I'm the rain
I don't hurt anyone
I just exist and try to be as genuine and gentle as I can
I try to grow flowers
But they stay inside

As I pour over the town
I squint into one backyard
Where someone is dancing in the thing they are avoiding

I want them to love me even when I'm preventing the sun from going in their eyes
I want them to love me when I wasn't holding back
When I let myself be
Like they were
When they were spinning and jumping

I am rain
I am the tear of the cloud
I am everywhere
And I've seen so much
But I guess I still don't know where to fall

I am rain
And I want to be loved too
Which is why I smile when they keep their umbrella closed
And step outside
And get covered with authenticity

I am rajn

I want to sit by the water and hold eachother's hands
I want us to wipe eachother's tears
I want us to have a song thats OUR song
I want us to have a spot that's OUR spot

I don't want to pass messages through people
I don't want a friend to tell you how I feel
I want to talk to you
And then hug you after
And then figure it out from there

I don't want the whole world to know everything
I want it to be ours
I want to write poems together
And sit there in silence with our thoughts and hold hands

And just by doing that
It will scream love and togetherness more than words could ever be shouted

I want to know already
If it's just me
And I want to talk to you in person
To try and figure it out
So this can be as ours as anything could be

I saw them
I saw her face
And I'm sorry
But I couldn't just watch it happen

They were not going to get away with it this time
No one messes with my friends.
No one.

You can call ME names
Make comments on MY body
And laugh at ME
But there's no way
That you're doing it to her

I forgot my shoulders were distractions
So he lent me his sweater

Am I delusional
Or does he like me?

I have never hugged them
But we are so close
I know so much
I know all of the terrors
I know all of the trauma
And all of the beauty

My mom basically adopted her
And she is basically my sister

We're both strange
We're both awkward
And we both have a crazy parent

We are parents to pet rocks
So many art pieces
So many deep conversations

We may have never hugged
But Sophia
I really hope you know
How much you are loved

I texted you
When I felt so alone
And so scared
And so ready to disappear
You pulled me in to reality
Or out of my terrible one
And gave a good reason to live

I now knew that one person loved me

You hug me so much
And tell me you love me
And you kiss my cheek
And you run and smile when you see me
And I don't think you know
How wonderful that makes me feel

I knew that someone's experience is better when I'm there

You saw my monsters
And you noticed my face
And you noticed my hand picking at the thing touching my face
You heard my silent scream
And you told me everything was okay

I now knew that my screams could be heard if the right person listened

I cry as I write this,
I love you
I'm grateful
Thank you

My mind tells me I deserve to bleed
That it’s okay that it hurts like hell
That it’s good that the blood won’t stop
Because the blood is mine
The blood is of the person who messed up in conversation
The blood is of the one who’s eyes are devastatingly like her father’s
Of the person who got to school 4 minutes late
And for the one who just sat there class while she knew that there was someone somewhere in pain
For the one who wasn’t there to help them

But my mind also asks me
If my blood is the same
as the three year old who’d play
with napkins and pens
Because creative and strange
Is far better
Than bored and average

My mind asks
If the skin that I tear open
Is the same skin
That the 7 year old’s tears poured down on
Because she was starting to understand
That her father’s behavior was not normal

And even though that ******* that is my head told me to my face
That I am unlovable
And that I deserve to bleed
It somehow had the nerve
To make me feel guilty for yet another thing

It told me I was hurting
the little girl who already
Was struggling

And it told me I was hurting
the grandma with grandkids on her lap
Of whom I’m threatening
Deprivation of snuggling

My mind said
That by doing that
I deserved to bleed and suffer even more

And as the pain starts
It asks me again
If it was just me that I’m hurting