When I was 15
I wanted to be sick
Thought I was invisible
And my skin was paper thick
I wanted to be low
And weak
To be noticed
To at least be seen
Cause I felt
Alone
Nothing felt like home
I wanted to be sick
And dying
Because who could try and
See past the mirrors
In my mind
In my heart and
To claw with my hands
My fragile skin
And mind
With anchors
Of my own design
Was easier
Than arguing
With the indecision
That traps me in my mind
So I wanted to be sick
To the point of collapse
So I tried my best
Until I felt frail
But they still didn’t see
And all I was was hungry
But I learned
The hunger pain
Quieted the indecision
Because choices become clearer
When you have no energy
To make them
And I liked being skinny
And I liked being in control
I was so empty
But somehow so full
And I knew I had to stop
But no one could see
I was killing myself
How could they not notice?
I guess people can’t hear screams for help when all you do is whisper.
And now,
I survived
And I no longer want to be sick
God helps me fight the girl I once was
From dragging me back down
She wanted to be sick
So they would see
The pain behind her eyes
But she always was,
With her beautiful, sick mind
Mar 14
Mar 14, 2026 at 9:50 AM UTC
People say
‘Forgive and forget’
Like what happened
Didn’t happen
But it happened
And it hurt
And it felt like it broke me
But I stared at what happened
I didn’t push into a far corner of my mind
I faced it
I will never forget what you did
But I will forgive you for hurting me
And I forgive myself for hurting you
I acknowledge the truth
The full truth
And I’m finally ready to realize
Moving on
Isn’t really letting go
It’s more like putting it in the past
It’s not gone
It’s a part of who I am
But I can’t keep it
I have to leave it behind me
Of course I could run back and pick it up,
But I’d be moving backwards,
Not forwards
And my future is forward
It will always be there
Those memories,
But they don’t define me
And they don’t cause me as much pain as they once did
They’re just there
In my past
And the storm is calmer
The scars healing
The sun is peeking through the clouds
Everything is forgiven
Forgiven and remembered
Mar 7
Mar 7, 2026 at 12:17 PM UTC
I guess
It doesn’t really matter
It wasn’t all you did
It was circumstance
It was partly me
And I know you’re in pain
I know that this isn’t one sided
Though it feels that way.
It feels like you don’t care
But I know you did and I know you do
I know I have to forgive you.
To let it go
It’s been a long road
Every step towards peace has felt like an eternity
But it’s worth it
It might have been easier to swallow a lie
But lies are poison
And the truth will heal
And I forgive you
At least I think I do
Mar 7
Mar 7, 2026 at 12:17 PM UTC
It wasn’t me
It was you
Who held the knife
As I bled
It was all you
I blame you
Because, again
The truth is hard to swallow
And I can’t believe a good person
Could do that to someone they care for
You are a bad, terrible, disgusting person
I hate every part of you
I hate your fake smile, your lying tongue, your evil eyes
I don’t even know how to forgive you
I’m just angry
And tired
And it’s all your fault
It was. All. Your. Fault.
Mar 7
Mar 7, 2026 at 12:17 PM UTC
I’m realizing
You weren’t spotless
And I didn’t see it
You were covered in filth
Just like me
Everything’s coming into focus
You were just ordinary
And I’m seeing the truth
And I was right
The truth is choking me
But I have to chew and swallow
Until I’ve digested what you did to me
Mar 7
Mar 7, 2026 at 12:17 PM UTC
Like splitting waves
Like tearing skin
I open up
I tell them
And they tell me
From the outside,
It’s like a game
You see pieces you can put together
‘Do this’ ‘do that’
Advice
But on the inside
It’s more like
That hurricane
It isn’t like I can get out
By some words I read
Or some powerful speech
Words are moving
But they’re only a fraction of time
I can ask and look
But nothing helps
It doesn’t change anything
It’s just more words
And noise
That yell
‘Why haven’t you figured it out yet?!’
Mar 7
Mar 7, 2026 at 12:17 PM UTC
I can’t do anything
I can’t feel anything
You broke me
And now
All I can do
Is lie still
As the waves come crashing into my chest
And the salty tears bleed down my face
I know the storm won’t calm
I’m stuck in this hurricane
And there’s no way out
And nobody can know
Because if I tell them about the storm,
I’ll drown
Mar 7
Mar 7, 2026 at 12:16 PM UTC
I don’t need to forgive
You didn’t do anything wrong
It’s just pain
I’m sorry for whatever I did
That made you feel
Like you had to hurt me
Are you feeling this feeling?
Are you in as much pain as I am?
I’m so sorry
Sorry, sorry, sorry
I should have done something different
If only I had just… been better?
And I’ll believe that because that lie is easy to swallow
Otherwise I might choke on the truth
Mar 7
Mar 7, 2026 at 12:16 PM UTC
I feel lyrically inclined
To write about my sorrows
But writing is much more
Than tears on pages
And scars on souls
It’s light
And joy
And love
And pain
And a way to breathe
When speaking takes too much air
Pain and sorrow
Are pieces,
But sometimes I like them too much
It feels like
A stirring
A dwelling
Because joy is hard to maintain
And painful rumination stills me
I want to default
To writing about God and the good things
The beautiful life I’ve been given
The sweetness of earth’s precious gifts
But I still maintain a tendency
To write about pain and heartbreak and the things that pierce me deep and dull
It’s alright,
But I just wish
It was brighter
Mar 7
Mar 7, 2026 at 11:51 AM UTC
Of course you’re not here
But I can pretend
Of course you’re not here
But I imagine you’re the wind
Though you’re miles away
The wind never leaves
Even when it’s still
It surrounds me
I imagine you’re the air
And I love to breathe you in
Fill my soul
With the places you’ve been
With the wonders of life
And of pain and of strife
I love you, and your love
Is my wind
In the darkest of days it rages
And I smile because I know
The faster it moves, the more of you
I feel and the more you show
And I love it when we’re in the meadow
When you are just a gentle breeze
As I watch the little birds pass by
As I sit gently on my knees
Your little gusts
They kiss me softly
Playing with my hair
I imagine you my dear
And then I’m never scared
It doesn’t matter if you’re near or far
I love you and as I breathe you in
I know you’re always here
Blowing as the wind
Mar 6
Mar 6, 2026 at 8:04 PM UTC