danielle-marie
American
"You must write every single day of your life…You must lurk in libraries and climb the stacks like ladders to sniff books like perfumes and wear books like hats upon your crazy heads….may you be in love every day for the next 20,000 days. And out of that love, remake a world." Ray Bradbury / / http://calm-surroundings.tumblr.com/
theres a demon that lives in you
sometimes quiet sometimes its screeching
its unpredictable and dangerous
sometimes its too late to see the happiness its been leeching
its evil and strong
makes you think that inside of you is something inherently wrong
you fear this beast
you dont trust it in the least
because its lies and tricks
makes you feel fine then makes you feel sick
its drives you mad
drives you insane
because you come to realize
its a part of your own brain
Aug 29, 2015
Aug 29, 2015 at 5:06 AM UTC
i was rummaging through the sock drawer,
i found the candle
that i burned during that winter i lost you
it was too hard to handle.
you left me,
and the smell brought it all back:
the loneliness,
the blood, the anxiety attacks.
i hated that winter,
your absence was so loud.
i was a zombie in my own chains,
you were my black cloud.
i needed you so bad,
i know that's a horribly cliché thing to say,
but i couldn't sleep, eat, smile or laugh
i needed you those days.
i was a hollow shell
of someone i never knew.
i thought it'd maybe make me stronger,
i barely made it through.
the silence and confusion
rang in my ears.
the pain is so real
it won't disappear.
merry Christmas,
i wish you were here,
i hope you're having a great time
i am drowning in my fear.
that Christmas was the coldest one
that i have ever known,
i never thought i could get that bad,
why'd you leave me on my own?
i denied it all,
tried to hide the pain
but it crept around corners,
slipped into my veins.
the days faded into nights,
the nights into days,
i never left my bed,
i was a slave to your dark and estranged haze.
my only friends were the figures
that danced across my bedroom walls.
the flame would flicker and shake,
i watched the shadows rise and fall.
the sadness smells like linen and ocean waves
i will throw that candle away,
one day
one day.
i have moved on now,
moved on with deep tissue scars.
it's not fair to him
i'm still behind your prison bars.
i have moved on now,
nightmares and anxiety attacks
are horrible souvenirs,
maybe i'll get over this soon, hopefully this year.
i lie when i say
"i breakdown for no reason",
i'm broken because i am remembering that
heartbreak season.
Aug 29, 2015
Aug 29, 2015 at 4:59 AM UTC
Maybe I was naive
But I really just don’t understand
How you can let someone get attached
Give them shivers just with your hand
Share secrets of your own
Spend your time on them
Then drop them completely with a text on a phone
And treat them as if they were never there
It’s cruel really
But bravo, you rid of me without care
I guess I should’ve known
You didn’t want me I knew
But I threw stone after stone
Trying to break down the walls
I was stubborn
You are fine, you feel nothing at all
I wasn’t yours, and you were not mine
But I’m a wreck
I feel too much and my thoughts are all intertwined
I fall too deeply
You knew that
And you ******* stabbed right through me
Guess I’ll never know why
But I have to see your face everyday
I need the strength to not cry
Or care
But thats not me
Thats you
And its ******* not fair
Aug 29, 2015
Aug 29, 2015 at 4:46 AM UTC
So many dreams
So little drive
Repetitive motions
Same addicting potions
When will I wake with a smile
Cause I've been dying for quite a while
Nothing helps
Its always me
But then he came
And made me dizzy
He smiled
Told me sweet things
Sad thoughts ceased
When his gaze pierced me
But that monster
That little creep in my head
Slithered in and filled me with doubt
Doubt turned to fear
Fear turned to mistakes
Mistakes turned it all to ****
The blues were back
And here we are again, this is it.
Jun 30, 2015
Jun 30, 2015 at 9:17 PM UTC
Bring me to ruins
Drown me in your waves
The tide is too high
Its rough
Its taking me away
Drifting until I sink
Trapped in your haze
Your taste I drink
But its poison
Delicious with no cure
You will destroy me
For that I'm sure
Jan 14, 2015
Jan 14, 2015 at 3:25 AM UTC
A whole sea of possibilities lies in front of me
But all I see is the vast darkness inside me
Encouraging smiles await my decisions
But I've already given up on all my visions
They say the future is bright
But I see mine in a dull light
All around I see happiness and love
And that is what I am deprived of
I hope one day I will enjoy waking
But for now my soul will continue aching
Dec 12, 2014
Dec 12, 2014 at 3:19 AM UTC
do not date a girl
who writes.
she will internalize
everything,
carve poems
into your eyelashes
instead of
kissing them,
she will analyze you,
calculate age
from the rings
your coffee cup
leaves
instead of refilling it.
she will memorize
the way your
lips curl around steam,
but not that you
take it
two sugars,
no cream.
she will read your
palm instead of
holding it
against her chest.
she will not
blink
when you leave,
because she is
already
romanticizing it.
Dec 12, 2014
Dec 12, 2014 at 3:10 AM UTC
it's okay to be sad.
it's just not okay to stay that way.
Dec 12, 2014
Dec 12, 2014 at 3:09 AM UTC
Absolute bliss.
The forest around me made me feel the most peaceful I had in years.
The tall Redwoods reached up to the sky for a kiss, the bright, green moss climbed up the huge roots.
Everything seemed to be paused.
Like the world had stopped, as if everything had froze and stood still in this moment of pure beauty.
The mist the only thing that seemed to be moving, like a heavy blanket hovering over the ground.
My breath came out in puffs of condensation, the product of the invigorating chill of the morning.
The sun just barely poked its arms through the gray and sent the dew glittering all over.
This was the most breathtaking thing I'd ever experienced.
To feel so small among so many great things harboring beauty.
I felt as if I could sit on this damp ground forever.
My mind went completely blank here, my thoughts soared up to the sky riding along with the trunks of the trees.
I'd never felt more free.
I layed my head down on the grass and let my body go limp.
I felt safe as if nothing could ever touch me.
Until something did, little raindrops fell upon my nose and slid down the side of my face.
I opened my mouth and let the rain touch my tongue, it tasted pure and good.
My hair grew damp along with my clothes, but I wasn't cold.
I was absolutely content.
I slowly sat up and listened to the rain pour over my little heaven.
It was the most precious melody.
The air around me was heavy, and everything seemed to be lit in shades of violet. I breathed it in, took it in.
I suddenly became afraid.
Aware that I would have to leave this place soon.
A tear slipped down my cheek.
I felt weak, and helpless.
I didn't want to return to the outside world.
For I felt those moments, in this small opening , in a vast and shrouded forest, have changed a part of me.
Or more-so, awakened a part.
A part I never knew existed.
For the first time in what felt like ages..
I felt alive.
Jun 27, 2013
Jun 27, 2013 at 4:21 AM UTC
Absolute bliss.
The forest around me made me feel the most peaceful I had in years.
The tall Redwoods reached up to the sky for a kiss, the bright, green moss climbed up the huge roots.
Everything seemed to be paused.
Like the world had stopped, as if everything had froze and stood still in this moment of pure beauty.
The mist the only thing that seemed to be moving, like a heavy blanket hovering over the ground.
My breath came out in puffs of condensation, the product of the invigorating chill of the morning.
The sun just barely poked its arms through the gray and sent the dew glittering all over.
This was the most breathtaking thing I'd ever experienced.
To feel so small among so many great things harboring beauty.
I felt as if I could sit on this damp ground forever.
My mind went completely blank here, my thoughts soared up to the sky riding along with the trunks of the trees.
I'd never felt more free.
I layed my head down on the grass and let my body go limp.
I felt safe as if nothing could ever touch me.
Until something did, little raindrops fell upon my nose and slid down the side of my face.
I opened my mouth and let the rain touch my tongue, it tasted pure and good.
My hair grew damp along with my clothes, but I wasn't cold.
I was absolutely content.
I slowly sat up and listened to the rain pour over my little heaven.
It was the most precious melody.
The air around me was heavy, and everything seemed to be lit in shades of violet. I breathed it in, took it in.
I suddenly became afraid.
Aware that I would have to leave this place soon.
A tear slipped down my cheek.
I felt weak, and helpless.
I didn't want to return to the outside world.
For I felt those moments, in this small opening , in a vast and shrouded forest, have changed a part of me.
Or more-so, awakened a part.
A part I never knew existed.
For the first time in what felt like ages..
I felt alive.
Jan 21, 2013
Jan 21, 2013 at 12:40 AM UTC