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Nostalgic Sep 2015
This is a letter to the girl you finally settle down with.

Dear You,

You probably don't know me, but you know him. He was my first love, and I like to think I was his too. Nobody will ever be good enough for him, not you, not me. He is the best kind of guy. He will make you fall in love with him but you won't even be scared because you know he's going to be there to catch you before you ever hit the ground. Make sure you take every chance you get to look in his eyes,  because it never gets old seeing the entire universe in them. He will give you himself entirely, and will be patient with you even if you're too scared to do the same. I swear to you there won't be a moment you aren't laughing as long as you're near him. And if it ever gets too dark or cold, he is always warmer than any blanket and his smile will always light the way home. And if you see smoke when he kisses you, don't worry, it's just from the fireworks you'll feel in your chest. He will wipe your tears before they fall off your cheeks and he will tell you "everything will be ok" in a way that you have to believe it. Sometimes he gets mad, just let him listen to his music and tell him dumb jokes until he smiles. He loves banana peppers on his sandwiches so make sure you ask for extra. If you're sick he will give you a big t shirt to wear and make you toast and watch and movie with you while you fall asleep on his chest.He wants to take care of you so let him carry your bag and make you things to eat, he'll appreciate it, and he makes the best tea. And if you ever go to a haunted house like we did on our first date, he'll be brave and walk in front with you even though he's terrified but would never say so. He'll hold your hand even if it's sweaty.

And you might already know all of these things, but I know them too, and I will never forget a single one of them. He will always be the best love I've ever had, and losing him is the hardest thing I will ever deal with in my life, but he wasn't ready, and I wasn't enough. I wasn't the one for him I guess. So be glad that you are.

Sincerely,
Love Bug
Nostalgic May 2015
She was everything. She was just this presence - this force that felt so much larger than anything else you’d ever experience in this dreary life. She was her own species; too magnificent to be meek, mortal humans like the rest of us. She hadn’t been made for this earth, and it must’ve been by some cosmic mishap that anybody ever even got the chance to encounter her. There was both an unyielding passion and an aching discontentment for life coursing through her. She would look you straight in the face with this sort of empathy that wrapped some feeling of importance and worth around you so softly that it paralyzed you. She had a deep and unwavering fascination with people. She wanted to know them. She wanted to know what touched them in ways that made their chests feel tighter because their hearts swelled up with bliss. She wanted to know what made them collapse onto the bathroom floor and sob so hard that it stopped their breathing. She wanted to what made them feel. And perhaps this was because she had been born with an awful, aching loneliness that hung in her chest. She rarely ever let anyone close enough to touch her, but even when she did, it was as if there was this sort of magnetic field lining her insides that wouldn’t allow anything to reach through. There had been a terrible war raging inside her for as long as she could remember. And she was often in pain. At times, she was gripped with such an intense and piercing sadness that each beat of her heart felt like a knife being twisted further and further into her stomach. The kind of agony that blocks out everything else. And during these times, she wanted to die. Other times, she was subjected to an absence of any feeling at all. Her mother often walked in on her sitting cross-legged on her floor, staring at the small chip in the blue paint on her bedroom wall. No matter how hard she tried, she wasn’t even able to remember what caring about anything felt like. She was overtaken by an emptiness that was incapable of being filled. She was a contradiction of a girl; the softest ray of light marbled with veins of dangerously black abyss. She was not designed for survival, but she sure as hell was designed for something. She lived brighter, harder. She knew that the demons swimming around inside her made it so that loneliness would be all she ever ended up at. No one else would ever experience the state of life she resided in; and while she felt comfort in knowing that nobody else had to feel the way she did, that sort of isolation is a slow and inescapable type of suffocation. And so she lived. She was a shooting star, moving so fast that all anybody else could do was stand in awe and watch. Watch till she burned up. Watch till her breath ran out. And then, one day, there was nothing. Our star had burned out, and the world felt so hopelessly dark. People still went about their lives; going to work, going to school, going to the grocery store and forgetting to buy milk; and people remembered her and people forgot her, and some days I just have a hard time with it all. She was everything, you know? And I guess I just wish you could save people.
Nostalgic Jan 2015
in complete
and surreal
relaxation
the mind continues to question the marks that I still have on my back
everything's blank now and I'm not sure where the carpet staples are coming from
every time I try to stand I end up coughing up broken globes
there's no comfort in the home anymore
and we can't invite the priest because he's starting to lose his mind again
I don't feel strong and I know that scares you
and it scares me
and I'm cold all the time again
it's hard the breathe deeply when I'm being pushed into the fireplace as every plane takes off
Nostalgic Jan 2015
sometimes I want to die.


and I know you don't understand that.


and I'm sorry.
Nostalgic Jan 2015
These pellets are too high
and I finally feel the ache that settles as I try to climb again
it's getting stuck over and over again until the trimming on my bones start to deteriorate while you blink
sometimes when you look in the distance I fathom self destructive behaviors because the more the clock spins the less it goes away
getting the detaching sensation to try something will only pull you away
I can't turn this crank anymore
maybe you have the keys but I don't and I have scars all over back from trying to find it and that's kind of humiliating
I'm petrified and that's just how it is
Nostalgic Jan 2015
Interesting how we're all alone in the Universe
everyone is alone
only some of us can see that
drowning those of us who were stripped from the shade over the isolation that drags everyone into distinct numbness
as humans we come into this world as one,
and we leave as one
it's simply difficult and unrealistic for several to see that this lonesome being occurs throughout life as well
we are alone
Nostalgic Nov 2014
Get rid of anythings that upsets you to a point of hatred.
Be as careful as you can when handling others feelings.
Don't give explanation for actions while you were angry, just apologize.
Don't break the things that break you, for you are not broken, you are hurt.
Appreciate humanity that inspires you, and avoid situations you can't retreat from.
Innovate the negatives.
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