1812 - 1888/English Edward Lear was an English artist, illustrator, author, and poet, renowned today primarily for his literary nonsense, in poetry and prose, and especially his limericks, a form that he popularised.
There was an old person of Hove, Who frequented the depths of a grove; Where he studied his books, With the wrens and the rooks, That tranquil old person of Hove.
There was an Old Person of Hurst, Who drank when he was not athirst; When they said, 'You'll grw fatter,' He answered, 'What matter?' That globular Person of Hurst.
There was an old person of Hyde, Who walked by the shore with his bride, Till a Crab who came near, Fill'd their bosoms with fear, And they said, 'Would we'd never left Hyde!'
There was an Old Person of Ischia, Whose conduct grew friskier and friskier; He dance hornpipes and jigs, And ate thousands of figs, That lively Old Person of Ischia.
There was an old person of Jodd, Whose ways were perplexing and odd; She purchased a whistle, And sate on a thistle, And squeaked to the people of Jodd.
There was an Old Person of Leeds, Whose head was infested with beads; She sat on a stool, And ate gooseberry fool, Which agreed with that person of Leeds.
There was an old person of Loo, Who said, 'What on earth shall I do?' When they said, 'Go away!'-- She continued to stay, That vexatious old person of Loo.
There was an old person of Minety Who purchased five hundred and ninety Large apples and pears, Which he threw unawares, At the heads of the people of Minety.
There was an Old Person of Mold, Who shrank from sensations of cold, So he purchased some muffs, Some furs and some fluffs, And wrapped himself from the cold.
There was an old person of Newry, Whose manners were tinctured with fury; He tore all the rugs, And broke all the jugs Within twenty miles' distance of Newry.
There was an old person of Pett, Who was partly consumed by regret; He sate in a cart, And ate cold apple ****, Which relieved that old person of Pett.
There was an Old Person of Philae, Whose conduct was scroobious and wily; He rushed up a Palm, When the weather was calm, And observed all the ruins of Philae.
There was an old person of Pinner, As thin as a lath, if not thinner; They dressed him in white, And roll'd him up tight, That elastic old person of Pinner.
There was an old person of Pisa, Whose daughters did nothing to please her; She dressed them in gray, And banged them all day, Round the walls of the city of Pisa.
There was an Old Person of Prague, Who was suddenly seized with the Plague; But they gave his some butter, Which caused him to mutter, And cured that Old Person of Prague.
There was an old person of Putney, Whose food was roast spiders and chutney, Which he took with his tea, Within sight of the sea, That romantic old person of Putney.
There was an Old Person of Rheims, Who was troubled with horrible dreams; So, to keep him awake They fed him on cake, Which amused that Old Person of Rheims.
There was an Old Person of Rhodes, Who strongly objected to toads; He paid several cousins, To catch them by the dozens, That futile Old Person of Rhodes.
There was an old person of Rimini, Who said, 'Gracious! Goodness! Oh gimini!' When they said, 'Please be still!' She ran down a hill, And was never more heard of at Rimini.
There was an old person of Rye, Who went up to town on a fly; But they said, 'If you cough, You are safe to fall off!' You abstemious old person of Rye!'
There was an old person of Sark, Who made an unpleasant remark; But they said, 'Don't you see What a brute you must be!' You obnoxious old perrson of Sark.
There was an old person of Sestri, Who sate himself down in a vestry, When they said, 'You are wrong!'-- He merely said '****!' That repulsive old person of Sestri.
There was an old person of Sheen, Whose expression was calm and serene; He ate in the water, And drank bottled porter, That placid old person of Sheen.
There was an old person of Shields, Who frequented the valley and fields; All the mice and the cats, And the snakes and the rats, Followed after that person of Shields.
There was an old person of Shoreham, Whose habits were marked by decorum; He bought an Umbrella, And sate in the cellar, Which pleased all the people of Shoreham.
There was an old person of Skye, Who waltz'd with a Bluebottle fly: They buzz'd a sweet tune, To the light of the moon, And entranced all the people of Skye.
There was an old person of Slough, Who danced at the end of a bough; But they said, 'If you sneeze, You might damage the trees, You imprudent old person of Slough.'
There was an Old Person of Sparta, Who had twenty-one sons and one 'darter'; He fed them on snails, And weighed them in scales, That wonderful Person of Sparta.
There was an old person of Stroud, Who was horribly jammed in a crowd; Some she slew with a kick, Some she scrunched with a stick, That impulsive old person of Stroud.
There was an Old Person of Tartary, Who divided his jugular artery; But he screeched to his wife, And she said, 'Oh, my life! Your death will be felt by all Tartary!'
There was an old person of Troy, Whose drink was warm brandy and soy, Which he took with a spoon, By the light of the moon, In sight of the city of Troy.
There was an old person of Ware, Who rode on the back of a bear: When they ask'd,--'Does it trot?'-- He said 'Certainly not! He's a Moppsikon Floppsikon bear!'
There was an old person of Wick, Who said, 'Tick-a-Tick, Tick-a-Tick; Chickabee, Chickabaw,' And he said nothing more, That laconic old person of Wick.
There was an old person of Wilts, Who constantly walked upon stilts; He wreathed them with lilies, And daffy-down-lilies, That elegant person of Wilts.
There was an old person of Woking, Whose mind was perverse and provoking; He sate on a rail, With his head in a pail, That illusive old person of Woking.
There was an Old Person whose habits, Induced him to feed upon rabbits; When he'd eaten eighteen, He turned perfectly green, Upon which he relinquished those habits.
There was an Old Sailor of Compton, Whose vessel a rock it once bump'd on; The shock was so great, that it damaged the pate, Of that singular Sailor of Compton.
There was a Young Girl of Majorca, Whose aunt was a very fast walker; She walked seventy miles, And leaped fifteen stiles, Which astonished that Girl of Majorca.
There was a young lady in blue, Who said, 'Is it you, Is it you?' When they said, 'Yes, it is,'-- She replied only, 'Whizz!' That ungracious young lady in blue.
There was a young lady in white, Who looked out at the depths of the night; But the birds of the air, Filled her heart with despair, And oppressed that young lady in white.
There was a Young Lady of Bute, Who played on a silver-gilt flute; She played several jigs, To her uncle's white pigs, That amusing Young Lady of Bute.
There was a young lady of Corsica, Who purchased a little brown saucy-cur; Which she fed upon ham, And hot raspberry jam, That expensive young lady of Corsica.
There was a Young Lady of Dorking, Who bought a large bonnet for walking; But its colour and size, So bedazzled her eyes, That she very soon went back to Dorking.
There was a young lady of Greenwich, Whose garments were bordered with Spinach; But a large spotty Calf, Bit her shawl quite in half, Which alarmed that young lady of Greenwich.
