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Sep 2013 · 255
Home
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
I see your name and the beginning of your words

And I instantly am happy.

Your writing is the thing that keeps me going in school.
I reread everything five times
Knowing that it was your mind that thought them.

I cannot wait to read more.
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
The feeling you give me is surreal,
And I want it to stay with me forever.

Do you?
Sep 2013 · 3.2k
Necklace
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
This chain holds memories.
Loving ones,
Angry ones,
And hungry ones.
The glass reflects them.
Because it was around my neck through it all.

And resonates with my mind,
And everything else is lost to me.
I love it.
Sep 2013 · 327
Always
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
You creep into my mind,
Leaking images of us
And how much I love you.
I wonder where you came from,
But then I realize...

You never left.
Sep 2013 · 281
Ring
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
I can hear it again, loudly.

Deafening.

And I only see

Darkness.
Everything dimmed.
Sep 2013 · 286
Mirror, Mirror
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
If I had another self to tell me
Who I was.

Would I still be the same?
Sep 2013 · 455
Digital
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
I love escaping into the ting
Of digital, electronic
Music.

And my favorite,
The deep and edited voice
Sounds so surreal.
And it lets me escape.

The fast beat, but slow words
Contradict and entice.

Lets you melt into it.
Listening to Silent Shout by The Knife.
Sep 2013 · 1.6k
Incense
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
The smoke rises and an aroma fills the room.
Relaxing and intoxicating.

It's just a coincidence that this is your scent.
Sep 2013 · 1.8k
Sorry to Disappoint
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
I am nothing special.
Just a girl,
Just a girlfriend,
Just an advice giver.

But underneath it all,
I have a story.
Like everyone else.
I have a complex life, like everyone else.
And I also have a difficult love,
One for everything I hold dear.
And you may too.
And you may also share my story.

A small, thin, preppy girl
Who loves the color pink.

Excels in school.
And gives good advice.

But has always been compared to
Her younger
And weaker
And less intelligent
Brother.

A sexist father that
Never spoke to me.

And a mother who blamed me for everything
And still does.

And both of the people who raised me
Had problems with alcohol
And cigarettes.

And it didn't help at all that
I had mental and intuitive
Capabilities that were lost to me.
And a disease plaguing
My mind that generations past
Have passed to me.

Friends that have betrayed me,
Past loves that have ruined me,
A new love that has made me
feel more than I ever have
And a vision that darkens my skies.

It has ruined me.
Broken me.
Scarred me.

But I am who I am,
Just like you are who you are.

And we are nothing special.

Sorry to disappoint you.
Sep 2013 · 420
A good poem
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
Like all of my work
This poem
Is genius.

(Written by an awesome dude who is not kestrel and has not been or ever will be in any way, shape, or form.)
Sep 2013 · 615
Burn Like the Witch I Am
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
As I lay crying,
The tears burn like acid.
Worse than holding my arm over
A candle flame
As I have done many times before.

It hurts to know that you've cried for me;
Because of me.
It feels good,
Hurting to pay you back
For things I've done.

That was last night.
Now my mind burns,
Wondering
If it will ever be the same.
If we are okay.

My mind burns more
Than my tears.

It hurts to burn
Like the witch...
No.

Like the ***** I am.
Written kind of a long time ago, just decided to upload it now.
One of my better ones in my opinion.
Sep 2013 · 712
Linear Equations
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
It's review.
Easy. Too easy.

Simplify by distributing
And combine like terms.

Move the variables first.

Move constants.

Solve and check.

But we already knew this. Why would we be here if we didn't?
I can't work if I'm not challenged.
And today, I nearly fell asleep.
Sep 2013 · 261
Really?
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
This much homework on only the third day?
Are you ******* serious?!

This is insane...

I love school because I can get away from home,
But this just might ruin its for me.
Sep 2013 · 6.2k
Like in an Anime
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
I want my glasses to shine and glare
When I push them up my nose.

Maybe then I'll be taken seriously.
They always freak out and get all serious when that happens in anime shows, why not in real life?
Sep 2013 · 490
Now I am Invisible
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
Invisible, unknown.
What's the difference?
Either way I am not seen.
Not believed.
Blamed for everything.

And someone else gets credit for my accomplishments.

Maybe that's why I strive to be
Noticed.
I correct people,
I talk nonstop,
I go on rants about things that no one cares about.
I don't try to.
It just slips out.

And maybe that's why I write in class.

Because I know I am heard here.
You know me better than they do.
Sep 2013 · 511
I Hate All of This.
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
Why can't life be easy?
They make it seem blissful in the movies,
Why not here?

I'm sick of the stress,
The sadness,
The anxiety,
Everything!

Why can't things be like the movies?
Sep 2013 · 341
Cry, Cry, Cry
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
The pressure behind my eyes
Will not give.
But I know the dam is breaking.
I just need a push.
Someone to say something,
Or do something that makes me
Cry.
I need a hug.
Sep 2013 · 259
Something is Missing
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
I don't know what, but
Something doesn't feel quite right...
I must be going crazy.
Sep 2013 · 480
Stiff Joints
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
Iwishicouldcurlupandfreezeforever
Sep 2013 · 416
I Drew it Again
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
It's always a tree.
I don't know why,
It just
Is.

I draw it sprawled out across the skin on my arm.
Sharpies sting on scratched limbs.

But at least I can trace it and remember how much I've grown.
Sep 2013 · 281
10-26
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
That is my new goal.
That day...

Have you thought at all about it?
What are you thinking?
You rarely tell me,
And it's okay.

I just hope you're looking forward to 10-26
As much as I am.
Sep 2013 · 504
Concrete Walls
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
Different...*
That's all I can say.

I can only wish it gets better
And that these concrete walls
Are, somehow, torn down.
Sep 2013 · 343
I Feel Cold...
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
My skin is hot.
I can feel it.

But my bones are cold.

Shivers are sent down my spine
And I know I am shaking.

The only thing I can think of is
You.
Your scent
Your energy
Your touch
Your voice
Lingers around me and dances with my senses.
I am burning for you,
But I feel cold.
Sep 2013 · 1.4k
Two Days Before...
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
I never wrote about it.
I don't like to remember.
And few people know.

But I want people to know the story.
---------------------------------------


I was depressed.
My dad and his sexism towards me,
My moms screams over every little thing.
Everything seemed to be turned against me.

I wanted to end it all.

Death by asphyxiation.

Tying a bandanna tightly around my neck
And going to sleep.

I was sure it would work.
I tied it pretty tightly and all I had to do
Was finish tying the knot.
Three times.
So I couldn't back out.
I almost got to the second loop,
And I heard the beep.

I never read the text.
I just responded with
What I thought was accurate.

And, without my permission,
The knots untied.

And your name was the only thing I saw.

I liked you before then,
But after that, I knew I would grow to love you.
Something told you to text me right then.
Whether it be a selfish reason, or an instinct,
You saved my life.

And now you're a big part of it.
And I hope to the God I don't believe in
That it will, stay that way.
Sep 2013 · 771
Minds Eye of a Photographer
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
The sharpness of your cheeks.
The soft curve of your lips.
The shadows on your collarbones.
The shape of your hands when you stroke my thigh.
The hard, toned muscles encasing your slender frame.
The long and strong legs that carry you.
The arch of your back as you begin to jump.
The curious look you give when you catch me staring.
The faint blush you (sometimes) show.
The hungry grins you let shine through
Or the laughing smile when you are with friends and family.
And the haunting color in your eyes.

I could go on, but I'm just trying to say,
You are the definition of
Sheer Perfection.
You are the definition of
Absolute Beauty.
And you are
Entirely *Mine.
Sep 2013 · 720
Headache
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
I can only think of
Things to come.

And soon, my head pounds,
My hands shake, I talk faster
My voice shakes I can't
think i dont know what
todo howtofix it
idontknowanythingand...

I can feel it all.
In the left side of my brain,
A dull ache sounds,
A ringing and a buzzing.

Please end this.
Now.
Sep 2013 · 2.2k
Haircut
The New Kestrel Sep 2013
"A new person.
And she used to be
Me.

But...
Her hair is shorter..."


I've always wanted to be different.
I got sick of being compared to
Other girls that all acted and looked the same.

I CRAVED being different.
I craved being the weird one.
I craved doing something unexpected.

Because the world needs a splash of color.

And with that splash,
A ripple effect will come.


It's been my dream to influence others to be themselves,
To be different.

And this is my chance.
At least...

*For now.
Aug 2013 · 471
Midnight Fire
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
The stars in the sky will melt for you.
All because your midnight fire burns
For those who are cold.
The pain you feel was never yours.
You never learned to
Ignite it.

Your flame, your fire
Rips out my heart.
And leaves me numb.
And leaves me dead.

All of this, every last droplet of
Brine that fell from your darkened skies
Tore through your colors.
And this God left forbidden
Smiles on you, darling.
Just like mine.

The numb, The grey
Consumes my mind.
And cuts through sense.
And cuts through hearts.

A thousand ways I wish I could cry,
But I could never accomplish
The shadows and ghosts
My past bombarded me with
Shortened the time I
Wish I had.

This Midnight Fire
Melts me down, scars
My skin. Leaving
Ash in the wind.
Just a poem for now. Might turn into a song. Any editing ideas or additional lines would be helpful. :)
Aug 2013 · 617
Trust
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
I know its bothering you still.
No reason why it wouldn't.
The elephant in the room.
I worry constantly,
And I wonder how you're doing,
But I don't want to pry.

But if it ever comes to mind,
You can talk to me.
Maybe it'll help.
And maybe I can be a shoulder to cry on
For once.

You can trust me
With anything.
Saw a poem and thought I'd post this.
I love you, Sage.
Aug 2013 · 251
Untitled
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
I want to be able
To say something small.
Ten words or less.
That means the world to you.
That pulls on your heartstrings
Like a harp and plays a melody.
That forces you to go through
Every drawer and dusty file cabinet
In your mind to say something back.

But when the day comes that I do say something,
You don't have to say anything.
Just hold my hand,
And squeeze three times.
Aug 2013 · 1.2k
Gunshot
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
I wake up, and the first thing I hear is

*Thunder.
Aug 2013 · 1.0k
Voice
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
I wish I had a voice
That could enchant
Every pair of ears
That ever heard me.

I would sing forever.
Listening to some music that I wish I could actually sing to... I'm envious of Tori Amos...
Aug 2013 · 621
Linger
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
I had a dream that you looked
Into my eyes.
And stroked my cheek with your fingertips.
Ever so gently.

And the world around us fell.
Aug 2013 · 271
Can't Get It Out
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
No matter how hard I cry.
No matter how loud I scream.
No matter how long I fight with myself.

I can't kick this in the ***.
It's too strong...
Depression *****...
Aug 2013 · 271
Strength (Four Words)
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
We can make it.
Together
Aug 2013 · 3.4k
Webs and Wagon Spokes
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
A speech in a play once described
A Queen of Dreams.
Mab.
The faerie's midwife.

I fear that she may be real.
Plaguing me with dreams that haunt my reality.

Déjà Vu Being nearly
The only feeling I live with.
Romeo and Juliet reference.
Mercutio: Ah, then I see Queen Mab hath been with you.
She is the faerie's midwife and comes in shape no bigger
Than an agate stone on the fore finger of an alderman.
Drawn with a team of little atomies
Athwart men's noses as they lie asleep;
Her wagon spokes make of long spinners' legs,
The cover, of the wings of grasshoppers;
Her traces, of the smallest spider web;
Her collars, of the moonshine's wat'ry beams;
Her whip, of cricket's bone; the lash, of film;
Her wagoner, a small grey-coated gnat,
Not half so big as a round little worm
Pricked from the lazy finger of a maid;
Her chariot is an empty hazelnut,
Made by the joiner squirrel or old grub,
Time out o' mind the fairies' coachmakers.
And in this state she gallops night by night
Through lovers' brains, and then they dream of love;
O'er courtiers' knees, that dream on curtsies straight;
O'er lawyers' fingers, who straight dream on fees;
O'er ladies' lips, who straight on kisses dream,
Which oft the angry Mab with blisters plagues,
Because their breaths with sweetmeats tainted are.
Sometimes she gallops o'er a courtier's nose,
And then dreams he of smelling out a suit;
And sometimes comes she with a tithe-pig's tail
Tickling a parson's nose as 'a lies asleep,
Then dreams he of another benefice.
Sometimes she driveth o'er a soldier's neck,
And then dreams he of cutting foreign throats,
Of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish blades,
Of healths five fathom deep; and then anon
Drums in his ear, at which he starts and wakes,
And being thus frighted, swears a prayer or two
And sleeps again. This is that very Mab
That plats the manes of horses in the night
And bakes the elflocks in foul sluttish hairs,
Which once untangled much misfortune bodes.
This is the hag, when maids lie on their backs,
That presses them and learns them first to bear,
Making them women of good carriage.
This is she!
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
My heart skips.
And repeats.
Every time I meet you.

I'm sure you know.
And I dread the day
(That I hope will not come)
When the feeling dissipates.
Aug 2013 · 1.0k
Chance
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
I'll be waiting for a second chance.
A way to correct my mistakes.
And a way to make it up to you,
Isis, Gaia.
Mother Earth.
I have counted the days
That you have been kind to me.
Calmed me or Enlightened me.
Gave me the knowledge I needed
To make it through.
Thank you,
Goddess.
You have showed me,
But I still await my rebirth.

I will not reach it in this lifetime.
But in my next, I will
Reach, Achieve
Enlightenment.
Aug 2013 · 236
Map to my Soul (Haiku)
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
It took forever
To find my way and map it.
Yet you made it through
With seemingly no guidance.
Aug 2013 · 1.3k
Summertime Hot Chocolate
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
Chocolate is the best medicine.
And its amazing when it makes you warm and fuzzy inside.
Hot chocolate.

On a burning summer day, you cant seem to handle the delicacy,
But it is still possible to get the same feeling.

All you need is someone to be there.
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
Whats the difference?
Besides an extreme pleasure coming from below...
There's squeaky springs, And some like it.
Two or more people are involved (The more, the merrier)!
At least mostof the time. I guess you could be alone...

There is a lot of sweat and going up and down...
Up... and down...
Up... and down
Forcefully...
Heh, you're imagining now aren't you!?
If you are, then this worked, but I'm not done...

The screams and tricks you can do.
So many fun tricks!
Ones that make you feel like you're flying
Or maybe make you bump your head and begin to moan.

And then your stomach drops and you feel the rush.
The high point.
A certain ******. if you will.

So really, what is the difference between *** and trampolines?
Other than an ****** of course...
My first attempt at a humorous poem. And i bet the title got your attention...
Aug 2013 · 724
Future Memories
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
Twenty years from now, I'll look back
And see a smile on your face.
A sweet one, A comical one, And a hungry one.
Nothing will stop me from remembering your sweet words;
Remembering your lips on my skin;
Remembering your pulse in the palm of my hand.

How annoyed you get when I'm talking about your Christmas present
Without giving hints.
And how angry you were when I wouldn't delete the picture,
Then felt guilty when I said I would.

And in the twenty years between now and then,
Hopefully you will be by my side.
Every step of the way. Through every fight,
Secret, and unexpected photograph.
Every decision, uncomfortable silence,
And chalk drawing of my emotions.

I love you.
Forever and always.
Happy four months, Honey bunny. ;)
Aug 2013 · 777
A Night With Him
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
Time.
We need more time;
No sleepy eyes or scratchy contact lenses.
No interruptions or pain.
No curfews or plans for the next day.

I want to feel your skin under my fingertips
And kiss you until you shake.
I want to fall asleep on your shoulder
And (supposedly) murmur in my slumber.
I want to wake up to find you looking into my eyes,
A soft smile illuminating your face.
And I want to be able to say,
"Good morning, love."
Without it being a digital message.

I love you.

Sweetie, Dear, Honey Bunny.
I always will.
And I will dream of the day when
My wishes come true.
Aug 2013 · 264
Just a Thought
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
Today as I worked my *** off,
I had ear-buds in.
Blasting bass and screams into my ear
With every song.
And I heard one that i knew by heart.

And it reminded me
How lucky I am to have you.
Aug 2013 · 432
Scream
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
ijustwanttoscreamandcrywithoutbeingheard
Aug 2013 · 321
Empty
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
I don't know what to say...
My mind is blank;
My heart is numb.
I nearly forgot I had them.
Aug 2013 · 441
Blayme (Blame Me)
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
We fight over the silliest things.
Such as a picture you don't like.

And it always Ends in one of us
Not being able to sleep.

This time,
It was me.
Or both of us,
But apparently "I ****"
Because when I finally agree to
Appease you after you give me the cold shoulder,
You feel guilty and can't sleep.
Seems a bit like ******* to me.
But at least it won't ruin us.
Will it?
Aug 2013 · 433
Letter to an Ex
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
Why are you still talking to me?
Leave me alone.
I don't want to talk to you.
I'm better off.
And I love someone else.
In love.
I never really loved you,
So why do you try?

Just forget that anything ever happened.
Better yet, just
*********!
Aug 2013 · 627
Promises I Need
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
A promise is a promise.
No matter how old or how silly it seems.
-
Promise me...
Tell me if you ever stop loving me.

Or else it will hurt more when I find out.
-
Promises are meant to be fulfilled.
Even if pain is caused.
-
Promise me...
Tell me when you are in pain.

I know how much it can hurt.
Better than anyone, I think.
-
And these promises are mine.
And yours.
I trust you.
Keep them.
-
Promise me...

If I ever say I need time alone again,
Don't leave me.

It only makes me cry more to see you walk away.
Aug 2013 · 252
Same Mistake
The New Kestrel Aug 2013
I wont do it again.
I promised myself.
And others.

But its so tempting!

Dreams of death.
And constant O.B.E's
Show me how good it feels.
Free of everything.

Nothing to do or look forward to.
Nothing to regret.

But I wont repeat history.

I wont try to **** myself again.
Just for you, love.
And for me as well.
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