The burden of love is this
It won’t fill your heart with bliss
Or am I loving wrong,
Because I love my enemies?
They drag my heart across the floor
As my feet run to and fro
While my bones shake to the core
Can’t save myself, what’s more
I ask myself what have I done
I am like a setting sun
I failed once, with everyone
Now I offer myself for free
I’ll listen kindly but they don’t see
My own power frightens me
I’m more enlightened than they’ll ever be

The Lord doesn't teach em
The devil don't attack em
They're walking in sin
With a proud grin

The way it's always been
Wholly untouched
Their folly is much
Their condescendence is such

Mockery and ill will
If they could, they would ****
Now it's my job to put up with them
I'll slice the bud at the stem

If you have a fighting soul
Here's a call
Rock and roll
Destroy them all

The filter that is installed
Between her head and heart
Stops her before she can start
To reveal her melancholy art

She fears the words will go round
Circle the earth at the speed of sound
Only for them to roll
Back into her lonely soul

Tears in her eyes it brings
With stones attached to her wings
Then she steps out of her cage
And onto the stage

And her words
Soar in the sky like birds
With a resting place to be found
In this heart of mine

The things she said I look back on in bed
A resting place they find in my head
Immortalized in the air
Forever there

My unwitting heart
has gone astray
thinking of you
every day
obsessed with you
Feels like you can do anything
You bear no shame
in all you do

I go to work
I think of you
I'm watching tv
I think of you
I'm in a bind
You're playing games
inside my mind
I'm going insane

There are no studies
about what you do
What's there to learn
Other than the fact
that you will burn
Get out you worm
I will make room
for someone who earned my respect

The ship of life rocks back and forth
One side to another, tables turn
No one feels good all the time
Love sometimes returns for hate
Sensations are forgettable unlike events
Needless consumption is a sign of fear
The innocent feel the spirit of the times
Nightmares haunt their days and nights
Common people let things pass
Justice leans on uneven scales
Some appear clean but not inwardly
It takes time to discern a person
Death might put an end to souls
Sin makes one feel as though they are enslaved
Though still alive, one eats himself
Better that, than to condemn
Blame is never good to give
The outstretched finger will be broken
Some situations make one learn
Yet reality like sparks could go either way
Talk to yourself, you don't have to check in
Freedom to escape is good to have
I expect the worst, and it keeps happening
I hope for the best, but it's a gamble
This world will always play its tricks
No one can boast, for we are fallen
Those who boast are often popular
Yet when wisdom calls, few answer

Looking back at my childhood experiences I
realize it was far from rosy and
I'm too young to feel so worn out yet
I'm too old to be a rising star

Never free
I see my sanity slip before my eyes yet
The end is still so far off and
when I'm gone the world will continue to be

I try to hide
These four walls protect me from the spies
With their prying eyes
Yet they still find a way inside

In the confines of my mind I see all I've done
And everything else done under the sun
I'm just a floating man on a raft out at sea
Waiting to be saved, or for someone to devour me

The pain
The pain
All I wanted was love
In your heart
In your heart
Stop tearing me out
The fear
The fear
Of what you have become
Memories
Coming back
Oh what have we done
Save me
Save me
You don't have to run
Hear me
Hear me
Though I know
You are not
The one

When a person stumbles, the catch their fall;
if a person is fallen, can they get up at all?

Dropped shield and sword, I run from bad company
I pray to the Lord, but the word doesn't come to me
I weep cause people act like they hate me
I get sleep but no rest to rejuvenate me
I am like a dad but childless
Or a cat with its claws removed; powerless
I speak words yet have nothing to say
Whether silent or loud people ask away
What's wrong? Have you gone astray?
How long will you continue to lay?
My heart is bitter, my lullabies sullen
I am no quitter, I'm simply fallen

I live in my head, off the body of Christ's bread
His blood flows in my veins, which I'm prepared to shed
My workaholic dad said I'm lazy and better off dead
But I'm always wet as sweat burns my skin and bed
When I asked him to brave the fire of hell with me he fled
He couldn't stand the scorching red, he chose the easy path instead
Heaven my reward, money is where he got lead
In the end I'm a scapegoat who bled so they can stay the same
I shame myself so my folks go easy on the pain
They say I'm stupid and not on my best behaviour
As they **** my blood I think of my lord and saviour

No amount of water, no amount of soap
No amount of scrubbing with hygienic foam
Can clean me of my crimes,
So I indulge in wines
I drink the fire so clear and rank
To null the inner stank.

No amount of guilt, no amount of shame
No amount of planning in this God-forsaken game
Can free me from your hand,
You are like slippery sand
I think of us and all the fuss
that made me such a wuss.

No amount of wealth, no amount of fame
No amount of telling myself my past will be regained
Can stop me from my aim,
To clear my innocent name,
As the pain falls down on me
so heavy I can see

If the wise look to wisdom
and fools look to the world
Then I'll search for you in my mind
And try to turn the nightmare into a dream
But all's not what it seems

I won't ring a bell
and stand on rooftops and yell
I grow faint when I retell
What ended in hell
What didn't end well

I'll tell you the story
Someone came to me
but it was only temporary
They wanted something from me
I gave it for free

Oh the agony!
All along they were the enemy
I let them into my mind and heart
I thought we were so close
We'd never tear apart

I was too nice to my foe
But now the truth is exposed
In this world I suffer
It's the path I chose
But it's all just temporary woes

We can leave this world any day
It's not a matter of wits
Will you be happy in eternity
Or will you be like the hypocrites
and have to pay?

What's normal and sane is majority ruled;
It's easy to get schooled by a bunch of fools.
I know you are keen, I know you are wise;
but don't make a scene, you'll get institutionalized.
See with your mind, not with your eyes;
what they try to hide, is bright as the skies.
Tell the truth, don't hide behind lies;
It's ok to get hurt; let them mock and advise.
Don't ask for help, they'll get you hooked;
The cure don't make rich, so it's overlooked.
It's good to cry, you even should;
Writhe and moan, it's for your own good.
They can't destroy you, but they can set up hooks;
They think they'll be counted in history's books.
In the end it will all be destroyed, with no remorse;
they cannot change the past or the future's course.
It will all be anew, like fresh dew;
make sure to endure, through and through.

I am earth and dust
I am life incarnate
I am beautiful and just
I go where I want
And say what I must.

So why did they ******
Me into prison
To be educated
To be brainwashed
What's the reason?

To me it's obscene
To gain knowledge
Yet forsake the dream
To be a cog
In the machine

I never graduated
And I'm proud
Yet the world scorns and mocks
And blocks
And doubts

I am a rejected one
An unwanted son
Yet my life is mine
And the dream can shine
So yes, I'm doing fine.

In the gap between sorrow and joy
Where the cowardly rest eternal
Where the mood is continually dull
And the cup is always half full
There the colour is only grey
And the lines are always straight
There the clock has stopped to fate
And there is no love and hate
There a dog barks but cannot bite
There a man drinks but cannot sate
And though he begs and talks all day
No one listens anyway
That is where I find myself
When I just do as I please
Though I'm content and at ease
Even God cannot help such as these
For this is the result of one-way prayer
This is lukewarmness that can never cease
This is worse than a disease
This is the end result of a desire to be free

What do we get
What do we earn
When you forget
What did you learn

Our services spurned
You left us to shake
Left us to burn
Left us to break

If I had a wish
I would not be a warrior
My friends sleep with fish,
Food for the walrus

To love someone who flirted with you
without feel a thing
To love someone who deserted you
after taking everything
To love someone who hurt you
and left you on the floor
Takes more strength than anything
I've ever done before.

When will compassion come to fashion?
When will life become valuable,
And death be unfashionable?
Images of death should make you short on breath.
But we don't feel their pain,
We look after our own gain.
When will humility excel stupidity?
If you're humble your feet won't stumble.
Certain things should give you the shakes
There is no shortage of mistakes.

I see your call
I pick up the phone and stall
Maybe I answer and say
Baby where have you been...?
Why haven't you been around...

This scenario plays in my mind
Yet I know what your answer would be
I wasn't very kind to you
I wanted to change your truth
And now I regret the present

Yes I have lost you, sure
Now your absence speaks in honest words
I thought we would journey worlds
I must move on, not to dwell
And hope to see us some day well

Like with a brush
You painted a canvas
Intricately and exquisitely
To the voice of your will
And thus was I
I danced and was thrilled
Bending my soul
To the shape of your whim
Yet now I cry
For you put me aside

I will be loud
I won't  be hushed
To win you back
I will do much
From the heights
To the depths
I'll paint the world
With how I felt
I'll touch the hearts
And they will melt
Perhaps you'll remember me then

How long must it be
Realistically
Before you appear
And set me free
For I'm in hell
Now where I dwell
A shell of what I used to be
Under this spell
A brokenhearted fool
Without you

If my belly could speak, wonder what it would say
It grumbles and tumbles and hurts all day
Perhaps I should quit smoking, perhaps I should fast
I know deep down the problem is caused by curses cast

I fed on competition, I savoured violence
To outwit and outdo made sense
At last it's a dead end
It's not how it works, I haven't a friend

I've regurgitated my memories and vomited out poison
It took some years, hardest years I've ever seen
I want to turn back and repent against sin
I want to sober up, so I can be healthy again

A thousand thorns in my mind
I try to pick them one by one
As another thousand come
I try to think around them
But they always come back
They truly are a threat
I want to attack
I choose my target
Just wanna pluck it out
Just wanna forget it
But I can't
Give me new memories
Please
So the old ones cease
So I have a better perspective on this disease

I don't have many friends
I don't want you to be another
means to an end

I don't have many friends
I don't want to feel void and empty
because friendship is something one lends

To be a friend
Is to help someone grow
Not let someone fall and descend

To be a friend
Is to make someone feel special
To take them out of the crowd in which they blend

I need a friend
To force me to see
And help me to comprehend

I need a friend
With whom into the abyss of my mind
I can descend

You thought you would get a laugh, watching me squirm;
stepping on me, crushing me like a grape for your cup.
I was to be your trophy, on the wall of those you *******;
you'd look back and say a-ha! Look what we made you do

It's true that a dark cloud has enveloped me;
depression weighs heavy on one who can see nothing but darkness
Anxiety keeps me from the connections I need
To conquer addiction I must face my demons

I toss and turn in bed, and wish I was dead;
The Lord allows this, yet gives me bread.
He put to flight me enemies, they exist only in my head;
he took my sword, and fought for me instead.

The pain that I feel, is centred on me;
the shame that I feel, is not what others see
I cannot describe the way that I feel
A faith in that which is not yet, but some day will be real

I have forsaken the life that could have been
in order to live virtually in a tv screen
It's got everything
Art is fascinating
But now I need to get out
And I don't know how to go about doing that
In the game world I'm always the hero
Here I'm nothing, zero
No shiny things to collect
No happy song at the end credits

What was I on?
Now all my time is gone
No social skills
Can't pay the bills
Patience is thin
Just know how to win
I wish I could put this on someone
It's all on me, just trying to have fun
I want to stop, but when?
And if I stop, what then?

At first glance a dove
Though not love from the start
It took some time
to get the key to my heart

I heard her voice
whispering in my ear today
I turned to the noise
The fly on my shoulder flew away

I can feel her
But we're torn at the seams
I no longer love her
Or see her in my dreams

I put up a wall of darkness
Though every now and again
Light comes through
With anguish and pain

I recall when the demon laughed
And played music only I could hear
I knew it was the forces of hell
Drawing near

I saw an angel
Being treaded under feet
The feet of his own comrades
And the same fate befalls me

My love was too strong
I deserve no applause
I don't expect love
I chose love over God

There's a time to beg and a time to lend
A season for peace and a season for war
No choice but to endure to the end
Who knows what else is in store?

You gave me gifts, you didn't spare
I don't deserve, your loving care
When I was blind, when I was slack,
These things remind me you had my back.
I believed in you, and you made sure
That all my trials, I could endure.
You knew I'd fall, for I was inclined
I knew in my heart, but not in my mind.
I thought I was going straight, but I was careening
For upon others I was leaning
I wanted others to love me, but then I learned
Through trial by fire and getting burned
That since people hated you, they hated me
When I talked about you, they were angry
Then they looked upon the gifts you gave me with envy
And they sabotaged my gifts by any means necessary
So I let go, and away they went
Now I feel broken and strained and bent
So I looked and prayed, then I saw
The one who created the world and gave it law
He said we're born into sin, we're sinners from birth
Yet we should store up treasures in heaven, not on earth.
For our deeds follow us, yet to love God is a start
And all these things I hold close to my heart.

What was precious to me
I put on a tray
And offered it up
You ate for a day
I gave you my heart
You said you would stay
Then turned your back
And went your own way
Left me with nothing
To grasp or display
Yet keep what you stole
I won't beg or pay
I've learned to hold on tight
To watch what I say

Sometimes it rains when I cry
I know how the dying feel
Yet miracles happen before my eyes

No one understands
For who can put into words
A being which exists in and of itself

The mind searches the unthinkable
The unspeakable
And then we forget

Like dreams
Like memories from your unique angle
So vital, so personal

Making mistakes for the sake of honesty
Shouldn't cost me my life
Though to some it's social suicide

I see little messages that poke out sometimes
Everywhere I go, everything is trying to tell me something
Yet to react is considered mental illness

In the process of healing it's important to forgive people
You may say that some wretched people are beyond forgiving
Understand that we are all enslaved and in debt forever
We've reaped what we didn't sow, a world pleasantly delightful

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a cage or prison
At times like this I wonder who put me here
Was it people who used me as a stepping stone?
Or those who put me in their crosshairs and fired?

Yet the worst pain is betrayal from a trusted friend
How can one trust anymore after being misled and backstabbed?
Intentionally hurt by a person in a position of confidence
Is like a death blow to the soul, eternal pain

Some things are beyond our understanding, some folk without hope
We must pray that we be unyoked to this world
For we are ghosts and shades and spirits in flesh
Here temporarily on our way to a more permanent place

Sick outside and in
I have red bumps on my skin
Off to loony bin

In this place
I try so hard
To show off
My better side
Under a correct light
I can shine so bright
Go so far
But there's a part
In my heart
That comes out
At certain times
Here it is
Then it's gone
Now it's back
It's like right and wrong
Day and night
Or white and black
I wave it away
Keep it at bay
It comes again
To attack
Need to pray
And unwind
To unify
My ruptured mind
But I know
In the end
By moving on
I'm left behind

So this is goodbye
No closure
Just a feint of composure
I know it's the end
For I cried in your presence
And broke down

It's how relationships die
You won't forgive me
I understand why
Now all I can do
Is forget about you

So I retreat and act sullen
Heartbroken and fallen
I swallow the pain
Knowing I will never
Go down that path again

You're not to blame
I will find someone new
I will honour their name
As long as they remain
Faithful and true

No worth
To earth
Low birth
No use
Short fuse
No hope
Just dope
Unsure
Impure
Uncured

I learn
God's word
Now I'm
Assured
When I'm through
Hands of love
Will take me
Away from earth

And I
Am ready
To take
The voyage
New world
New birth
To heaven
Where someone
Is waiting

Truth likes to hide
Look for the clues
Good never mentioned
Death makes the news
Gossips and sadists
Whatever they choose
To feed a hungry race
Who can't refuse

The good things we do are overlooked
Counsellors and therapists, overbooked
We're all influenced by selected truths
It's what makes the news

Don't fall into the trap
Of being too negative
Evil isn't everywhere
You just care
Where is the good
From where does it flow
It's so simple
It's the status quo

Being shy
I open my hands
Whatever I get
I feel content
I don't ask for more
Or less
The wall is enough
The shadows on the ceiling
Make me feel a certain way
There is nothing on earth
That doesn't make me feel
Something or another
As long as I feel
I know I'm alive
I can't turn back time
Can't forward the clock
My mission has ended
So I sit with my thoughts
I know I'm being tested
But I feel so tired
My excuse is
I'm half asleep
Then I get shocked
Then I go back to sleep
I'm on leave
Until I get back up
Show me what there is
I'm missing
And please stop
Hurting me

Long have I waited to escape the toxicity
Of the house I grew up in, my parents hypocrisy
I thought I could right the wrong if I was alone
Yet without a spouse, is this really a home?

I've done my best to keep out of sight
Stimulants in the morning, depressants at night
They make me smell bad and tarnish my beauty
Who can love someone like me?

I have an open mind, but a heart shut tight
I'm open to ideas, but against love I fight
I've been hurt and burned by love grievously
Who can love someone like me?

I ask for help, and get empty words
I hear their song, they sing like birds
To a shattered soul, it hurts and burns
Weep with me, and patch my wounds

Live with me, and hold me tight
Dream with me, all through the night
I promise to be loyal and true,
Like a stray dog, I'll forever love you

Deep in the mindless void there is a light
Even there it shines so warm
No thoughts needed it's pleasant to the sight
But there's a force keeping me down

Where there's chaos a person cannot flourish
Yet even there is a light that can take form
For all the outcasts and loners to take hold
For the rebels to feel warm

Nature is pretty, scenery turned red
The sky is grey, with raindrops it bleeds
The bird feed is gone, the leaves fell to the wind
All that's left on the branches are abandoned nests

As crimson leaves with the wind soar aloft
Up to the sky so high, only to land so soft
Into roads soaked and full of puddles yet cool
Reminds me of life, and how fate can be cruel

Soon when winter comes with its white snow
To cleanse the earth with its cold air flow
I will think of the memories I had
And it makes me sad

I hope to have more time
To right the wrongs, a season in my prime
A new year for which I can now prepare
The start of a new life, and this time I'll care

Starting from the bottom I wanted to scale the ladder
Tried to hone my craft and turn out the winner
They pyramid was tall and I knew I could fall
In the end I understood nothing at all
For they sabotaged my efforts so I failed in my tasks
Discouraged and lost I turned to the flask
Drinking and high all washed up and burned
In examining me they left no stone unturned
Humiliation set in every waking day
I was put away, but in the end I'm just clay
They tried but couldn't break my hope
The thought of death actually helps me cope
I know the end is better than the start
And I hope in heaven you and I have a part
Evil and corruption come and pass
But these things are but a kingdom of glass
Naked and scared, all will know their sin
Nowhere to run, they will be exposed just like I have been
And they will learn nothing to them was ever owed
While those who walked in purity will be clothed

In my fallen state
I cannot do my job
I cannot sing or dance
I just mope around all day long

Nothing keeps my attention
Shifting but not dreaming
From point to point
Not enjoying the journey

Am I broken beyond repair?
Can nothing restore my happiness?
Where is my pride?
Cast down with no one to help

We are slaves and servants to the Lord, through our humble service we will reap our reward...

We ask ourselves, what is life?
We toil hard while there's light
And find no rest come night

What is life?
Our foes force us to take flight
We are targets, always in sight

What is life?
Our hope is very slight
That we'll be released from our plight

What is life?

There is no true happiness in the world that we're in...
As long as we're mortals under the spell of sin...
We cannot conquer and save our skin...
Yet if our hope is in Christ, we can be sure that we'll win

At heart I'm an extrovert
Though I've always been shy
I think I am kind
They ask me why do I tolerate so much rudeness
Why do I waste my time
Thinking things will get better
It's because I am blind to their ways
Blind to their games

They have a sense of humour
But it's an unnerving kind
That keeps me silent
Don't know if I should laugh or cry
Jokes of mockery
Laughter at misery
They speak for pleasure
Rather than for the greater good

But I'm tired to fight
And so I retreat
Into my nest
Where I put up my feet
And try to forget
Try not to crack
Yet memories always seem to come back

I take comfort in knowing
I'm not the centre of the world
I don't need to make a huge difference
That might prove to be a hindrance
If you take kindness for weakness
There's something you're not seeing
It takes great strength
To be a worthwhile human being

What is the lot of a liars life
The beautiful things in life I condemn
I was never allowed to grow
Just shut up and do as you're told
I have a hard time explaining what I know
The way I was raised bears a strong hold
I was being strangled now I strangle others
Twisted and flipped what once was real
I was robbed but now I steal
My words don't match the way I feel
My testimony is false
I am at the verge of death
Yet I act like I have pride
My fists are clenched but my eyes open wide
Even when I sleep curled on my side
Society has failed me, so I failed it
I expect them to mock while I throw a fit
Because they don't tell the truth
Now I find myself doing the same thing
Perverting what's sacred
Blinded by hatred
I stand guilty before my maker
I am a failure in my own eyes
Yet things aren't always how they appear
I wish there was something for me here

I wanted to feel you
I wanted to be brave
I tried to stay true
All your faults I forgave
But now I know we
Can't be together as one
I'm setting you free
The action is done
We'll no longer dance
Under the sun
A failed romance
An hour of fun
A mild heart attack
I go all numb
Now my heart has a crack
About you I was wrong
And like a hard smack
Poetic, like a song
I learned I can't help you
For I need something better
I can't live through you
I don't care if you read this letter

Thanks for the pleasure
And the adventure
We had fun in our leisure
Where I was your pleaser
I offered my treasure
You took without measure
I'm the poem in your folder
You're the liability in my ledger
My chain and my boulder
The fly on my shoulder
As I get older
I grow colder
As you get older
Your crimes get bolder
I needed the lesson
To regain my vision
But you don't need my lecture
So you left without closure

I did my best to give you love
And shower you with splendour like rain above
But you're a dog who bites its own
cause it wasn't presented with the right flavour of bone
Or a shark that swallows smaller fish
To give me pain was your honest wish
You presented a lie, the real you I don't want
And so forevermore I will take up a taunt
To sing happily about you I must
I reject you utterly, you lover of lust!
I went all in, you barely dipped your toes
I showed you my cards, you revealed them to my foes
Showing no loyalty or prudence
A little bit of everyone, zero sense
I thought I could help, a wasted effort
I should have know I cannot change you mother effer
My pain will subside, your shame will live
I will now move on and forgive

A passing spirit
Might hear it
When I talk to myself
Inside my head
I don't fear it
I cheer for it
I hide nothing from it
I open my soul to it
It changes me
It clears up the misconceptions
I talk to it
Lay before it
What I can't express
How my soul is stressed
Can't show my face
My lungs are full of toxic waste
My heart is venomous
My head suppresses it
A filter silences me
Truth is repressed in me
Words form in my heart
But are too revolutionary
My friends are distasteful
Speaking to people
Is a leap of faith
Some are like sheep
Most are stubborn like goats
I don't want to be an influence
Don't want to be heard
Except by the passing spirit
The passing bird
In my head

From point to point, you see me run
Never still, like the moon and the sun
Always running, even with no one near:
I'm being chased by soul-crushing fear
I cannot stop, or I would drown
A current continually pulls me down
There's something inside that keeps moving around
The flesh that surrounds me longs for the ground
It's like an old bird that yearns for its nest
Wanting to go back to its pleasant rest
Wants to lie frozen devoid of life
I constantly fight it with heavy strife
Now every task feels like an impossible feat
Even eating and keeping the place tidy and neat
I don't want to make any more mistakes
Gotta start with the small things for goodness sakes!

"What have you done"
Is a question I run from
Ever since that fateful crime
I committed on a dime
Then my conscience turned on me
And the darkness covered me
So in shades is where I am
Blackened, *****, little man
What once was a lamp has been put out
Blank minded as I walk about
Protect yourself; look, and see;
Don't become a man like me.