I want to reach out
pull you back
     into my life
To bear the obligatory
     anger
to revisit the reasons
I shut us out
Both selfish and selfless
because I love you
     and because I still love you.
Because happiness for you
was threatened by me
because however selfishly I wanted
and because it is never to be.
You are a dream, an ideal
an immortal muse
that should not be real.
But, selfishly, I desire.
Selfishly, I'm weak.
Because god ******* ******
I need you to speak!
I need those words that ignite passion inside me
I need the sound of your breath
so that I may breathe.
I need the stare that
looks deep, then down and away...;
that bitten lip....
that timeless face.
We share stomach scars
and we stared at silent stars
I miss the intensity
   that Distance knew as ours.
I need the unique bond
I've only found with you,
my inspiration.
     My goddess
          my friend,
               my muse.

033109~5.03p