I'M FROM AYUTHIA IN THAILAND, MADE OF TEAK,
I HAVE SO MANY STORIES IF I COULD SPEAK,
I'VE SEEN YOU LAUGH AND HEARD YOU CRY
AND EVEN WATCHED YOU WAVE GOODBYE;
STANDING HERE ON THE TV, THERE'S NO
BETTER VIEW IT SEEMS TO ME, THAT MAYBE
I SHOUD WRITE A BOOK - DON'T FROWN NOW,
I KNOW THAT LOOK, KNOW YOUR MOODS, KNOW
WHEN ANGER EXUDES FROM HIDDEN PORES AND
PETULANCE SHOWS ITSELF FROM UNKNOWN STORES;
THERE HAVE BEEN THE GOOD TIMES BUT MY MOOD
IS FIXED, NO WAY OF SAYING - EMOTIONS MIXED,
JUST REMEBER THAT I'M HERE FOR YOU, BROUGHT
WITH LOVE - A GUIDING LIGHT FROM HEAVEN ABOVE.

JO AND I ARE GOING BACK HOME NOW, IT'S DONE,
WE'VE HAD EVERYTHING FROM PHUKET TO HUMDRUM,
I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HEARTS, YOUR CALL,
I GAVE SOME, FOLLOWED AND TRIED TO READ YOU ALL;
I HAD CRITICAL ACCLAIM, PERHAPS STRUCK A CHORD,
I DON'T MIND THE ADMONISHMENT - MAYBE YOU WERE BORED,
BUT IF I MADE YOU LAUGH, EVEN MADE YOU CRY,
IT WAS WORTH EVERY MOMENT THAT I COULD TRY
TO BRIGHTEN THE DAY OR FOR THAT MATTER - THE NIGHT,
WITH THE 'REVOLUTIONIST' HOLDING COURT, GIVING US A FRIGHT,
'TITANIA' WAS 'ILL MET BY MOONLIGHT' IN AN EERIE GLOW,
I SAID TO LIGHTEN UP, ILLUMINATE, NOT LOOK LIKE INDIGO;
MAYBE SOME THINGS WERE WRONG BUT NOT IN THE MAIN,
I WILL RETURN TO ' RIGHT ' AND SEE YOU ALL AGAIN.

I USED TO THINK THAT DOGS THOUGHT IN ENGLISH,
BUT, OF COURSE, IT COULD BE GERMAN OR SPANISH,
IF YOU TELL THEM TO SIT, THEY MAY NOT RESPOND,
JUST RUN AWAY TO THE BACK OF BEYOND;
I'M LOOKING UP 'SIT,' IN RUSSIAN, 'GET OFF
THAT ****** CHAIR,' IN CROATIAN AND 'COME
HERE, THERE'S A GOOD BOY' AND 'WELL DONE,'
PERHAPS WE JUST NEED AN 'ESPERANTO' SO
THAT THEY WILL ALL DO AS THEY'RE TOLD,
OTHERWISE WE WON'T LET THEM COME IN FROM THE COLD,
'STAY,' IN SWEDISH COULD MAKE THEM PEEVISH,
'FRIEND,' IN SWAHILI COULD MAKE THEM AN ENEMY,
WE DON'T WANT THEM TO BARK, MOPE AND PINE,
DON'T FORGET THE MAGIC COMMAND - 'NEIN, NEIN, NEIN!'

THE AMERICANS SPELL GREY WITH AN 'A,'
THEY LACK SUBTLETY SO THEY SAY,
THAT ALL CATS ARE GREY IN THE DARK,
AND IF YOU ASK A DOG - 'DOES IT HURT?                
HE'LL REPLY -                                        
'ONLY WHEN I BARK!'
SOMEONE BOUGHT ME SOME KEY RINGS,
SHOWING A MAP OF PENANG AND AUSTRALIA,
A MALAYSIAN DOLLAR - THEN I HEARD THE DOG HOLLER,
THEN I HEARD THAT YOU COULD SPELL CENTRE TWO WAYS,
MAYBE YOU COULD MAKE A CHOICE ON DIFFERENT DAYS,
I SUPPOSE THAT WE SHOULD HAVE A THANKSGIVING FOR ALL
THAT, WE HAVE AN I-POD, I-PHONE AND A SAT-NAV,
LIFE'S A TURKEY, A BARKING DOG AND A BEACH,
WHEN I GO FOR THE DYE - IT'S OUT OF REACH!

HEALTHY YOUNG PEOPLE SHOULD NOT READ,
ONLY SEARCH FOR INFORMATION WHEN YOU NEED,
SOMEONE ASKED ME: 'WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR IDEAS FROM?'
I REPLIED: 'YOU TALKING, ASKING ME IS ONE,'
IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER IF WHAT I SAY IS WRONG;
TIME IS SHORT, YOU READ MY WORK WHEN I'M GONE,
YOU WONDER WHAT'S MEANT WHEN THE PASSAGE COMES ALONG,
MAYBE ONLY I KNEW THE QUESTION WILL HANG IN THE AIR,
YOU'LL WRITE YOUR OWN WORK AND THEN YOU'LL CARE;
IT WILL BE LIKE MAKING LOVE FOR THE FIRST TIME,
YOU STARTED OFF WITH SUCH SPEED AND ENTHUSIASM,
YOU REALIZED WHAT THEY'D TOLD YOU WAS A TRUISM,
WHEN IT'S OVER, YOU MAY THINK IT'S AN ANTI -******,
IF YOU DID IT RIGHT - YOUR BAPTISM FOR NOTHING LACKS.

I PLAY SUDOKU, CARDS AND CHESS,
BUT SUDDENLY WHAT'S MORE BECOMES LESS,
THEN, THERE'S BRIDGE, MONOPOLY AND LUDO,
WHAT'S MAYBE NEXT, I HAVEN'T GOT A CLUEDO;
MIND GAMES ARE THE WORST - JUST NUEROTIC
BUT THEY'RE NASTY, UNCALLED FOR AND DESPOTIC,
I FIELD THEM ALL LIKE ***** IN THE AIR,
I MUST CATCH, TO DROP THEM I WOULDN'T DARE,
THEN THERE WAS RUNNING, STAY IN THE RACE,
I'LL JUST HAVE TO SEE IF I CAN STAND THE PACE,
THERE'S NEVER A CROSSWORD THAT PASSES ME BY,
WHEN YOUR HAVING FUN, HOW THE TIME DOES FLY,
LIFE IS A CHARADE, GUESS WHAT COMES NEXT,
I'M NOT SURE, MAYBE HEAVEN - I'LL SEND YOU A TEXT!

THERE WAS NO TIME TO WAIT TODAY,
YOU HAD TO CATCH THE NEXT LIFE OR STAY FOREVER,
THERE WAS A WINDOW WHICH WOULD OPEN FOR YOU,
TO GIVE YOU A CHANCE TO USE GOOD ENDEAVOUR,
AND WHEN YOU GOT THERE IT WOULD START AGAIN,
A NEVER ENDING CIRCLE, A DRIVERLESS TRAIN;
I WALK BACK THRO' CARRIAGES TO FIND THE DRIVER
BUT THERE IS NONE - ONLY GOD IS IN CONTROL,
ONLY GOD WILL TELL YOU WHEN ITS TIME TO GET OFF,
YOUR STOP, YOUR DESTINY IS NEVER ENOUGH
TO SLOW THE TIME, WHETHER YOURS OR MINE;
THE ASTEROID IS COMING, YOU HAD SO MANY YEARS,
TOO LATE FOR TRAINS, TOO LATE FOR TEARS,
I'LL CATCH THE NEXT LIFE TO ALLAY MY FEARS.

I COULDN'T GO OUTSIDE IN CASE I GOT ZIKA,
BUT THERE WAS NO WAY I WAS GOING TO GET WEAKER,
I MET RONALDO, AT A FIFA PARTY AS YOU GO,
AND MESSI AND NEYMAR WHO HAD NOWHERE .. .. ,
THEY SAY THAT INDONESIA IS TO BE ATTACKED BY TERRORISTS,
BUT WE'VE HAD ENOUGH OF TORNADOES AND EXTREMISTS,
NAOMI SOCKED SOMEONE ELSE ON A BA PLANE,
AFTER DIVORCE, CHARLTON WON'T BE THE SAME AGAIN,
ENGLAND'S VOTING TO STAY WITH EUROPE OR NOT,
MOST DON'T GIVE A S.... , THEY'LL SAY THEY FORGOT,
TRUMP CONTINUES TO BORE US AND DEPLORE MOST,
DON'T LET MONEY BUY OR ENTERTAIN HIS ILLITERATE BOAST;
WE'LL GET ON WITH OUR LIVES, DON'T NEED THOSE GUYS,
THEY SHOULD REMEMBER THAT SOME THINGS ARE NOT GOVERNED BY THEIR SIZE.

IT HAPPENED WITH AN ARGUMENT,
A SUDDEN SCORE AT ANY SPORT,
THEN THE WEATHER'S TURNING NASTY,
NOT GOOD IF YOU'RE THE WORRYING SORT,
MY SKIN WAS CLEAR - NOT A SPOT IN SIGHT,
THEN A SUDDEN RASH GAVE ME A FRIGHT,
THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO TO STOP
A FIGHT, THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD
DO TO STOP THE BALL GOING OVER THE LINE,
SUDDENLY YOU'RE NO LONGER A FRIEND OF MINE,
NOW IT'S STORMY WHEN ONCE IT WAS FINE,
THERE WAS NO WARNING, NOT EVEN A SIGN;
I REMEMBER THE RUSH, DUST ON THE HORIZON,
I KNEW THAT GOD WAS ALL I COULD RELY ON.

MY TIGER, THEY SAY LIKE A LIGHTHOUSE,
I'M LOUD, THEN QUIET LIKE A MOUSE,
I DON'T DESERVE SUCH POWER, SUCH RESOLVE,
BUT TO SURVIVE, KEEP UP - I MUST BE BOLD;
I AM, IF WE'D HAD A CHILD - WE WOULD
HAVE CALLED HER SAM, DARK CURLY HAIR
AND LEARNING FROM THE TEACHER,
YOUR HEART WOULD MELT IF EVER YOU
WERE TO MEET HER; BOTH, NOT JUST ME,
I'LL WRITE A FORWARD IN MY BOOK
BUT FOR ANNE, I'D NEVER KNOW HOW LONG
IT TOOK, NOT KNOW WHEN TO STOP,
NOT REALIZE HOW MUCH SHE LOVED ME,
HOW FAR, HOW GREAT SHE IS ABOVE DESTINY.