When I say I want more
Than this small town could offer

When I say I give more
Than this small town asks of me

When I say I've loved more
Than this small town could know

When I say I need more
Than this small town wants me to

I mean to say I am more
Than this small town would let me be

She has a strange fascination
With the way the sun moves in the grey
I wish she could hear my song
As it floats down the mounting breeze
Then she'd know how precious
Her young heart and wise eyes will be

Things that
~
{a dented brass thimble}
~
Mean so little
To us
~
{a broken shard of sea shell}
~
Mean so much more
To those who
~
{a rusted and splintery shovel}
~
Mean the most
To us
~
{a hand-written grocery list}
~

I want to be where cars are dusty
And amber mocking birds live
In shades of sepia and blue
The days go on so much longer
Than I ever imagined they would
Now I stand shovel in sweaty hand
We haven't met and I've yet to bury you
Its strange how unforgotten loves
Gather dust and lust for days gone by
But I'll always remember your taste
Smoke and coffee on an icy morning
My feet sink in loose arid mud
Leather seats are supple as eyelashes
Eyes behind tinted glass under gloom
How have you slept in the bed I messed?
If I had the chance maybe I'd go back
When our Polaroid was still dark and new
In all our haste it didn't take long
For color to erase sepia and blue

We protect our paper bills and petty cents
With two inches of impenetrable glass
But separate our sick from our healthy
With plastic thin and crumpled as paper

The longer I stay ...
The more I find ...
The roots
That ground me ...
Strangle me ...
... From time to time

I** have no greater desire
Than to take these rags
And tear them from you
When you look my way
I hope you see the dark
Behind my diffident eyes
Because, my darling,
If you don’t I am afraid
I might have to look away
And set another ablaze

You have left me raw
My skin is gone
Flesh and bone exposed
I bet you're thinking
You didn’t mean to
I bet you didn't know
But even now as it is
As I lay with the sting
Of nerves made free
I know I saw your eyes
And they were clear as day
When you chipped away
At the last bits of me
I tried to be everything
I couldn't be, I tried to be
Everything to everyone
And I'm so sore
From all those things
You asked of me
I'm so sore of all
Those things you never
Thought to give to me

Tears on my steering wheel
.
I swore I'd never look back
.
This is moving faster than
.
I ever wanted it to
.
I can't see out the windshield
.
And I haven't the courage
.
To let the thunder come
.
Because of you even now I know
.
My bumper's starting to drag
.
But please don't listen to me
.
When out of injured pride I say
.
Just to spite the memory of you
.
Lightening will come my way
.
And I'll smile even as I say
.
Maybe I'll see you around
.
Yes, I'll find you one fine day

My thoughts are fleeting but a worm, in all his earthly glory writhes, on occasion in my darkest depths.

Mostly hidden fodder for flight, he makes me believe the fault is mine.

He’s been there a millennia longer than my heart had courage to know.

The fissures that burst through my mind don’t throb; they come and pass, quick and jagged glass.

The flick of a tail and the bruises of silent moments become unforeseen holes in my rapier’s aim.

Slashing, swinging, gasping, grasping, before tumbling into transient loss.

And every so often my fonder thoughts fall in too, dragging them down.

Each time the little drop pulls me down, I feel him, I feel that once lifeless worm cry out: *“Doubt!”

Convincing myself
I’m not about to drown
When I feel the waves in my lungs

I’m fighting to fly and I know I’m not falling
But still I cling to paths unnamed

I haven’t found the strength
To admit to the ghosts that memories must fade

Swimming and soaring
And all I want is to let the current
Tear and scare me away

Is there a net at the end of the gentle stream?
Or just whirlwinds of lingering green?

It’s not alright,
It’s not the path I wished I’d chosen
But I bet I’ll find my way
Back someday

Every fracture I gave
Was for the floundering fish
I leave behind
I won’t see them all again

Tides cut and tides bind
Waters tumble and some fish fly
If you don’t make it
A piece of me just might die

Where I’m going I can’t see the sea
Where I’m going
You can’t come with me

For you I jumped my lifeboat
I found happiness
In helping you to safe shores

It’s my turn now
I can’t be your buoy anymore
You wouldn’t reach for me anyway

And all the while
I wish you’d fly
I wish you’d smile
I wish you’d understand
If you fall
So will I

**~

Laughing
When I
Should be
Crying

                     I've never
                     Been lonely
                     When I'm
                     Alone

                                          You're not here
                                          When I most
                                          Need you to be

                                                             ­  It was a lie
                                                             ­  When I said
                                                            ­   I always tell
                                                            ­   The truth

Crying
When I
Should be
Laughing

                     I've never
                     Been alone
                     When I'm
                     Lonely

                                          You're still here
                                          When I don't
                                          Need you to be

                                                             ­  It was the truth
                                                           ­    When I said
                                                            ­   I always tell
                                                            ­   Lies

These are
The little things
That never hurt

Until they
Become the
Only things
That do

He never lied to her.
. . . . .
And that is a shame.
. . . .
Because now every time.
. . .
He knows she'll say his name.
. .
With that small and subtle break.
.
That he took so much care not to make.

I haven't seen the sun since yesterday
But that's no excuse not to feel the pain
Without the time I didn't spend with you
I could never really be sure I'd find my own
But here I am longing to be stranded and alone
There you sit welcoming unbeknownst to her
God, I hope I'm not her but then again
Surely somewhere there is somebody who
Knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy
Who once loved a girl like my stupid self

She walks
Like there's a tiger in her thighs
Smooth, languid, and threatening
Ask her about the sun
And she'll say it hurts her eyes
Tell her she's beautiful
She'll know its almost a lie
Her lips are red
To keep you dreaming
Somewhere between
What should be
And what could be
Lean like claws
Her unwrung hands
Are rough but teasing
In the air around her
You've got every chance
But not a one will get you past
The daggers in her smile
The darkness in her laugh
Pulls you in as she saunters away
And you stare
But beneath it all
She doesn't really know
How to help you see
A Tiger Lily
Can only be free

I'm not beautiful
But neither are you
When mountains are moved
I begin to lose sight
Of all the places I want to go
You never left me lonely
I hope you never fade away
Long after I'm gone
I hope all these mountains
Will remind you to always stay
Roots and sculpted earth remain
Long after slow and steady love
Has left its faded mark on history
Silver peaks and rolling valleys
Become cool, creaking alleys
I'm leaving you bruised and beaten
I'm leaving your mountains unscathed
This is for all the lives you lead
Long after I'm gone

I don't know how to tell you
All the things I wish I could
I keep telling myself
If you were worth it
You would have understood
But I'm the one who's silent
I'm the one who couldn't say
I'll forever be the one
Who ran away
And in the end I think maybe
I'm the one who wasn't worth
What it took for you say
What you needed to say to me

You are earth but I can’t feel the sky closing in

You haven’t seen my face but marked like mine


I’ve seen your hand in my sunglasses



And that’s just enough fight for me




Calling out does no good for petulant screams





I can’t believe you’ve never seen the sea







I know now you’ll never again want me







Ghosts in my hall and monsters in my soul









I couldn’t betray them if I tried









Silence is no sorrow I’ve ever known











Gravel and rock in my path wear and weather












All of my best feet have jaded holes













Lies untouched are never unspoken














Filth and fondness grow clandestinely
















Gazing nostalgically and infuriatingly far
















Find my ever mutable, lost, and final role


















Past is no present I’d imagine living again



















You are earth but I’m not closing in

Ain't no love
Ain't no sun
Since my lover's gone
Only black skies remain
Under new blue
They tell me
I'll find a good love
Kind and loyal love
But they don't
Oh no they don't know
Ain't no love
Ain't no sun
Since my baby's gone away

I ain't gonna wait up
No I ain't gonna stay up
'cause he turned all the lights off
When he left that day

~

And since that day
Only black skies
Cold lifeless black skies
Come my way

There's a feeling I get sometimes when I'm driving alone.
It’s that moment when you almost think you're soaring;
when the car is gone and it’s just you, moving, flying.
That small taste of freedom when all you want
is to go to faraway places;
to befriend strangers;
to try everything.

My greatest fear;
my fate worse than death;
is that one day I will be driving alone,
just a few miles above the speed limit,
and I won't taste freedom.

Falsehoods and fantasies                                                  

~

                                                            ­                 Flirtations with romance and psychology

~

Never-ending battles with self-inclinations                                                ­                                

~

                                                        Here­’s hoping you’ll make it

~

Here’s hoping I’ll survive                                                  

~

                                                            ­      All your not-so world-weary sighs

~

Every little thing                                  

~

                                                      You never thought to bring

~

And all the little pieces                                                

~

      ­                                           You’d never leave behind

~

Will find you, one day lost in your mind                                                             ­           

~

                                                 ­         Sometimes madness ravages

~

Carrying and clawing ****** ties                                                             ­   

~

                                                         ­               But ours is more substance, less wave

~

Poets and martyrs and murderers and mystics                                                          ­                            

~

                                                            ­            Dig softly at the veins of your eyes

~

Following the fortune and favoring the plain                                                            ­                          

~

                                                            ­           If you ever wanted real catastrophe

~

You’d never find it without me                                                               ­ 

~

                                                           ­  I never wanted to free my mind

~

Those things never change                                                    

~

  ­                                                                 ­                             After all its only bodies that feel the rust of chains

~

And so my madness wavers and falls to its knees                                                            ­                                    

~

                        ­                                                          No man ever married Christened chastity

~

Without the fleeting hearts of broken wings                                                            ­                        

~

                                                    Let me cling or let me go

~

Madness in red is nothing if not me

~

Few places give me roots                                                                    
Like standing in the torrent
                                                                    Clinging to love like thunder

Seldom do I feel complacency                                                                    
The many ways I do now
                                                                    Running from love in the sun

You are a welcoming glance                                                                    
I never want to grow or lose
                                                                    Uprooted and un-planted

This is the path I painfully chose                                                                    
I am so sorry but I've never
                                                                    Been anybody's red, red rose

.
. .
. . .
Laughing too hard

As I usually do
Leaves me wanting

To cry too hard

For all those times
I was hurting from

Trying too hard
 . . .
. .
.