I want to be held in his arms
I want to cry in his arms
I want to be consoled in his arms
I want to be a reck in his arms
I want to be in his arms
Why do i want to be in his arms ?
i have no clue
he's the opposite of my type
but somehow I am drawn to him
he's no longer a person to me
he's a lifeline
a type of air you need to survive
but i didn't say that
just 5 minutes of his care
which make my temporal happiness last for atleast an hour
my happiness is like grandma's cookies
its temporary
it's once in a blue moon
but his care would be like when mom makes replicas
they are not the same but they work
somehow
when he's near suicidal thoughts go away
but just for a minute
after that I'm back to thinking about how i don't want to exist
life has so much pain we forget the good part
its crazy how I'm happy one minute
and sad the next
notice how i didn't use depressed
depression is oppression
oppression of the mind and i will not be oppressed by my own body
even in the dark there is light he was that light
i tell myself i dont like
but i know the truth deep down
Mar 28
Mar 28, 2026 at 3:11 PM UTC
you dangle your love before me
and ****** it away
you call it funny
I say it's cruel
you make me take pictures for just you
and you take "sharing is caring " to the next level
you say you love me but only when your needs are met
those needs that are mere wants and reckless desire
Shame drowns me
as i walk through the halls
fingers point
eyes stare
I search for you
i search your eyes for remorse
remorse ?heh it's not there
you won't even look at me
i am stuck in darkness
but in this darkness there is light
I am that light
and i will overcome
the pain and sorrow you have drowned me in
You may not love me
but someone loved me sooo much he died for me
another loved me soo much without even setting her eyes on me
she put her body to the test
pushed it to its limits
ripped herself apart just so i could survive
So now I will love me
i will fight through the laughter
the shame
and when i cannot go on any longer
He will fight for me
and I will hold my peace
i will witness your reward for your act of' care 'towards your friends
I will endure my punishment for my foolishness
I will stand with my head upright
I will stand with my head upright !
never daring to let my chin down
and i will witness his salvation
I have been called
a ****
a **********
a disgrace
but to him I am chosen
Redeemed
loved
valued and his people
I AM HIS
Feb 17
Feb 17, 2026 at 5:50 PM UTC
I'm not quiet
I'm not peaceful
I'm not lukewarm
I'm not hot
I'm not cold
I'm not understanding
And you made me this way
if I'm not loud
if I'm not outspoken
You underrate me
You don't value me
you made me this way
you taught me that if i didn't
bend
twist
fold or
curve
I wasn't good enough
I needed to lose control
to be in control
but was i ever in control
NEVER
all those times
i twisted
sprained my back
to fit into my little box
the box you handed to me
shoved into my hands
I choked
coughed
cried
pleaded
I needed air
but u needed me to contort just a little more
just enough to snap
and snap i did
not the way you wanted
but I was done caring
the twists and turns weren't for me
if i couldn't fit I would take up required space
but u didn't need to worry
cuz I didn't need your permission
now I explode when i need to
its invalid to you but to me its not
but do you remember how good we had it
before you made become a contortionist
We were so good
but its alright
I'm alright
I contorted out of shape and into a new form
Feb 15
Feb 15, 2026 at 4:56 PM UTC
so it valentine's day
no flowers
no confession
no chocolates
no
nothing
just endless doom scrolling
skipping stories out of jealousy
binge eating
waiting for the next day i can breathe
but no
why?
because there he is surrounded by cards
gifts
and girls that would be my competition if i had a chance
but no never have i gotten his attention
not even the size of a mustard seed
we could never work
I'm plain
he's not
he likes girls that make me question if my hormones work
but right now look at me
his arms around me
his lips on my red cheeks
he has class so he kisses my forehead
with more than enough love in his eyes
jealous eyes
clenched fists
surround me
I'm the happiest girl on earth
brrrrrriiiiinnnnnggg!
oh no
oh noooo
this can't be
NOOOO
no no
I'm on my knees
i wished the ground would open up
I wanted to disappear
to be unalived
i got dressed
went to school
saw him his arms around ...
not me
but her
the uhm competition
a competition i will never win
-happy valentine's day
Feb 14
Feb 14, 2026 at 2:27 PM UTC
All because I am a girl ...
i run around doing chores
like I'm training for the olympics
while my brothers argue over football clubs
All because I am a girl ...
my uniforms need to be two times larger
because i have the ability to grow !
make me look like a sack of potatoes
All because I am a girl ...
laws are curated to punish me
a two person crime
with a one woman punishment .
All because I am a girl ...
my rights took decades to acknowledge
and even longer to accept
still the signs won't show
All because I am a girl ...
I belong in the kitchen
on a farm
with my strength unrecognized
All because I am a girl ...
I am weaker
with the science to prove it
but babies pushed out of me during labour ...
All because I am a girl ...
I can't fight for myself when wronged
especially when he can never be wrong
even in this age and time
All because I am a girl ...
my tears are worthless
because i do it all the time
DO I LOOK LIKE I DO IT AS A HOBBY
Is my existence a joke
a sin perhaps
seeing the fact that I was created give me a chance
they never did
i laid hopeless
optionless
i was a property
an item to be given out at will
Jan 27
Jan 27, 2026 at 2:06 PM UTC
"the heart wants what it wants " we've always been told
true right ?
my heart does too
it wants you
but my brain
HELL NO
the thought of you give it an ick
reason .
because i can reason
a crush on you is a tear filled journey
it's a one way road with
depression, sadness
maybe regret
right at the end
you're my guilty pleasure
i know i shouldn't like you
but i just can't help it
you're my bad habit
i can't help but smile
whenever i see you ,
speak to you
or even think of you
i don't want to like you
i don't know why i do
i just can't help it
you do no wrong in my eyes
you somehow unlocked jealousy for me
a feeling i believed i buried
you're my kriptonite
i loose my mind i stare and wish
you're my kriptonite
that is what you are
Jan 22
Jan 22, 2026 at 4:46 PM UTC
HE WAS GONE
“SIR JOHN” she cried
I watched tears well up in her eyes
She dropped to the ground
That chair wasn’t helping
Legs apart
Hand holding her chest almost she wanted to rip it out her heart
She didn’t need it anymore
Realization slapped her in the face
HARD
And the dam broke.
She cried
Yes she did
Like the nickname I gave her – baby
Just like one she cried
And my eyes understood the assignment
And tears burst out
I wasn’t crying because I knew the now late man
But for how my heart broke
SHATTERED
For her
Never had I seen her cry
Not such tears
Happy ones sure
but sadness and loss were a different level
like the titanic my heart crashed
it crumbled under the weight of her pain
In that moment I wanted to rip all the pain out of her heart
I tried
But there was no saving a loss is a loss
and on that fateful night ...
he left
alongside a piece of her heart .
Jan 20
Jan 20, 2026 at 12:53 PM UTC
Once I lived like
Like a stream of water
Flowing down a river
like a gust of wind
Breezing through the hallway
my mom always said
"don't let the school pass through you
,pass through the school"
I lived like a useless prop
I was this planets décor
I simply
existed
That wasn’t right
I demanded to be known
to be more than a prop I was done
NAY
I was more than done
The era was over
I wasn’t a loose floorboard people stepped on
And it would creek
I wanted to be “people”
And that I became
I was bold
I was loud
I occupied
I no longer breezed by
I WAS by
I became a known wanted presence
I felt like I had an achievement
And that I had
finally I got the recognition i longed for
the one i deserved
and just like that
i stopped existing
and begun living .
Jan 19
Jan 19, 2026 at 2:56 PM UTC
she was always smiling or talking about" her boyfriends"
or sometimes she called them" her brothers "
they were really just kpop idols
no one saw the pain she experienced
no one saw the comfort she gave herself
no one saw how she ran to throw up
no one saw her cry
no one not the way i did
she screamed locked me out of the toilet
but i couldn't leave her
i screamed too
"open up please" I cried out to her
for her
i couldn't just leave her
not like that
she told me she cried and screamed all her pain into my arms
we left the toilet with my arm wet
but her eyes dry
she was always so smiley
i never even dreamed of that amount of pain
let alone to dream she felt that
i racked my brain for ways to make her smile
not the one she put on for us
a real one
one from her heart
she thought nobody cared
to be brutally honest
i barely did
if i did i would have seen it sooner
i should have noticed how she always rushed to the toilet
the moment she came to school
not to apply makeup like the rest of us
but to fix her ****** expression
i should have seen her smile wash away
the moment she had to go home
unlike the rest of us
who couldn't wait
sometimes just sometimes i see her smile
for real i mean
only sometimes
when she fights for" her brothers" "husbands "and "boyfriends "
they are her happiness but that's alright
Jan 17
Jan 17, 2026 at 8:07 AM UTC
they say overconfidence is" a literally a sin "
i think it's a strategy
i say it protection
it's a coping mechanism
look around who talks down about the confident girl to her face
...
no one
have you ever stopped to think "why ?"
"she's always so proud"
have you stopped to see her zone out to convince herself ?...
to tell herself she is that girl
don't bother trying to mess with her ego
we come in two forms
the ones who will knock you right down
and...
the ones who stumble
mumble ...
and soon crumble
that's me
we'll convince ourselves
"it's alright "
"don't worry it's cool"
while my mind screams something else
" they hate me "
"they wish i didn't come here "
"they think I'm hideous"
it's not every tree you cut down
not every anthill you crumble.
Jan 16
Jan 16, 2026 at 2:25 PM UTC