Shadow Black

Shadow Black Dec 2013

Accept

You accept my accomplishments
My laughs
My smiles
My hugs
My optimism
My love
My praise
Every positive thing about life
But what will you do with all the rest?
My tears
My sobbing
My screaming
My hate
My recklessness
The ache in my heart
What will you do when I push you away?
Go willingly or pull yourself back?

Shadow Black Dec 2013

Girl of Confidence?

I say out-loud and my body language says,
"I'm confident."
"I know who I am."
"I love myself."
"I love everything about me."
"I have no flaws."
"I am beautiful."
"Everyone likes me."
"Everyone adores me."
"I adore myself."
"I proud of my accomplishments."
"You should be proud to know me, my name."
"I have no problems."
"I'm fine."
But inside, it's a different story.
"I couldn't be more insecure."
"I have no idea what I'm doing."
"I don't even know why I'm alive."
I look in the mirror and cringe at my reflection.
I can't believe I can even say such lies.
I look at that art project
That written paper
And want to rip it up and throw it away
Inside, I'm falling apart
I don't know who I am
I have problems, more than they are aware of
I hide behind the mask of fake confidence
The girl inside wants to be confident
She wants to be that way
But knows there's no way it will happen
"I don't know who I am."
"I cry myself to sleep."
"I'm depressed."

Shadow Black Nov 2013

Write

Write
Is that all you do?
You sit here, at your desk
Pen or pencil in hand
Writing till your fingers and hands become numb
I never knew there was so much to write about
And yet from your lips, comes nothing
You speak so little with your tongue
Your hand speaks everything
What do you write about?
What do you think about?
You sigh much
You talk little
You sleep little
For your hand continues to write furiously
With much intensity
Let me see what you are writing
Your papers are stacked high
It must be something interesting
What do you write?

Shadow Black Nov 2013

Beautiful

Do you not know
That it is the beauty on the inside that counts?
You are kind
Loving
Compassionate
Lovely
Beauty on the outside lasts for but a second
Which you are beautiful
Inside and out
Your eyes glimmer like stars
Your smile, perfect
The look on your face, perfect
Do you not realize how beautiful you are?
You do not feel loved
And yet you are loved
By your family
Your friends
By me
Stay here and rest
Your feet are tired
From all the kind acts you've done
Your eyes are tired
From staying up all night with them
Your hands are tired
From the work that you do
Your heart is tired
From the pain you go through
Your mind is tired
From all that you think of
Stay here and rest
Stay here and rest my beautiful one

Shadow Black Nov 2013

Evanescence

Fading away
That's what it means
Fading away gradually
Eventually vanishing from sight
Is that all I am to you?
Am I like a mist in your life?
Coming
And then fading away until I'm nothing?
Is this what I am to you?
Nothing?
I wish I knew
I wish I had known
Before you left
I wish I had known
Before we met
Evanescence
Fading away from this pain
Fading away from this torture
Fading away from all of these problems
Because I can't run
But I can fade
So here I go
Fading ever so slowly
Fading from your life
And from my own

Shadow Black Oct 2013

Thought of You

My friend,
I miss you, so very much
When will I be able to visit you again?
I haven't see you for a while
When will I hear from you again?
I haven't had any contact with you for a while
When will we embrace again?
I'm feeling lonely without you.
When will we speak again?
I miss the sound of your voice in my ear
I'm thinking of you as I look at the night sky
I thought of you this morning, too
When I sat outside, in this same spot
And watched the sun rise
I shed a few tears
I let them roll down my face
And wished you were there with me to wipe them from my face
But no matter
You're not here anymore
I'm getting up now and heading toward your place
The tears are building behind my eyes again as I walk down the sidewalk
Which is the same color as your house now
Grey
Stony grey
I walk through the gate and kneel
The tears burst from my eyes
"I'm sorry" I whisper
"I'm sorry I wasn't there often enough"
I lay these flowers by your grave
Alone with this note
I want to let you know...
You were my best friend
Mom once told me
"Marry your best friend"
I would've
But I never got the chance to tell you how much you mean to me
And as I walk away
I whisper these three words to you:
"I love you."

Shadow Black Aug 2013

Where Have You Gone?

It seems that you've left me here
All alone
You moved
I stayed
I had no idea you were going away
You left without a trace
I don't know how you are
What you're doing
Really even where you've gone
Where have you gone?
What are you doing?
Why did you leave?
My head is bombarded with questions
My heart is left alone
I don't like this feeling
I don't like it at all
You were always there for me
Always
Then you left
And I'm starting to doubt
And I'm asking myself
Were we ever truly friends?
I don't know where you've gone
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know why you left
I hope I'll know some day
But it's only hope
I don't know for sure if I'll ever know for sure of anything