Today, just an ounce of a human being, but... as we shall never share a future, nor bring the world to its knees.. Why should I not drown in the past?

In all sincerity, poignant is the distance to keep on reminding me, that what once were, can no longer be. The truth is, all words demand vengeance and they persist to fall short, to fail me.. but I breathe, I breathe... -*

/Kal

In the light of day and dark of night, the time to make up your mind about people is never,

. . . however,

once you've become inconvenient and as they remain absent,

for better or for worse, in sickness and in health,

thank them so very much for their wishes

and vow to let go.

Your caress has turned to mold,
to keep me good you said:
"someday, if only.."
this way,
I vivisect,
my dead soul with your
increased failed words
while I shelter
on this avenue that you walked on,
once with hopes for your return
and....going going gone.

The bad habit of my fantasies
a stillborn hunger
so massively
I wish for you
to do me violently,
in the back of your car
like a deity,
like that cigarette that never leaves your mouth
Inhale me deeply
blow the smoke out
and let me spread
from your lungs into the hole in your heart.

Drive me far - I won't object,
lick at my scars as to infect and
indulge yourself with me,
tangle in the kiss
that eyes grace
upon naked skin
dazzled by delicate writs.
As your most needed need
force me to please.

And I will cry
when the rain falls,
I do it once more for you
as if taught
to obey teardrops,
so pure
I lay them in front of you to hold
buttons to be pushed, no,
tear them apart
won't you?

-11

How long?
How long now
Must I dwell on you

Upon this bed
We will misread
Some good intentions for bad
Laid to rest
The quest for my heart begins
Between your legs
As the item in your chest belongs to someone
Who’s not there yet
Though you may think
As I may have
Some colorful bitterness to confess
I remain silent
I undo your dress
Made out of glass
A cut caress, and it cuts me
At my best

With fluid spent, between the sheets
You outstare my descent, displeased
No fire here, not you, but in me
An explosion, another cig

“Again, eat me half to sleep”

How long?
How long now
Must I dwell on it?

For the rose to bloom
As rotten as me
Inside you.
-11

You look impressive on paper.
Though form is temporary while class is forever.
It is no shocker, that you know not the significance of the latter.
You look impressive on paper.

Like a cup of coffee gone cold.
11

giving up the ghost
you such a flirt
to steal it all
as I wake up
and if you think this is over
you got some nerve
as impossible as
I remain destructible

in the downfall
there is no logic at all

and you got some nerve
to come here
11
...

The beginnings are never quite sudden but always so exciting and fun. We are masters, with our considerable knowledge that it will end before it has even begun, it will end when the jokes and insults turns into questions that no master has the answers for. We are masters, forevermore. And no longer just deserters who have trouble letting go. The show will go on, and like so many times before, the stage and the audience is the two of us. In its most intimacy and secrecy, with your negligence and my disobedience, it will be another sell out and with the fire led by desire upon the scenery, most regretfully, we will probably not make it to that exotic island this time either.
11

I noticed you, on the other side of the street. Conveniently, but I felt one of us was misplaced so I looked away. My eyes couldn't drag your attention as clearly as the poignancy of the image, of you, on the other side of the street.

On the other side of me.
11

I might just have to accept the fact that your alcohol talks more than you should.
Controlling what is the truth and what is less deserving to be shoved under that category, you seem so interesting and perpetually grandiose.

I believe someone asked: "what is the point of you?"

- I kid you not, I feel the same aimlessness as you see in me.

However, far away from your presence, someone needs it. You know this, but then again if you didn't, the difference would still be none what so ever. Not everything needs fixing, except you.

You're crying rivers in my bubble world, but they are still not enough to drown us.

in other words;
je suis onze, je suis ici et je le fais pour toi.
11

Resolute and
ignorant decisions
lead you to,
not so much,
but where so many
objects come into play, 
don't forget pain.
Once you 
elaborate your resolute,
ignorant opinions
and protests, 
against
not so much,
but amongst many
who are deliberate
resolute
ignorants.

It does,
lead you,
into
nothing.
So don't forget pain.

Thanks.

11

Dear

I wish you were here
now that I am
no longer
there.*
11

As I force myself to sleep,
I want you.

I open my eyelids
and pretend that your head still rests on my chest,
your lips against my cheek
and
I want you.

I get up and chase my dreams away.

I dont want them.

I want you.

Its pouring down outside today
and on the pavement outside my place,
it says:
I wanted you

You'd slit my throat if I ever told you
and I am still in recovery from the last time
you did.

So I wont
and tomorrow,
I will want you again.


I will ignore the pavement.
11

a normal conversation,
lost, slowly turned away
for the best part
I dont have to ignore or say
it's subtle yet it's gone
it's wicked yet it is random love
but then I get suspicious
and then you get vicious
showers me with reasons
for the end of tomorrows
to spit me on the face
****** me with yesterdays
a normal bitterness
lost, slowly turned away
for the best part
most puppets play
but you know;
I am different

and satisfied for now with my departure
from your sinking ship
with no words
with no words now
11

I shall not satisfy my hunger

As I curl into fetal position
on yet another deserted bed
darling
I can not touch you
I can not reach so far
You are safe now

So,
was I

But the child keens in the distance
for more than enough reasons
while you eat
out

I shall not satisfy my hunger.
11

a mess to be adored, forever
a one and (l)on(e)ly endeavor
a starvin poet
you chose to eat
her ***** beauty
her fabulous deceit
the question of her that remains unanswered
the lust drippin from her fingers
.
no blood here miss
no blood here sir
poor demeanor
as the overload of
your fascination
is the breaker of her growth
.
her worth is hidden there
there there
who dares to care
a villain with impeccable flair
mental and compared
to the dreadful solitaire
chained into the streets of despair
a humble reserver of deviated stares
there there
11

floatin in the air of innoncence
holdin on to kisses
that surpasses these shaded lips
oh in this daydream
in my corner of despair
she stands
loud as reasons
which I cannot remand
impossible to let go
the rushed night and shy goodbye
creepin home before the mornin light
esthetic eyes that devour
these invariable melancholic smiles
of mine
amorously disposed desire for
deceivin bedshaped moves
again, to put this body on fire  
charmed in shame
this au naturel attire
suitably awaitin ur tardly arrival
nice and slow
utterin words
for ur ears alone
"take me down, kiss me below"

11

(...so
dont go now
stay a little longer
wait till it's stronger
dont let it drown
dont go now
pull it out of the water
I know the words are foolish
but it still needs you around
dont go now
hold it a little longer
let it move closer
whisper your desires
dont go
dont deny
...)

the existence
cause there is still passion
and bad/goodbyes
from you for you
to despise
In vain I tried
I try
stealing the nights
from an other
undercover
closed eyed ******
that has robbed me
love
is not blind
it is drunk and abandoned
abused with lies
longing to survive
blue and blur
without purpose
let the world
forgive the past
instead
In vain I try
I tried
to remain sober
but here they come
green eyes
broken smile
and there they go
green eyes
beautiful

I stumble al over
once again I
stay awake
maybe this sunrise
may care, may dry
the ***** drunken tears
which violate my disguise
don't go now
wait
11

I am killing time,
on the waiting line.
I sit with nothing but,
the fire
is still burning.
I remember the ways you forgot
to be skinned alive
by lust, the hunger of
'why shouldn't I', and
why should I stay here?
When you feel differently,
need to be convinced.
When I am not enough.
Like, hardly anyone at all.

Who you are, who you've been
I caught a glimpse,
one gloomy night,
as we dragged our souls into the dark.
Just as you fell asleep.
Just as I turned you off.
I held on tightly to your heart
and beyond and above.
I placed myself under your skin,
so your fears would not, drag you away from me.
Cut you up entirely,
but I was.
I am full of holes.
Genuinely, you escaped right through me
and with the flaws,
pierced to the scenery,
I end up discovering
new empty spaces.
What might have been lost,
a heart or more.
I caught a glimpse of,
what now is to ignore,
a heart or more.

So I am killing time,
as you run away.
I've been told to wait silently.
You haven't got very far yet, so
I moved in and got close.
'Ain't got no time for shivers', you urged.
Wait silently,
'cause
as far as endings go
dearest,
the fire
is still burning.
As I unravel,
as I increase my torture,
I am not bothered.
As I hit the bottom,
as I play with dolls and corpses,
as the lips are upon the smile of another.
As I search through the ashes of our fire,
as I end up where I started.
'Cause I know who you are
and nothing is as good as you
are;
love.
11

Though it feels like my veins are full of smoke and my heart is full of poems, I pretend that the next glass of wine will taste better than all the lies I've told.
That the morning rain has not come to drown me, and soaked, I pretend that there is more between us than just time, air, water and roads. But I know, I am disturbed.

I believe there is something I have lost.

So I walk along the streets at night time, 22 heartaches pass me by, and I play with my cigarette as I realize. I do not need to tell you why, my darkness is what makes me see your light. I change the subject because nothing seems to last well and rather slowly I walk away from your cell. I wish to hurry but I have no regrets. In all sincerity, I wish I was your silhouette. I wish I could...

... but you are not a wishing well.
I know, I can tell.

Its just 'cause...

I still care*
11