"how sweet
it must be
to feel all the pain
at once
and then
never
again"

lights and smoke
covering the dance floor
showing a glimpse of
smiles and dancy feet

street lights and aircon
burning in my tired eyes
no ****** expression
burning inside

when the lips
that wouldn't let me go
suddenly can't speak a word
i no longer wish to be in this car

i wish to be in front of it

there is an ache inside of me;
it occurs somewhere between the
moments of waking and sleeping.

there is something about letting go
that makes it so hard to do.

i am afraid to close my eyes.  
i am afraid to turn out the light.

i will prolong the inevitable as long as possible,
battling against the drooping eyelids,
battling against the heavy sighing.

another day is gone.
another tick mark on the wall.

i have done nothing.
i will remember nothing--in a few days, at least.
i will become nothing (but an empty shell, i'm assuming)

wasting  away
in the confines of my bedroom.
too afraid to go outside;
having grown so used to being alone
that the thought of spending time with another
does not even occur to me.

there is something so frightening about that thought.

if i knew years ago
that people would
hate me so much
i would have
done something
about my existence

****
                                           s   h    i      t
        ****
no
no no no no

                           the memories
they're
                 f
                   a
                       d
                              i
                                    n
                                           g
stay

             please stay right here

no no no
                           no no no
don't

               leave

                                 don't let the memories fade
don't


               don't become
a
         s t r a n g e r

please
                           please please please
no


          can we stop  this for a minute


just please
                                                                             no no no

stop

                    g o d d a m n i t
please

                         ****  


i can't

i don't want

                        to forget

Every waking moment
a painful reminder
of the distance
keeping us separate

It's as though
my hands are reaching
for something
I can't touch

Time and space
between us both
only serves to cause
another heartache
another teardrop
another painful flashback

It's almost surreal
whenever our paths
cross

She makes me whole
filling empty spaces
in my heart
like elixer
satiating
my parched soul

She plants roses
in my veins
and paint colours
in my mind
She makes reality
a little more tolerable

Her voice
a cheerful ******
resonates throughout
my entire being
undulating even
the dustiest chords
in my soul

Her eyes
those soulful windows
searches the recesses
of my soul
helping me
find myself

Her scent
a lingering fragrance
that never seems
to dissipate
from my mind

She's the reason
I remain awake at night
She has turned reality
into a sweet dream

And every night
I pray for her
before
I slip into slumber
to dream of her

nights like this
i miss his kiss
a little more than usual

his sweet brown eyes
so true, no lies
i think about them still

more time to waste
moan, feel, touch, taste
the memories won't fade

and now i can't even look
at the stars in the night sky
without thinking of the night
where we left the party
and found an old hammock
in the back of a garden
and you held your arms
around me tight
and tried to find
the stars you knew of
and my head fit perfectly
where your shoulder
and neck meets
and just like that we kissed
and it was so clear
that you were the one for me