Sipping coffee,
A break from the books,
Coldplay's Gravity playing on loop,
Peacefully lonesome,
Read a Rumi quote, "don't feel lonely, the whole universe is inside you",
Last sip of coffee,
Didn't find you inside,
Oh wait, you're there,
Just a little deeper

I'm tired,
Writing these lines,
Which rarely make sense,
Somehow helps, momentarily at the least,
But these thoughts, and this life,
Throw me a curve ball,
Every time they feel better,
Kodaline's lyrics,
Am I wasting my time, am I losing my mind?
Seem to have become the question of my life,
And this silence, makes it worse,
As I wonder,
*Does it make you feel better?

There's a dead man lying on the street,
Don't wake him,
Cars have driven over him,
Don't shake him,
Vultures have picked on him,
Don't feed him,
Moss has grown on him,
Don't knead him,
Rodents have stripped off his skin,
Don't clothe him,
Fate has done undone him,
Don't loathe him

In your highs and your lows,
Your happiness and your despair,
Your brilliance and your confusion,
Your purity and your sin,
Your dark and your bright,
Your sunshine days and desperate nights,
I want you in your all,
I want your entirety

All the detours,
All the turns, of fate,
and of this confused mind,
Led me to you,
And will always lead back to you,
here on,
Even if I wanted to,
There's no turning away,
You are engrained in this skin,
And in this half soul

My dark, my light,
My star shining so bright,
My heaven, my hell,
My only prayer for a wishing well,
My smile, my tear,
My strength to overcome fear,
My silence, my song,
My right to every wrong,
My baby, my boy,
My highest and pure joy,
My life, my all,
My reason to stand tall,
Do me a favour - be okay

Keep me away from the happy ones,
Believe me, I'll make them sad,
In their naivety and ignorance,
They've found a light,
I won't switch it off, for them,

And for all the things I'm rightly accused of,
Being a sadist won't be one,
And I do not want to graduate into it,
Let me be,
For their happiness, and my own

I have cultivated this person,
I have known this person,
And been on the receiving end,
Before I switched sides

For reasons you will never understand,
And have no doubt, I expect you not to,
Please,
Just let me be

I wrote you a lullaby, listen,
Go to sleep, my dear,
Tomorrow's another day,
Another fight,
I just want you to sleep well tonight,
I'll softly sing you a song,
I know it won't right any wrong,
Maybe it'll comfort your dreams,
I'll work my hand through your hair,
Fall asleep,
For a few hours, have no care,
Close those eyes now, I'm always near,
And when morning comes,
I'll still be here

I have a limited supply of your photos,
I see them almost every day,
At least one,
Sometimes two, sometimes all of them,
They reaffirm you're real, angel

I have a limited supply of memories,
I replay them almost everyday,
They get intertwined sometimes,
I can't tell one from the other,
They're all my happy place

I have a limited supply of songs,
I listen to them almost everyday,
Made by you,
Shared by you,
They take me back to you

I have a limited supply of things,
I touch them almost everyday,
Given by you,
Chosen for me, by you,
They feel like you

I have a limited supply of shenanigans,
I smile about them almost everyday,
Shared with you,
Understood by you,
They give me a hopeful tear

I have an unlimited supply of prayer,
I repeat it everyday,
Devoted to you,
Believing in you, for you,
It keeps me connected to you



*I have a limited supply of your photos

You have the most beautiful smile,
Breathtaking,
Especially that careless one,
When you think no one is watching,
But I've stolen a look,
There's no hunger or poverty in the world, for that moment, I swear
Time stands still,
The curve of your lip, and the glint in your eye,
Set everything in order

It won't stop for a minute,
It won't keep pace if you slow down,
I didn't need more proof of its insanity,
When I realised,
This world keeps spinning, around

Come on out,
We are friends
You've fought demons for so long,
Am I beginning to look like one?
You are a closed door,
With a terrified child inside,
I am a gentle knock,
A friend on the other side,
I'm begging you to let me in,
But you just continue to hide,
It's going to get darker, love,
The demons will eat you raw,
What will I do then?
Knowing I should have tried once more,
So you can scream and pant,
Throw all the hissy fits you can,
I'll be here

I wish there was a reset button,
To be pressed every time someone left,
A 'restore factory settings'
To enable after every heartbreak,
For it seems,
Everyone that plays with this shameless heart,
Takes away a little something,
Never leaving it whole, and not nearly the same,
It's almost like it has to learn how to beat all over again,
It beats to a tune,
And tunes can't handle a lot of resets

Chiseled the rock, over and over,
A beautiful sculpture was to emerge,
Patiently carved, with diligent hands,
Only not to hurt the natural design

Carefully worded,
An essay, a story of a warrior king,
With spellbound pen and captivated heart,
Only for words not to fall short

Beautifully composed, melodious song,
With brilliant lyrics and music alike,
To soothe a heart, and cure a mind,
Only for playing at the right volume

But the rock stopped giving up its chips,
The essay stopped making sense,
The song lost its melody,
All to 3 words - leave me alone

Do you know how much you mean to me?
You'd probably say you do,
Missing out on the variable of relativity,
Which makes you mean a little more to me everyday,
Baffling my own capability, my own sanity

*//Thought Whispers

Saw a picture of you today,
It's a working Saturday,
You're with others, where we used to work,
You were smiling in the picture,
It wasn't a specially good photo,
In fact, you looked sad and tired,
But,
You were smiling,
Putting on your game face I'd say,
And you looked glorious,
And I thought,
The world's a better place
'Cause you're in it,
'Cause you're smiling

I'm thinking of you tonight,
And of how it didn't end quite right;
You'd become a part of me,
Meeting you was like a discovery,
You showed me parts of me
- disguised as parts of you,
And then you were me,
My own, before I knew

My love I called you right from the start,
Little did I know, your home wasn't my heart,
Your un-chosen abode it will always be,
And memories will always be home for me,
You said you would tell me when the fight was done,
And yet, it wasn't exactly you who told me you'd won,
Regardless, I was glad to know,
My baby's okay, even though he won't show,

Maybe okay is an overstatement,
But at least you're getting there,
There will never be a day, where I couldn't care,
And life will go on, sadly, as it must,
And you'll be okay,
I'll hope, I'll trust

Here is my heart,
Served to you on a platter,
Eat it, break it, keep it,
That's all up to you,
I'm just here to love

At one moment in time,
You loved me,
I could feel it,
For this lifetime,
That will be enough,
For me

*For you,
I wish the whole world in all its glory,
Basking under your sunshine

There should be a day, dedicated to celebrate you,
A shrine, to give a place of solace to your devoted lovers,
A song, to glorify you with all the right notes, and lyrics befitting your magnificence
And most of all,
There should be a heart,
To hold yours,
In its splendour, and its devastation,
And that heart,
Should belong,
To me

Your absence from my life *****,
I've stopped making efforts that go in vain,
I've accepted that for you, there's nothing to gain,
But you were my calm in every storm,
You were the big bang, where my real journey began from,
You were all I aspired to be,
You were the only face I ever wanted to see,
You were the alpha and omega of all that I am,
You were the only one, with whom I'd share my bread and jam,
But you've severed all those ties,
And I've stopped believing my lies,
So we go on with our lives,
But,
Your absence from my life *****

I lost a friend and I lost a tooth,
The tooth had to go; the friend I couldn't lose
It was a wisdom tooth, with some decay,
It was a wise friendship, its strings began to fray,
The tooth couldn't be salvaged; the friendship stood a chance,
I chose to cut loose the tooth; cutting the friendship wasn't my stance
Like my tongue wiggles, at the place the tooth would be,
So mind tumbles, at all things my friend used to be

I don't know how to live without you,
I'm not saying it isn't possible,
I just don't know how

You came in quietly, no trumpets and drums,
But you made a stir, inside, where only silence lived,
I don't know how

You made me smile, you made me cry, happy tears too,
You made me believe, in goodness, in a mentality I thought had long gone,
I don't know how

You made my favourite song sound more melodious,
You wasted time, chasing cars, around our heads,
I don't know how

You told me some secrets, you began to let me in,
I messed it up, with glimpses of my filthy heart,
I don't know how

You showed me things, I'd already seen,
In a world, I thought only I was privy to,
I don't know how

You became an extension of me,
I became an extension of you, feeling your pain and happiness,
I don't know how

You made me believe we can be invincible,
From my strength, you became a strong weakness, but still a strength,
I don't know how

I should let you go,
I know we can't be,
I know it's ugly,
I know you care,
I know this life - is not one we can share,
But you gave me so much,
And I, just hurt you in return,
Sorry seems to be the hardest word,
And not nearly enough,
To sum up my love and repent

So all I say to myself,
I must live without you,
I must let you live too,
I just don't know how to live without you,
I'm not saying it isn't possible,
I just don't know how

The lies you said,
The lies I said to myself,
The ruse,
The abandonment,
The uncharacteristic desperation,
The unexpected separation,
The feigned interest,
The lost respect,
The empty conversation,
The full heart,
I can't tell,
What hurt most

I could taste your tongue,
You could smell my fears,
Why did we stop in days, baby?
This was to go on for years

My words spoke,
My actions spoke,
Deafness was your choice

****** upon you, my love
My love - you did not ask for it,
You did not want it,
Though, perhaps,
You did need it,
You did not accept it,
You wanted it to die,
You needed it to survive,
But you did not see,
My love had just one destination,
Denied of its destiny
- it got lost

You are,
Someone's uncle, someone's son, someone's brother, someone's friend,
I admire the dynamics of all that you are,
But all I want,
Is a glimpse,
Of that what you are,
**For you

I was not with him,
But I wasn't without him

I'll be your lullaby, when your mind won't let you sleep,
I'll be your blanket, when you're cold,
I'll be your home, when you're homesick,
I'll be your mirror, when aren't sure what you look like,
I'll be your shadow, when you need a quiet presence,
I'll be your shoulder, when you want a minute to rest your head,
I'll be your map, when you feel lost,
I'll be your music, when you want to shut everything out,
I'll be your drug, when you want to let loose,
I'll be your cloak, when you feel naked,
I'll be your smile, when you can't remember how,
I'll be your jazz, when you want to jive,
I'll be your door, when you need an out,
I'll be your everything I can be, I'll be

Can you not see -
That I'm not blind?

And when you told me about all the things you love,
With mad passion in your eyes,
I fell in love with you

And when you shared your thoughts,
Too private for small talk,
I fell in love with you

And when you placed your responsibilities over your self,
Too demanding for anyone to fulfil,
I fell in love with you

And when you loved,
Loved a stray dog, affectionately working your fingers on his neck,
I fell in love with you

And when you hid your pain,
Masked brilliantly in your laugh, for no naked eye to suspect,
I fell in love with you

And when you sang Chasing Cars,
Humming, unconcerned with the passing traffic,
I fell in love with you

And when you told me about your day,
From the big accomplishments, to the tiny, gorgeous observations,
I fell in love with you

And when Ed Sheeran sang All of the Stars,
Thinking all I wanted was nothing more, than to see you walking in that door,
I fell in love with you

And when they told me how amazing you are,
People unexposed to even a fifth of your brilliance;
Privileged,
I fell in love with you

And a million other times,
In a thousand other moments,
Irrespective of intent,
Forever more,
I fell in love with you

So it's over,
The time we had is gone,
Now we're over,
The time of my life is gone,
Stop it if you can?
Would it be a lot?
Maybe you already gave it all you've got,
Is it possible now?
Can it be back some how?
It's lost in the recesses of your memory,
A faint town of what we used to be,
Lost in the alleyways if this new address,
I guess it's over
The time we had is gone

It is going to end,
I am going to cry,
Not because it's over,
But because we didn't try

Too pure to be touched,
Too fragile to be loved,
Too perfect to be desired,
Too good to be true
...**you

I look for you,
All day long,
In places where you used to be,
But you're not at them anymore,
Except in the goosebumps on my arms, on thinking of you,
Except in the tears that refuse to roll down,  much like you,
Except in the pages I've filled, with insufficient glorifications of you,
Except in my mind, where logic and thought have been replaced by you,
Except in my heart, that keeps me alive, but beats for you
I look for you,
All day long,
In places where you used to be,
But you elude,
And I find you,
*Only in me

I've never learned how to let go,
And I probably never will,
I gave you the key to my soul,
You probably did too,
And while you waited for the perfect moment to unlock the door,
I jammed the key in too soon,
So I don't blame you for walking away,
Do whatever you must,
But don't expect me to let go,
Un-gracefully, let us self destruct

Cry with me,
Over the misfortunes handed to you,
Over the failed attempts made by me,
Over everything we won't be,
Let me cry with you,
Cry with me

You are a metaphor for me
Words are flashing before my eyes
Every book I read,
I find you in every character...
Yet when I fill pages about you,
not one makes sense

Leave,
If you must
.
.
.

But return,
Before I'm dust

And the sadness was so profound,
Such a part of my insides,
Such a weight over my chest,
That cutting off from the world wasn't an option,
But a necessity,
To keep this disease,
From spreading;
This unhealthy parasite of a feeling,
From eating up the people I loved
I'm sorry

To think of just yesterday
Too soon to become a **memory

To build a life to revolve around you,
To watch you tear it apart
Step...
by...
step.

Love was never a choice,
Maybe that's why,
You could walk away,
And I still could not let go
When I call you my own,
How I can a drop a part of myself?
Letting go would be like cutting off a vital *****,
And one doesn't do that,
Even if they're on life support

Maybe these desperate attempts to prove my love,
To prove I'm a friend,
To prove all that is true,
Have led you to believe the opposite;

Maybe it needed to be effortless,
To let the effortless conversation flow,
To let the effortless comfort of silence be,
To let the effortless love bloom

Every mark I try to make,
Turns into a scar;
Maybe I should just be a wallflower,
live and die,
Till I return to the night sky a star