Liana

Liana May 12

It feels great to be unique
It feels beautiful to be special
But being one of a kind
Is so lonely

Can there please be at least one other person in this universe
That's like me?
Can we be two of a kind together?
Just one...
Please

I've had enough of this
I just need ONE other person

I hate this compliment

Liana May 10

Not my father

Telling myself

I am not my father
I am not my father
I am not my father
I am not my father

I am not the sound of my cry that sounds so similar to his
But every soul I touched

I am not my eyes that looked devastatingly like the ones he sees the world in his twisted ways through
I am every hug I've given

I am not all the disorders he passed on to me because he passed them on to me
Every scar that's mine is mine because I made it

I am not the nose that I took from him and see everytime I look at myself
I am every year I shed

I am not the slight accent he gave me
Or the curly hair I'm somewhat known for
I am every world I made even the slightest bit better

My genes cannot boss me around
I am not my father
I am not my father
Anything but my father
Please

I wrote this during science, I did no schoolwork during class today. The words were claustrophobic.

Liana May 10

Too much

Everyone needs to shut up
Too loud
Too loud
Too loud for my mind

I hear the lights buzzing
The talking
And the poisonous thoughts my head is feeding me on a sharp knife
I swear they could ****
Either way I don't feel stronger now

I'm too weak
Too weak
Too weak for this world
I don't know how much more I can handle
Before I implode

The air is too thick
Too thick
Too thick for my lungs
I can't breathe
Everything is too much

I get overstimulated very easily. I just asked my teacher to "get water" from my locker. (I wrote this in the hallway sitting by my locker)

Liana May 10

Alone Haiku

Looking around the
Giant room full of people
Not a friend in sight

I have a class with not a single person I'm friends with. It feels hellish. I write this during class.

Liana May 8

Let me be momentarily devastated

Why I am I not allowed to be momentarily devastated by my mind?
Why must I smile and wave in the hallways when I need to collapse in their arms?
Why must I nod when I need to cry?
I want to run to someone
And embrace them
And weep
And scream
Why must I be expected to walk away?

Why am I not allowed to be broken for a little while?
Why must I hold myself together with the ****** glue that is the 4 hours of sleep I got?
I want to just be in an empty room
With one person who will hold my hand
Who will say it's okay to be devastated
And anxious
For a little while
So that I won't have to turn my assignment in with only poetry and doodles on it

Liana May 4

Life

Behind the darkest clouds
The sun can still shine
You just have to embrace the storm
Dance in the rain
And scream with the thunder
Until it passes
And then you can lie in the sun

Don't wait for the storm to pass, embrace it

I love rain and lightning and thunder and darkness, even though it sounds depressing. I think it's beautiful. I think it's comfortjng. I think it may even be happy.

Liana May 4

Successful life

So you know how sometimes when you start to give up on humanity
someone wonderful happens?
Like when you just walking somewhere and a stranger says that they like your outfit
Or someone that you've never before smiles and waves
And you think that maybe
People aren't so bad?

My idea of a successful life
Is to be that person
As many times as I can