There's nothing that feels more helpless,
Then, standing on a lake of ice.
I see someone in the distance,
In their hand, a stick of dynamite.
They throw it onto the edge of the lake,
I try to run, but it's far too late.
The explosion booms, the ice starts to crack,
It barrels toward me, like a vicious attack.
Before I can move, I fall under,
Into the cold, where it's dark, and I feel encumbered.
I slowly realize that stability is an illusion,
That I will never truly be safe, or at peace.
For, at any unsuspecting moment,
My life's rug can be pulled from under me.
I'll fall on my haunches,
As anxiety launches.
What else am I to do?
If change so easily hurts me,
How am I to push through?
This unstable stability,
So simply taken away.
Perhaps, I'll be fine.
Perhaps, I'll be okay.
It's the unknown that scars me,
The darkness where I cannot see.
Is where I'm going,
Better than where I'm leaving?
Everything crumbles, as the Earth rumbles,
And I tumble and fumble on the ground.
I let out a pitiful, disgraceful whine,
A desperate sound.
Can I escape the ice?
Can I reach higher ground?
Even if I do,
Will it remain structurally sound?
I guess I'll follow you,
And try not to wallow,
With memories that feel hollow.
It's tempting to stop.
It's tempting to grieve.
Maybe it'd be best to wait on those things,
Until I get to where I'm meant to be.
Away from this unstable stability...
Feb 7
Feb 7, 2026 at 9:55 AM UTC
Sing me a dream.
A story beyond soil.
Just above the blades
Into my vast expanse.
Infinite world
Sunken by seas
Waken by sun
Grown from thought.
Imagine the draft,
Whose sense dries.
Tears fall and cry
As the moon falters.
And as you wake
Amidst the grass,
Blades striking leather,
Pain, Manifest.
Wonder braces skin.
Haze fills expanse.
You’ve been here, have you?
In this once sung dream?
In a world full of sun,
In your eyes, risen
Just above the sea
Of haze and burden.
And when all settles
Beneath the still legs—
Carried burden and change
In this restless life,
All the streaks of dawn,
Of warmth made seen
Across the huddled trees
Whose branches dance,
They will disappear.
Just shy from your lids
Slowly drifting up,
Pain, Manifest.
A prairie beneath sky,
Adorned by memories
Of last summer’s tenderness
And fleeting expectations.
The blades grew longer
When you were away
Chasing the light streaks,
Sun toying its settler.
That dream has sung.
Story beneath this soil.
Below the roots of trees.
Into this vast expanse.
Jan 31
Jan 31, 2026 at 11:31 AM UTC
I put all my grief in a box
Neatly packed and tightly sealed with a label
As if I am moving on
I don’t want to unpack my grief about you because I never wanted to pack that stuff to begin with
I never wanted to move.
No matter how hard I try to shove it in the back of my mind and pretend it doesn’t exist
Something falls out of the box and I pick it up and am reminded of how much I love you
Like a childhood stuffed animal I am too attached to, and refused to get rid of
Even if it’s missing an eye, and all the stuffing is coming out the sides
You comfort me, and I hold you. Wishing you were animated and could talk back.
I look for you every where like a lost puppy that is searching for a home to keep warm
I am stuck out in the cold and freeze.
I sit on the corner begging time for spare change
But my pockets and cup are empty
I don’t want to accept this.
There is too much grief to fit in that tiny box even if I seal it with a lock and shove it as far back as I can in a closet
It all eventually exploded until my room is covered
Until I am buried, overflowed, up to my ears with memories of you
My mind still can’t wrap my head around this mess
I pick up all the pieces one by one
And comb over every detail over and over, a detective searching for DNA seeing if there is something I missed
Hoping for even just a strand, a fiber, a string, a shred of your existence you left behind that leads me back to you
Sometimes I find a loose thread and pull it hoping that maybe it’s a part of you
But I just end up unraveling myself from the seams
Until I am nothing but a pathetic, tangled ball of yarn on the floor
I can’t untangle my grief.
There’s too many complicated knots my little hands can’t untie
I am forever tangled with you because you were my mother
My beautiful mother.
How I wish that you could hold me in your arms one more time or read me lullabies
22 was too young to lose you.
I wasn’t ready to grow up without you
I wasn’t ready to say goodbye because how can you say goodbye to the one person who taught you to say hello, and taught you all the colors of the rainbow?
There is nothing like a mother’s love.
And oh how you and your love shined like the sun above
I am afraid of the dark, I am afraid of this world without you in it.
There’s too many monsters underneath my bed and inside my head, I want to run to your room so you can show me that everything is gonna be okay, and that my mind is just playing tricks on me.
You litter my mind, I find pieces of you everywhere, but one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
You are my treasure, you are precious to me, I clutch you tight to my chest, hoping nothing can steal you away from me.
My compass, my lighthouse that points me back to shore
I am lost at sea, homesick and sea sick
I just wanted to go back to land again so for once so this vertigo can stop, so I can feel steady and stable but I can’t when the ground is shaking beneath me.
You were my North Star that I looked for to guide me home
I am forever stuck in this infinite void with my stomach churning and my heart yearning and pining for you.
Searching for a message in a bottle
How I will forever miss you, my beautiful star
You were something special, you will always win the 1st place medal in my mind
I miss your scent but all your belongings have faded of that because you have spent too much time in that box
Eventually at some point I have to put everything back in the box until next time.
I love to see all my treasure that I’ve collected, all the sparkly pretty things that distract me from this ugly reality
Then I will resume, go back and carry on, pretending that I am okay without you.
I carry myself through life with my child like curiosity, with lightness, a kindness that you taught me
I love you my beautiful mother
When it all becomes too much I’ll just hide under the covers and pretend that you are tucking me and saying goodnight and I love you one last time.
Jan 31
Jan 31, 2026 at 11:30 AM UTC
If I could still hold you,
In the palm of my trembling hand,
In the depths of my fragile heart,
In the whispers of my restless soul.
If I could still hold you,
In the shadows of sleepless nights,
In the echoes of forgotten dreams,
In the longing that seeps through my veins.
If I could still hold you,
In the silence of empty spaces,
In the void that your absence created,
In the ache that lingers, refusing to fade.
If I could still hold you,
In the fragments of memories,
In the pages of a love story,
In the etchings of a bittersweet past.
If I could still hold you,
In the tears that flow like rivers,
In the laughter that dances on my lips,
In the moments we shared, forever cherished.
If I could still hold you,
In the depths of my imagination,
In the realms of a parallel universe,
In the hope that defies all reason.
If I could still hold you,
In the symphony of our intertwined souls,
In the symphony that plays on, undeterred,
In the symphony that refuses to end.
Then perhaps, just perhaps,
Even in the absence of physical touch,
Even in the void that separates our beings,
Even in the vastness of this universe.
I could still hold you,
In the tenderness of my love,
In the strength of my devotion,
In the essence of who we once were.
For love knows no boundaries,
No limitations, no constraints,
It transcends time and space,
And etches itself onto eternity's canvas.
So, if I could still hold you,
In the depth of my being,
In the essence of my existence,
Then know, my love, that you are forever mine.
Jul 24, 2025
Jul 24, 2025 at 10:20 AM UTC
When luck leaves your side,
And there's no one left watching . . .
There is no martyrdom.
No heaven to fall from. No damnation.
Just nothing.
Nothing and no one.
Jul 24, 2025
Jul 24, 2025 at 10:17 AM UTC
They don’t know they live in my lines,
in the curves of half-written poems,
where I hide their names
beneath metaphors and rain.
They don’t know that every silence
I’ve ever endured
became a verse,
and every goodbye
turned into a stanza I never planned to finish.
They’ve stopped remembering me—
but I still write them down,
so I don’t forget
how it felt
to be loved
and left.
Jul 24, 2025
Jul 24, 2025 at 10:13 AM UTC