You know what's really unfair?

You f$cked me like you loved me

And I tried to f$ck you like I loved you,

Endlessly.

When I'm sad I think about you

As though that makes me feel better

Instead I'm left feeling more empty

When I'm sad I put on music

Only to skip to the sad songs

When I'm sad I stay sad for days

And I wonder if sometimes
I just like being sad.

I often wonder
What my life would look like
If I never fell in love with you

Or at the very least

If I learned how to let go of you sooner.

It's been 14 years now since I first fell in love with you

And each year

No matter how much or little we talk

I'll still love you

I'll always love you

It just will never be the same as it was at the very start.

I think about reaching out all the time

But I know I would care too much

And you wouldn't care at all

I know if I did I would hurt

So each day I hold myself back

Because I have nothing and everything to say

And I know it's best to leave things the way they are.

If time heals all wounds then what are these gaping holes in my soul

There are missing parts of me I'll never get back and that nothing can ever fill

If time heals

Then why do I still feel so broken

So flooded by the pain

Why do I still feel angry

Still feel sad

If time heals

Why won't it heal me?

If you were to die tomorrow

I would mourn the hardest

And if you don't die until 50 years go by

I'll still mourn you the hardest