Kiss me with the warmth of winter fires
Missing the glow of memories past
Rekindling love and selfish desires
Too many things I'm afraid to ask
I just want to know the depths of your heart
I want to leave no stone unturned
I'd love to know your every wish
You can tell me the things that hurt
The secrets no one kept as kids
Scuffed jeans and button up shirts
You're pure like water from a stream
I'm walking through a desert, down on my knees
If nothing else, you can believe in me
I'll always love you, I'll never leave

You make my lonely world
Something worth living for
Even though the girls
Are blonde with hair curled
You make me feel pretty
In an ugly sort of way
You take the imperfections with me
And everything feels okay
Like I can be the demon
I was always meant to be
Everything I'm feeling
Is too much to believe
I wanna let go of these habits
And be addicted to you instead
Life's so rich and lavish
With you trapped in my head
I'd forgotten life's thrilling highs
Beneath rolling summer skies
Living, breathing everything's alright
I can let go of the things I hide
The anxiety that itches away
I'll save it for another day
Another time when you're not around
On the outskirts of my mind
Spinning round and round

I'm always *******
Always overwhelmed
I wish upon stars
From way down in hell
All the dreams I once had
Were lost along the way
I can't remember and for that I'm glad
It's all worthless anyway
There's so much **** I have to do
But I'd rather lay around, getting high with you
You're no good, a lazy fool
But I'm worse and that's the truth
The love from our parents that we once knew
We find in strangers and dark blue
My love is an ocean and you're a cruise
A grandiose boat, just for two

I hold my head underwater
And take a deep breath
Waiting longer and longer
Inviting sweet death
I close my eyes and feel the pain
Of a million things I'll never say
The anxious thoughts they start to fade
As my mind starts to stray
I'll never live to see the day
That's free of anguish and endless pain
There's nothing left to loose or gain
There's no reason left to stay
There's nothing left to say
What's said is said, never goes away

I'm tired of being taken advantage of
I'm tired of ******* thinking they're in love
I wish everyone would just shut the **** up
Just for a moment so I can hear my thoughts
I'm tired of acting like I care
Life's a ***** and it's never fair
Everyone wants a shoulder to cry
But no ones there for me, so why should I?
Lately I'm just so out of line
Didn't know kicking back was a ******* crime
It's just like poker or a glass of wine
So much *******, I stay red eyed
**** the fakes
Tall grass and snakes
I try to shake the resentment and hate
I stay red eyed
It's all I can take
Or else I'll loose it, then it's too late

I don't care what anyone says
Even if the words get locked in my head
Without you I'd rather be dead
Even if you're what I'm fighting against
Don't give a **** we're like partners in crime
Least we have the ***** to own up to our lies
Around at night it's like ride or die
**** being a coward behind petty disguise
You're the only one that knows what's real
Only you know how I feel
If someone ***** with you I'll ****
Even through the ******* still
Middle fingers up I'm gone
Getting faded to our song
Like nothing was ever wrong
Things were fine all along
Everyone hates our generation
But right now I'm a sensation
Cause we're our own number one fans
And ******* if you don't understand
Youth is simply in the mind
So when you start to ***** and whine
Remember all the good old times
Young, free, dope, wild
Being obnoxious just because
In the moment we're so ****** up
Forget tomorrow it's worlds away
**** tomorrow let's live for today

I wish I didn't **** up so much
I wish it was easier to get in touch
I wish the words were just enough
But they're hollow and meaningless
Like the "friends" and the drugs
You've been singing a different song
You don't know the words but you hum along
There's a harmony of right and wrong
Sometimes it's hard to decide which one
I don't have the voice to sing acapella
But you sing the same old songs and I'm fed up
I know I'd never be the one to step up
So I've decided I won't sing at all
Anything to go against the grain
Anything to show I'm not the same
You talk and talk
But you'll never walk
So what's the ******* point anyway?

I see you
Trying to talk to me
You look so blue
And under the shade of trees
You seem to disappear
For once you leave me
But underneath the sun
You follow so bravely
I watch the way you mimic me
To learn the ways of humans and things
I like the way you walk so tall
So bold, so utterly unlike me
I can't read your lips
But your hands spell a word
The silhouette I long to kiss
Changes into a koi, then a bird
And when I try to hold you
Close to me in my arms
You try to hold me too
But we simply drift apart

I'll never tell another soul
I'll never give the trust away
I wish you would just take me whole
Confide in me like an empty page
A thousand words in black ink's stain
As the thoughts wax and wane
I'll never find the words to say
I just want things to stay the same
But we can't stop the seasons change
Or the moons gentle phase
We can't change our parents' ways
Or the pain that radiates
But in this moment we have the reigns
I could never make you stay
There's freedom that can't be taken away
It keeps us hopeful for a new day
It's the freedom that keeps us young and alive
Without the call we'd surely die
With nothing but what's set ahead
We'd both be better off dead
Maybe that's why we do the things we do
Getting drunk and breaking rules

Blushing velvet underneath your eyes
Shimmering, soft lovers disguise
Cool stained glass and lavender skies
You say hello but your eyes say goodbye
Rose petals flutter atop of skin
Like the love we're wrapped up in
I close my eyes and dream of the kiss
But you'll never relieve my lonely lips
I lose hold of this false innocence
I can't pretend we're still just kids
You've blossomed into forbidden fruit
But I'm still hopelessly in love with you

I peel the skin away from my bones
Blood on my fingers, the smell in my nose
You trace the ribs and it feels like home
A feeling I've never ever known
I bite off my fingers and wrap them in lace
Your eyes are rotting out of your face
Your hair has fallen like autumn leaves
But now you're most beautiful, at least to me
If you break a bone I'll mend it back
I'll press my fingers to your skull when you're sad
And when you begin to fall apart
I'll put you back together from the start

When I cry myself to sleep
I think of you, beneath white sheets
Sleeping soundly, completely at peace
My heart is pounding whilst adrift on a dream
I lie here dying it's so hard to breath
There's so many things you wouldn't believe
The summer flowers are soaked in rain
You've found cover while I'm drenched in pain
The whitish scars they spell your name
Killing time and hopping trains
I remember the land that used to roll
And all the fields we used to roam
The watercolor bruises, running from home
Fleeing from the hurt with no where to go

I can't feel my lips
Like they don't even exist
Eyelashes kiss my cheeks
Fluttering little lids
I feel warm and comfy
Like I did when we were kids
I'm addicted to the feeling
I wish it was always like this
When I'm not up I'm down
Like six feed underground
When I'm up I'm through the clouds
Ignoring everyone around
So absorbed in my own mind
Thoughts are tightropes strung in lines
I know the feeling will fade in time
But I feel the glow, warm and bright
I'm just so ******* pretentious
I just wanted to catch your interest
But you're just so hard to impress
You outshine me like an empress
I'll always be second to you
But one day you're gonna feel it too
One day I'll be the end of you
And no one will ever remember you
I hope you feel like a ******* fool
I hope someone uses you like a tool
I hope you fall into endless despair
Cause when you do I'll never be there

Sometimes it's hard to understand
The sacred fragility of this land
It is far beyond the hands of man
Spilling through fingers eternally like sand
The oceans kiss the blushing shores
Forever and ever are sunsets to adore
And floating off the horizon's shine
Is a decadent island of filth and grime
On this island no one can survive
But still it stands, lackluster and bright
It's creators turn and shield their eyes
Out of sight is out of mind

Blind in my right eye
Alive in the night time
I wish I was alright
So I say I'm "just fine"
Voices like wind chimes
Caught up in chasing time
I take a hit, it feels sublime
Like summertime sunshine
I won't pretend I'm someone I'm not
I'm just so tired of chasing clocks
Fell asleep and missed my stop
Even now life never stops

I spent my life wishing
That you would come around
Eternally hoping
You'd catch me coming down
***** swirls on porcelain
Round and round and round
I see my own reflection
And you're nowhere to be found

I can live without you
I'll always do what I do
I can't deny I liked you
Your lips were like a haiku
Small, sweet and delightful
When we split they became so spiteful
The words are caught up in my throat
All the words you once wrote
The silent love we never spoke
Disappeared along with the hope
That we could go back to the way things were
*But I'll never be able to get through to her

If the night was a story
It would be long and dark
Moon lights the path for me
Seeping into lonely hearts
Slowly floating fireflies
Out lining loves wicked disguise
Crickets calling left and right
Amongst the grass, dewy and light
Pushing my palms into the wet ground
I'm lonely but there's no one around
Even amongst the abundant sounds
And the moonlight's passion so bright and profound

Pinup girls swinging from the trees
Rosy cheeks and shiny knees
Flickering lights behind my eyes
Rolling clouds hanging in the sky
Closing my lids to the sweet respite
Beautiful euphoria sweeping through the night
Twinkling stars burning up in light
Lovers basking in the moon's delight
Cotton sticking in my throat
Like the words I never spoke
Dragonflies humming above the pond
Fleeting notes of lovers song
I feel the nerves beneath my skin
Alive and buzzing from the warmth of winds
Kissing collarbones with empty lips
Like it did when we were kids
Bees crawling up my neck
With fragile wings and dainty legs
I dreamed I was the queen of them
Proctecting me in the face of death

I hate you I wish you were dead
You're a parasite digging in my head
You use your claws to pull my strings
I go insane, fingers pointing at me
No one sees you behind the scenes
They just see me going crazy
You're a demon freed from hell
Im a yolk inside your shell
Just **** me please put me to rest
Or will you torture me instead
I've never felt this violent before
Over someone who I used to adore
**** me in the most painful way
Cut out my tongue and the ****** taste
And I'll never lie again
I'm sorry for the things I said

I'm so blind
I'm so blind
I know it's too late to turn back time
Your beauty's rotting off your face
Worms in your eyes
But I was never beautiful so welcome to my mind
Let's pull off our rotting limbs
Throwing decayed flesh into the wind
I'll put dirt where your eyes used to be
So you can really see me for me
I'm so blind
Can't see the light
In this tomb we argue and fight
I just say yes
I say okay
My fingers are falling off today
As I kiss your lips decay
So many things I wish to say
Infront of the mirror you stand and sway
Let's forget our lives before
Rip off our faces and leave them at the door
You're obsessed with vanity
I'm obsessed with gore
I'm so blind
Not enough time
Dirt in your eyes
The way your lips shined
Over and over in my head
I'll rip out my brain, give it to you instead
I don't want to see again
I just want my old best friend

I shouldn't have picked up when you called last night

I should have remembered when we had the last fight

I should have said no, we were both high

But you painted stars on my midnight sky

For a moment I'd forgotten the galaxies of your embrace

The tingling beneath my skin, blasting off into space

I feel your breath shrouding against my face

You smell like cigarettes and aftershave

You touch me and I feel like a queen

The stretch marks, the imperfections, you truly love me

There's scabs on your knuckles and a cut under your eye

But you're so gentle now, in this moment in time

Your hand leaves the blanket and finally finds mine

It's completely dark, aside from the moonlight's shine

Babies crying
Thrown into the wind
Morality dying
Drowned out by sin
Lawns getting longer
Grass getting greener
Wicked getting stronger
As all life leaves her
Her arms were open to one and all
Washing up following liberty's call
Everyone unwanted, feeling lost and small
Had homes and families, a reason to stand tall
Burning bridges, building walls
Pushing down the helpless, letting them fall
Proclaiming defense and showering bombs
Money hungry men can't admit their wrong
Why not just keep arguing? We have an army strong
Trampling over children in the arms of their moms
And finally when the "peaceful" country is ridden with war
There will be no one to protect our doors
No clean water, nothing to eat
You cannot consume green paper or greed
So let's rush to the hills, out to the empty plains
And try to live simply, blocking out the pain

Thanks to everyone

Who's read my work

The hearts that resonate

With every word

Thank you for the feedback

And all the support

I feel the energy

From across the world

You all have inspired me

To keep moving forward

And lean on each other

To ease the hurt

Sadness creeping up the spines
Empty skeletons wine and dine
Hollow chests and missing eyes
Embracing till the end of time
Carried by stardust to the afterlife
Particles shimmer and catch the light
Bones crumble ash to ash
Gone like memories of the past
The love they thought would always last
Sweeps away almost just as fast
Caught between eachother's arms
Love hidden away, safe from harm
Glowing softly amidst the dark
Never ever to drift apart

Water splashing
Beneath my feet
My heart crashing
Ripping at the seams
Tears dripping down my cheeks
I'm still alive
Running through the streets
Trying to stay alive
I desperately flee
From my own mind
And the emptiness that feasts
Trying to escape the last goodbye
And the pain it brings

Trailing in circles
Can't ever catch up
Jumping over hurdles
Chasing the drugs
Nothing lasts forever
It's never enough
All alone chasing
This illusion of love

Geometric shapes on the floor
***** sneakers, scuffs galore
Hunched over hiding from the light
Mocking from above, loud and bright
One dead flower in the bunch
It's subtle colors weren't enough
Only enough water in the vase
For those that grow steadily, a silent race
Fear lingering underneath fingernails
Ignoring grafitti and worthless details
Word's scratched into rusty stalls
Petals withering like leaves in the fall
Losing grips on whatever's real
Cut up fingers clutching the wheel
Guiding headlights through the night
Planning for later, hoping to die
Irritation stinging inside veins
Every voice seems to sound the same
Holding onto all this pain
Just to stay a little insane

Your words reminded me
Of things I couldn't believe
All those years it seemed
Everything was just a dream
Tried to be pretty
Tried to be clean
But everyone saw right through me
Caught in the illusion
Dancing through reality
Lost in the confusion
The wicked schemes
And through it all nothing's real it seems
Just the thoughts, the visions
The rest is heat
Lost to mysteries down desert roads
And summer night's breeze
Caressing sails of boats

French flowers
In the sun
Gentle showers
On the run
Hurrying, smiling
Beneath the rain
Speaking kindly
Words in vain
Seasons changed
We were still the same
Cupping snow
Like whitish paint
Spread upon a lonely gray
Cloudy skies
Above hideaways
Thunder booming
Crashing waves
Cool, calm safety
At the bay
You filled nature with something new
But I'll still adore it, even without you

Your words reminded me
Of things I couldn't believe
All those years it seemed
Everything was just a dream
Tried to be pretty
Tried to be clean
But everyone saw right through me
Caught in the illusion
Dancing through reality
Lost in the confusion
The wicked schemes
And through it all nothing's real it seems
Just the thoughts, the visions
The rest is heat
Lost to mysteries down desert roads
And summer night's breeze
Caressing sails of boats

You say you don’t know me anymore

Truth be told I’m the same old girl

My hearts been hardened by this world

I’ve been on my own, I’ve been hurt

Lots of stuff happened beneath the silence

My teeth have grown in, I’m no longer smiling

The holes in my mouth sank into my soul

I’m just so tired of being alone

I’m just so tired of waiting for you to come home

Young love is dead, hearts already broke

Broken confidence walking on broken bones

I don’t know me, no one knows

There are no “friends” in this life of hell

I’m hollow just like an empty shell

I don’t know what I want, I can never tell

Can’t remember where I fell

I’m pretty sure I died long ago

My body’s succumbed to some troubled soul

Looking in the mirror, I try to reinvent myself

Lost in the silence, with no one to help

There was a place
Near the heart of town
Beyond the gates
Where no one's around
Up a road
Beyond the trees
A place for the deranged
And children diseased
I've always heard it
Call my name
Till finally I ventured
Up one day
Muddy sneakers
Up the path
'Till the rotting building
Came into sight at last
Dancing shadows
Atop dead grass
Lonely, and hollow
Shattered glass
I swore I heard
Someone call my name
Louder and louder
But I wasn't afraid
Stepping carefully
Amidst the decay
'Till I found the theater
And rotten stage
Legend has it
The morgue was downstairs
And sure enough
I was rotting there
I found myself
Amidst the ruin
Could have stayed forever
And wandered through it
That was when I made a mistake
Soon after I left, the wreckers came
They took the farthest building away
And all the children, who called my name

When the drugs run out
And the thoughts are so loud
When no ones around
And there's tears on the ground
I lived for the moment
And died the next day
They take what you have
Then "friends" run away
When the drugs are gone
And you're all alone
And all the sudden
No one has their phone
And all the sudden
You remember that time
A few years ago
And it makes you cry
And there's no way out
No end to the pain
Completely sober
And so insane

Kiss me with the warmth
Of Summer's embrace
Say you'll always love me
Till we fade away
Wrapping you up
In blushing lace
Tracing the smile
Over your face
Beneath my fingers
I feel your warmth
Into my prints
I love you more
Than all the things
I seem to collect
Than all the value
Around this bed
Hopelessly consumed
In worthless things
Hanging on to you
Beneath the sheets
My eyes find the window
Drifting snow
My heart wanders
But I'll never go
I'll never betray the home you've made
I'll never leave the assurance you create

Cuts on knees
Mistakes, misbeliefs
Bite my tongue
Till it swells and bleeds
Hiding words
Dancing dreams
I'd love you some day
You and me
Scars on legs
Dreams are dead
Dizzy wishes
In my head
Bleeding love
Silent tears shed
Sleepless nights
Empty beds
I love you today
I loved you last week
Your feelings were fake
Thought we'd always be
Running away
Future seems bleak
Into the shade
Rest for the weak
Closing my eyes
Inhaling the smoke
Exhaling consciousness
Up and out my throat
We'll never have white teeth
Like the papers we wrote
Stained in black ink
Spilling down the roads

A month and a day
A hop, skip and jump away
Everything feels the same
But the clouds are threatening rain
Kissing the inside of my lungs
In the air moisture hangs
Clouds hiding behind the sun
Painting my veins in gray
The grass bows beneath
The water droplet's weight
Clouds shrouding, hiding fate
If we knew, we'd hide and wait
But we run, and blindly chase
Something better than disgrace
Tired of lying and being fake
Unraveling spiders and whispering snakes
Feeling free, sun on my face

We only took a few hits
Didn't know I would slump like this
All wrapped up in lovers bliss
Hanging in the heat amidst
A million particles sent a drift
You always make me feel like this
Sitting low relaxed in a chair
Legs outstretched just hanging there
Eyes barely open suspended in air
Rolling backwards behind hair
Your hand hanging by your side
Melting in the moment, dripping into time
I feel the heat of the afternoon sun
Beating into me like a cicada's drum
Locking me into a lucid dream
Your eye meets mine, lazily
A single strand of hair swept down your brow
You're ******* me with your gaze, slowly now
My lips are still against your neck
Trailing down your woven web
You're creeping softly across these nerves
Knowing so easily you can make it hurt
In the haze of summer afternoons
I find the embrace under late summer moons
Sitting wordlessly by the pond
We slip away into cricket songs
Leaving only a bottle and a half bent top
Fireflies burning secret paths for the lost
Even now I close my eyes and can taste you on my tongue
I'm all wrapped up in hopeless love

I get so dizzy when you hold my hand
Tottering like a vessel bound to foreign land
I feel the creeping along my anxious spine
Of the thoughts of us together, just you and I
We'll be so lost the world can't see
The loose ends, the worries, the oddities
You're so far away but I'll see you soon
Tip toeing delicately across the moon
We'll follow eachother endlessly
In a silent chase
'Till we find the dark side
And turn into space

Either way it'll end the same
You and I underneath lamp shades
Bashfully shining, beaming golden rays
I close my eyes and slip away
Exhaling slowly a cloud of smoke
Dreaming about the songs you wrote
Memories glistening against the sun
Our love is warmth for everyone
Billowing upwards in whitish haze
You're so perfect, I hope you never change
Wrapped up in the feeling
Not a care in the world
Just two shining twinkles
In the eyes of a girl

All these demons will soon become ghosts
When we're talking they hurt the most
You're deteriorating, everyone knows
How much longer, how many hopes
I'm running from these shadows
Balancing on doubt
Sometimes I wish I'd never figured it out
I'm hoping and praying that these are just thoughts

Cause when you leave me I'll really be lost

I lied
But you lied worse
You cried
But my wounds still hurt
I loved
And you loved too
I tried to keep my distance
Till there wasn't any room
Our love was forced together
I was completely lost in you
But that was just a moment
In this deep, dark blue

Little round tops
On little glass jars
Little shiny needles
Sewing up the scars
Little white lies
Little black marks
Everything's small
But it still hits hard

Knew there was nothing
Just wanted to believe
Wanted to hang on
It all felt so sweet
I'm sick to my stomach
Down on my knees
I knew there was nothing
I Just wanted to believe
All the things you said
So sweetly to me
I held them to no value
But still I see
The truth in the end
Is still what it seemed
I knew there was nothing
Just wanted to believe

When you smile
It takes my breath away
Could you have been alive
Before today?
How could perfection
Like you exist?
I'll never tell you
I'm feeling like this
Let's go to Paris
Set adrift on love
Even if the boat tips
I'll never give you up
I love your orange flare
I love your short brown hair
With you everything's so clear
In your gentleness I'm ensnared
You're like powdered sugar
Sweet and light
Hidden in a jar
A secret delight
Yellow hot air balloons overhead
Lazily taking flight
Baskets tumbling down to earth
Cool dusk air inside
I'm so glad to have met you now
Mademoiselle Madeline

The box was heavy
Wooden and worn
I opened the lid
It's dust was torn
Creaking on its hinges
It revealed a girl
Coming to existence in music
And a slow, sad twirl
Churning out the melancholy tune
She went round and round
Reminding me of you
When the song was over
And she ceased to spin
I shut my eyes
And closed the lid

Turning the thoughts over
Again and again
Sweet, dancing lover
Trapped in my head
Slow and melancholy
Swooping low to the ground
Springing back up
To my heart beats sound
Fluttering softly
Round and round
Spiraling silently
Long, graceful bounds
Our feet fall into places
That our eyes cannot see
Avoiding eachother's faces
Ignorance like a sheath
I hated your innocence
So pure and niave
When we are dancing
I think of these things

So easy for you to forget me
When I'm choking on smoke
Till I can't breathe
Wishing they'll just go
All these worthless memories
Rotting in my teeth
Like decaying dead bodies
Just sweep me underneath your rug
Stand me up straight, bandage me up
What you said and what you did
The opposite of love
How can I live
Poison burning in my throat
Just to forget the letters we wrote
Just **** me up
Shatter my hope
I'm paying for your sins
Closing the curtains after your shows
I'm begging for death
You're sitting at home
Drowning in hurt
No one knows

I'm just an after thought
Pick up where you left off
Forget about me
Like I came in 16th
Hundreth in a marathon
Running through your mind
Tell me do you think of me
Even just sometimes ?
I'm dying in your memories
A dwindling fire
Till I'm up in smoke
A lost hope
A burnt out desire