i was rummaging through the sock drawer,
i found the candle
that i burned during that winter i lost you
it was too hard to handle.
you left me,
and the smell brought it all back:
the loneliness,
the blood, the anxiety attacks.
i hated that winter,
your absence was so loud.
i was a zombie in my own chains,
you were my black cloud.
i needed you so bad,
i know that's a horribly cliché thing to say,
but i couldn't sleep, eat, smile or laugh
i needed you those days.
i was a hollow shell
of someone i never knew.
i thought it'd maybe make me stronger,
i barely made it through.
the silence and confusion
rang in my ears.
the pain is so real
it won't disappear.
merry Christmas,
i wish you were here,
i hope you're having a great time
i am drowning in my fear.
that Christmas was the coldest one
that i have ever known,
i never thought i could get that bad,
why'd you leave me on my own?
i denied it all,
tried to hide the pain
but it crept around corners,
slipped into my veins.
the days faded into nights,
the nights into days,
i never left my bed,
i was a slave to your dark and estranged haze.
my only friends were the figures
that danced across my bedroom walls.
the flame would flicker and shake,
i watched the shadows rise and fall.
the sadness smells like linen and ocean waves
i will throw that candle away,
one day
one day.
i have moved on now,
moved on with deep tissue scars.
it's not fair to him
i'm still behind your prison bars.
i have moved on now,
nightmares and anxiety attacks
are horrible souvenirs,
maybe i'll get over this soon, hopefully this year.
i lie when i say
"i breakdown for no reason",
i'm broken because i am remembering that
heartbreak season.
Aug 28, 2015
Aug 28, 2015 at 8:37 PM UTC
i was rummaging through the sock drawer,
i found the candle
that i burned during that winter i lost you
it was too hard to handle.
you left me,
and the smell brought it all back:
the loneliness,
the blood, the anxiety attacks.
i hated that winter,
your absence was so loud.
i was a zombie in my own chains,
you were my black cloud.
i needed you so bad,
i know that's a horribly cliché thing to say,
but i couldn't sleep, eat, smile or laugh
i needed you those days.
i was a hollow shell
of someone i never knew.
i thought it'd maybe make me stronger,
i barely made it through.
the silence and confusion
rang in my ears.
the pain is so real
it won't disappear.
merry Christmas,
i wish you were here,
i hope you're having a great time
i am drowning in my fear.
that Christmas was the coldest one
that i have ever known,
i never thought i could get that bad,
why'd you leave me on my own?
i denied it all,
tried to hide the pain
but it crept around corners,
slipped into my veins.
the days faded into nights,
the nights into days,
i never left my bed,
i was a slave to your dark and estranged haze.
my only friends were the figures
that danced across my bedroom walls.
the flame would flicker and shake,
i watched the shadows rise and fall.
the sadness smells like linen and ocean waves
i will throw that candle away,
one day
one day.
i have moved on now,
moved on with deep tissue scars.
it's not fair to him
i'm still behind your prison bars.
i have moved on now,
nightmares and anxiety attacks
are horrible souvenirs,
maybe i'll get over this soon, hopefully this year.
i lie when i say
"i breakdown for no reason",
i'm broken because i am remembering that
heartbreak season.
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