l0v3lytwin
21/F/corning ny
My name is Melly im 22 years old and I live in NY i write poetry to heal my spirit and maybe fall in love [email protected]
Flight or flight or freezing
I’m the ghost of this season
And you just keep asking me
“Carriage or casket babe”
Like this isn’t the hardest decision
When you begged me to bleed for you
I didn’t know it ment literally
May 9
May 9, 2026 at 3:16 PM UTC
This phone keeps on ringing
Like pain that’s unwitting
I can’t stop the bleeding now
You can say that you need me
You could beg me to stay
And I’d have to fight with myself on that day
With the angel on one side
And the devil on the other
Screaming somebody pick up
Somebody answer me
Should I be choosing what makes me happy
Or picking what you want for me
May 9
May 9, 2026 at 3:09 PM UTC
I was born to a fractured family
Where words ment war
I was told my opinions didn’t matter
But I hope you’ll forgive me if I’m a bore
Please don’t ask for me to choose
I’ll just say it’s up to you
Cause having a voice means starting a fire
And I never learned how to not get burnt
Apr 14
Apr 14, 2026 at 6:11 PM UTC
I asked you to call me beautiful
I had to grovel beg on my back
Because I’m just a stupid girl
I got exactly what I wanted
But I never should’ve had to ask for it
I saw the way you two sat on the couch
At your best friends wedding
You swear I saw nothing
But I look at those pictures when I’m all alone
That **** tears me down straight to the bone
When I asked you if I was beautiful
I wish you where honest
At least it wouldn’t have hurt this bad
Apr 12
Apr 12, 2026 at 10:14 PM UTC
I hope your daddy’s done hating you
I hope your done with hating me
Hope the way you use your vices
Never takes away your dreams
And I’m sorry for the part of me
That just started to survive you
At the time that’s all I knew to be
Loved the wreck when it’s all I could see
Playing out like titanic right infront of me
And I was wrong for what I did to you
But it doesn’t make up for what was done to me
And I tried to tell myself i liked it
Take the pill with a hard swallow
But I think you were just love sick
And I’m just sick of love
Apr 5
Apr 5, 2026 at 6:33 PM UTC
Just a couple hours out from relapsing
Even tho I promised you it’d never happen
But the baggie on the counter
Tells you everything that’s going on
And it’s so cold in New England
That when it rains it always pours
Just a couple minute out from relapsing
Wish you’d just relax
When I explained to you this happens
My minds such a wreck
In the quiet mornings silence
The way the wind wraps the trees
Always unsettling like static
Just a couple seconds out from relapsing
I like how it uses me
Atleast it means I have a purpose
Like the user and there vice
I always seem to do it
And I always say that I’m to fragile
But really I just want to get clean
Ill always kick you out try again
And break that dream
Apr 5
Apr 5, 2026 at 6:20 PM UTC
I don’t really let myself fall in love
Because I don’t think anyone could ever
Choose me purposely
Beating myself up like and endless battle
Convince myself I’m to much
But I’d never be enough
So I’ll just keep hurting
And I don’t want to fall in love
If it scares me what I’ll become
Losing myself in a person
Losing my grip with this version
And I don’t want to end up
Back where I started or more broken hearted
So I don’t really let myself fall in love
Apr 4
Apr 4, 2026 at 5:50 PM UTC
I’m afraid to let myself fall in love
Not just with you but with the world
There’s always one more pound to lose
Some way I convince myself I deserve it
Sometimes I wonder
If they smell the lonely on me
Is it sprayed on just like perfume
Choking out my aura
What if I never let myself be any more
Can I live and just ignore
The parts that feel so uncomfortable
Mar 28
Mar 28, 2026 at 7:51 AM UTC
Sometimes I get scared
That you’ll smell the lonely on me
Maybe it slipped into my pockets
Or I drank it in my morning tea
Sometimes I worry
If you look at me a little to long
You’d start feeling how much I wanted
And seeing through my cracks
Sometimes I get anxious
As it all plays out in front of me
The world just keeps spinning
And I’m still stuck in 2019
Trying to pretend it didn’t break me
Trying to pretend that I’m okay
Feb 18
Feb 18, 2026 at 2:13 PM UTC
I had dinner with myself 21 times last night
Each year of my life showed up
17 came in young naive looking for love in any doorway
18 and 19 walked in cold hardened not a single word out of them
1 and 2 where sitting at the end getting fed by 14
Who was already to grown for her age
3 is shifting anxious constantly playing with the narcan that would make her a hero
While 4 and 5 are tending to the bruises they didn’t deserve
15 and 16 she angry her words like venom that was never to be heard
13 she’s quietly blaming herself I wish I could get her to stop
6 and 7 they won’t stop talking about how they wanted to be writers
While 8 and 9 scribbled in pads aimlessly stringing along words
And 20 she was making big decisions ones I’d maybe regret
And I was sat at the head of the table the
smile on my lips
Because some people there eating this meal alone
But I have 21 of my closest friends around my table
So maybe we can all get through this
Having 21 years none could relate
But all had stories to add to the others
And I smiled and cried as 3 said she was proud
*** we finally got out
And I said “hurry up and get seconds guys
Before 22 gets here”
Feb 5
Feb 5, 2026 at 10:36 AM UTC