We miss the movie and drive home from the theatre.  Curl up even though it's much too hot out to be this close. The fan drones on, trying to blow the hair off my shinny face. You play with my fingers as you recite the next line in Jurassic Park I tell you not to ruin it, though I know the words too. You smile and kiss my closed mouth until it opens.  I tell you I didn't realize that I missed you this much, and that we've had a dormant kind of love.

i am not
okay,
i love you more
than i remembered
i regret every moment
i sulked instead of enjoying you
i am punishing
myself for every opportunity
i gave up
to look at  you
or tell you i loved you
  or kiss tears from your face

I am of love but, love i am terrified of.
That and other things i have fear of.
terrified of the idea of.
stress i suffer the damage of.
a good man they take advantage of.
I am who I'm most afraid of.
For evil is what i am made of,
because love is evil.
tainted by the most evil species on earth, people.
Love is the worst real life movie that needs no sequel.
Knowing that still i repeat love.
the worst thing you could speak of.