you know,
i'm really tired
of being the girl
that hates herself
and i'm really trying
to change that, i swear.

you know
i miss you so much
i miss you more than i even knew i could
i just want to wrap my arms around you
and for you to do the same to me.
i want to tell you all that's happened since you've been gone
i want to tell you while you hold me close
and kiss my forehead and listen to me *****
because that's how it is when we are best friends.

and well ****,
i miss my best friend more than i would ever admit.

All good things have to come to an end right?
This is what I can’t understand.
This phrase literally just dooms your whole life.
You’re having a good life right?

Wrong.

All good things have to come to an end.
Life is going to ***** you over in the end.

I can’t help but think that when I’m having an especially great week, it’s going to end. The better it is, the harder I’ll fall. The harder it will be to get back up and go back. This is why I ******* hate life. I can’t seem to comprehend the fact that life is always going to ***** you over and continually make you wish that you didn’t have emotions. Emotions run your life and I hate that. I hate depending on things. I hate depending on people because in the end they’re going to ***** you over. It’s human nature, or maybe a higher being’s, I don’t ******* know. My life seems so meaningless right now and all I want to know is that I’ve made a difference because right now I feel as unwanted as the dog **** that you end up stepping in on the sidewalk.

when i was little
i promised to myself
that i'd never be like my brothers.

i promised to myself that i would never
tire of our road trips together
and the hours we had just talking in the car.

but once i hit my teen years,
i understand.
it's been harder to talk to you guys you know.

and as much i want to be your little girl again,
i'm not sure if you want me back.

you know something?
i've typed your name
on my instagram search feed
a few times
and i think that's probably
the closest thing
i'll ever get to
writing your name
over and over in my marble notebook.

... it's nice to know that you're doing just fine without me.

******* it all
i want to be kissed
and have someone
who cares about me

because it's hardly midnight
and it's hardly
a late night convo

when the only person
that you have to talk to
is yourself.

you know i kinda
just feel empty.

yeah,
like. empty.

i don't know what it is
because i've had everything
that i wanted

but now i know why they say
that everything isn't always
what it's cracked up to be.

... and i'm trying to learn
how to deal with that.