With whimsical, peaceful candor
I floated out of my uber tonight
Bid my driver farewell
I know my face radiates joy, openness, kindness
In a way it has not
In a very, very long time.

Pulled in several directions
My strong feet leap into the air
I imagine and no longer see
Your body dancing next to mine
But its just like I dance in front of the windows
Of my first Chicago apartment, hit record
So free, vivid
The newness bit my lips
I give myself fully over to it again.

High on the beach, I remember just how it all felt
The resentment that welled from my eyes
The first time we had *** again
I walk down the stairs of The Dojo, alone, free
Standing watching the most beautiful black woman
Croon and sing, her keyboard keys speaking
Through an avalanche like mouth
Everything I have encountered, felt, experienced
I ran and I ran and I ran
I've stopped running.

I gazed at myself in the mirror tonight
After washing all of the paint from my face
Combing out long corn husk locks
And I thought in the most vulnerable hymn
"I really am beautiful."

Its not the clothes, or the wild lipstick
Its the act of giving goodness away.

Today it hit me like the painting I ran into
In the small hallway
I am 25 years old. I am getting older.
What do I have to show for it?
What do I have to show for it?
Yet I hear my voice repeat "young"
"Young"
Just shut the **** up babes.
Just shut up.

Anything, anything
Really, truly
Is possible.

I met with a woman today, she asked to catch up, talk film
We discussed, love, relationships, places we have been
Things we have seen
I had moments of voicing my doubt
As faces and strong hands of the newness
I now fully embrace
Reach for me and encourage me

To see myself in the mirror
Corn husk hair
Make up less
Beat up tshirt
Ugly pajama bottoms
No man in my bed
I am beautiful
We are beautiful
Give goodness like a goddess.