if i ever came close
to belonging, this
must be the spot.
the place where
failures and friends collect
like the white cloudy residue on the bank
of a river, stuck, wanting
to escape, giving anything to flow
again down life's fast and
unforgiving current, being endlessly
turned and turned in one spot,
moving
but stuck.
accumulating next to
your white filmy comrads
who also got caught
in the whirlpool trap
going nowhere.
going home.

I move too fast
I know, I know.
You only get a passing
glimpse of my
shadow self
as I fly by.

My pearly whites,
a strobe light
too quick, too
temporary
to be truly
seen.

You couldn't tell me
the hue of my eyes.
You've only known them
in dark rooms
closed, while I blink
or sleep.

But my dear
this room
is getting darker
and I'm backing away
from the light
and you.

The longer you bathe
in darkness,
the more the darkness
becomes
you.

There is nothing
quite as sad as
a man who dies
a social death.

His heart still
moves blood through
his veins.

His yellow teeth still
tear through
the days.

He wastes oxygen
and drinks the air
in rooms where he is
unwanted.

He crashes parties
uninvited.
And dresses up so
unimportant.

He sits and waits
for a response
that will never
arrive.

He watches the hours
and years slip
slowly by
and calls it
life.

He walked right by you
And you did nothing.
You should have screamed his name
Chased him down
Ran after him and thrown
Your arms around his neck
You should
Have stolen his hat
You should
Have forced yourself into his life
And glued your life
To his
Made his day
A part of yours
You should
Have told him that you've
Loved him
Since day one
Since the first moment
His deep eyes
Caught yours and let go
You should
Have told him that you've
Loved him
Since the first vibration of
His cigarette sweet mumbled voice
In your ear
And he would have asked
"What's your name?"

I explained
a long time ago
the feelings I don't
have for you.

Do you need a constant reminder
of the lack, the space, the cold
air that lines our skin as it touches,
my turned back, my closed eyes,
do you need me to spell
it out for you?

What would make
the idea sink into
your thick skull?
A four letter word to describe
how lonely people fall in love
and what they do to
get through
the night.

You never hear me
when I say my heart
does not beat
in your arms.

You cannot spend more
than 5 hours
in my company.

It defies the laws of
nature, gravity, attraction
every ******* law
you can imagine.

You cannot pass the night
with me, even if
you try.

An internal timer
goes off
and suddenly it hurts
to lie in my arms.
It burns our skin
to touch.

Available
is simply
impossible.

It frustrates the Universe
for you and I
to be anything but
temporary.

Back home where the air
breathes impatient aromas
of the wild west

Back to the family who
can never love you
as much as they’ve missed you

How you doing?
Where you been?
It looks like no one has
moved, same old
they’re all wearing the
same outfit
as the day you left

But you disappeared
you were the étrangère
you drank their water
you made a new life
maybe it’s in the water

And when someone asks
How was it?
And you have no words
you have your skin
and where your skin has been

And when someone says
You’ve changed
don't forget
they haven’t seen miracles

Do the Christian thing
confound them while
they’re young.

Put God in the filing cabinet
that is the four-year-olds mind,
in the G’s right after
Easter bunny and just before
Love.

There is no work of fiction
where the answers will be found.
Do not waste this life trying
to turn the next one around.