Often it feels as if the past
is a desperate, dying dog, its
teeth stuck on the hems of my
jeans, beady eyes intent on
dragging me back to darker times

This feral beast will scrounge up
my hope with a wag of the tail,
drawing me closer so it can bury its
diseased claws within me, taking blood

I want nothing more than to put a
bullet in its ragged face, but that power
is not innate

You took a white soul
and made it blue

I set myself up as a
piece of art and God
took my soul as commission

He's fixing himself,
said I'm difficult

Who am I to judge
a boy whose true colors
I've never seen?

They say stay where you
belong, to me, and to all of
them I say I'll do what I want

But it might be best, I think,
to keep to myself when all
my help just hurts instead

I can't fall anymore
so all that's left to do
is try some more

And I begin to wonder
When the rain will start to end
And my mind will become normal
And God's back will start to bend

When the sun will fall to Earth
And the ground will crack again
When my lover says hello
And my tender heart will rend

I will start to cry again
Eyes as streams of vitriol
And in myself I'll find a friend
Answering my heart's own call

There's a bridge beneath my feet
And there's smoke in my twin lungs
I'm scared this wood is burning
Searing through these fragile strings

I've been searching an escape
That which I cannot find
Buried so deep in this dirt
I'd be better off alive

So please, I plead of myself:
Save me

Give me darkness so I
may

Become light

For once, I'm warm in bed and
tired not because I'm a terrible
suitor to friendship but because
I walked two miles and gave up
halfway through

It wasn't a bad kind of giving up,
I just realized walking alone in
80-degree weather probably isn't
great for my physical health

I feel so good being myself;
I feel so comfortable without a crush
and I've got good music in my ears and
a good friend at my shoulder, and
all I need to be happy is all
I've got with me right now

To deny pain is to deny growth;
to shy away from opportunity is
a waste of life

Accept the fear and blossom,
embrace the struggle and become
something greater

I've likely written about you before;
I can't remember

I can't figure you out,
but I know it's simpler than I
want to believe

It's been more than a year and I
still miss you, I want to
sing with you and sit in the dust
awaiting your arrival

Promise you'll never notice what
I've done to bring us together, because
putting so much work into this is either
romantic or depressing and I'm afraid
you'll choose the latter

There's no summer
without running into
lovers under the sun

Under the hot hot air,
you're beautiful beyond
simple conversation so
I'm sorry, but all I can
offer is a nod

I'm either in love with the wild ones,
the ones who hide their fear with
humour;

Or the quiet ones, beautiful in a slow,
flowing way that catches the eye like dew
on a leaf in the early morning

I'm praying I'm lovely like you so maybe
one day I'll catch your gaze in that same way,
since too many times have I given up and walked away
when maybe, just one, it'll figure itself out

You're quiet when we're near;
beautiful and inquisitive is
what I see in your eyes

I've met people who'd rather not be
figured by how they appear

I know you're wearing a mask and
I'm so scared that we might speak
in the wrong way, I'm so eager to
impress you

How do I make this fun again?

Everybody deserves to be happy
Since we were born to live and
Since evil people are just discontent

Let it run like hot blood
In the snow, cutting like knives
In a soldier's soft skin

Red on white,
Stark, hands in my hair
Breath on my brow

Let your words run down
My back like oil on sand
Black and slick underfoot

You're a perfect poison
On which everything thrives
But me, but trust me,
It's a good death

****!
This boy is tired,
Weary, ready to rest
Ready to beat up the world
After one long nap

Ready to kiss the **** out
Of cute boys,
Make good art,
Listen to tunes that would
Make my mother weep

Ready to bask in the sun
And take it all on
Not necessarily in that order

I think you're lovely and it's easier to
Feel this way once I've come back
Down to Earth

I broke this and I shouldn't try to fix it

I broke this and I can't fix it

Spent my afternoon musing over
a yearbook with my friends,
laughing about how we all
hate the same people

Ignoring how this love will
fade once we've all moved away
since the summer is nearly upon us
and loneliness will take hold

You can't call my bluff
Time to back up, ********

I've escaped the ties of those around me
and living free has taught me to love
myself and never feel shame for living

but when tricky broads and mindless
dogs try to stick labels on me, provoke me
to fight, a fist around my neck looks a
lot like an invitation, so I shut them down
and ignore the thunder in my brain

I remind them they know nothing about me,
I am self-assured, unassailable, and I can learn
from people terrified enough of new things that they'd
come and attack me, and they're scared that I know
what's in their head

You told me once that you
never really did love him,
that you were using him, and
this was supposed to make me feel better

Until I realized after I left you
that the same applied to me as well

If my sin destroyed your
fragile covenant then maybe
it should've disintegrated already

I told my friend that
you're the past

Because you're everything
aging and terrible and ashy
about years gone by

I've got a million other names for
you like cowardly, disloyal,
traitorous

But speaking to you would be a
manner of giving in, going after your
lure, and I knew you as a man of strength
and honesty

And you were, once upon a time,
So what happened?

The illness catches branches low,
heralds beaten unseen woe.

It grows inside me, spark by spark,
a fire in my favorite park.

Jewels forgotten, rivers clean,
mark it by the ashy sheen.

It's gone again; it's worth your while,
stab yourself and spit up bile.

Your days are done and I will rise,
I am back to claim my prize.

///

Bigfoot is real and the government is
Run by lizards dressed in human skin!

Wake up, sheeple! We're being invaded by
Beings from beyond the moon who want to
Steal our culture and **** our land!

Chemtrails are killing free-thinkers by the thousands
And we'll only be safe if we retreat to that commune
In the middle of Utah

Brothers and sisters, you wouldn't think a
Blanket encrusted in ***** could do so much
Damage but clearly we've underestimated the power of deceit

Brothers and sisters and everyone in between,
The land isn't ours and it isn't theirs, and it'd serve us
Well to remind ourselves that the land has always belonged to
Itself and that's never gonna change

It's been several generations now but the blood is still
Fresh and nobody can blame you for being
Sour, but for the love of the gods, it's high time
We transform that anger into motivation

We're more than hokey voodoo magic and
Prophecies about reclamation or apocalypse, or
Cheap drugs and casinos

We're back now, we were never gone,
Just buried

... We'll imagine that you never suggested that we speak of how we'll imagine that you never suggested that we speak of how we'll imagine that you never suggested that we speak of how we'll imagine that you never suggested that we speak of how we'll imagine that you never suggested that we speak of how we'll imagine that you never suggested that we speak of how we'll imagine that you never suggested that we speak of how we'll imagine that you never suggested that we speak of how ...

My mantra is
What goes around comes around
For I can trust in karma that
He who kicks my *** shall
Get whooped also by the
Mighty hand of God above

I hope it's a phase
Because I can't hold my own
Hand through this mess when I'm
Busy sweeping aside the rubble

I'm an alien in my own head,
Feelings unknown and emotions
I don't know the words for

Maybe I won't ever find a way
Out because it bounces back each
Week, kicks me while I'm down,
Watches me bleed from my lips

I've learned it's useless to follow the source
When I can sit here and hear the echoes
All the while

Why join the clergy when men and women
Of the Lord are preaching to me right in
My own home?

I hate people who act like they're the best in the world
When their flaws go beyond something that can be overlooked
When ignorance reigns

You know I'm better than you,
More secure than you,
More comfortable than you

Why not speak to it?

Slaves to pain,
We're all addicts to
That which compels us to
Destroy ourselves

I can't lay the blame on
Anyone but myself since
It's me who gave in

Inaction is a form of action
And holding back has more
Power than I ever imagined

One thing I love about
Music is the way I might get
Burnt out on an artist but
At the tail end of it all, I might
Listen to their first song I ever
Heard and get pulled right back
In again

What's harder than leaving
A human being behind,
Sacrificing a billion would-be's
And countless possibilities

And what irony could be found
If I did stick around and if I
Did discover that nothing lay in
Wait for me?

I care about you,
I do,
But I can't linger on people
Who make me feel confused and
Lonely

He is not worth my time
He will not consume my life
He does not care about me
When I left him he began to rot
For he thrives on attention

He is worthless in my eyes
And to say this is selfish but
Selfish will save my life

He was bejeweled in my eyes and
He is nothing more than a stone in
A pond, rife with moss and void
Of gems, a faceless individual lost in a
Crowd of billions

He is not worth my time

Self obsessed roamers wandering
Without a path in mind within
The bounds of a world they think
They can see

They think they know

What love is and what it means
To get lost and that neither of these
Things are evil but are in fact the
Two remaining wonders of this world

I know exactly what peace is and I
Hate myself for filling my head with
Meaningless feelings and material desire
And I will do anything to get lost in the
Woods again for if you know your mind
Then you are never truly lost

You are not my friend

Until we sing at the sky and
Your fingers run my back like
A racetrack

Until we speak like family
And the world bends to give us
Space

Until our lips touch and
Sound exits like in a vacuum and
My heart stops and starts again

You are not my friend but
I can dare you yet to overcome
That fear of yours and hold time
In your hands like you've held so many others

Like God above,
You are not my friend

I'm nothing next to this mountain
And I've begun running
Lest it tear me apart

Briefly caught in the crossfire,
Cut in half by speeding bottles,
Torn apart by the words of drunk monsters,
I've weathered a lot

Nothing will come close to this
Confusion, this terror wrecking my
Fragile bones, a heart that cannot
Comprehend the horrors you've wrought
And I know that you are just as fearful

You said it to my face and it took me
Months to catch on and now it's worse
Than ever - quickly made worse than it ever was

I feel older and in control,
Or I should be

But instead I feel young and
Terrified

I don't know what I'm supposed
To be but I know that lingering on
Tear-wrecked faces isn't helping
Anyone here

You could achieve your dream of
Soaring over the clouds if perhaps
You cut those chains around your
Ankles and left the Earth for what it is

Worldly; we fall for angels who end up
Being much more foul but in the end
We find they were angels anyway,
Unknowing

This mess of red string is around my wrists now
And I want to burn it to the ground but I
Know that honor is yours -
Free me please so I won't have to dwell on
Memories I don't understand

It hit hard like a punch to the gut,
People writhed all around me,
Staring at the sky and the ground
And anything but
Him

Seated beside me, eyes empty
As his life was recited for the world
To hear; it was like the Earth opened
Up and swallowed us whole

The courage you weathered is
Unimaginable; you're not a
Healer but a judge

I love you and your voice and
Your music and I wish you'd
Embrace your talent and your
Skill with change

If I could cut through the miles I
Would, if I could find a way to
Help us both I would, if I could
Find a way to get you here I would

I'm building a garden and a haven and
I want to emulate the beauty I felt last
Spring, a year ago, pulling off that
Woodsy Bohemian Highway

We're so similar I'm scared to speak,
I was living a mistake, killing myself
By the fireside, and all the while I was
Petrified, cradled in the arms of a murderer

I've found a light since then and I'm
Hoping we can speak again

///

I don't know what's wrong with me,
What does God want from me?
So I can be perfect and funny once
Again, youth restored, safe so my
Heart isn't bored

Drenched in despair,
I've already been replaced -
I watched it happen, day by day,
And I can't help but hate
That which is better than I am

I need an escape and a place
I can run to because this town
Isn't my home anymore;
These aren't my friends anymore

///

It was the same yesterday
And today and tomorrow
And I'm praying for a change
But abandonment is the solution
I don't want to accept

By the end of the day and the sun is
High I find myself forgotten by
Those whom I love and I begin to
Feel that heat in my chest

I run home like a child pushed to breaking,
Hands tense and clutching denim,
Breaths forced because breathing is hard

Praying for change, denying what I
Know is true, I need to
Escape these echoes

All I saw was white noise;
Empty crackling and a voice
Behind the mask

You're muffled and I can't hear
The truth under this sheen of
Sound

Every time you look at me
I hear a question and I can't
Translate it from this tongue
You're speaking in

I take a step and plunge
Headfirst into a well full of
Oil and grease

I roll my eyes to the back of
My head and I see my assailant
Behind me

Eyes in my skull as old as gold,
Seeing lands to which I've
Never been

Never been there to pray for peace

Don't do affection, just
Throw it out and dust the
Curtains and be done with it

I just wanna love myself and
Thank God I'm the best he's
Ever made

I could chase you for a hundred years
And never take a single step

I need a miracle if I hope
To cross these miles, to
Beat the odds

To hear your voice over the
Speakers again

I was born twice and about one day I remember
Everything and of the other, nothing

We're all one and one united,
Paths blending and voices mixing until
Languages are indecipherable and
Each touch is the same in its variety

We're back and we never left,
And if there's one thing you should take
Home with you, let it be that, with the hope
That it reminds you that it's possible to
Disappear completely whilst biding your time

I was born twice and the second time was as intense
As the first, if quieter, and I tapped into something
Much greater than myself

We're all one and one united, and if tracking back
Means you'll reach a second birth, come into
Contact with a family you never knew, then
Maybe it'll be worth it

I love you and your voice and
Your music and I wish you'd
Embrace your talent and your
Skill with change

If I could cut through the miles I
Would, if I could find a way to
Help us both I would, if I could
Find a way to get you here I would

I'm building a garden and a haven and
I want to replicate the beauty I felt last
Spring, a year ago, pulling off that
Woodsy Bohemian Highway

We're so similar I'm scared to speak,
I was living a mistake, killing myself
By the fireside, and all the while I was
Petrified

I've found a light since then and I'm
Hoping we can speak again

Minutes since I last knocked on your door
And I can't tell why I cling to people who
Make me feel like I'm sick

Everyone's busy
All the time
Too choked up on pleasure
To hear the calls