They say
Genius and insanity are two sides of the same coin
I wonder what I am
I'm not calling myself a genius
Because if I was...
I wouldn't be falling for you

I suppose that makes me insane,
Falling for something I'll never hold,
Like the Sun for the Moon

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As the rising sun hits its zenith,
We rise, as one

Let the power fill your body,
Strong and natural

We will win with love

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In the early morning sun,
With cigarette smoke falling from my lips,
I wish you were here.

And I know you wouldn't approve of what goes on here,
But I wish you were here.

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I love that your phone backgrounds are quotes, and not people
Because you seem like the type
To chant mantras at yourself in the mirror every morn
And I can't help but see that as utterly adorable,
Yet as showing your determination, too
To not give up,
To keep going, no matter what
I see it a lot, that determination
In school,
In sports,
And,
Quite honestly,
It's my favorite thing about you
So keep on keepin' on
And look forward to your future
Because I think you'll go far.

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I think love is pink
Because what is love,
If not the rosy blush of your cheeks,
Or the way my heart beats when we hug?
Love is the color of butterflies
Flapping their wings in my stomach
And I feel
As though my blood would run
Dripping, pale pink, out of my nose
If you said you loved me back
It's funny though,
I have no need to worry
Because you're already in love

It's sad though,
Because you're not in love with me

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I was going to make a wish
But instead I find myself writing
Because I know that wishes don't come true

The first time I wanted to kiss you was last year
Yet I still have not felt your lips
And the first time I wished to ******* was months ago
Yet I still have not intertwined your body with mine
And the first time I wished to hold you was weeks ago
Yet still I have not felt you in my arms

You may call me cynical
But I have given up on wishes and miracles
For I know they do not come true

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Dear Mrs. H,

You have taught me quite a lot:
Patience,
Unending kindness,
The power of a smile and laugh,
Faith,
Belief in someone else,
And,
Agape.
Unconditional love.
Thank you, truly
For you have shown what it means
To truly love and live life
I don't know anybody Quite Like you
And I'm quite certain I don't want to
You are a one-of-a-kind
And I am truly grateful for you

Thank you.

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I think the reason that I so loathe wearing socks
Is because
How am I supposed to feel:
The wool carpet on my feet, scratching like 30 grit sandpaper,
Or the way grass bends under my toes,
And the sharp pain of stepping on a rock,
If my feet are cushioned and suffocated?
I hate sweaty toes more than I hate vegetables,
And yet...
Here I am,
Every day,
Socks on, shoes tied,
Feet sweaty and almost lifeless
And all because of the lack of life under my heels

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I mean, sure, I don't always remember chores or do my homework,
But you can't say I don't remember the important things,
Like how you like your coffee scalding,
Or that you prefer the window seat on the bus,
And how you love bright colors, all of them,
Except pink

So yeah, I may be forgetful,
But I sure as hell remember the important stuff
And that's what counts, isn't it?

Even if I'll never have to use that knowledge,
It's still good to know that I could treat you right if I had the chance

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It is now past midnight
Yet another night where I should be asleep
And here I am, writing, thinking

It's been three minutes
Now four
I have written nothing of substance
I want to write, but what of?
About who I think I'm falling for?
About who I have a crush on?
About my past?
About my present?
Future?
Maybe I just need to write
And get all my nothing out

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It feels like my heart is being crushed in a vise
Or drowned

****
I just want to be able to breathe without thinking of you
And how you broke my ******* heart

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There once was a girl
A girl who loved everyone but herself
Her smile outshone the sun itself
And her laughter drowned out the birds
But one day
The sun stood alone
And the birds had no competition
The girl had finally drowned in her hate
And flowers shot up from her grave
They muffled the birds and filtered the sun
And the girl was finally loved

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Your clawed hands reach through
My screen
And twist into my heart,
Ripping,
Tearing,
Until I can feel the tatters of
What used
To be my soul
Bleed Red Red Red into my bosy,
Poisoning me.

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Soft green lances of grass
Sweet and supple, I imagine.

They tower up into the sky,
Reaching, reaching, reaching,
A contrast to the cold hard dark rocks in the lake.

One stretches up,
The other hunkers low.
But it is not like they have a Choice in the matter.
That is how, why, and wherefore they were created.
We all have a different purpose in life.

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First and last poems are a pain,
By that I mean I
Attach so much expectation to them that
I can hardly write the
**** things.

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I'm going to get tattoos one day,
And when I do,
I'm going to get angel wings on my back
So that I will never forget
Those that got me through my worst times
And so I'll be reminded
That even those in the dark
Can one day conquer that and be suddenly bathed in light
Basking in the rapture,
That glorious feeling,
Knowing that our Creator himself
Is smiling down on you

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My thoughts always seem to come back to you
And I think
That even if I was stranded in the desert
I'd think of you til I died
Because everything I'd see would remind me of you:
The sand dunes blowing like your hair
The sun shining as bright as your teeth

If I had dehydration
I think that maybe
Water would be the last thing on my mind
Instead i'd be dreaming of your lips
Unattainable like water
And as my body would grow weak,
And I'd fall to my knees
And as my body would die and waste away,
The wind would whistle through my bones,
And I bet if you listened closely,
You could hear your name in them

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You make me think of flowers and trees

And If
You ever touched my skin
Trees would shoot up

Because you are Mother Nature and
I've never -
I've never met someone so earthy and free,
Someone so wildly reserved
A mess of contradictions, all at once

You light up like the three thirty AM
Sun lights up the water

And your eyes are so blue they might
as well
Have
Clouds in  them
But you are too bright and yellow for that

Can we live in the forest together, dear?
I think we'd be right at home

(Or at least I would)

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Indelible images left on my heart
Tattooed there by the needles of broken love
And the only way to remove them
Is lasering that image off by forgetting
And it will be painful
And it will take a long time
But they will leave your mind
And those tattoos, those memories that you thought would be there forever,
Will just ...fade away,
Not with a bang,
But with a whimper
So much for "Till The End of Time"

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Everything reminds me of you,
From a stand of aspen trees- the ski trail where I first thought how beautiful you were,
From the light on the leaves- honey colored, like your hair in the evening sun,
From the house we passe by- it looked like yours, Midwest-y and rustic,
From the music- folky and country, like your favorite band (now in my top three),
From the blue sky- the shade of your eyes in candlelight,
From the pop music on the radio- like our prom's music, where you had no fun with me,
From everything, ******* - the air the dogs the water the STILLness of my heart up here, somethign I thought only you could ever give.
Oh what I'd GIVE to knwo you again.

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"Fall on your knees
Oh, hear the angels' voices
Oh, night divine
The stars are brightly shining"

This always reminds me of you,
My angel

Fall on my knees
Hearing your voice,
Rip my soul from my body,
I don't deserve your presence

How and why I was blessed with you,
I do not know
All I know is how grateful I am

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I haven't written in here in two months
And I thought it was cause I was done
Done with love
Done with being sad
Done with drowning in my feelings
Done with floating in *****
I suppose I was wrong
Maybe I won't ever escape you
And I honestly don't know
If that's good or bad
Because on one hand,
I'll never have you
But on the other,
Every time you smile and laugh at me
My world gets brighter
It's such a sweet torture
But is it worth it?

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The fading sunlight strikes the windows
The bus cocoons me safely,
Inside
As we rocket to our destination,
I am struck by the mystery
Of the beautiful odds
Of our luck to exist,
As we are, within this world
To be able to experience the snow, frost, and leaves
It is a wondrous mystery

And I do not know
What other way
I'd possibly like to have it

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It's almost midnight and I know I should sleep
But with so many thoughts flying around which ones am I to keep?
Should I think on you, her, him, her, mom, dad, brother, friend?
The possibilities are endless, yet
I know I can't keep on like this
Or I'll be exhausted in the morning

I am not satisfied with these words
I know I can do better
Someone
Teach me please
I want to write about my feelings
But I don't know what to say
So here I drivel on
And bore myself more each day

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The sweet and sour green taste in my mouth
Reminds me of the leaves in the trees,
In the sun.

Light and snappy, all at once.

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They said she wore:
A ballgown of sadness
With a beautifully sad bow on her waist
And dark blue melancholic gloves
Her skin sparkled with wretchedness
And on her ears glittered joyless earrings
She wore her sadness well
But it didn't matter
Because no matter how stunningly they thought she wore her sorrow
She knew the truth:
Pain is never beautiful
So she stepped into a fire
So everyone could see:
"Depression's never pretty
And now it has killed me
Don't put flowers on my grave, please
I want everyone to know I died in hideous sadness"

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You made a Jew joke
And I remembered KS,
The book about ******'s regime's use of the Holocaust to **** the Jewish people
And I thought of the millions of lives of
Innocent kind loving lovely people,
All wasted.
Gone.
Terribly, traumatically ripped away
From Terra Major.

And just didn't think that it
Was funny anymore.

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In between two places again

Never a clean break

I leave webs and tendrils wherever I go;
They draw me back once more

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Before you fall in love with someone else
You must first
Fall in love with yourself

Fall in love with the way you snort when you laugh,
With the curve of your hips,
The gentle arc of your thighs,
How harshly your muscles stand out when you flex

Fall in love with yourself.
run your hands up and down your body,
Feeling every curve and dip
Fall in love with your knobby knees and dry elbows,
Your puns, your smile, your red ears.

Fall in love with yourself,
And then,
Only then,
Will you truly be able to love someone else

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Sometimes I think I'm made of ice:
Cold, so cold, not caring, not giving,
nothing.
Sometimes I turn so cold I'm amazed my heart still beats

But there you stand,
A blazing bonfire,
Melting me, warming me,
And I can feel the icicles dripping

Boom. Bo-boom.
My heart starts beating again,
And - here I am,
Finally human again.
And warm.

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I want to run my hands down the highways of your body
And I want to find all the back roads nobody else knew existed
And maybe
Just maybe
You'll let me heal the car crashes on your skin
And dry the rivers falling from your eyes
I can clear the storm clouds in your head

Because all my maps point to you, dear
And I'd love a chance
To drive my way into your heart

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I must admit,
I am missing you right now,
Though not in a sad manner.
Just a...
Nostalgic one

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If what I felt for her was electric shocks in my nervous system,
Then what I feel for you is a gas,
Gently permeating through my body
Quieter (but no less powerful),
Softer,
But swelling more and more each day,
Filling my body till it leaks through my nose,
A small stream of yellow feeling.

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I thought we were best friends
But you ******* lied
I feel like I got my stomach punched
My guts ripped out
I kind of want to ****
We were best friends
That means we tell each other everything
But I guess you didn't get the memo

...I suppose it's my fault too
I should have made it clear that I'd listen and help you, without judgement
No matter my personal feelings
I'm sorry
I failed

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One of the most
Beautiful
Sunsets
I have ever seen.

Low,
Red and purple mix together,
With oranges, blues, and peaches overhead
Pale and rose pink finish off the top,
While a blanket of blue provides the backdrop.

The white snow is turning blue,
Dark to match the coming night.

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The great dark of the night
Swallows up the forests and lakes,
Buildings and roads,
Swathes of black covering all.

These lights do not banish it well enough.

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I can hear only the thrum of my fan
And the passing of cars

The house sits still;
It has nothing to say.

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You slipped from my grasp
(Though I never held you to begin with)
And I fear
(With some concern)
That with that missed chance
(They seem to be piling up, don't they?)
Goes a little bit of my heart
(You tore it off with your smile and nails)
If I was polite
(Which I would be, if my momma taught me)
I'd smile and thank you for your time
(Like Good Little Girls should)
But since I'm not
(And thank heaven for that)
*******

You ****** me up and you don't even know it

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I think

I'll be thinking of you for a very long time,
My dear

You have this
Way
Of sticking in my brain,
Like a burr
(A very pleasant one)

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It settles on my shoulders,
A heavy cloak.

A low sigh, then
A quiet acceptance of this burden again.

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I don't even know what to say
Sometimes you're all I think about
And I feel that you're the only other person in this ******* world
Other times I couldn't give a **** about you
It's so confusing when your heart doesn't know who-what it wants
Because
I can't face my feelings
I can't hide from them
And that is worse than loving someone you can't

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I've always wanted to go to church
Not a hoity-toity one,
Where you have to wear clothes so starched you can't breathe
But one on the beach,
Where you can feel the rising sun
And the sand between your toes
And smell the salt air
And the pastor preaches love,
Spinning tales about birds and bees and trees,
And how our Creator love us, No Matter What

I just want a church of love, not hate
Where everyone is equal
And everyone is loved.

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The water swirls and whirls,
With calm spots scattered amongst the rushing rest.

Such is life.

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Soft, gauzy legs
Shimmery, silky material

Fingertips gliding, searching
Hoping, wanting

You.

And your beating heart next to mine.

Thud.
Thud.

I can practically feel your breaths on my
Neck.

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I can smell the blown out candles
It smells like
Sadness
Wax
And a little bit of bitterness
All rolled up into passionate flames
Sadly snuffed out
Much like my heart
This is confusing and none of it makes sense
But ******,
It's how I feel

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Winds pushing in to shore,
Bringing sand and silt with them
What else could it bring?
New hope?
New blood?

Both, I hope.

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I can only imagine your soft voice in my ear,
Teasing me in that dry stoicness you have.

Of course it'd be a lot easier to hear you if you weren't hundreds of miles and a long-distance phone call away.

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A falling raindrop,
It plummets past the treetops,
Hellbent on its doom

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I have written five poems
For you, about you, to you
But not with you

And I know I won't get any gifts
But it sure would be nice
To have you on my birthday

And I know you don't know this
But I am in love with you
To have you return it would be the best

Gift?
Blessing?
Curse?

That would ever be

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As the bees seemingly swim through the heavy, humid air,
I dip my feet in the water and watch
The lilies floating on the surface,
Providing shade to the fish below,
And a perch to the frogs above

The clouds drift through the sky,
Shape-shifting to whatever my heart wants to see

And what I see is this:
Love hanging in with the campfire smoke
Roses, fully bloomed,
Sharp little cracks of scent,
Pushing aside the humidity, even if only for a
Moment

Fish darting through the lake's rocks,
Nervously swimming,
Gaping, gasping,
Eating Mayflies

Life is just bursting all around me,
And nature is truly in the throes of youthful energy,
As I sit here,
Transfixed and energized by the power of life.

I can practically feel the summer's heat in my veins.

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