For quite some time now
My life has been
Centered
On
One thing.
A girl.

A girl that has made me laugh, smile, think, and cry.
I laughed as she humored me
I smiled as we shared our similarities
I thought as she opened my eyes with her strong words.
And I cried when she said it all meant nothing to her.

But maybe she lied.
Maybe she still listens to the Zeppelin Cds I gave her for Christmas.
Maybe she thinks about me durring Led Zeppelin 1.
Maybe then she understands what she put me through.
But I still wonder How many more times
she'll do the same thing again.

I dream about her a lot.
Not as much as I use to, but I still do.
Except before she was in my dreams.
Now she is in my nightmares...

Before she would smile and hold my hand.
But now she stands there laughing as I suffer from a broken heart.

Night after night there she is watching me toss and turn.
If she would talk to me I would ask her, When?
When will she let me wake up in peace?
When will she love me?
NEVER.

My mind is tired of all the stupid things people think I care about.
My mind is lost because of the pointless problems I stress over.
My mind hurts me by thinking of girl that refuses to even look at.
My mind tells me to do it, to pull the trigger of that 32. Revolver and just let the problems of my mind ooze out.
My mind weighs the options everyday and I find myself lost because I want to die but a part of me stil thinks that she cares.
But I know nothing matters anymore.
The girl I love passes me by and looks away in disgust.
My Father talks to me like I'm some kind of prince, But in reality I'm just a useless stoner.
My Mother hates me for trying to protect her.
She says that she never wants to ******* see me again
My Brother is sewing the sseeds of evil and is throwing his entire life away.
My mind doesn’t care about anyone, not even me.
My mind just keeps telling me death is the only way out, and I want out **NOW

It feels great in the moment
The moment when you are having a dream and
she shows up.
Every thing is forgotten the moment she shows up
And tells me everything is okay
Because she was wrong
And as accept her with open arms

I wake up.
From the hell that is, my imagination
And I begin to realize that she is really gone...

I don’t want to think about her anymore.
But I just can't seem to get her out of my head.
I know she never thinks about me,
so why am I always stuck with the thought of her?

Every day, she is there.
In my head
And it hurts, it hurts to know
That you and I have no future outside of my thoughts
Because in reality you ignore me
you see me and quickly look away,
and you dont know how much that ******* hurts
how much it hurts to be in love with a girl like you.
A girl who innocently prances around my mind and turns me into a nervous wreck.
why?
I curiously asked her
because I don’t want to hurt you
Well then why does my heart hurt the way it does?
because I must forget.
I must rid my mind of the thoughts she left behind!
But I can't
as much as I want too
*I just can't

We made eye contact today
It was an accident
We both tried avoiding it
But our blank stares collided
Normally this would have been great
But not this time
This time it was different
This time I saw hate in her eyes
Maybe the pain I once saw was caused by me
And now this is why
Her pain has come to hate me.