26, 2020
Sep 26, 2020 at 10:29 PM UTC
and not one person
thought to tell me
that my grandpa
is dying.
Sep 26, 2020
Sep 26, 2020 at 10:17 PM UTC
I wonder how things will pan out
will i live where i plan to live?
see who i plan to see?
will i ever be the person that i plan to be
or am i stuck this way forever?
Sep 23, 2020
Sep 23, 2020 at 12:35 PM UTC
It feels like a [monster? slime? creature?]
T H I N G
just clawing away at me.
It overwhelms, and screams, and rips and shreds at my insides,
begging me to take away the parts that aren’t me
that somehow managed to stick on my body anyways.
Body?
Corpse?
Husk.
Shell.
I am stuck in a shell
that i am not supposed to be in,
and i cannot get out no matter how much i try
to
kick and
flail,
escape attempts are futile until i turn 18.
Hormones are raging at the wrong levels,
and my voice is not my own.
My body does not look how it is supposed to,
like someone has put the head of a ken doll on a barbie’s body.
I am a massacred mr(?) potato head
with mrs. potato head's body parts
shoved in all the wrong places.
It is so painful
to sit in the shower
and cry over the body that is not mine.
And you still believe
that I am your
little “girl”?
Sep 19, 2020
Sep 19, 2020 at 9:02 AM UTC
A long inhale, and nicotine
brings me the numb that I
so desperately need.
Sometimes, I have to
feel my own heartbeat, just to
remind myself that I am alive.
I often have to think about breathing
so that I remember to
keep myself going.
If not for me, the most
definitely for him.
Even though I am a vile creature
full of hatred and self loathing
I could never bring myself to hurt you.
Sep 19, 2020
Sep 19, 2020 at 5:53 AM UTC
I wait for each message like a dog waits for his master to throw the ball.
Eagerly,
Wagging my tail like a stray puppy that's been offered scraps from a picnic.
Grateful.
And perhaps that's all I am to you.
A charity case,
lost cause,
ego boost.
Who knows?
Maybe I am merely a passage of time until you can find something real.
Maybe I am just a bird with too much imagination.
Or a cat taking too long of a nap.
Or maybe one day you will walk me down the aisle
and I will know, just as you do,
that irrationality is my biggest flaw.
Perhaps we are just friends who are in way too deep,
or maybe I am clinging to feelings that shouldn't exist.
At this point,
I'll take what I can get.
Sep 19, 2020
Sep 19, 2020 at 5:08 AM UTC
i sit and i stare
and i stare
and i stare
and i stare
i don't really feel like doing anything else.
i don't really feel at all
i can't feel
i can't sleep
i can't.
it all just wraps around me
like a safety blanket of numb.
because if i take the blanket off,
numb turns into pain
and pain turns into nothingness
and i turn back into something i never want to be.
Sep 15, 2020
Sep 15, 2020 at 1:54 PM UTC
i am an addict
clinging desperately to the hope
that somehow, some way
i will get more of what i need.
by any means possible.
serotonin doesn't come easy,
but some day i'll feel it again.
Sep 15, 2020
Sep 15, 2020 at 1:43 PM UTC