A young boy calls to his father
Longing for the comfort of his hands
To hang onto every word as if it was treasure
Just like what the pirates fought over in that distant land
That his dad often told him about
He looks to his mother
To calm the fears he had come to hold
And her soothing nature
Told him it was ok to let go
Let go of all the anxieties and worries he had picked up though the day
And all of the insecurities and names he gathered along the way
He knew that he was safe here
This resting place
Where he could be himself and not have to put up a face
This was his home in the loving embrace
Of his parents

I find myself in the books I keep by my bedside at night.
I imagine the words slowly seeping into my dreams
And painting the skies with the oddest shades of green
And the rivers that flow through the restless land
Move along with the breath of my lips
That I see rustling the sails of the ships
Waiting for the wind to send them to lands unknown
Yes, I find myself in the books
That I have stacked on the pillow by my head
And for the hours that I allow my mind to fly
I am the hero
I am the knight
Saving the damsel in distress
I am the weary and tired traveller running into the arms of my beloved
I am the one facing the dangers of the dark
And in that moment,
I am fearless
Not because I find courage in the space that exists
Between dreams and reality
But because in that moment
I know that, though those words may be chained to that page
That they are part of me.

I am drowning in a sea of anxiety...
Wait maybe I should put that differently
I am buried beneath worry
Well not so much that...
But I am definitely distraught
And at the very least I am very confused
About what you do to me
I mean here I am minding my own business
Trying to convince myself I am content in my loneliness
And then you show up
Seeing my efforts as all in vain
I'll have you know I was fairly happy pretending I was happy all along
And by fairly I mean not at all
But I had learned to hide that foot note deep enough
That no one would know
But you did didn't you
You saw how hard I was trying
To maintain the face
That I put on to cover the me that I didn't want to be seen
I tried with such desperation
Because truth be told I find it ugly
I have spent a vast amount of time
Looking and investigating the inner parts of me
And I really find it disgusting
Yet when you gaze through my facade I feel comfort
That you can look at me and not be afraid
Or revolted at what you see
Which confuses me more

When I see you time stops
And I can almost see the air around you glisten
As it does in movies
But then I realize that I'm staring
And it quickly becomes awkward
My eyes quickly dart away
hoping that you hadn't caught
My prolonged gaze
And as my eyes drift back my fears are confirmed
I catch your eyes focused on mine
But I quickly realize
That you were kind of staring at me as well
Perhaps it was hopeful thinking
Messing with my hope filled mind
But I quickly match your gaze
Finding myself unable to look away
And we sit there
Until I realize that time
Was still passing by
And I hadn't even said anything
So while I continued my gazing
I decided to say hi
And you returned my greeting

When asked "do you believe in love?"
I really don't know how to answer
I mean what do they want me to say
"Yes, of course I do, just as I believe in today"
But that wouldn't be completely true
Yeah, I have felt the rush
Of a crude schoolyard crush
But that's not really anything is it
It's nothing compared to the fireworks
I'm almost positive will go off
When I meet
The girl of my dreams
And there you can see
How quickly things can become corny
That's why I'm afraid of this question
It takes the real
And places a hallmark seal on it
I mean when it happens
Of course I'm going to write sappy love poems
grossly romantic sonnets
And I'm sure it will make everyone uncomfortable
Just like any good romance
And I'm going to love every moment of it
But don't commercialize the idea
It is so much more than that
You don't just believe in love
You live it
In your actions and your words
It's not just something that holds a place in your mind
To help the chocolate and valentine market thrive
It is something that is worth working for

I am weird
There are parts of me that I should be embarrassed to show
Yet they still flow out
And the thing is I don't really care
For you to know
The parts of me that aren't exactly "socially-acceptable"
I'm obsessed with the cultures of the past
I'm in love with the Muppets and Fraggle Rock
My room is full of old disney records and cassettes
I will scream across a room and blame it on the person next to me
I'm addicted to being addicted
And as I say that I don't mean
That I'm addicted to any negative things
Rather I'm addicted to chocolate and coffee
To corny movies
To collecting everything
(Which, no matter how much it seems so, isn't hoarding)
I believe in the unseen
My faith in God is the core of my being
And I have a deep seated faith
That there is one person out there that is able to love me
For everything inside that no one else wants to see
And perhaps have their own oddities
That I can become obsessed with
And together we will fall into a form insanity
Deeper than the ones we currently hold to
A form more commonly known as love
And it will be awesome

O eternal father,
I lift my weary eyes to you, for you are the sustainer of my soul.
I come before you with the dirt of the ground permeating my clothes,
Yet you love me.
You accept me as one of your own
And allow me to approach the throne
Of you, my father.
It is truly an act of grace
For me, the worst of sinners, to enter this place.
The Holy of Holy's, where priests would get struck down
And their bodies pulled out by a rope,
And I am able to sit here and revel in your presence.
If eternity is a magnification of this
Then I can't comprehend how my soul will contain the joy
Of sitting with you as a child with his father
Listening to his booming voice
As we grow up we see our fathers as superheroes
Which is an understatement for you
You first allowed us to rebel
And then sacrificed part of yourself
To right our wrong
How could I ever deserve this.
How could I, the lowliest of creation
Deserve a relationship
With you, almighty God
I pray
That I will never allow this salvation to waste
In the grave
For you are the resurrection
I am so susceptible to the strikes of man
And would turn a blind eye to the glory I know
For the chase of the vain lust of the world
Lord, slay this part of me
As you laid your son on that cross in my stead
Don't allow me to go a day without reminding me of the sacrifice that was made
To pay
The debt that I made
In my rebellion to you
I worship you, the great I Am,
For in you I find the provider of my soul.

Ok, breath
She's averted her eyes

It seems like it's been ages as we've been casting glances across the table
Yet as soon as my eye catches on your gaze
It still steals my breath away
Just as it did the first time
I was stunned by the sight of you
It is like a war
One that I would gladly lose
So I start to cross the room
To wave the white flag
And admit defeat
For I have been taken captive
By the hands which I now hold in mine
I gladly drop my guard
Left with only the thought of how pleasant it is to lose to you

I have realized that all of the songs stuck in my mind are about you
Now, I don't want to put credit where credit's not due
But you might as well have been the muse
Of these tunes
Playing on repeat in my mind
You are like my favorite song that I play over and over
Until I grow sick of it
But then again, that's a poor metaphor
For how could I ever get sick of you
Your voice is the haunting melody
That I want to spend my life striving to harmonize
Your heart the tympani beat
That drives my feet
Leading you across the room
Your hand in mine
Like the needle in the groove
Singing out the beauty therein
The glow of your cheek and the gleam of your eye
Is the song eternally stuck in my mind

I want to be
A figure on the tv
When I say that I don't mean
Like an actor or even someone that has a line
I just want to be filling the blank space
because that is where I thrive
In the blind spot of the eye
I'm there but not really
I exist but then not
I just want to be unseen
It makes you wonder if existence is within or rather perceived

My mind swims when I see you
As I say "hi"
All intelligible thought leaves my mind
To only leave behind
Stick figure drawings of me and you
I mean that figuratively for given enough time
I would paint you a masterpiece
But this drawing was all I could muster for the sheer surprise
Of seeing you before my eyes
I try to regain myself and maintain my "suave" facade
Yet I find myself looking more like an awkward giraffe
I continue to jumble my words like a frustrating jigsaw puzzle
Also I'm pretty sure that my last sentence was in pig-Latin
I sprinkle in incorrect quotes from obscure 80's movies
And you still look at me with that unfazed look
A third party looking at my performance may have thought they were watching some sort of comedy routine and a poor one at that
I try to close my mouth to stop this mess
Yet my brain doesn't spare me such pity
I continue till I am sure that I have buried any chance of ever knowing you
Yet when I look up, I see a smile spread across your face

Can you seriously not see what you are doing to me
I'm looking at you like you hung the moon
Yet it doesn't seem to faze you
I am choking on the butterflies that have outgrown my stomach
And yet you still look at me with those unwavering eyes
Oh those eyes
How they destroy me
I am left to romanticize these ideas you planted
Each growing into a beautiful flower in its own right
Words are flowing from my mouth yet I have no hold on them
For my mind is a little pre-occupied
Questioning those eyes
That still have a hold
On my panicking soul
I am afraid that I have found myself
Falling head over heels

Woe to the heart of the fallen man
Trying to pull himself up again
****** and bruised
He can't stand to lose
The eye of the Samaritan

There is hope in his outstretched hand
To calm the fears beaten in by the land
To dry the tears
Of the torturing years
And heal the wounds of the man

The scars reach down to the bone
The pain of a life lived alone
Laid out by
The tiring fight
He cries out in an agonized moan

There comes a force unknown
That lifts the man to his throne
On his trembling knees
By the mercy seat
The man is no longer alone

How do you start a poem
I've never quite understood
Should you slap the reader with a shout
I mean that literarily (don't actually slap someone)
Or tap them on the shoulder with kind words to get their attention
Should the lines rhyme
Or stand haphazard as confused thoughts
( I sure hope it's the latter)
Does it need a strong moral message
Or can it be random rambling
( again, hopefully the latter)
Is it meant to be free
Or ordered to fit a certain need
In the end I don't know if this is a poem
But it is what I meant for it to be

The silence is deafening
I fear it as one fears the dark
The emptiness
The lifelessness of the unknown
It awakens in me a desire
To fill the spaces
To yell and break the curse
But somehow I know that would make it worse
I want to send a melody into the dark
But it has a hand on my throat
And it silences me

Thorns are ripping at my side
I can feel the sin that my blood has committed inside
Of my wretched veins
They provide
Temporary life
To our decomposing frames
Rather they wither and die
Then feed the drive
Of this repeating game
From grace we fly
Run till we die
And allow the ground to lay claim
Of the body that lies
Under the sky
In this eternal grave

God rip these earthly veins
From this fallen frame
And replace them
With the never ending streams of glory
Flowing forth from you
Your words knit my life
Into the beauty that can be seen
In the earth and the sea
In the birds that fly free
From this sinful earth
Allow me to escape the death of my blood
Of my sinful flesh
Slay this body lord
And make me new

Here am I on my knees
Crying to the heavens
Tearing my shirt over the sins that are drowning me
My sorrow knows no bounds
For I have failed
I have tripped and fallen down a *****
That there is no hope
Of ever returning
Yet you have reached out
And pulled me off of my knees
You have clothed me
In the splendor of royalty
You have set a crown upon my brow
And now allow
Me to sit at your feet
How can a sinful creature such as I
Hold the eye
Of such a glorious God
How could the maker of the stars
Hold someone as wretched as me
I come to the throne humbly
It seems the least I can do
To return each breath of life blessed to me back to you
Direct me through the nations
Spreading the word of your glory
I can not comprehend how I could ever contain such a message
It spills out my mouth like an everlasting stream
These words shine bright
With the message of life
For every sentence that contains his name
Shouts forth his infinite praise
May the fire of the Holy Spirit set ablaze
The nations in Gods holy ways

How far is far enough
For us to fall and drag ourselves through the mud
When will you be broken enough
To let it go as worthless and take the blood
Offered to us
How many times do we have to see man fail
To know not to place our trust
In this fitful lust
For the knowledge not meant for us
Men look at the stars and think
Those are mine to define
I must name them and place them in pictures beautiful to me
What foolishness to think
That the tiny dust
We make up could fathom infinity
It goes beyond delusions of grandeur
It is a mass hysteria under the guise of intelligence
This grand case of negligence
And It illustrates
What filthy rags pass as knowledge these days
There was a time when great men set their eyes on God
For they knew that he was the source of wisdom

The strands of hair weaving back and forth
The delighted squeals of a young ******* her first day of school
Her mom returns the smile that is radiating from her daughter
She can see in the gleam of her eye
The dreams swimming through her mind
Of fairies and princes
And a castle on a hill

The strands of hair weaving back and forth
The delighted laughter of a young woman on her last day of high school
Her mom gently places the graduation cap on the head of her daughter
She can see in the gleam of her eye
The dreams swimming through her mind
Of the unbridled future
And all that will come

The strands of hair weaving back and forth
The delighted blush of the new bride on her wedding day
Her mom wipes the joyful tears from her daughters eyes while ignoring her own
She can see in the gleam of her eye
The dreams swimming through her mind
Of the groom that held her heart
And a little girl yet to come
Who's hair she would weave back and forth

Where does the devil hide
Is he the monster in the blind spot of our eye
Is he the one in the shadows under the bed
Is he the one that scatters when we turn our heads
Is he the half heard voice calling your name
Or the half seen figure outside your window pane

I've seen him though
I've seen the places he hides
He is in the tears of the young girls' eye
Being coaxed out by the insults screaming in her mind
He is in that small voice
Making us question if we are enough
And then coming to the conclusion that we're not
He is the whisper of doubt
When we search for someone to save us
Making us ask if we're even worth being saved
He is the notches in that young boys wrist
In the bruises that line his face
He is in the comfort
That keeps our legs from running
To reclaim the lost
In the insecurities
That lock our jaw
And arrests the words of salvation from our tongues
I have seen where the devil hides
He is right in front of your eyes

There is beauty in the clouds that fly by
There is hope in the poor mans eye
There is mystery in the sky
Because you placed it there

You sewed the night together
And set it apart from the day
You knit the land
To interweave with the waves
Being pulled by the moon you set in the sky
Being questioned by the gleam you put in the toddlers eye
You created curiosity
So we could search
And made a masterpiece
So we could find you, the maker of the stars
You are magnificent
In your grand splendor

There is now hope in my life
There is now light in my blinding night
There is now a sun in my clear sky
Because you placed it there

I want someone who can hold my hand as it slowly ages
Someone who can take the pains of what time steals away
And make it worth it
Just to wake up to her face
Watching it reflect the wrinkles being drawn over the passing days
And always being able to see the beauty that first enamored me with her
I don't just want a love that lasts
I want a love that ripens with age
A love that grows as our hair grays

There are questions in this old forest
Decomposing with the bodies that lay forgotten
They are brittle as the bones they rest on
And stir along with the flesh that is no longer
Tattered clothing clings to the apparition
The form of one who no longer exists
There are questions in this old forest
Questions that shall never be answered

Little girl
Is your sky still whole
Still held together by the stories you are told
Can you still see without boundaries
Gaze at the horizon and claim it as yours
Gather the stars and call it your kingdom
There will come a day
When the slumbering dragon awakes
And steals you away
Your nights will burn and your sky will break
But don't you worry
For with every dragon comes a knight in shining armor

I have faith in the ground under my feet
To remain unyielding
To the eroding
Of the trees.
Who's roots weave
A web of earth
Under me.
But through the decomposing
I have found myself falling
Through the land
That hides under me
Unseen by these eyes
That desperately cling
To the ideas that are structures in my belief
They are being attacked
They are under siege
From the same ground that once supported me
They are crumbling
They are fading
Under the light that has set me free
From these ashes
Arise a hope reborn
In the land of my fathers
My newfound home

In your eyes I find the echoes of my dreams
My hopes being amplified back at me
I find those unspoken wishes
Sent away with the smoke of a birthday candle
Those desperate whispers I pinned on the tails of shooting stars
The hopeful notions I tossed with the coin into the well
You are the personification of every wishful adjective I tucked away for a rainy day
I am losing my mind
Yet I somehow know that you hold it
In those searching eyes
That hold me so dearly
Let the years pass
For I know that, while we may break,
The hours will only magnify my love

I keep your note in an old cigar box
Well maybe not, but wouldn't it be more poetic if I did.
Truth be told there isn't even a letter.
I mean I wish there was, I wish with all my heart
But there's not.
There are no words for me to pine over.
Or phrases for me to dissect what you meant.
No calligraphy to cause me to get nostalgic,
Remembering the good times
But that might be because there weren't really much of those either.
I wish that you were more.
I don't mean that in a mean way,
I don't really mean it in a good way either, but that's beside the point.
I wish you were more to me.
More than just a time I don't like thinking about,
Or a topic to avoid in polite conversation.
So, for the sake of the story, let's just say
I keep your note in an old cigar box

Just wait
That's what they say
When I talk about me meeting the girl of my dreams
But why
I mean, I will wait
I will wait for the day to come
When I'll be struck by love
But please don't imply that it is a simple task
It is far from that.
As I wait I am counting the wasted moments I could be spending with her
The unshared sunsets
The unwritten sonnets
I am drowning in a sea of unfulfilled potential
But in the end I truly don't mind for I know that the moment that I'll meet her is worth it.
Worth this loneliness
So I won't "just wait"
I will strive
Strive to be a better man
To become the one able
To hold her hand

Suffocation
The walls of culture are closing in
Ready to stifle the flame of imagination
They can't control it so it scares them
In that flicker is the possibility for a bonfire
That could burn down their fragile empire
It could illuminate the darkness
they have tried so hard to create
By surrounding us with the weight
Of daily monotony
They've instilled in us
A desire to fit into the social norm
A fear of any tangible form
Of creativity
They have made it foreign to us
To question
The boundaries formed to bind us
This is my rebellion

It is in the blood of the soldier
In the words of the peaceful protester
In the ever flowing wounds of the martyr

In the actions of one standing against tyranny
In the hope of one facing down the majority
In the one who fights for the right of diversity

It is the one who heals when everyone is wounding
The one who stands when everyone is breaking
The one who accepted steel in his flesh
for the soul of his beloved
The one who carried the weight
Of our deaths on his back
The one who loved us till he breathed his last.

I want to sing you to sleep
Underneath this dark sky that cradles us
Let these drifting notes lull you
And allow yourself to descend into the comforting embrace of the constellations
Let them dance across your eyes
And put on grand plays to enthrall your mind
Sink slowly as one falls in love
And lay lightly on the bed of light
Prepared for you on that etherial plane
Drift away to the words of this lullaby

This flesh is a prison
With desires and wants in stark contrast to my own
The sin of our ancestors
Has placed a price on our bones
That we will never be able to repay,
Yet there came one
Who let the blood be arrested from his veins
To pay
The debt that would, in the end, demand our lives
He took it upon his head as a crown
And let it draw that dark red blood to the surface
And form puddles at the foot of that rugged cross
To be the pools of salvation that will save us all
He took on this fleshly prison and let it be slain
To free us from this cage

There is hope now
For I can feel it slowly decomposing as I sit
The bars to this prison are slowly eroding away
And I find myself greatly anticipating the day
That I shall escape this fallen cage
And step into the glorious kingdom that awaits.

I crave the silences that fill the air around me
Along with the solitude that usually accompanies it.
They are my friends.
They comfort me when the world starts to scream.
Sometimes I need them,
But too often solitude becomes loneliness
And the silences become deafening.
That is the true curse of an introvert.
Wanting to be alone but not wanting to be lonely.

The rain is racing down the window behind me
With a cup of warm tea sitting on the side.
I am propelled through the pages of the book that I hold in my clenched hands.
I am leading a charge into battle.
Storming the infallible towers that I ensure will fall by first light.
I am embracing my sweetheart
After a separation that seemed like a lifetime.
I am slaying the dragon
And saving the enslaved kingdom.
I am holding my love's hand
As we run through the night to places unknown.
The rain is beating against the window,
Yet I am warm living the lives of hundreds of others.

I like order
I know that's not odd, it just needed to be said
I like to connect the dots
And make pictures out of the chaos inside of my head
I like to write lists
And alphabetize all of the things separating me from sleep
I like to organize
The pervading themes that I conjure in my dreams
I like to file and store things away
Only to be brought up on a cold rainy day
I like to bookmark
All the brilliant things I could possibly say
I like to highlight and underline
All of the empty spaces between reality and me
I like to document and record
All of the differences that I can't see
I like to graph
Demographics that don't include me
And I like to study
just how odd order can truly be.

I want my last words to be remembered.
I want them to be so grandiose that it is like a gunshot through future generations.
I want it to reverberate beyond the time that my mortal coil is shed
And live on in the hearts of man
I want them to be cross stitched on the pillows that line retirement homes.
I want them to be the ashes from which a revolution is born
The fertile ground from which peace may grow.
I want them to be the muse that inspires creative thought.
I want to live vicariously through those few sentences that leave my mouth alongside my last breaths, but then I think better of it.
I want my last words to be a whisper,
I want them to barely make it past my lips.
I want them to sooth hatred and calm anger.
I want them to lull the aching soul.
I want them to point the way my spirit will leave.
To the father, who is waiting for me.

My beautiful sister
Don't ever let the world tell you that you are less
Anything less than the truly dazzling blessing you have been to me
Don't ever let someone convince you that you aren't good enough
Because you have always been more than enough to help in times of need
And don't ever let the weight of the world weigh you down
For I will always be there to lift you up
You are so much more than you would ever admit
So much more radiant than the mirror will ever be able to reflect
Stronger than all of the stones the world will throw at you
So next time someone tries to pull you down
Keep all of this in mind
You are truly beautiful
More so than I could ever describe.

I have to translate this emptiness into something tangible
Something I can easily digest
Because, currently, it is choking me
I want to see this beast with my own eyes
To stop those mind numbing questions
That have me drowning in self doubt
Am I sane?
Is this real?
Because it sure is real enough to lay me out on the ground
Questioning the reality of the stars watching me from great distances away
Sanity, such a fleeting thing.
Decided by culture and the forces that be.
It is hard to think outside of the box
When it would leave you drowning in the sea.

The lights go out. Darkness swallows me,
Then spits me out for I don't quite fill it's exquisite palate.

I'm sorry that I'm not your Prince Charming
The knight riding in with armor shining
I'm sorry I'm not your superhero
Carrying you up from the ground below
I have tried so hard to drop my guard
And open my hands to hold your heart
But it isn't mine to hold
There will come one to guard your soul
One to stand up for you strong and bold
The one made to hold your hand
And I am sorry that I'm not him.

Please paint the walls of this empty room
That I have built up just for you
Plaster these halls with that bright sky blue
That I see each time my eyes rest on you
Splatter the walls with that light pastel pink
That I see you breathe out each time you speak
Drown them with that somber maroon
That fills my head when you leave the room
And douse it in the deep dark rouge
That spellbinds me when you say "I love you"

I want to start this with a question.
Why, you may ask.
Because I know that there is power in questions
There is beauty in pondering and wondering
There is value in trying to understand the unfathomable
To try to rearrange the heavens into shapes and patterns
That makes sense to us
Questions hold such potential
I mean just a simple "what if?"
Was enough to launch men to the moon and back
Was enough to bring empires to their knees
Was enough to get that girl to go out with me
Questions make the impossible possible
And the intangible real.
They make infinity seem just a leap away.