my body grows with age
stretches, rolls, shapes
my body breathes and expands
fills up bowls and plates
it can brave tides
soak up sun
with unchanging eyes
and a sharpened tongue

but i pull apart the crafted curves
pick at every scar
cover up till it's all unheard
and wish on every star
wish for a smaller body
a bottle with a stronger cap
this one is too overflowing
and i dont know what to do with that
i want a better bottle
with clearer, glistening skin
i want a better vessel
to keep all my inside stuff within

but would life be as fun without the adventure
the steep hills and storms create
would it be me if it wasn't chaos
a painting even the creator cannot replicate

i want a better body
but what if the better is this
because what could be better than the body
that you were handcrafted and made in

can i just
stay here
pooling in our memories
can i stay lovesick
sincere
and look for no remedy
can i love you forever
even if you wouldn't know
can i just miss you dearly
and love you alone

you're picking up the pieces
of a heart you didn't break
witnessing this damage
all cracks are on display
you're tripping on wires
set up for different feet
you're walking on eggshells
and you cant miss a beat
if you do there'll be a flood
greater than any have gone through
and you will wipe away the tears
none of which are for you
and you'll have to hear their name
come up every now and then
and hear your own heart break
over and over again

in another time
another place
there is a version of me
that made different mistakes
maybe a few less
maybe a few more
but i wonder how many versions
ended up at your door
i wonder how many
had their own key
i wonder how many
witnessed you drop to one knee
i wonder how many
get to sleep next to you every night
i wonder how many
never needed to say goodbye
i wonder how many
stayed with you since our youth
and in truth
i just wonder if i'm the one version
that won't end up with you
so i look to another time
another place,
i wonder if we last forever -
or if i still get replaced

i run from you in dreams
i run from you in life
scared of what may come
from making the same mistake twice

the wish granters must be confused
because i wish for love
when it sits in my lap
i wish for pain
when i've just gotten my heart back
it's like wishing for sun
when it's only rained once this year
it's like pinning up problems
that only take minutes to disappear
and yet i still wish for music
but only hear a certain tune
i wish for someone
but won't accept anyone that's not you

suddenly i believe in ghosts
with the way you appear in the background
how is it possible to hear you
when there's no one else around
i feel your touch
when you hug me in my dreams
you say 'i missed you'
and i realize i do too it seems
i try to forget you
and never has there been a task as daunting
because the only thing i have left of you
is your subtle and distant haunting