I came into this world
specifically vague
devoid of any character
just like you.

they stole the color from my world
and tried to sell me the gray
slowly my likeness began to emerge
roughly through

but that's just me being
vaguely specific.

I kissed myself on the forehead
and told myself that I've had better days
that everything used to be...  ok...

I wish I could go back!
I would change so many things,
I would learn to control myself better...
I would not listen to those who controlled me

all things considered
it seems I've grown bitter
and these words they haunt me
all things considered
it seems I've grown iller
and my killer he taunts me

the writer inside,
"negligible pride
despite the crazy ride
on a track that cut off "-me

I wish I could go back
I would explain myself better
I would not resort to street medication quackery
I would read up on hereditary

I would brush my first set of teeth more
I would learn to sleep
I would prepare preemptively before a storm
I would promise, I would not keep
I would avoid ever taking the high road
I would avoid the very notion of forlorn

I would stick to what I knew
yet despite the way I grew
I became what i had hoped
achievement was my rue
and now I am torn

I would lie.
I would lie to everyone.

because they all did it to me
and it hurt, but they couldn't see
that no one cared
not even me
and herein lies
insult to injury
the ones that love you most
are the ones who hurt severely

and so
I kissed myself on the forehead
and then I saw clearly.

one day* I will find you, not knowing it is the best day of my life
one day you will find me, and you can push my back off this knife
one day we will find each other, and that day will never end
one day you will find yourself, you, your long lost friend
one day I will find myself, me, resurrected once again
one day we will find ourselves, standing opposite of our reflection
one day there will be no need for recollections
*one day...

because I know it will never be the same again
because there is no god
because there is no karma

I cry because I have given up
because there is no one else

I cry and I cry alone
no one sympathizes with me
no one understands

I cry with dignity
because I am man

I cry because I sigh
and I sigh because of my life

I cry in a bed in a room alone
feel stupid in my head
feel nothing but alone

alone
alone
alone

I cry on my throne
my throne made of ****
alone

I cry.

I used to think i wanted hot
hot is never what it seems
dont get me wrong it was fun for a while
but beauty is what i pursue now
nothing is superficial with you
...you are so rare

so rare
infact

I dont know you

yet, beautiful.

because this experience I cannot relay to you

cards being shuffled by a trickster

it repeats/ it repeats

control was never there

with a flick of the wrist he made me aware

that life is but a joke,

so ****** it we shall

and the only thing that really matters to this *******

are the cruelties of the bottom line

but don't worry, i will transcend

i will get the last laugh

if the will is the way then he is me

and i am not enslaved but instead

we are at each others throats

fighting over a **** parking spot

every

single

second.

I'm so alone

I could hear my heart beating in my ears

I'm so accomplished

I'm still screaming at my fears

and all the while

though I'm fighting through these tears...

they trickle down and still...

nothing

I feel

as though

nothing

as if

nothing

nothing.

like a grandfather clock's ticking echoing down the hallways of my ears

tick

tick

tick

strikes the hour

does not chime

oh grandfather clock divine

oh old heart of mine

why do you not chime?

from my eyes,

it slowly trickles down

just wipe it from your face

dont smear it all around

and whats up with this place

the ceilings caving in

I try to escape

but theres something happenin

with the black

from my sight

darkness fading in

black from my eyes

needles and the pins

she quickly struggles out

shes seen it in her dreams

like the black from my eyes

engulfing every sin

I dance with my shadow
headphones in of course
I'm not dead I'm alive
remembering my ghost

the kid i once was, fearless
so heres a toast:
the people
they judge me
and their shadows

neglected by their host

I remembered why
skipping down the street
I call it art from life
and they call me absurd,
condescending
incomplete
but even my shadow
gets lonely
and needs a shadow most

a companion with which to coast

earth is a place
under the guise of life
that is

the subtext reads not

why are you so scared?
have you not suffered through every second?

the fire

do you not feel it?

the ambivalence

we are already punished

for earth is hell
and we will only start living
after we have died.

that is why we dress appropriately.

you show me no promise
nor have you been able to keep one

you show no loyalty
you cannot justify the means
extremes

you show no mercy
you never had any to begin with

i show no pain
not in this day and age

i show no truth
simply cannot believe it

i show no filth
there's a soap for that

seems that whatever was is
bound to repeat

here

i draw the line

refined

sublime

here.

a smile that once spoke silently of sunshine
warmth, security
takes a turn for the worse
it stays still, unaltered
it takes the joker out
turns him to a clown
a smile that once spoke promises
seems to have been just a mouth
a smile that took a turn for the worse
without having turned into a frown

it's amazing how a smile can betray

I'll miss you when I find the time
I'll warm you after making you cold inside
and with only my shadow to accompany you while you hide
I'll come to rip off the iscicles from underneath your eye

I'll start caring when I've left you behind
I'll recognize you after pushing you aside
and with only my scent left there to remind
I'll come to steal the air in which it resides

I won't even think of you when releasing a sigh
I'll neglect you like the blood I could not provide
and with only my sin to comfort you while you cry
I'll drown it with love, and your heart wont survive.

I'll save you after I've cut your only tie
I'll promise you but it'd just be a lie
and I'll leave without providing a reason why
I'll share life with you after you have died.

I'll love you when it's too late to try

I can’t unhinge my jaw
this hot flame I use to thaw
this static welded smile
seems to be worthwhile

a claustrophobic malevolence
an unarguable irrelevance
i wish it were thread instead
the world’s painful decadence

my mouth sewed shut
my heart bleeds fire
a tear of truth
with my valenSMILE.

here it goes...

this is a poem
that no one knows
of what i speak

my life it disintegrates

falls down to my feet
i try harder everyday
than most can say

yet nothing works
they flip on me

and if i could explain
my troubled brain
I would exclaim...
this is the nature of me

I would exclaim...
because all i have to say is...

please don't go away
and no one wants to hear that out of me

but it comes out as the opposite
the chemicals' embrace

and you take it the wrong way...
and i say it to your face (unfortunately)

and although you might say hey...
hes self aware...

his long hair hides his face!

I would have to tell you to retrace...
because this poem is a true story
and I'm a fool to the world...
or so they say

there's nothing to worry about here
my demons every seconds wake
and they haunt me so
I must escape

decisions decisions... they cloud my brain
to make the wrong ones and go insane

debate debate

arguing fate

a misunderstanding
have you no shame?

to leave me alone
when my hours are years
and my years are merely days...
how much more of this can i take?

what no one knows
is that failure...
is my fate

this condition isnt me...
im trapped in a cage
life is the crazy one
and I

I can't complain...
no really I CAN'T
every second is my last

or so it may

these words
once so tightly knit together
will randomly start to fall
not to get it off my chest
but instead to draw

a black tear
on white face
will not do...

sewing your lips shut
to get the best of you
she'll try to take the beauty from the verse
call it hers
change your prose to lack worth

and  honestly im too caught up
fighting the words to be bothered
especially with your...

MASQUERADE

said the mime with a wink
"I always preferred charades"
as Houdini taught him
how to unshackle
but she could never teach him how
to breathe out of his mouth

and so he drowned
and she called it silencing poetry
her greatest escape yet

I'll always be a broken heart,
cause I promise I would never break yours.
Even death couldn't keep us apart,
give up my life if life happens to take yours.

I'll always be a broken heart,
cause I promise I would never break yours.
Our love isn't two whole hearts...
Our love is two broken ones.

Even death couldn't keep us apart

I watch
I understand
and I feel
most importantly

As you sleep
I know
I cannot feel
anything
from you...

it makes one wonder
is love tangible?
or is it humanly fictionalized

written as if this
what you are receiving
and reading right now
is...
well,
love.

can you feel that i care?
I will never know.
by your stare
impossible...
for you are asleep

I'll just lay my head down next to yours
maybe my life will cease
hoping I will cause an effect
maybe just a crease

maybe I can stop you
stop you
from counting sheep

perhaps teach you how to read

or maybe you can teach me to stop loving you
as you sleep.

blistered
heed what i speak
destroy
what it is you seek
adoration
drown it in a sea
deliberation
over who it is that's you
suffocation
that must be the key

a moment of clarity
an elegant mentality
*******
with the greatest of sincerity

one day
I'll be in heaven
looking down past my feet,
through the glass ceiling
and when I see you
I'll fog it up with my breath
and write you a message
saying

"wish you were here"

I'm sure you are happy
you always were
you always will be

I'm sure you are better than me
in the arms of warm company

I'm sure behind that big smile
seemingly always plastered on your face...
you are exactly as happy as you made that out to appear

I'm sure I am miserable
I always was
I always will be

I'm sure I'm as numb as you told me you were
lonelier than the person claiming that's a word
more lonely than 1.
I'm sure.

you won...you got your way...
you got a way,
(uh)*

I lose
but what if I had won?

This can't be true
He is just a writer.

There was once an explorer, with one thing on his mind
He searched through a sea of sand, time after time
Ever looking for his treasure divine

He seemed to have one thing on his mind
Ever looking for his treasure divine
And repetition awoke his blind
Rest your soul, the chest he did find
Though still emptyhanded, there was nothing inside

mirror mirror that is my wall
tell me why you have trapped my soul

cliche after cliche I'll break them all
just like my fist broke your face

but I couldn't see you cry
the pain let me know you were hurt though

and the red
I smeared it all over my hands
picking out the pieces of glass
attentively whispering out
you love me... you love me not
you love me...

you don't ******* love me
you don't feel anything!
you are 2 dimensional

a fine line between
glass and paint

but it will take a miracle of
equivocal proportions
to the heat required
to birth glass from sand

to break free the hold
you trapped me in

what have you done?
little one...

what have I done?

forward is the concept to understand here

time, an old enemy of mine

and should this hate subside...

I would move forward

like a pawn to queen behind enemy lines

I am white, and you
you are the absence of light

you are the word nothing

how can we claim what does not exist?

the nerve...

What the point is if you read this?
if i had written it on a piece of paper

What the point is: is in front of you...
crumple it, burn it with a zippo

What the point is if I touched you
figuratively, metaphorically, emotionally?

As the thoughts leave my fingertips
I wave goodbye to the pen, my pal
my long lost friend

What the point is is words on white
staring back at the author
with an audience of one

What the point is?
if you never read it...
if you never intend

What the point is?
if i never receive it...
What is the?

point...

your happy is my sad,
my happy is without you
your sad is pa-thetic

and my sad,
is beautiful.

-take all I have...