Im happy.
All my worries have been embraced and turned to paper.
Im not experienced but i know how to live without emotional strain.
Its not only him who makes me ecstatic, its me doing all that completes me.
I want it all at times but i let the moment come.
Its easier that way.
but i'm not as strong as everyone thinks i am.
i put on a show so nobody will know.
when i find time to be alone, my weaknesses appear from beyond the darkness.
ready to attack all that manufactures me.
and then i break, crumble and fall,
i fall to an abyss
and theres no climbing out until I'm no longer alone.
so i try, to always keep buried in my ambitions.
because no matter what happens above ground
i appreciate my meaning to live.

I don't know what to think, what to feel, or what to do. I have so many emotions bottled up inside Im like a rain cloud ready to bring on a storm. He says he loves me but then destroys me.
Over.
And over.
And over.
And over.
Continuously, like its a natural habit.
How can a single human being be so cruel to someone who gives there life to them.
I feel unhealthy not from not eating right ,
because i do,
and not from not exercising enough,
because i do,
but from concealing my feelings in a jar too small.
Living everyday as if the pain is not eating me from the inside, screaming to be let out.
Holding my breath for as long as possible until i have to gasp for oxygen, but even then thats not enough.
Not merely mad, but disappointed , and not only in him for lying but in me for containing excessive hope.
Hope that this love would be epic and this story would be magical and that everything would be almost perfect.

To feel alone is an emotion that destroys
everything
          you
                  are.
Makes you lose yourself, forget who you are and
why
            your
                     alive.
Let all take their shape and don't
fear
          the
                            extraneous.
Step out of the concealed box and free yourself from the pain that controls you.
Speak never of the impossible, for it may be the death of you.
Peer deeper into your entity so you may believe
in
         love
                    again.
Find a love that consumes
you
         with
                     passion.
Hold onto hope, for it will be the
path
         to
                           happiness.
Take into consideration, your humanity.

Never let the world bring you down,

Your Beautiful.

You know,

Sometimes when you hangout with your friends I try,
I try to believe your really doing what you tell me your doing.
I tell myself, "It's okay, I trust him. Don't worry."
A few moments go by.
My mind goes back to those four months,
For months I thought our relationship was almost perfect.
But those months were filled with lies,
Secrets,
Cheating.
After a year, I still haven't' let myself feel it.
I don't want to believe it's real.
I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and it was just a dream.
I contemplate all my questions.
Why did he do it?
How could he do that for four months and come home to me like if everything is fine.
It was completely against anything he has ever said to me.


On days where he kissed her,
Did he come home and kiss me?
Did she kiss better?
Why her?
Was she prettier?
Where did i think you were when you were with her?
& Where was I?


These are the reasons why I can't trust you.
All I wanted was you to live up to your word.
Be committed.

All I got was a liar.

But I can't stop loving you.