I want kids to stop needing to raise their parents
People say that would take magic
So people have to step up
Because even 5 year old me knew magic isn't real

I guess the medication worked
I don’t feel depressed

I don’t feel anything anymore

Blow the on the dandelion
I pick from the ground
Watch my wish fly away
Going everywhere
Landing all around

It's the same wish I've always had

I wish while I blow out birthday candles
On 11:11

So many wishes wasted
On an impossible thing
On an impossible person

I wish my wishes wouldn't be wasted
On you

It feels great to be unique
It feels beautiful to be special
But being one of a kind
Is so lonely

Can there please be at least one other person in this universe
That's like me?
Can we be two of a kind together?
Just one...
Please

I've had enough of this
I just need ONE other person

Looking around the
Giant room full of people
Not a friend in sight

"Don't worry
Be happy"
Bobby tells me

"Don't worry
Don't do it
Be happy"
He tries

"I'm trying
But I can't"
I respond
My head hurts
Fingers throb
Brain overflows

"Don't worry
Be happy"
It's on loop
Like it always is
When I'm anxious
And able to

"When you're worried
Your face will frown
And that will bring
Everybody down"
He explains

"I'm sorry"
I sob

I stand in the road
Just a little longer
When I walk

Just a little tease for death
In our never ending game of hide and seek

It feels powerful

Having trouble finding the
Umbrella to stop the sorrow from flooding
Me constantly; luckily once in
Awhile, I look up and it's
Not raining anymore

I'm sorry
But you have to stay

I'm not ready to make a star for you yet

They always say to rest in peace
But I've always wondered
Why we don't live in it too

The dead are dead
And we are living
Why do we save the good stuff when we're disintegrated underground?

Ann Frank was right about flowers
But there's more

The heart
Is not an *****
As many think

The heart is a muscle

Does the fact that mine was crushed far too often
Make it weak
Or make it strong?

I sit on a tree stump
And stare at the sky
Look at the stars
And reach out to mine

Music filling my heart
My jacket beside me
I like the uncomfortable cold

I wave at planes going by
They say "goodbye new jersey" in their waves
And I say back
"Goodbye"
They don't even know it

Shivering
Crying
Looking lost and strange to any stranger
Yet I feel so free

Blood
Pours
Down
Onto
Skin

Pain
Pain
Pain

I am alive
I am screaming for help
It is silent
Like my cry

Why
Why
Why

I think it’s gotten to the point
Where only poetry can save me

Even the brightest stars
Will explode
One day

Even the sky
Needs to scream and cry
Sometimes

Even the most beautiful poem
Will one day be forgotten
Even if that's
When we reach oblivion

You're allowed too
Don't feel bad

I feel like I'm a waste of perfectly good air
Everyone hates me
And I think I hear death calling my name

Up in the attic
With my paints
And my rage
I was the canvas
Filled with color

Splats of red
I needed to
How else could I symbolize you?

Blue and orange
And purple and green
All trying you make sense of me

Little hints of yellow
For even then
When I could forget
I could experience momentary joy

I was that canvas
Because yes,
My head is overwhelming
And crazy
And angry
But it can also be beautiful

I was that canvas,
Abstract
And messy
Which some say isn't even art
And some say is wonderful

I was was that canvas

But wait
...
Wasn't I also the painter?

I called them "grown ups"
Until I was old enough to realize
That some of them didn't grow up

From my experience
Mostly for bad
But sometimes for good

Some days we moge podge upside down elephants to our doors at 11pm

And some we just lay in bed feeling everything and nothing all at once

That is the complex,
Cruel,
And beautiful
Thing about being alive

Even when
The world seems down
Your dog
Will always jump up
To greet you at the door
Happy to see see you
And loving you unconditionally

And currently
That is the biggest comfort
In the world

Its a rough night tonight
My head feels like it's exploding
My asthma won't let me breathe
Along with my anxiety

My thumbs hurt like hell
I feel much less when well
Nausea cause by none other than my thoughts
Just wanting to go to sleep

If I am everyone and everything
And everything and everyone is me
Why do I feel so ******* lonely?

When some think of falling
They can't help but think of flying

And when some think of flying
They can't help but think of falling

Drink some water
Eat something
Write a poem
Take a walk
Just sit there and exist for a moment

It’s okay
Nothing really matters anyway

Everyone looks at their feet
Looks down
It's what we're used to now

But just for a second
If you dare to glance up
It might flip your world around

We are all suns
In our solar system

Some suns are arrogant
Only caring about themselves
They exclaim
"I'm the biggest one!"

And some suns are kind
Hating some
But loving most
They exclaim
"We are all stars
We should all be one"

Nothing is ugly
Like nothing is beautiful

These are mere ideas
Just concepts really
Opinions

So when we could easily be
A beautiful concept
We choose to use the word
"Ugly"

Both are wrong
Both are right

You decide
Which one you call yourself
In the mirror tonight

He’d call me into the bathroom
Pinch my arm
Or find cut on my skin
And rub alcohol on it
“Doesn’t that feel good, Liana?”
He’d say

I knew I only had one option
And that was to say yes

I went up to a squirrel
Such a stressed creature
I asked
"What's wrong?"
For some reason he didn't answer me

Even though
The ground is covered in snow
I know if you dig a little deeper
You'll find it to be warm

The dangerous thing for me is that I would die and excruciating death a thousand times just to make them smile once
And then I'll apologize if my screams from getting burned alive disrupted their sleep

Let me ask you a question:

If a room is dark
And you turn on a light
Is the room still dark?

Everyone I ask
Tells me it's now light
But they're assuming
That lightness
Overweighs the darkness

What if the darkness
Is just too strong?
What if the light
Is too dim?
A nightlight of sorts
In a big forest

Or maybe
Both answers are right
And it just depends where you draw the line

You know when you spill water and get upset only to hear someone say, “it's just water!”
It doesn't matter, water, pineapple juice, or milk I'm still soaked and need to change
The fact that what I spilled happened to be water doesnt make me less clumsy
It doesn't make my fingers less sweaty
It doesn't make it okay
“It's just water” they say
I’d be just as clumsy holding milk in my hand
What would you say if I spilt milk?
But if I spilt water, it's okay
If shes my daughter, it's okay


This isn't about spilt milk

Depressed and angry at the world
I put a pencil between my teeth
My last resort
I hope with all I have
It will make me feel better

While I laugh
Someone is crying

While I dance
Someone just found out they lied

While I can't sleep on my bed
Someone wishes they had a blanket

While I eat
Someone starves

While I walk
Someone loses their parent

While I live
Someone dies

When I remember,
I wish them to feel better
I send them some of my momentary joy
Because maybe
That's how miracles are born

If only the characters I read about in books
Were actually alive



Oh how much more
Would I love this world

The things I do
For your approval
And your excitement
For my accomplishments
Usually aren't healthy
Or good
For me

The things I lose
For your happiness
And your calmness
Usually are the things that make me feel that way

The things I cover up
For your agreement
And support
Usually are the things I care about most

Don't tell me
I'm being disrespectful
When it's simply impossible for you to stay pleased for more than a few moments
I try
And I try
To no avail
I am done trying

I have opinions
Thoughts
Feelings
If you don't like it
Don't see me
That's what I wanted
To begin with

Do you want to take a walk?

Yes?
Take a walk.

No?
Take a walk.

I saw them
I saw her face
And I'm sorry
But I couldn't just watch it happen

They were not going to get away with it this time
No one messes with my friends.
No one.

You can call ME names
Make comments on MY body
And laugh at ME
But there's no way
That you're doing it to her

I cannot seem to be able
To unwrap the vines of pain from me
After all
It's in my name

I would do anything
Give anything
To make this bad
Heavy feeling
Be lifted

I would call a plane
And a crane
To get it off my heart
If that's what it takes

I want to feel better already

The time is moving too slow
And too fast
All at once
Who is messing with the clock?
Is it a monster living in the walls
Or is it living in my head?

The vines get tighter
The more I want them to loosen

Are they the problem
Or is it me?
What's the difference
I can't see

It doesn't matter
Get them off of me

I want to feel better already

I just want someone to love me enough
That the scars seem just as beautiful as my eyes to them

Big tree
On my front yard
It is a beauty
And it brings back so many memories

Suddenly
I'm a little curly-haired toddler
Walking around it
Swinging from the branches
Trying to fly
Little did I know
I already was

Then I'm 7 years old
Playing hide and seek
Hiding behind it
Both from my friend trying to find me
And the cruel world

And finally I'm 12
Hugging it
Thanking it for all its done
Stroking it while the tears strock my cheeks
...
"Goodbye"
I whisper
Knowing that it may be a long time until I will be able to be comforted by it once more

The wind blows
"Goodbye"

Now I stand in front of it again
"Hello again, my friend
I've missed you"

I'm the rain
I don't hurt anyone
I just exist and try to be as genuine and gentle as I can
I try to grow flowers
But they stay inside

As I pour over the town
I squint into one backyard
Where someone is dancing in the thing they are avoiding

I want them to love me even when I'm preventing the sun from going in their eyes
I want them to love me when I wasn't holding back
When I let myself be
Like they were
When they were spinning and jumping

I am rain
I am the tear of the cloud
I am everywhere
And I've seen so much
But I guess I still don't know where to fall

I am rain
And I want to be loved too
Which is why I smile when they keep their umbrella closed
And step outside
And get covered with authenticity

I am rajn

And as soon as the door closes
I collapse on the floor
Gasping for air
What is wrong with me?

Sitting on my cozy chair
With my blanket
And on top it it
My cat

It's the first time
I've ever used the fireplace
Since we moved to this house
It's wonderful
I wish to have a fire every night

If only
My mind would be as calm as the fire
And as bright

I want to cry
But instead I write poems
And sob through them

You don't deserve my tears
But I deserve to let myself cry

Snow flakes fall
Look like they will stick to the ground,
Build up
Make something wonderful

But when they finally reach it
They melt
They go away
Like my dreams of building a snow man

Every little rejection
Every "I can't"
"Maybe"
Feels like I opened my chest
Giving them access to my heart
And they took it out
Twisted it
And put it back in bleeding

What if I'm crazy too
What if I'm like him
And because of that
I don't realize I am

I mean
I know the tendency is genetic
And when you're sick
You don't even know it

He is a part of me
Either way
I had no choice
I was born that way

When I look in the mirror I see his eyes
And his nose
And his hair
I glare at them
A reminder that I'm stuck with him
no matter what I do he'll always be there

It makes me hate myself
When look and I see him in me

I don't want to look like him
I never want to make anyone feel the way he did to me
I don't want to be crazy and see the world blurry
I won't even know it if I am
Which is scary
Please don't also let me be crazy

When it's dark
If you put a light
Is it light or dark?
What if the light is very soft?
What if the dark is big?
What is dark?
What is light?
Where do you draw the line?