Your love again,
                         caught me off guard
An invasion of,
                         the very same body
snatches,
that once again
emphatically dominated every
white cell.

Defences beaten,
                           down to
                                        the bare bones.

A hospital room
                          for broken hearts reserved.

Time stands still,
                           not even
the ticking of a clock
to count the days
til the grave I will fly.

A tombstone engraved -
She never would learn


© Sia Jane

I am not yet defiled; O hear me.
Let not the crazed hornets or serpents or ophidian or the
   buzzard bee come near me.

I am not yet defiled; console me.
I fear that the snake charmer may with rhythmic body clocks clock me,
   with predatory hissing paralyze me, with authoritative power anger me,
      on wicker constraints constrain me, in bamboo-patches pierce me.

I am not yet defiled; provide me
With beauty to free me, dressage to cover me, silence to come
   to me, souls to save me, charmers and angels
     in my wandering existence seeking fights to waver the war within me.

I am not yet defiled; forgive me
For the provocative glances in me, my presence when womanity holds me,
   my mythological beauty by deities beyond me,
      my head held high when they slay by means of my
         crossbow, my addiction when they poison me.

I am not yet defiled; rehearse me
In the dreams and the prayers I must take when
   art interrupts me, material disturbs me, splintered souls
     gaze at me, smiles fade at me, the knifes edge
       stains me and everlasting scars pain
         me to shame and the shames taints
           my skin and my heart abandons me.

I am not yet defiled; O hear me,
Let not Perseus who is warrior or who thinks he is King
     or a rival to me.

I am not yet defiled; O fill me
With gasoline against those who would inhabit my
  bones, would sink me into empty caverns,
    would make me a prisoner locked, a monster with
      blood dripping, a monster, and a passer of dis-ease
        who would execute my self, would
          flush me like ***** oozing and
            ***** and ooze and *****
              like alcohol seeping in the
                pores would drown me.

Let Poseidan not make me defiled and let him not **** me.
Otherwise **** me.

© Sia Jane

Barefoot, each step sunken in mud
splashes of rain marry with
crimson drops in a puddle
of stormed waves
from an opened heaven

She kneels to the ground
simultaneously glancing
left, right, behind
cheeks blushed, her soul falling
as teardrops - her lowest ebb

Ripping her cotton dress
she replaces blood soaked rags
it’s been six days.

This war with herself
at only twelve years of age
every nineteen days
her body a vessel, confirmation
of demurred womanhood

Each month persecuted,
Jesus nailed to a cross
a period of girlhood abruptly ends.

Amidst war-torn streets
fleeing torched homes
civil war displacing
orphaned sisters - *****
militants prevail over innocence.

Washing her sin away
red body fluids disperse
in mud, rain, water, soil
her reflection lost
along the side of dignity

On those same knees
Chausiku pleaded with God
to no longer bring forth
the fertility of conception
each cursed month.

Congolese civil wars scraped away landscapes
Mother Nature scraped away internal walls
and month after month after month this period endures
and a child of the night stays hidden from sight.

© Sia Jane

It was in wander
   For not lost was she
It was in wonder
   For without sin she led,
The tree bearing sweet fruit
Enticing her
   Forward.
Lust sent a lumber puncture through
her spine.
   Upwards it shot
to the brain, cerebral forms
    into a red beating heart.
It excited her, the
Freedom found in such innocence
    pulsating quivers.
She waited
                  Adam to her Eve
daisy chains falling from her neck
framing a prepubescent chest.
Such tender collar
Bones, hooks temperately fastening
white knotted cotton,
hand sewn dress virginial
White.
Annabelle's life, a melody of
                   melancholic cacophonic
raspers,
from asylums.
Former patients; Briarcliff Manor
residing in her; misery.
Innocent runnings from grave
Dangers of,
                   stark raving madness.
For, today, she wasn't embroiled
                   as Arden's pet.
Instead she was the little girl so born
to be,
before the woman was stolen
bound by a physicians sick
nightmarish reenactments.
For, today she was
Free.
        a starling
                       passionate
                                         darling.

© Sia Jane

Can you not hear
The deafening screams
Directed to your heart
Firing out from hell
Demons wrenching
Your gut in knots
Twisted
Contorted
A soul of
Supreme disaster
Reined by hells angels
Blasted out
From under
Land fracked
Disturbing lands
Unknown.

Can you not hear
The very voices
You too
Fear
Tears so sincere
Distorting
Inner shadows
Ghostly intervals
Chasing innocence at once
Lost
Broken child
An unlikely warning
Skin on skin burns
Plastic dolls eyes melting
Wailing incessantly
I’ll see you on the other side.

© Sia Jane

I'm alive
it's a loss of
An older
Self.
A loss of
liberties
Indoctrinated.
Souls fallen
sick, indoctrinating
others
Of
vulnerabities
unseen to
many.
Prying into
affairs, private
Locked
in boxes.
Ribs caging
a
Heart
filled of
secrets &
sorrows.
X ray vision
ghosts made
Visible.
A mirror of
self
seen, heard
all senses
Disturbed.

I'm alive.
I'm liberated.
Ambrosial; celestial
a being of
Spirit.
A rejoiced
Self.
Visualised by
energy
circulating
dispersing within
Me.
Beyond me.

I'm alive.

© Sia Jane

Cigarettes* ignited
       sips of champagne.
Naked; smoking,
       playing ebony & ivory,
       piano stories
Singing souls of ghosts
        & secrets.
Broken rainbows form & flee,
        light catching green
Hazel eyes, tear drops,
       of love; forming
       drowning oceans.
Planting forests; replacing
        papier- mâché covering
        a blackened heart,
Of a lonely girlfriend
        wrapping herself in a
        lovers left
        winter jumper.
Full exposure; a camera lens
        focused in on clouds
        dissipating.
Window panes,
         pouring mirrored drops
         of translucent balloons.
Wishing dreams
          of,
Letting
          go.
Lift her,
           to that place named,
           silence.

© Sia Jane

I wish it was possible
   to measure
the intangible
   feelings of truth
   words of raw lived
emotion
    as you sat
holding
     that which was
at once
     body
             mind
                     soul.
Listening
     to a
           heartbeat, I dared
letting go for
           the risk
of
all
    I believed would,
hold all my gold.
To never forget,
     remembering the
                  f
                    a
                  ­    l
                       l
of love,
    gently caressing
soft faces
       as diamond eyes
shone,
      sinking
        anchored souls held
                 captive,
to Cupid's bow,
                  spearing on
deadly kisses, fists
        torturing winged broken
           sparrow, delicate,
as the petals,
        butterflies so lightly
touch,
        resisting & enduring elements.
& I go back to,
        why my human
                   capacity for
        suffering is so
meager?
when
        rose petals
                   deadly thorns,
I too posses.
       & I wonder
how even a beheaded
rose,
       the essence of
it's whole being
stripped,
       does survive,
                 ripped, parted,
       separated.
Because, my flesh,
thorns & shell
remains; my heart,
        soul,
as delicate as roses
        red petals,
is trusted to live
on
also.
& when you too,
took the best of me,
the beauty of all,
         I am; for now
I am as
dead, void & empty,
         as the once
flowering plant.
Except you'll always
posses, the delicate
          in me, never
                  allowing re-blossom
for I am
          now gone.
This rose plant,
survived the harsh
         weathering, but
we all finally
          wilt; therefore dying.

© Sia Jane

Submission,
             indoctrinated
I fall, hitting the floor,
         as
words,
       penetrate,
skull filled with misled,
       judged,
              barely touched
understanding
               and, found, I
look to the moon,
                 low in skies,
where there are stars fighting for space,
   and I stopped,
                 the game of finding and seeking room
in the iced blocked heart of your own ruin.

Tumble,
        fumble
you loved,
              me; you said; I love you
yet, you, only you,
denies the soul, heart, craved for, starved for, undenied
                love; waiting its turn,
wait wait wait,
tell me will,
it ever truly be over, as the duality across sobriety,
serenity in acceptance, courage,
                                will you change?
No choice to whom we love, a choice only,
                     in allowing, love to
filter,
        filter,
               dissipate through,
dumb, inane, insane, sorrow struck, distrust, unrest
sober drunk, gone, lost, amidst
untold secrets, forming in patterns allowing choices, unknown
alive with love,
               inside the agony grows,
groans and aches,
unable to release, free love, the one you, so
undeniably,
want.

© Sia Jane

Hazel eyes lost in seas, of red ruby wine lips,
Drunk love lusted after, crimson caress,
Parted lips tasted, sweet my love, thy love, my love,
Open heart, surgery retreating for the risk the unknown,
Arms wrapped ivy, anaesthetize beating hearts heard,
Coming undone, to be made complete soul struck,
For I choose, freely with will to love each day,
You, you, oh yes, you.

That old cliché, setting the one free letting go,
How I died, a thousand times over, over, over,
Letting go, letting go, letting go,
You never flew from me, you flew towards me back,
Aching, shaking, soothing, beats pounding freely you returned,
No restraint, chains, locks to keep you so you stayed,
Thousands of; ‘I love you,’ ‘I love you,’ ‘I love you,’
Penetrating cold hospital air, waves crashing to shore returning,
A Thursday fell upon us days later, as you followed me home.

Colliding we fell, such deep velocity impulsive desire,
Those weeks blew up, nuclear blasts polluting air,
And on the Saturday you flew, it felt like coming home,
I wanted you, I needed you, oh, how I needed you,
Because of course, I was so catastrophically in love,
Loving you not because, I needed you,
But needing you because I loved, you,
And I had waited, for you, again, again, again,
Never believing so openly, your wings would spread back to me.

A week passes, speed shaking on amphetamines,
Walking through the door, your eyes hit me diamonds,
And nothing mattered, you become me, I become you,
Bubbles closing in, fantasy reality merging marrying,
I say; ‘you need to take your gum out so I can kiss you,’
And you smiled, giggled as an eternity passed by,
Secrets unknown land, wrapped encased feeling,
I felt, I had never been kissed before that very moment,
Leaning into you craving you wanting you, more enough,
And I knew; knew it then know it now, crazy eyes withheld,
For only, only, only, you,

And I could never had known, that one day in May,
I would love you,
                            could love,
and
                           did, love you.

© Sia Jane

Taste me, do I taste of summers rain?
Smell me, do I smell of the buds of summers blossom?
Touch me, do I feel like summers sadness?
Hear me, do you hear the call of summers birds?
Take my hand, look into my eyes,
Smile with enchantment, crystal blues,
Eyes and skies,
Fleeting story tellers, dwelling in nests,
Beauty beholds,
When you look, who do you see?
The very reflection of yourself,
Or
Someone, something, else?
Hearts beat, laying deep in retreat,
Summer callings, a lowly,
Scream and shout,
Amidst chaos, of skipping ropes,
Laughing children,
Healers and holders,
Picking daisies,
Chains and buttercups,
Flaring meadows,
Up
Up
Up.

© Sia Jane

Maybe I never knew...*

Maybe I always took
                                 this view,
Of a world, how
                         how would I know,
Cracks appear, others,
                                   my own, sewn,
Dominate, suffocate,
                                 love, leave
It's all the same, it's pain,
                                         no continuum, no extremes,
Balancing scales, frails,
                                      trails,
Gravel, grovel, sitting,
                                   I write
Type, my rope, squanders,
                                          wanders, images of
The same girl, oh,
                             she came undone,
A mere child of her time,
                                       now grown,
Yet still, she's sown,
                                she's allowed the stitches,
That choke, joked, laughed,
                                            misled, a dread,
On her knees, plead,
                                 taking her hand,
That promised land, trust, must,
                                                   trust,
Lust, lovers, dust,
                             kicked in her face,
And so they grabbed, pulled,
                                               lulled her to,
The very floor, of the gravel,
                                            you spat,
From engines & tires,
                                  you rushed from me,
Caged,
But this time baby, you did,
                                            you did hold the key,
I'm locked & chained,
                                  breathing in,
The last of air, until back,
                                        sacked,
Trapped within, not the,
                                      confines of mind,
Not that, you took that,
                                     from me,
You see, out of grasp,
                                   you sit, gloat,
Pray & float,
God bless you,
                                            who me?
**** thee.

© Sia Jane