In every story there is a hero.
Someone we can all look up to, someone who can make things all okay.
Nothing is more terrifying then being the hero in your own story over and over again.
You look around to see if anyone will save you, hoping someone will take your hand and free you from this mess.
But time and time again, you must save yourself.
You must prove yourself to the adversaries around you.
You must pick yourself up and climb that ledge again.
Time, after time.
After awhile, you come to know only yourself.
You come to depend only on yourself.
When the hands come reaching forth, you are unsure if it is to help or hinder.
Will the hand strike you? Or is it offering assistance?
Without fail, it seems they only want to strike you.
So whenever the hand reached forth, saviour or not, you snap at it before it has the chance to hurt you.
People around you think you are jaded.
Selfish.
Mean.
Cruel.
Now, in all instances you are left to be considered the villain in everyone else’s story.
When all this time,
You were just being your own hero.
Jan 3, 2020
Jan 3, 2020 at 9:03 AM UTC
I can make your sunny day cloudy
I can call the clapping thunder
I can take your things away
With one great sweep of my power
I can carry you away
I can bury you
I can knock you down
I can crush you
I am the wind
One moment I can be calm and kind to you
But in a flash I can destroy you
I was just a breeze
Softly blowing your hair
But you harnessed my untapped potential
And used it for yourself
Now when we meet again
You will be met with a hurricane
A front of violent anger
The angry gusts constant
With speeds and strength so fierce
I will break you
Snap you in half
Discard you
Like you did to me
You are the trash I catch in my grasp
I bat you around like a ball of yarn
Until you’re lucky enough to get run over
Or possibly rest against a cold metal pole
But perhaps you will surrender
Perhaps try to make peace with the wind
Beg for forgiveness
But the wind never forgives.
The wind only blows on
Until the end of days.
This is the price we both pay for your deeds
The rage will never cease to exist within me
And you will never be safe from my wrath.
Nov 18, 2019
Nov 18, 2019 at 6:34 PM UTC
The yellow fields are awake in the sun
Rolling hills singing with the wind
The breeze brushes the smell of canola flowers against my face
Singing birds adorn the hillside
I feel peace here
Here where the sky extends forever
In its ever changing colours and shapes
As the sun sets in the west.
A dog at my side,
Gravel beneath my feet
I move freely from field to field
Who knows where we shall go?
For the fences,
Barbed wire
And signs do not hold us captive.
We can go where we please
The stewards of the land know us
The young girl
And a black dog
Trekking through the alfalfa
Chasing wild dreams
Of adventure and exploration
Sometimes we exchange a wave
A smile
Or a few words before we move on again
Looking around the bend in the trees
Following the game trails
Picking up treasures brought from the earth
There's a felled tree in the bushes here
I can climb it and sit awhile
While my dog lays in the cool grass l
I look to the sky peering though the canopy
The bushes are quiet
Yet alive with the music of the fauna
The wind blows the treetops side to side
The soft creaking of the trees
Is the symphony of the bush.
The sun is going down.
We must return now.
By the time we get back it will be dark
But that's ok.
As long as I have my dog with me
I will fearlessly walk to the ends of the world
Dancing on the fringes
Playing chicken with the ledge
As long as he was by my side.
The coyotes howl in the distance
They have picked up our trail
But we fear not
For we are a force together
Stronger then the river current
And bigger then any mountain
We were together.
And we were free.
Oct 14, 2018
Oct 14, 2018 at 12:07 AM UTC
When the love is gone
And the tie of family is broken
When the last person you looked up to dies
And they wouldn't even tell you.
When you wake up
Feeling like you're having a heart attack
And your guts are screaming
When you lay awake on those sleepless nights
Wondering how it all went to ***
They say you play the victim
And that you aren't trustworthy anymore
Then tell me how
How do I be normal
When my innocence was torn asunder.
When every sacred inch of my body and soul
Was ***** over and over.
Tell me how
I am to be trustworthy
When all I have trusted
Have hurt me
Again
And again
And again.
Smile she said
I hate to see you sad.
When all those around me
Want nothing more
Than to see me cry.
The tears are worthless
And the constant crippling fear
Is all for nothing.
When you're blinded
By constant anger and rage.
When all you see is red
and evil in this world.
I can't smile anymore.
My world is falling apart
Every breath I take is laboured
And every piece of love I give
Is never enough.
When you're on the ground
Bleeding and broken
Begging for it all to stop.
The only thing to comfort you
Is he bottom of a boot
Stomping you over and over again.
Every shred of dignity is lost.
No longer are you human.
Just another pawn of life.
And never
Ever
A real
Person.
Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 12:02 AM UTC
My head is spinning
I cannot stay upright
I can't keep my eyes open
Or stand up tall.
But the night has just begun,
My anguish is not over yet.
As i watch you bleed the wine
That makes you this way.
We are both broken people.
Drowning in the drink,
You fail to realize I am your daughter.
When I cry
It's not because I hate you
Or want to see you cry too,
I cry for the murdered little girl
That you kidnapped long ago.
The innocence stolen
In exchange for a drink
And friend.
The girl standing before you is now your pal,
Never your barin.
The memories I have lost
Because they never happened
I count them in my head
Like sheep before I close my eyes
To remind myself
When I awake
I still have no mother.
I have no father.
No one to hold my hand
When my best friend died
When I contemplated suicide
When I was being bullied
When I was in pain
When I was afraid
And when I had self doubts.
Where were you?
I called for you all in the mist
But you never answered.
And now that I am grown
I can't help but feel stunted.
As I try to hold on to the patchy little pieces
Of my fragmented childhood.
And now as you lay defeated
With your hand stretched out to mine
I wish to turn away
And ignore your plea
Just like you ignored mine.
But I am too kind.
I pick you up once more
Hoping
Maybe
This time
Might
Be different.
But it never is.
It's always the same.
When the time comes for me
I am left disappointed
And abandoned.
I'll call for you whence more
Yet I know you will not answer
Until you need me again
To use up
For yourself.
Apr 3, 2018
Apr 3, 2018 at 11:45 PM UTC
Crying, crying,
I can't stop crying,
Every time I look at you,
I feel like dying,
I wish the pain,
would go away,
And I wish that you,
would remain,
Remain my sunshine,
My ray of hope,
My smile and wish,
But I have choked,
Choked on the pain,
For far to long,
Hate me when I'm here,
Love me when I'm gone.
Apr 3, 2018
Apr 3, 2018 at 11:40 PM UTC
A ghost haunts the core of my being
It's taking control of every aspect of life.
A cold dead puppet wide eyed
full of doubt and fear
Animates itself as it dissipates into the mist.
The numb feeling washes over
Like water lapping at the shore.
But no warm sandy beach is this,
No.
The ice cold waters envelope me
And hurl me against the jagged stones and boulders.
Over and over
As the undertow sweeps me in again
I can't help but open myself to the void
As I rush from the hardened stones
And back into everlasting blackness.
Weightless
Helpless
Terrified
And weak.
The panic and strain rises
When fight or flight doesn't work.
Let it in
Let the ice water in.
Let it rush into every crevice or your inner body
As you sink like a stone into the bottom of the sea.
The void hath taken another
Mar 28, 2018
Mar 28, 2018 at 3:14 PM UTC
Count your sins
One, two, three,
Revisit the hurt
That you caused to me
Steer your thoughts in my direction
Look back
Are you afraid
Of your own reflection?
Are you afraid of what you’ll see
The ghosts and terrors that are haunting me?
Face your fears, I’ve faced mine
A hundred million thousand times
You held me down, you were a person of trust
You should not be forgiven
But punished, you must
Look back on your actions
May they fill you with dread
Yes it’s true
We all wish you were dead
Hang your noose high
Off the highest tree
String yourself up
Do this for me
For this is your penance
For the crime you have done
You say you are a victim
But I’m the true one
For what I have lost
I will never get back
Something everyone had
But something I lack
I look at myself
What was I then?
Was I merely a tool
To be used by men?
I will smash that mirror
No! I am my own!
I am no longer a tool
For I have grown!
Bigger and stronger
I have fought for my life
I’m now an adult
I’m someone’s wife
My destiny is my own
I’ll create my own way
I’ll tell you what I think
When we meet some day
You’ll get an ear full
Full of fire and wit
You will deny deny deny
But we both know you did it
Now hang you head
In utter disgrace
You are an embarrassment to us
You must leave this place
We don’t want you here
You wasted your chance
To have a normal family
When you shoved your hand in my pants
I did not fight
I did not scream
But I was a child
Now it seems like a dream
Children cannot consent
This you knew
Stop pretending
That you’re a victim too!
You knew what you did
We all trusted you
Sorry I’m not lying
I only said what was true
When you held me down
Defiled my name
Laughing and smiling
Now my whole life is stained
The games are over now
Now the battle will start
Look into my eyes, tell me
Do you really have a heart?
The heart of a father?
A husband or friend?
A so called victim
Anyone would defend?
You say it is lies
I make it a big deal
Shut the **** up
Beg for forgiveness and kneel
Kneel on the ground
Cry at my feet
Beg for forgiveness
I’ll make it short and sweet
As I tell you I know
Of all you have done
You truly really are
The evil one
Collect your lies
Your thoughts and deceit
Get the **** out of here!
You coward, retreat!
You are not welcome back
Though you think you may be
In reality few want to see you
They know what you did to me
Why don’t you face me?
Face to face and hand to hand
Are you worried
That I’ll prove to be more then a man?
I’ve lived more hardship
Then you could ever explain
It hardened and aged me
No, it brings me no shame
For now I am older
In my thoughts, in my heart
There are hot embers within me
Get back, a fire may start!
You won’t face me at all
You know I will burn you
Burn your wicked flesh and bones
Down to the last sinew
You won’t make it if you fight me
This you know to be true
You will think you are fighting me
But in the end
It is YOU
Mar 21, 2018
Mar 21, 2018 at 3:15 PM UTC
Another key is added to the ring
Another responsibility is added to my conscience
More wight I must bare
On the worries I carry
I'm so tired
But I must continue on
For I am the provider now
It's up to me
Even if my Fingertips bleed
Still I must hold the keys
And open the door each day
I will saunter home
Keys in hand
Opening the door to another world of responsibilities
Dishes to clean
A family to feed
A floor to be swept
Sheets to be washed
Hides to be tanned
But there is no key to my heart
It's locked up
I can't open it
Let the pain pour out
So I can feel at ease
Because being at ease means
This is finally over.
But it's not over yet.
It won't be for a long time.
So the dishes get washed
The family gets fed
The floor gets swept
The sheets are washed
The hides are tanned.
But there is no time left for me.
Back to bed.
Then with the rising of the sun
I rise too
And pick up the keys and responsibilities
My hair is messy
My skin is *****
My face is tired
My hands are worn
But there's no time.
Time is money
And I don't have enough of either.
I move my trembling legs
Insert the key into its lock
And open the door to the darkened room.
Another day of responsibility
Another day of hard labour
Another day of thankless gratitude
Another day of stress and fear.
I break a drill bit
I cut my fingers
I trip and I fall
I lay on the ground staring
Staring at the mess I've made .
Tears flow
And I drag myself under the desk.
Sobs come in heaves.
Panic comes in waves.
My head in my hands
I hold myself
I hug myself
And tell myself it's just a small blip on the timeline of life.
I must comfort myself
For these responsibilities will not do so for me.
The ones that depend on me
Can't see me like this.
I can't let them know everything is wrong
For I cannot let them know
I am failing.
I get up
There's no time for this
I have to keep working
Then another key is added to the ring
Even more responsibility for me.
The weight is now too much.
As I make my way out into the deep snow I fall to my knees.
It's too much to bare.
I look to the sky
Teary eyed
My breath burning in the air like fire
"Please,"
My words hang in the frigid air
"Someone take a key,
Please someone lift his weight from me."
But no one came.
Unable to drag myself home
I hurl the keys into the darkness.
I don't care anymore.
I don't need the keys.
I don't need the responsibility.
I need
Freedom
Mar 21, 2018
Mar 21, 2018 at 1:28 PM UTC