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Stacy Finnigan Sep 2011
i know. i know.

it's not a big deal. nothing
MONUMENTAL.
it's easy as kindergarten. two
friends meeting.

but we two, we too
are different. and honestly,
i'm not sure which we
it will be.

the we from before
fear, the we from my memory.
Or. the present we, estranged
and fretful, seeing deeply without acknowledging.

how does that ring in
your tuned ears, dear?
do your eyes see?
and your mind know?

frightened as a beggar in a
king's court, that's i.
mere children, we are playing,
pretending all's well.

And you may be well
enough for you. but i, i
have almost come to let go
of you. for always.

because i do not think i
can cope if...
if this my fear be true
and this you IS you.

let's get this over with.
shall we say coffee, on tuesday?
fine. see you then.
(i pray.)
Stacy Finnigan Sep 2011
i refuse to believe
this is the real you.
might this mean i'm refusing reality?
maybe.
might i rather refuse reality than refuse you?
harumph. no.
so long, you. i'll take my reality
crushed and for-now sullen
as it may now be.

i refuse to believe
this is the real you.
i can see you, vividly,
inside that cast,
vastly smaller than the man you are.
some sudden and swift
injury has befallen you and you've retreated.

even you refuse to believe
this is the real you.
you are foolish but not stupid
and can tell truth
and reality from falsehood and false hoods.
you are scared but not weak
and from this you will emerge (victory!)
emboldened to emblazon new trails.

shall we tread them together?
harumph. no.
i'll meet you along the way, i'm sure.
(we'll see
about an us
when there's really
a you.)
Stacy Finnigan Sep 2011
I don't think you know
(how could you?)
that every time I see your
(oh so bright)
face, I hurt
(ache).
I hurt deeply
(in the pit-of-my-stomach)
because I know
(just like the rest)
that your eyes
(so lively)
do not shine toward me
(a one who loves you).
She may love you too
(time will tell)
but I knew you
(before This you)
first and better
(and worse. This is worse).
I want you to
(do I?)
know the pain you can
(without knowing)
cause with that smile
(and those tears).
Then you will discover the
(among other things)
power you hold over me
(I gave it to you).
I gave it to you
(so freely)
hoping, hoping
(hoping)
beyond most of the reasons
(which are several)
that those
(so full)
eyes of yours would see
(as I see you)
me and see truth
(and a woman)
and
(and a jewel)
wisdom and laughter
(and a helper).
And so you do see
(all of this, you've told me)
and marvel at my heart
(and my life)
and yet you've chosen
(another)
someone other than me
(oh, deep is that wound!).
How could you?
(And yet I abide)
I will rest
(wait)
and revel
(and sing)
in the reality
(the absolute truth)
of who I am, who I am
(apart from you, ever)
and Who my Father is
(He created me, enough).
You, dear, are not enough for me
(you are not He)
but you are desired by me
(yet not defined by me)
(He created you, enough).
So have your time and
(I'll surely have mine)
forget me not
(I am here)
Always.
Stacy Finnigan Sep 2011
i love you.
i just really love you.

i love that you are bold and distinct.
(and not completely unlike coffee.)

i love that you are warm and welcoming.
(and remind me of sweet summer sun.)

i love that you are unashamedly Southern.
(and i yearn for that homestead.)

i love that you are free, disciplined, committed.
(and too earnest to see the paradox.)

i love that you know you are arrogant, proud.
(and cover it with a humility that i reject.)

i love that you are always wanting to learn.
(and seek the One true Teacher.)

i love that you are not yet mine, not yet.
(and let me love you ever more from afar.)

i love that we may one day be One.
(and in mind, soul, body be so.)

i love you.
i just really love you.

— The End —