*****.
and how it smelled on your breath,
it was a miracle if the scent didnt linger,
within closed walls,
tight spaces,
they scare me to this very day,
all because of how you became,

Fights,
fought to near death,
I remember you with a knife in your hand,
threatening to end it for yourself,
as well as him,
there was anger in your voice,
behind your drunken slur,

All I could do was watch,
helpless and scared,
I was only 5 at the time,
No Wait! Younger
I was no more than 3 and a half or 4, yet, the memories, they don't leave me,

There was no mommy to run to,
she was the one creating all the fuss,
and, daddy...
well, he was already gone,
kicked out for my mothers selfish reasons,
she claims he hit her,
but my dad? no,  he would never,
(despite his tempter)

People are quick to wonder,
why I am the way I am,
Always forgives,
but extremely hesitant to trust,
ever again...
It has always been a problem I've had,
never thought to solve it,

Thats what happens,
when you grow up too quickly,
surrounded by violence and promises,
that only turned into lies,
as time  went by,

No babygirl,
mommy hasn't been drinking,
she's just tired,
Yeah Right
Wasn't that what you said the last time,
I caught you in a lie,
when I found the liquor bottles,
stashed in the cabinets,
you said you wanted to change,
For me
For Family
For Everybody
But I find it impossible to leave,
as I sit with my recollection of childhood memories
*worth forgetting

Lost in dreams
Lost in reality
Lost in the past
Lost in things that didn't last
Lost in the pain
Lost in my mind;going insane
Lost in a lonely abyss
Lost, begging for a kiss
Lost in this world of fools
Lost in the guys using girls as tools
Lost in the hate
Lost in my search for an eternal mate
Lost in my search for love
Lost in my questions about what's above
Lost and I can't find my way out
Lost and so full of doubt

And he didn't text.
He didn't call.
Didn't write 'Happy Birthday!'
On my Facebook wall.

So when I blow out my candles,
There's one wish I must do.
Not to be yours,
But to get over you.

They say littering is bad but there's one kind I admire,
and that's a cigarette on asphalt laying by a tire. 
Thrown and forgotten after one last goodbye kiss--
the fallen, I watch, sends smoke signal farewells and a contemptuous hiss. 
Lamenting to the air, whose particles spread his lore,
hoping to warn the next who lives the life he had before.

There is nothing bitter about your lips
Brushing gently over my dark scars
Healing all the pain I have endured
And if this was our last night,
I would have no regrets
Since every day that you are mine
And I am yours
I am already in heaven.

Your fingertips
are icicles,
doodling
figures of eight
on my cheeks.
I see your breath
like little white clouds
of smoke
drift in the winter air
and vanish,
as if you didn't breathe
out at all.
The branches
of the nearby oak tree
sprayed
in whipped cream,
the ground sprinkled
with a vanilla ice cream-like
layer of snow.
And as it slowly
starts to melt
you lean in for a kiss,
the frosty blast
of mint
infecting my teeth.