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1.2k · May 2012
Bellies
Matalie Niller May 2012
Distended or disgusting,
too big never flat enough
our bellies dictate our worth;
bigger means money for food,
but not enough money for lipo.
Smaller means either
a) good genes
b) exercise
c) eating disorder.
Why oh why must we all be so enslaved
to our belly sizes?
It frustrates me to be frustrated with my belly
it never did anything wrong,
it's just not as flat as my 100 pound classmates
but it's still lovely.
It still digests food, and has a special little button to remember my birth.
Why must we hate these bellies so?
1.2k · Jun 2012
Comment allez-vous?
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Je suis tres bien
je pense,
mais aussi tres triste.
Je ne sais pas,
ma tete est tres comble de problemes,
comme
"porquoi je suis tres bizarre?"
ou
"a quel temp nous sommes manger?"
Tous mes amies sont tres belle
mais les garcons ne me pense pas,
ils aiment mes amies.
Je dis "d'accord"
mais je suis triste,
c'est possible je ne veule pas l'attention
mais je ne sais pas.
C'est possible
je suis un etranger.
1.2k · Oct 2012
Spill
Matalie Niller Oct 2012
If you want to hear a secret
life isn't quite identical
anymore
the past is very long gone
today is an adventure
it's bizarre
waking up with rug burns
not certain what went where
and it's ok
if one person is a disappointment
leaves you hanging
and you feel unwanted
because many others can't even fathom this mentality
wouldn't comprehend
and yet
the ones you trust
want to believe in
can be irresponsible
and thus
life is strange
and it has no pattern quite yet
that isn't one hundred percent perfect
1.2k · Aug 2012
Osteopsychosis
Matalie Niller Aug 2012
Ow, my pride.
Sweet sixteen queen
hurtling towards womanhood
frisky and eager for escapes
all of them
exits, tunnels, heaven
turn off the light
I'm reading a ghost story
in here
my head
found a limo to ride along the way
real cheap and clean
recommend it to a friend even
odd, how gravity works
it does, right?
Ups and downs
sexually charged until about age 67
until then
let's be terribly naughty
why not?
Can't take lust with you
where you're going
can't even take life.
1.1k · Jun 2012
Paper Mache
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Lordy it's a pretty day though
humidity may ruin the glue
must use less water or else
the whole contraption will fall apart-
balloons pop wire melts
oh no Machu Picchu is ruined
just a globby mess of beer bottles and pizza boxes
how can I describe
how you look like a less attractive Jason Segel
and not even nearly as cool
still pretty smart though
but something tells my brain
there are plenty more even better
maybe a male model with a heart of platinum-
or chocolate!
what a perfect man
eat your heart out.
1.1k · Jun 2012
General Dysfunction
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Mind a steel trap
stealing thoughts and memories
cars and high chairs
the Shang Dynasty of "The" great wall
never once said
"What if I can't?"
they only said *****, please
let's build a wall to the moon
Nepal wanted to join in on the fun
captured children like Hansel and Gretel
fed them their own feces they puked for weeks
no candy here
just cold hard abs
rippling
like the ocean
tye-dyed head stones
skipping graves rather gravely
could you spare some change?
Nah man just some odors
re-ordering from Fed-Ex
exponential increase of refraction
reaction
all base
tickle me Elmo
and give me strength.
1.1k · Aug 2012
Goodness Gracious
Matalie Niller Aug 2012
What a cluster-
sometimes you wonder
when things happen
if it was on purpose
or why you can't control the resulting emotions
like why you care
or why your tummy feels like a small ball of copper has been given a shock of electricity
just why
and might I add
who cares?
1.1k · Sep 2012
Rumors
Matalie Niller Sep 2012
Shroomers
silly goons
why are they around-
sketchy friends to have
these foes
smoking out in public
not a care
he carries switchblades
openly cries
makes all uncomfortable
but he sells the stuff
right?
They're nice
to his face
and he's nice
to all he meets
but deep down
all can tell
this guy is trouble:
either we'll get in jail
or he'll get killed.
Inevitable
poor guy
so sweet,
who's to believe
his stories
been through hell
maybe
or maybe he's an actor
a pastor
wanting followers
ending up
alone
because none want to be associated
with one so
wrong.
1.1k · Oct 2012
Almonds
Matalie Niller Oct 2012
All men:
can't be generalized,
like to think they're all basically good,
maybe even human
yes, all men
lovely in their ways
can make a girl feel
like the most desired
car
touch down
fishing rod
cd
and anything else
that that man may desire,
they can make a girl feel
like she has the right to say no,
to have self respect
though she may want to act as if otherwise
can make a girl feel
valuable
to all
that she is making the boy's life better
by being in his presence
that he truly wants her there
with him
and it's great
in that moment
to be desired
and perfect
for the right boy's brain
and then it's gone
because
no girl is perfect
and many are pretty
and in fact
many have decent qualities
and then
you just sigh
because you saw it coming
and as it's going
all you can do
is wave and pretend not to care.
1.1k · Oct 2012
In the Middle of the Night
Matalie Niller Oct 2012
*******
think yer mighty fine
with your big ole bugged out eyes
you all scruffly and *****
like a home doesnt have you
nobody does
youre all you
all yours
no chores
youre probably high
drinking the day away
eating tabs like they have substantial nutritional value
and its kinda ****
the way you look like a mangy dog
could bite and bark
but youd rather snuggle
be sweet
could snap
any moment
couldnt support the weight of the world
with your little arms
but youre you
so you
and its me
you should become accustomed to
1.1k · May 2012
Don Juan's Doritoes Locos
Matalie Niller May 2012
A certain somebody has the most actively attractive eyes when he grins,
they actually twinkle like proverbial stars;
this fact may be what I despise about his existence most of all.
I do not appreciate the cranking in my stomach when I see his perfect, warm skin stretch
and his ****** muscles proclaim positivity
and his strong calcium teeth blind any unsuspecting victims.
I hate the little fishing hook that rips uncleanly in a jagged form in my blood-pulsing heart
when I feel he hasn't properly paid me my much deserved attention.
I outlined my eyes in dark chemicals and fluffed my hair provocatively to lure his lust
for what?
To realize that I do not contain the proper combination of personality traits to appease such an animal soul
and never will.
I really hate the pitiful state of longing and admiration his uninterested being reduces my willing heart to;
to be strong and independent is desirable,
but to be his is a complete necessity.
1.1k · Aug 2012
I Got Worms
Matalie Niller Aug 2012
Smiled until toothless
then was never jolly again
the little kitty had fleas for brains
itchy in all the plausible places
drove to the market for some milk
came home with a tom cat
soon there were little kitties
with lots of love and lots of neglect
they fought and played and drooled and mewed
went to cat school
on vacations they went camping
in the mountains all was well
couldn't distinguish
day from evening
one person too far
enough rocks for the mittens
1.1k · Sep 2012
Trying
Matalie Niller Sep 2012
Muscle groups in the atmosphere
tension
ready for exertion
or maybe a break
snap
ripping cords
would be attatched to rocks
but not now
when all has fallen
but then
all flies
like time
or planes
lies on the air
as it teleports one's body
across the universe
into the conjugal visit that is today
such a catch
this day
so pretty
has a good personality
but is it real?
Nah
can't be
nothing that perfect
is ever natural
but augmented somethings
meant to make all else
quake in its reflection
mirror mirror
why oh why
must the caged bird
breathe?
1.1k · Jun 2012
Finality
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Moments of desperation make days of vulnerability
"Tell me I'm pretty"
"Don't I look cute in my dress?"
Look at me.
I look so **** fine and nobody's jaws are on the ground.
My eyes are gorgeous right now
my hair like silk
so why aren't you eye-******* my brains out?
When you get in this state
after disappointment and having your ribcage bashed with a wrecking ball
you want attention
and you hate it.
You hate the self-centered need for compliments
you want chisled men with rippling six-packs
to compliment the curvature of your collarbone
but what?
Nope
not even the skeezes pay a bit of attention
(probably for the best)
because they can smell the instability.
They know underneath that revealing top
is a blubbering girl dying for some double-chocolate icecream and a Ryan  Gosling flick
over and over
"If you're a bird, I'm a bird"
"I want you. Forever and always."
Silent and strong
sweet and sturly
just cuddle me and pay me compliments like a little sweet slave
don't be *****
just tell me my cheek bones are sculpted and my lashes are lush
and my side bends are really making a difference.
Shallow little pick -me- ups,
vocal vicodin
just gimme some nice narcotic attention
so I can stop obsessing
about how lame I was,
how close,
and how he still chose her.
1.1k · Jun 2012
Proser
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Not one for sunshine, she preferred the shade. Understandable. Arizona can be a real ***** if you know what I mean. Even the cactuses are dried stiff and developed sun-callouses. She was tired of drinking sand in her water, sand in her air, lungs grity like dentist tooth paste. She was also blind, never saw the yellow of the sun but knew of the light, its brightness its harsh ways. She was aware of the prickly green cactuses, the rattle snakes with their innards cooking during lunch time. This woman wanted to live with trees now. Desert had been a past time to dream about during her youth, she heard of the bitter dirts and dry airs and miles of flat land broken by large mounds of mountain (that she never saw but trusted existed). Her nephew was a grown *** man, coming over every now and again to keep her some company while her company slowly reduced her hours, told her to lay off working, her bones were getting brittle, would snap, a hip would pop, and really the way she stared without seeing into their eyes was just a little unnerving. She hated her job. Hated her nephew, who even without seeing his face could tell he was a large, sweaty pastey guy who constantly wiped his face with a towel. She wasn't sad or unpleasant, just real, honest with herself and others in ways people couldn't quite appreciate just yet, not yet. Not until one day they realize all isn't peachy and fine, and that everything is insane, and then they realize the insanity is what makes everything worth living for anyway. She could see this. With no sight, she could see and she would smile, then frown because she could feel the curiousity of onlookers trying to figure her out. People weren't for figuring out, they were for watching and moving along as if nothing had ever happend. And in this way, she moved.
1.1k · Mar 2015
Gypsy
Matalie Niller Mar 2015
Confounded by the notion-
tough calls made by high hitters
holy rollers
pushing perps towards methods
needles and thread
heart of lead
logs split the stems of the reasons,
sob stories, trust issues
daddy problems
it's all the same
to some
the proletariat
guilty and prestigious
what a winning combo
lacked freeness, full of this knowledge
can't write worth a ****
**** poor,
not anymore
since passion was absorbed
a dried up, muddy ******
spring is coming! spring is coming!
One if by land
you if by me.
1.1k · Jun 2012
Connect the Stars
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Let's do **** together
**** some ghosts eat some zombie innards and outers
eat me
I got big lovely brains
taste like warm honey
stickiest of the icky
mickey mouse club house
getting twisted up in your zipper
bring it on down to my dimension
the fifth
pleading for mercy or attention
maybe to be left alone with a stack of cash
crash the waves against the starry night
kiss me you fool
****** ***** ape
gaping at a film reel like it's more interesting than my emotions
****
need some distractions
always some abstraction
of false affection or sobriety
gimmee a break, a piece o' dat ***
bongrips to make you feel blind
yeah that's it
what's his name?
Still remember
flash back to brown eyes and sweet stares
smiles to make a belly shrink and swell
selfish in needing a gentleman
wanting to turn him naughty
make him an inmate who hasn't seen a woman in 40 years
too late
fall down some stairs
wake up with bruises, confuses the neighbors
shut up I'm fine
always fine
always lyin
God I love the summer
1.1k · Jun 2012
Lava
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
If you like
some day will be so drastically different from today
that you will never know how insignificant current worries are
or how silly actions were
life can be
how you like it:
queen of primetime
soccer mom
beach ***
anything.
I think I'd like to be a traveller.
I want to see the places I've only heard of
to ensure that they do exist
but I'd want to do so only if there was no hostility
which is impossible
so I suppose this will have to do
only hearing stories
googling images
reading books and learning languages
and just imagine the view from another mountain.
1.1k · Sep 2012
Bowls
Matalie Niller Sep 2012
Never complains
do you
you bird of a feather
jesus incarnate
you so sweet and perfect
like a little lamb
chewing on cud
loving life like
a kite in the sky
so high
bit fragile
don't you think,
made of paper
was once a giant oak tree
tall and strong
sturdy
reduced to paste
liquid
put through rollers
dyed
now flimsy
enough to fly
enough to rip
at the very mention
of wind
1.0k · May 2012
Hemp Brain
Matalie Niller May 2012
Jimmy Beans were strewn in the fields like fire crackers
out from the waxy hulls
sprouted miniscule Bizarrities
(which is a word because it was their names).
The Bizarrities were kind, they enjoyed playing pan flutes
and had a nifty knack of flipping silver coins so that they consistantly landed on heads.
They cried when picked in the Spring-a-ling,
but after a day or two adjusted to life outside the vines
and took up anthropology, or archaeology.
A few opened their own dental practice and picked the little green teeth of fellow Bizarrities.
One day, to-day,
a Honey Tree was swimming along when it came to a Bizarritie.
"Hello kind Bizarritie, won't you play a song for me?"
The green Bizarritie laughed in false glee and said
"My dear sweet Honey Tree, thou art positiv-ity
the reason why I left the ground
and moved to Bizarritie-town."
The Honey Tree, baffled and distraught, contemplated the feelings he thought.
It was on that day, bright and dreary, that the Honey Tree grew ever weary
of the merchants on streets and artists and skeets
and the reasons why
not all assumptions die.
1.0k · Sep 2012
Malargony
Matalie Niller Sep 2012
used to be so sweet
and shy
that one time
but i guess he was misleading
now an aggressive werewolf
wanting what he wants
unfairly
and it's scary
but i like it
1.0k · Oct 2012
Sucks
Matalie Niller Oct 2012
Who are you
to keep being dumb
in a way that hinders your happiness?
It sure disrupts mine
to know
that your joy
cannot corelate
with mine
which is to be
not yours
but you won't have it
you won't have any
you sure won't have me
if I have any say
but I want you
to be happy
so that my selfish self
can sleep a bit more peacefully
1.0k · Dec 2012
Milestones
Matalie Niller Dec 2012
Come on over and see for yourself
What 30 years of long nights
Faster than the speed of speed
Crack can break your mother’s pride
Lungs like bubbles
Used to be lovely
Now nothing but a sorry sight
For any eyes
Especially mine
Wouldn’t like to look upon
Empty skull of a used to be person
And see only
A lifetime of poor decisions
And a desire for peace of mind
Never satisfied.
1.0k · May 2012
Me-Harmony
Matalie Niller May 2012
Not a biological accident, I breathe with purpose
sipping in the ethers and spirits
chakras and energies
smoke and incense.

I am no fool, only inexperienced,
and really,
can you fault the naive?
We don't know what we're missing,
let alone can feel the gaping emptiness that the aware  suffer to know,
and sometimes
I rather enjoy being utterly incoherent and oblivious of reality.
Not dumb just numb.

I do not require much, only sunlight, oxygen, dirt
and ofcourse guilty pleasures
chocolate
fashion magazines
shirtless rugby players.

I am no cosmic miracle
only a human who deserves respect and decency,
a mix of my mamma and my dad and a bottle of Merlot
shaken and popped in an Easy Bake Oven
I am just a little old me and a little old maid
and I can only learn to accept such facts.
996 · Jul 2012
Ulcers
Matalie Niller Jul 2012
Twerk it, girl
no no no
more thinking
smiles
slightly tipsy
no spine, all hips
more tipsy
like that, sir?
Sure you do
**** and fully aware
shorts, just that,
enough to make men blush
flush and profusely excuse themselves
overcome with instinct
instead
poor girl
she wants the attention
to be seen and not touched
like a museum exhibit
behind glass
delicate, fragile, beautifully preserved butterfly
dancing like a *****
respected like a scientist
can't have it all
actions become perception
dancing like that
you better get naked just as well,
going to be late for class tomorrow
call a cab
this girl's good to go
987 · May 2012
Pleasurably Uncomfortable
Matalie Niller May 2012
I feel naked  in your eyes
skinned, dissected, analyzed
like you already know my thinking,
my secrets, the things I hide even from myself.
You must already know I'm a worrier, and I get high on anxiety like it's my ******* job.
You know that sometimes I make myself eliminate my meals in unhealthy ways to avoid love handles.
I'm almost positive that you know I feel naughty when alone at night and ease my frustration
while thinking of your body.
Your probing eyes
must see my weaknesses,
how I am only a human, a little girl who can not stand to be disliked yet will not accept affection.
Those eyes have seen my fears and insignificant dreams,
like how I wanted to teach immigrants to speak American and give my organs to small, sick children.
Your mind must have some opinion of it all,
all of me, my characteristics and problems and how they mate to create my personality and mannerisms.
I feel so judged and critiqued under your scientific stare,
but the way your eyes stay still and barren, void of all emotion
makes me feel that you are an epicenter of passion that craves to bite into my skin
and I want to let it happen.
978 · Oct 2012
Predator Predations
Matalie Niller Oct 2012
even when done
can still hold it together
we are one
you and us
me and them and you
the same form in the sky
sherry clouds and blue winds
it's a pretty little town
picket fences and jungle gyms
and you think to yourself:
just what in the blazes
is going on here?
948 · Jun 2012
Glass With Class
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Just a little prankster,
what harm can fire do?
Burning like a mountain top
must have the avian flu.
Why do'st thou sigh so loudly,
in streets to clear and broad
why do you hate the anglewoods
whose math is great and odd?
Oh jeezy miss Givens
whatever will they say
when they find out all the naughtiness
discovered on rainy days?
Wet and grey like mutt-pups
soggy like the news,
however can I cry
if she won't sing the blues?
943 · Mar 2015
Sentimental
Matalie Niller Mar 2015
Freedom is
like earth to the shore
eats away, becomes part of
mosaic tiles of all
everything
pieces in every flavor
no not humans
not there
but anywhere
I can see
the perfect one it is for me
cut me loose
and like a bird
released
a messenger to the wild
listen to the fragments,
light and air and cold and trees
what are they all?
They are free:
free from the burden of choices, which
slowly erode
never showed
the passion in a moment's pass
barely contain my enthusiasm
937 · Jul 2012
Monsa Musa
Matalie Niller Jul 2012
He should have called the cops-
saw the crime take place
a robbery, not so well-devised
to many eyes it was unethical
though stealing typically is
when you're an onlooker with money and other ways to sooth your writhing soul-
he should have pretended to be contemplating the wall
its cracks, smooths, colors
stains
he couldn't, though
he couldn't be an innocent bystander
wanted to be a heroic action-hero
took a brick right from the wall
it flew
made home in the robber's face
but he was made of steel
only stronger
He should have never come around
should have felt the danger in the air,
known his nature
he should have worn a bullet-proof vest
935 · May 2012
Muses
Matalie Niller May 2012
O sing in me muses
a tale of some beauty.
Beauty, meaning longing and sorrow
and love that leads to a ******, bitter demise.
Let me feel the cold sweats,
those breathy, exhaustive evenings
filled with the scent of sweet ripend fruits
and slowly drying paints.
I want to be an inspiration for a piece to hang forever
in limbo
in galleries
in Midwestern living rooms.
I want to hang from  branches in olive groves,
purely Greek
but with Nair and Netflix,
making sweet love to the ideals of ancient existence
while surviving the blackest of plagues
(modern immune systems are a Godsend).
Sing deeply into my rib cage, O muses,
so that my bone marrow may vibrate to the point of explosion
causes fragments of calcium to pierce skin
and make beautiful stained glass on the hill side chapels.
917 · Jun 2012
Montague
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Monsters make marvelous pets
and friends
and gods
don't need to be scaley
just powerful
enough to crush bone or spirit
enough to spit logic into the wind
splat in faces
take up spaces
non-believers, over-acheivers
angry beavers
all the same really
made of carbon and hope
floating through the time line
expanding and contracting with the seasons of the universe
be the bee
the ruins on mountains moved with seismic surges
survived storms
bend in the breeze
scream obscenities
loader than sound
faster than sight
perception deception
cartoonish *******
and that is how
the world is made.
910 · Jun 2012
Tremendous
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Timmy thinks a lot of things-
**** should be legal, women should be naked
he had some friends.
One day, they decided
to go to another galaxy
so they hopped on board a ship
Titanic
and sailed away in the sky
to the space
to the beyond
they made good time,
not too many bathroom breaks
and reached Arshbeg in time for lunch.
They hated the atmosphere,
much too musky
and the dirt reeked of some subatomic ****
quark feces
but the sky was beautiful,
you know,
the kind of color that doesn't exist in the typical Earth spectrum of light,
you had to be there to get it,
it's an inside- enlightenment.
Why did they ever come home?
One: the lack of air made it difficult not to drop dead
two their ears began to melt and detattch at random according to cosmic comedy
and three they missed their television,
there was terrible reception on that side of the universe.
They came home with big grins
thought they were cool for their discovery,
only to realize that they were forgotten,
that two days on Arshberg was 500 years on Earth
they met their great great great great great great (and some)
grand relatives
who did not care about time travel
for that was children's play,
and they were just old fogies
too sad for the emotionless world
too obsolete to survive
so they were anihilated to make room
for a digital shopping center of gravity.
Matalie Niller Jul 2012
Riddle me this:
what do you think of my thoughts?
Are my eyes beautiful,
my hair soft and strong?
Does my presence make your insides smile,
your knees weak with fatique and desire?
True or false-
I am perfect
to you
.
Do you really want to hear my opinions
my stories and fears
or are you just waiting until I'm comfortable enough
close enough
to do things a Real Me wouldn't approve of,
gasps at
just wanting to wet your you-know-what
in my you-know-where
right, sir?
Yeah, I'm a ******,
is this a problem?
Probably
if you had any sense,
are you insane?
Can't possibly be any other explanation
just a silly old me
a ***** old you
nothing to bind us but biology
some laughs and my over-tenderness
too young and ancient for this ****
need a break
solitude solstace and Sierra Leone
lionsgate playgrounds, forbidden fruits of unknowledge
a reality
that isn't real
but good enough for me right now
am I not enough?
No
just not the one
for any
one?
D'accord?
904 · Aug 2012
You Like It
Matalie Niller Aug 2012
you know
the way of everything
you like it
like it all-
like it like a frog loves watermelon
you won't get enough
never
not until
you don't like it
which is never
and i like it
886 · Aug 2012
Conspiracy Wary
Matalie Niller Aug 2012
Mother may I
shall we
do what is promised
in the name of shallowness
for terrible non-reasons?
Views are views
even if not agreed with
but should such narrow opinions
be displayed
or even thought of
at all?
When one is offended
there are many reasons:
most valid
others just in the name of argument
but should a personal
albeit ****** opinion
be judged for all aspects of one's life?
Maybe
or maybe all will argue
because all are different
and winners and losers aren't real
but are merely mirages
and a thought kept in a head
can't hurt
so long as the sticks and stones remain weapons of language
and civility and courtesy can be practiced
like real live humans.
883 · May 2012
Strobe Dexterity
Matalie Niller May 2012
He was none too cute
even in the dark,
the flashing indigo and yellow lights showing the hint of  possible redeeming ****** features.
Me thinks he was high,
me knows I was low,
down,
mind stuck in the muck thinking on a silly boy.
He appeared interested in dancing,
and hell, I love to dance
so we did.
I meekly allowed his hands on my waist
they were unintrucive, innocent even, right?
The sensation of man bones on my jeans was exhilerating and unfamiliar
and I felt so inexperienced but willing to learn;
the door to male touches had been opened and I never wanted to remember life before.
My body responded without the instruction of logic,
only feeling,
and I wanted to make him burn.
He, the nameless figure with ******* dragon chest tattoo and nasally voice;
he will not forget this great dancer.
And I did not forget
the one I tried to escape:
the one who would rather dance alone
than with me.
871 · May 2012
Magic Sand
Matalie Niller May 2012
I am not ferociously aggressive, but there are activities that I will not can not partake in.
I will not be a grammar-phile in poetry, for sometimes, a sentence just begs to end in a preposistion. Of.
I won't be the surrogate to the emotions you wish you had for me;
if you truly felt them, you would proudly show off the pregnancy bump, endure hours of painful labor and breastfeed those feelings until the inappropriate age of 2.
I refuse to lower my standards and waste any amount of any time with any man who can't appreciate:
sure, all men are created equally,
but over time they can warp,  change into slight congruence, and then become foreign, rude, selfish.
(Not all, ofcourse, but some, and that sum is one not worth crying or trying for).
I will never lead a boy into thinking he has my thoughts or affection
for such a crime is critically and clinically cruel
and I do not have the scalpel or shears to perform such inhumane procedures and experiments.
I do not believe I will ever have total peace, because I do not think such silliness is worth truly worrying about.
I think I could do almost anything else, like spit poison or turn myself into an inside-out person,
or maybe even solve a math dilemma
but staying stable for too long would make my molecules freeze like zero degrees Kelvin,
and I would turn into paradoxical nothingness.
868 · May 2012
Iridescence
Matalie Niller May 2012
Tea that was once imaginary in the *** is tilted into her gilded, delicate cup.
Thin, like a butterfly's wing, the handle will crumble if  pressure is applied.
"Thank you," she whispers like a lovely little lady to her host, a giant stuffed rabbit.
He is missing a button eye and fluff is foaming out of one of his ear holes.
He nods, and rips a stitch turning away to greet another guest. Her eyes widen.
Fast forward to tye dye and LSD. She is in the mud, covered in rain and ****** fluids,
in a crowd of strangers-turned soul mates, swaying in the vibrations of guitar strings,
thumping palms and fists against rapidly disappearing ground that is no longer solid,
but liquid, Earth, and soon it will all errode until the molten metal core is revealed
and then
all will be one.
Rewind a few lifetimes, pause.
Others are watching from outside a glass cage.
She is inside, curious, observing the observers though aware of  why they stare.
She has a growth on her shoulder, a cyst the size of a sister,
a mini sibling not fully right or grown.
She is a freak for these onlookers, it is her job, duty and fate.
They laugh and grimace as a spot light focuses on her form(s).
She feels numb to the gaiety and exploitation, absent from the popcorn grins
and sticky cotton candy fingers leaving blue prints on her window looking in, so  she can not look out.
Record,
her children all know the moments of her past, the past she never can remember because it wasn't fully her,
but they feel it, in their hair, and their nails and their dreams
that their are their mother's problem.
860 · Jun 2012
Smidgeon of Malt Liquor
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Let me rest me head on your shoulder
such a good pal
am i annoying you?
Do you think my hair is messy
or my eyes blurry?
Am i talking too much?
Sorry i laughed too loud
i don't mean to be annoying
just the way i am sometimes,
i promise i'm not so bad.
Do you respect me?
i'm not a **** like the others
not at all
i won't even kiss you if you think i'm repulsive
do you still respect me?
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
sorry i touched you
sorry i apologize too much
just say it's okay,
that i'm not so annoying
am i?
i promise i'm respectable,
i'm just so sorry
i'm me.
849 · Oct 2012
Dramatique
Matalie Niller Oct 2012
Marching band
of spiraling springs
shifting eloquently
getting a little loopy
off of fumes
cars will make you loony
if they're around too much
on top too much
screeching to a fault
we love it when that happens
that tragedy of fact
where all is exactly as it appears to be
but you sure wish it weren't,
wish it were all a lie
all pretty
all movement and shadow
no fallacies or pharmacies
just us
you know
it could be nice
for a bit
to be a brain in a jar
in a basement
in a house in a town in a world in a galaxy in a universe
that actually exists
to **** it
to there and back
it's more satisfying
than a crying *******'s last song
843 · May 2012
Boom Went the Kryptonite
Matalie Niller May 2012
That tree
it swings
and blows
and loves to show the comes and goes
wanderers and glasses cases with altruistic basses
let it go let it flow
drip drip
down
pails of silt for building *****
all of them, fending off hurricane storms and flooding waters
roll up your jeans baby it's wet out today
muggy and watery
what's the state of our affairs?
He said he wanted one
but only in his head, I think
I wanted him to want an anything with moi
just a silly old anything
that involved his naked body but
he can't do that
can he?
I don't know I'm too afraid to look
too excited to keep my eyes shut
so where does that leave off?
Frozen with hormones and confusion
anticlimaxes burning my brain
his loss
could have been the best thing he ever bragged
or regretted
who cares not me
not him
not the ones holding off the storms and the thorns
not the glint in my eye that proclaims the day is good so long as I can breathe
and then and then
it comes and goes
and so it shows
I need a better use of my rhyme.
842 · Jun 2012
Junktastic
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Well mercy mercy me
merci
pour le vine
c'est tres.....dry
however you look a little more lovely now
call it alcohol inhancement or stupidity or lack of judgement
just call me
and tell me about yer day
what are you wearing?
Sweatpants? Hot.
He one time said he likes to write
I took that to mean "We're soulmates"
but apparently it just meant he was *****
but so was I
it worked out,
a mutualistic relationship
he collected my pollen and tickled my pistil until nectar oozed,
licked my petals
picked my leaves, it was a fun spring
then summer came and dried up all of the birds
they didn't fly away home
ever they just sat in trees and watched the clouds go by
lazy birds lost their drive to destroy
so they relaxed and hoped for a tomorrow
maybe a next week who knows
give it some time and all is good
all is well and swell and fan-tastic
and many people are stoners.
840 · Sep 2012
Rarities
Matalie Niller Sep 2012
Pop it
like a weasel
can it rain in here
it's dark enough
hot enough
energized enough
it could storm
feel it
in the air
like molasses
kissing *****
mine is pretty sweet
thanks for noticing
sorry if you think
I'm a tease
my body and my conscience
want very different things-
which do you think is right?
Oh you don't care
do you
guess it's safer that way
I don't want to care either
I want to never think
just feel
but only if it's good
and only if we never speak again
or else
you must respect the hell out of me
or else
what a hypocrite I'd
am
be.
840 · Jun 2013
so like
Matalie Niller Jun 2013
life right
it's pretty crazy,
the kind of thing you can't make up even in your deepest of strangest of secret imaginations
it's like you want it to just stop, all slow down
and yet you can't help but feel curious,
wonder what's around the next turn of events,
oops you're unemployed
well guess what your car just broke down,
convenient, in a way
in others just perfect
karma has a funny way of playing little pranks on the innocent,
it's the unsuspecting who need to watch their backs
all the crooks have it figured out
***** the system hard enough in all the right places
never have to spend an unwanted dime a day in your alivlihood
life is like an absurd dark comedy
where just when you think the depressed young old soul has found their way
they are struck with a bus
on their birthday
while getting a phone call from a lost love
life is just beautiful
because in all that it seems to find our flaws and shove them in our faces
it has a way of teaching us
how to become better
835 · Jun 2012
Lanky
Matalie Niller Jun 2012
Motivation to be lazy
tweaken all day on high self esteem
rising to the sky like smoke
look at that grin, like a smug donkey
hee-hawwing like a little jokester
but nobody's laughing,
you aren't amusing
just sad
bohemian life catching up to
an unshaved smelly *****
can you at least get a job?
You were such a sweet kid
almost had a future
and now you're stuck
on the couch
in time
too high to continue moving forward with reality
who are you really?
I don't even know you
but I know
you frustrate me,
but not because you're a burnout
no
I can accept a *** head, we can be soul mates and light one up right here
but at the end of the day
when the bowls are gone and the dishes need washing
you seek more
and I fear seeing that liklihood appear in my own actions.
834 · Mar 2013
jolly good silly
Matalie Niller Mar 2013
How soon is too soon
to dance under the moon
stars for angels
your eyes the reason to smile
or are they the reason for all the positives ever?
Quitely so
I like you a lot
more than you realize,
and not so much you-
your role in this physical 3D world
or even your actions, words
but mostly just the sum total
of all you have been, are becoming
the energy you unknowingly give me
an essence I suppose
of someone greater than man
aand yes you are one
a **** fine specimen to be exact
but it's as if I am subliminally attracted
to your very existence
on a level that makes me believe in a God
in beautiful souls,
yours being the most divine
and I can feel it
the moment it enters a room
near or far
anywhere in the world
I know that you Are,
your physical self holding all that is You
and every second is made more perfect, serene
because you are gracing this world
with your being that is so right
I am willing, no grateful for the chance
to be vulnerable to such a person,
bow in your presence,
feel all you are
and to offer up all I have
to make you happy, prove my worth
and in the moments we are together
I can assure you
all the atoms in my body freeze,
my heart becomes still
for you have such a calming affect
that all I can do is smile
and hope to all that is in the universe
that I may somehow give you
as much happiness
as you selflessly give me.
822 · Sep 2012
Mention
Matalie Niller Sep 2012
hello lovely,
see you
seeing things
trees
air
and what do you think
perceive
what is your analysis
my dear boy
no
you are a man
the type who makes all others ashamed for pretending
to be even an imitation
you limit their ability
by simply being you
and you know
I enjoy it
it's enthralling to know
such a soul
so strong and right
nothing wrong
with being smitten
although it'd be nice
to be smittened on
819 · Aug 2012
Sanction
Matalie Niller Aug 2012
Can you say
supercalifragilisticexpealodocious
on one leg
eyes closed
un-clothed
lick your tongue
on the run
from the other
the one and only
demon of the dark
none shall pass
lest it won't last
beats apon feets
wringing out sheets
paper crowns, tin foil gowns
hate this part
the after math
never so simple
when one plus one
equals
nothing at all
but memories
not even good ones
hurts to the pride
take it in stride
those who will won't be bothered
and those who
can't take a punch
are suckers til the end
812 · May 2012
Secret Diary
Matalie Niller May 2012
Father time abuses his starry-eyed children until lips split,
bruises leave teachers feeling uncomfortable and unnecessarily involved.
Drink up the rocket fuel,
burning makes aches evaporate like **** on pavement,
amending memories until they are only fuzzy recordings of grinning cartoon cats.
Smiles are happy, so true,
but mirrors do not act on impulse so yours must require some more work,
mine was slashed on eons ago,
back when the dinosaurs were glorious and people walked on all fours.
Grindgrindgrind
gnashing teeth and splintering calcium,
he took note of the emotion,
accepted
and moved along,
unharmed by reality
too ignorant to accept absurdity.
A smart lad, curious
he built me a tug boat
to tug along the rivers of consciousness
though I'd rather the alternative
of sweet sweet bliss
and a fistful of throats.
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