On the ***** of illusion, she leaned on the wind debating its strength. If it were to die, so would she- and then burst into tiny stars, form a Galaxy.

You’ve got a hold on me
My insides, suspended
Discomfort awaits at the slightest turn
Suffocated by your tightened grip
I wait for the snap, desperately
Wanting to unravel
Gasping to the floor
The cold surface lends no comfort
Icy bones rattle and ache
Fighting against your tireless weight
Let go let go
Why won’t you let me go?

Life has it's balances,
So why am I teetering on my toes?
Things feel grainy and old
I’m washed up and done

The words I used to spin
End in frayed uncertainty
scattered like ash on a plate
Killing me, killing me
I don’t care.

There are moments
With the sound turned on
I feel at pace with the world
Before I’m absorbed in black holes

i can’t see with these blinders
But I’m afraid of the view around
Into a cave, my soul goes
Until another day, I suppose

The world is sick.
A sickness that leads towards the sun
A breath of wind, a heap of snow
The sickness has yet been won
Frailty is the beauty of this place
Security is the fear
Bombs they may fall
Bullets they may shoot
Arrows they may pierce
Human remains.

Have you ever seen roadkill
And think- oh **** did it know?
A fleeting chance and - BAM!
It’s gone.

I think of that a lot.

I think for a fleeting moment-
That poor thing!
Second thought:
How lucky am I?
That I get to continue living.

…But third thought,
hmm…is it better off?
Is that strange?

Maybe.

That’s the course of life.

I can play the victim, I admit.
We all find ourselves in holes.
The hole I’m in
       is the one I dug.
Do you know the difference?

Your blame is like a heavy fog
Or a stranger’s breath upon me
I am afraid to focus
On the heat wave that weighs me

I try
    To let
         It go.

The truth is, I am afraid
I’ve been afraid before you
But this fear is....shedding you.
I need to leave, I need to.
You stick to me.
I shake you off.
But you are there.
I don’t love you.
I know it.
Why..
Am..
I ..
Still..
Here?

I dug this hole myself.

This time around, I will get it right
It only took me through the universe twice
To feel the light wind on the water, brushed softly with the glow from the sun, welcome.
This life is full of fresh faces, warm embraces
Far above the rot buried deep in the crevaces of the past.
The prickly bite of the first frost, no longer brings harm to the hearth of the soul, live.
The mangled branches of a forgotten forest no longer casts the shadow of fear, bringing focus to the candelescent light piercing through the spines of the wild wood.
We can all choose to see the dark in the bewildered gallows of the unknown.
We can see the hollowed darkness of the caves luring our minds away from trust.
But why draw such sinister thoughts of the hidden quarries in Mother Nature’s painting?
Look at the world that only She can make, safe away from the curated structures of civilization. Laws are made by Man, Love is born of nature, Hate is a disease that grows in the narrowest of minds, trying to make reason out of tragedy.
This time around, I will choose the light, because it has always been there, sparkling softly through the cracks, begging us to see heaven on earth.
A smile, a breath of air, and a hope that has the strength to carry us all out of here.

I won’t wary on any of this
Because we all are going through it.

All I can say right now is…
That I wish I had wings
Something I can use to -
Take me from the wreck beneath me.
Something to show me more perspective.

…
I’m afraid I am absorbing too much
of what is fed to me, constantly.
Through the screen.
Through too much conversation.

shallowing my thoughts.

I am not owned by a God.
I would love to know we have one.
Human remains.
Remains is how they’ll find us.

Mother Earth is so powerful
She will spit us out
If we continue to deny…

The whole truth…
And nothing but the truth…
So help me…

I will stop.
I will live.
I will spread my arms wide
In the wind, and I will thank
The heavens for the love
That comes in pieces.
The parts are reasembled.

Get your head straight.
Love is in every corner.
My distraction never looked.
We have time..
Brush the haze...
Look beyond the gratifying.
Dig, and dig deeper
Catch the roots spilling.

It’s everywhere. Joy!
We share, we breathe, we think.
I think, we are going somewhere
I look forward to the new world.

Let me lead with “The Catch”
The idea of life unlike we planned
The life that all humans fear
The catch is that it all can crumble.

It is the loss you never thought
A beautiful life stripped from the ground.
Climbing through rubble - confused -
When there, before, was a home.

Uncertainty lies the path
Every stone, every mile, every breath.
To which point is it over?
To where can we now rest?

A hand is worth a thousand
Miles we’ve regressed
With minds that block
And tick then talk,
How can we not detest?

We are always starting over
The feeling of grounding
Through clenched teeth,
Discouraged.
I’ll clean my slate
And feel relieved
To have arms open.

Happy is a good day
The sun winks
The grass waves
Today, I’m ready.

Tomorrow, maybe, what if-
I don’t pretend to know her anymore.
Tomorrow is forever a dream.

Today is open.

The catch here is that there is none.
I’m trembling writing this
Because I know I wrote part 1.
I’m just as clueless as you.

The loss, that is true.
The loss of what you cannot lose.
The loss of humanity is eminent.

I’m trying to hold on.
My mind is held in limbo
The lines of truth are blurring
I know I’m not the first to feel this.

You tell yourself somehow
Life. Will. Change.
YOU. WILL. CHANGE
Fear is always plotting.

Yet, here we are
No recognition of what
Or how we can claim
Some sort of relief.

Banging on the walls
Of systems that won’t fall
Doing injustices to all
This is not our home.

I digress…I won’t give up.
And I sure as hell
Won’t let them speak to
Me that way.

My grandmother is a WW2 firecracker
I take in all her knowledge.
Even in her last days
She wishes she got a tattoo
A laced butterfly. I laugh.

She is progressive.
That gives me a sliver of hope
We can break grounds
Move buildings
Make right.

It’s a butterfly effect after all.

Your birthday, as you say
Is just a ******* day
For me, love, it is worth celebrating.

I’ve kissed a lot of frogs, love.
You are- you. You are (happy tears).
The one that makes me feel -
If the world ends, I’d find you.
Whatever that may be-
I know, you’d find me.
I’m with you.
I’m with you.
I would never give you up.

I want to welcome you to chapter 6!
This show has gone on far too long, but wait- there’s so much more!
Let’s recap chapters 1-5:

Racism
Sexism
War
Drugs
Natural disaster

Chapter 6 will cover: Disease

...stay tuned folks!  

(And stay safe folks...
We are all going through this.
They don’t want me to engage,
But we are being torn apart
If I were you I’d love as long as we can
The chapters exist because hate does
End it at chapter 6...chapter 7 is unfathomable).

The trees seem fuller
Where you remember
Old Life, old love, happiness.
Why do I feel empty?

The grass rolls with a purpose
Little satellites graze on lawns
Tin roofs groove into hills
… I feel so alone.

You share your world
Like you were a soldier from war
Talking of what was, and, who was…
I listen as a spectator out of frame.

Funny how you thought this trip could
Bring us closer- points of reference.
Though instead of creating new memories,
I’m watching you retrace the old.

I love you, I love you, I love you -
Why does that suddenly lose meaning?
Is it me or is it us?
Is it me? Is it me? Is it you?

Nothing while we walk the trail
You barely speak, I barely feel
There’s no doubt it is beautiful,
But you’ve walked this trail before.

You are as fantastic as you remember.
You led the pack, laid down the law.
You remind me in every minute,
You were King of everything.

I love you, I love you, I love -
I can’t lose this feeling -
As if I’m holding the portrait
Of a life you cannot part with.

You speak of processes -
While I hang on branches - sloping
Heavy from the rain.
Your words beating on my shoulder.

I zone farther away - - -
Focusing on the tapping of the leaves
I wonder - If they were chimes,
What would they sound like?

I suddenly feel an impulse to run.
I don’t need shelter - answers.
To the swirling questions in my head-
What was it again you needed from me?
And - Why am I here?

He was abandoned, again
The boy with no home
Who wanted nothing more
Than to be loved
But what he didn’t see
Was reality

This Shakespearean poet
With only one note to sing
Held his heart out
To the sky
“Love me”

And he was loved
He was also free
But freedom was a fear
He was always bare
Always near, waiting for pain

But did he see light?
The thing he craved
Warmth was given
As he graveled in his cave
He never sought out

Pity was an Achilles heel
Blindness struck his face
With a heart tapping on strings
Wanting, needing, he would wait
For something...