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Viv Feb 2018
The calories
Can’t you feel them?
Churning in your stomach
Being digested slowly
Oh so slowly
Whispering promises
Of the weight they’ll add
Of the large hips
The pouchy stomach
Taunting you with reminders
Of how weak you are
All you had to do
Is say no
But you didn’t
You thought with your stomach
Not your brain
So this is your punishment
The extra weight
The big hips
Bigger stomach
Because you’re too weak to say no
And too afraid to throw up
But you’re in a perfect shape
To count them
To watch the numbers climb
And you’re trapped
In this hell
That you’re too weak to escape from
Too scared to run from
And too ashamed to seek help
So carve those hips
So big
So fat
Like that Christmas ham
Your dad just carved
So don’t stop those sit-ups
You can’t stop
Until you can see those toes
Standing up
And looking down
So look in that mirror
That blob of fat is you
Don’t listen to the lies
Everyone said you were so skinny
But now they say
“You’re too skinny”
But that’s not true
To be skinny
Is to be beautiful
So how can you be too skinny
You want to be the most beautiful
So you have to be the skinniest
And they’re wrong anyways
You’re not too skinny
They’re lying
How can they not see those rolls
Those fat hips
They just want you to fail
To not be beautiful
Or maybe they don’t understand
That the blood is beautiful
Rolling down your hips
Releasing the fat
The toxins
The calories
So don’t stop
Keep doing those sit-ups
Can you see your toes yet?
Can you count your ribs?
Are those hips nothing but bone?
Can you be strong?
Learn to say no?
An apple a day
Keeps the doctor away
So one apple a day
Is all you get
And water
The water is all you need
It’s your only friend
No calories
It doesn’t taunt you from your stomach
It cleans
Washes away your sins
It makes you pure
You want to pure
Don’t you?
The dizziness will pass
Like the weight slowly is
But it’s not enough
It will never be enough
You have to be the most beautiful
No one can be skinnier than you
So keep carving your hips
Don’t stop the sit-up
You did it!
Look at your ribs
See the skin stretch over them
Those hips are nothing but bone
Now you are truly skinny
Truly beautiful
But you know who’s skinnier?
The skeletons in your closet
They’re the beautiful ones
You have surpassed all earthly beauty
So why can’t you surpass theirs?
All you have to do
Is die
You can do it
You’ve made it this far
Don’t be afraid
When you die
You’ll be mourned
As the most beautiful of them all
Just take those pills
It won’t take much
Any calories will leave you
As quickly as they entered
And the water
The sweet, purifying water
Will wash your sins away
Don’t leave a note
Just do it now
Don’t think of them
They’re just holding you back
They’re selfish
Not wanting you to be beautiful
........
You did it!
You’re the skinniest of them all
This is what we wanted
This is great
The only issue now
Is that you can’t celebrate
Viv Feb 2018
The world is spinning
Around her head
And she just watches
Unable to breathe
To be like them

The world is spinning
Around her head
And she just watches
Becoming dizzy as
As the circles won’t stop moving
In front of her eyes

The world is spinning
Around her head
And she just watches
But no one watches her
She’s all alone

The world is spinning
Around her head
And she just watches
As they destroy themselves
And desperately try
To put themselves back together again
Viv Feb 2018
I am a leaf
Being torn apart
Going with the flow
Hopelessly lost

I am driftwood
Floating in the sea
Being polished and toughened
By the harsh waters
Forever alone

I am a ghost
In a wasteland
Searching for home
Struggling to remember
Who I am
Crying out
But no one hears me

I’m a lost girl
Alone in a great big world
Never wanting to grow up
But Peter Pan left me behind
So who will find me?
Viv Feb 2018

After the funeral we partied
We drank
We lost ourselves
We cried with laughter
And sobbed with grief
And with each drink
We lost our layers,
Let down the hair,
that protected our souls
And in that moment we were stars
Light years apart from the world,
from the normal people
But we were falling stars
crashing,
hurtling
towards the Earth
Burning brighter,
hotter
The fire consuming us
The pain our drug
We were becoming our true selves
The despised
The slaves
The broken
We are the broken glass
The crumpled paper
The ones who are desperate to be loved
But we won’t crash
Because to crash
is to ruin what we built for ourselves
Our glass kingdoms would fall
to the ground
To crash would be
vulnerable
To let them in
Our demons
So we drink to feel the burn
to come so close to the world,
the reality,
the truth that we hide from
To come crashing to Earth,
but to pull back at the last moment
And tomorrow we’ll wake up
Put our clothes on
And with the clothes
Our hair will go back up
And with each layer we put on,
With each motion to perfect our hair
We’ll go back,
farther into space
Until we’re light years away again

— The End —