and I have to wonder
If you meant
What you said
Or if they were just
hickeys
Sweet at first
But made to leave bruises

Gray skies and wonderful icy blue eyes
The trees are turning red and yellow and perfect orange hair
The bears and I are fattening up for winter
I've been eating almost constantly for the past week
I wonder if it's anxiety about being forced to do things almost always
Or knowing that I've never be an entemologist
Or knowing that I'll never be a mom because I'm incredibly unlovable
But I do know that right now
Is absolutely not the worst part of my life
That's passed (probably)

I wish we could reach the same page
But it's like I'm an encyclopedia
And you're the hunger games
I'm writing my emotions to life
And you're screaming at cars and smoking cigarettes
I know it'll never be like it used to be
I just wish you would go back to ignoring me, at least

My heart is so big
But I would have to pack it with bubble wrap with how much you care
To fill the emptiness
The plastic cuts will hurt
But it's worth it to have something of you with me
Like a sweatshirt for my heart

If your fingertips could heal scratches
If your mouth could heal bruises
If your fat could heal my heart
I never would have left
You to deal with my dad
Even if I had more to be afraid of
Despite what you thought
He wouldn't have killed you
I wish you wouldn't be such a **** now
And go back to healing instead of hurting

Rj, why do you like that weird sound music?
I like how it sounds. And it doesn't make me feel sad like your taste in music does.
I like my music because it makes me FEEL things. Anything is better than nothing.*
I like how my music sounds.
Fine. Don't complain about my music when yours sounds like a dying accordion.
Hmmph
I like you because you make me feel safe and happy and cared for-
-and now like six months later-
**Rj pretends I never existed

Your voice will never leave my head
Just like how you can never un-rip my hair
Or un-burn my drawings
Or un-empty my soul and **** my will
You can't
Just
Leave