Until we find ourselves under the same stars. We'll be searching over and over for the love we have left in the open sky. And this my love, is my unsent letter of an unfinished story.
And this is the beginning.
From scraps of broken pieces of ourselves, we once built trust.
From the shattered pieces of our hearts, again we danced without the music and the lights surrounding us.
From empty chairs and spaces, we shared the deepest scars unknown to the people around us.
From lonely words and empty promises, we laughed and smiled as we exchanged happy thoughts of goodbyes and suicides from past experiences.
And from nothingness, for a moment,
As we lie down together with the sky slowly covering the sun,
I watched you as you slowly undress,
I prepared for battle,
I knew it will happen,
Our souls collide
Our bodies unite
Our hearts ignite
And the night was filled with lust
And there was something
Yes! it was a different kind of love
No! It wasn’t love but it was pretty close
But until then…
Until we find ourselves in the same bed, underneath the same blankets. We’ll be searching over and over for the love we thought would never end. And this my love, is my unsent letter of an unfinished story.
I remember how you would cling onto my arms and you’d tell me:
“I’ll annoy you forever”
And then, we’d walk around town like it’s the last.
I remember how often we exchanged messages and how long we spent talking on the phone.
We talked about politics, we talked about god, we talked about how ****** up this life is for us.
We talked about anything under the sun.
I remember everything we did that made us who we are. I remember everything you said. From sweet talks to curse words. From I love you to go **** yourself. From I'm sorry to *******. From i miss you to why don’t you just die? And from ingat ka to putang ina.
For a second, I remember everything.
Wait.
You were like the sound of the pouring rain, it ease my mind, you remove my pain. You were like a freshly opened bottle of water or a Gatorade, you quenched my thirst every time I dive right in between your hips without wearing anything. You were like the PM1 at Mang Inasal, when I was starving to death, you feed my hunger with unlimited supply of love, but only for a matter of minutes until the guard places the signboard at door saying “sorry we're closed.”
“Sorry, we’re closed.”
At that moment, I saw the future was only a step away from the present.
And every time you said “I love you, babe” without sound.
I knew it from the heavens above,
Angels can be true, sometimes.
But then I knew it too,
Before we even began,
We were already at the end.
Just waiting to finish what we were about to get started.
From the promises we made, we lied to keep us safe.
From all the pain we felt, not even a single shot of morphine can make us numb.
And from all the hurt we had, we drank ourselves with beer and threw up all the **** like we don’t care.
And from something, once again, we were nothing.
Yes, we were nobody from the beginning.
And it happened as if it was expected to happen.
Before we even began,
We were already at the end.
Just waiting to finish what we haven’t started.
But until then..
Until we find ourselves under the same sun. Burning our skin trying to look tanned. Burying our toes into the sand like burying the past ‘cause no one would understand. Maybe somehow, somewhere, we won’t be searching anymore for the love we thought we deserve. But maybe, we could just accept the love that is being freely given without asking anything in return.
And this my love, is my unsent letter.
And I'm just a name you won't even remember. And you'll look for that distinct part of me but you won't find that from anyone else. I swear to god that I don't even believe in, you won’t find me in that lonely hearts club band playing your favorite songs of blues and jazz.
But you know exactly where to find me.
You just don’t want to.
And if you’d only search your heart.
You’d find me there, sleeping soundly.
But until then...
This is the end of our story.