Today is one of those days

When my voice sounds like skeletons scratching behind closet doors

When pages are feathers I glue to paper airplane pens in my attempt to get high.

Today is one of those days

When ears are more valuable than hearts

and the pen and paper seem to be the only ones here

so I ignore the paper cuts on my heart and use my fingers as antennas and channel my emotions into letters

Today is one of days

that my thoughts are in a language I don’t speak

and I’m stuck in the middle of two loose ends and it seems hard to make them meet

so I just pretend to have it together

Today is one of those days

When I fear there is no bullet in the shotgun I’ve been holding to the head of death and he will soon call me on my BS

Today is one of those days

when I realize I'm probably not one of the 7000 people that will be one in a million

Today is one of those days I spend mostly dreaming of tomorrow.

It’s a constant battle between gold and stone in my chest.

One likes to hold a sword to the dark with the whole city at his back.

The other makes warning bells of paper mâché .

Where I come from we’re mostly dare devils.

We cook food on open flames next to a gas tank and race on bridges with no rails. Only one of those is real.

My mind sometimes seems like a doll house made of old computer processors. Attempt 79.

Most days I try to keep my lips zipped shut but my eyes are like a see through body bag.

On other days music tends to be good enough superglue for broken masks.

I remember the first time time froze and my heart tried to handwrite on the ice.

I tried to draw her attention with the broken lead pencils I have for lips but I’ve never been a fine artist.

We haven’t spoken in a while, I guess making new friends is easy but keeping old ones is hard. 
There’s overgrowth on the road less travelled and it’s hard to find.

And when I feel down for following the crowd, I use poetry as a pendulum to help my mood swing.

I prefer to wear my heart on my collar just so you see it skip a beat each time you peck my cheeks

I wish I could connect my veins to your brain and my arteries to your fingertips so we know what we feel for each other

Sometimes it seems like we’re still trapped in an hour glass, must have been the closest thing we did to spending eternity together.

You let me cover every inch of you with finger paintings, just to show me it can be fun watching paint dry.

I like that you’re sweet in a weird kind of way, like ice cream in winter.

Sometimes I etch your name on the branches of winter trees, hoping I would hear it in the wind from summers leaves.

I like the way your hair sleeps on your shoulders, like your ears have been reciting bed time stories.

We’re like shoe laces in key holes, odd but a perfect fit.

Now and again I try to steal a little bit of cloud, I know how you get each time I get to nine.

But for now all I can do is jumble alphabets till I find a combination worthy of you.

A

I wish I had more self control around you

I love him

When you smile and I smile back, our little sign language of I love you and I love you too

I know it’s what makes you hurt the most

but I’m torn between a summers breeze and a winters warmth.

I don’t fantasize about our bare skins or heart racing to the thought of lips

Its more a dream of our minds merging into one body

Forever drifting with a cloud nine evaporated mist  

That’s when I call him

To remind me why I love him when you smile



B

Words can’t describe that perfect moment when you’re sitting on clouds under the sun.

lifting to the melody of silence, with breathing like strums on a guitar every so often in a corn field

As you describe your emotions for him, you describe what I feel for you

Stuck in an emotional box of me, you and our moments of heaven

As time flies in slow motion to smiles and awkward stares.

Lost to the look in your eye, I see myself banging from the back trying to break free from the paradise that are your eyes

While crashing to earth with every blink that blocks the sad reality of me, you and our moments of heaven.

Calling him at the most awkward of times, just to remind me you love him.



C

The look on her face an uncertain assurance

Do I trust the lips or listen to the words from a blink

"I love you too" makes it hard to see the half lie in a half truth

Can’t talk you have to go to bed, sleepy you were up late

Too scared to connect the dots of an unspoken truth

I know I’d see it in your eyes

If I can stand still to every wave of a tear drop

But then you call me and remind me you love me

Staring at the screen, till it uses the words I've been running from

"Missed call"

I will be your moon

I will be your light when the sun has deserted you

Surrounded by many stars yet I will follow you

I will be your moon

When I am slim and have nothing

Or full and filled with plenty

I will be your moon

On those cold winter nights and the nights get longer

I will come earlier

I will be your moon

I really want to be shot
to feel excruciating pain at the brink of unimaginable pleasure
to be covered in blood staring at the light at the end of the tunnel speaking words of profound wisdom
to laugh with tears rolling down my face
with coughs of blood interrupting my last address

I really want to be shot
not in the head so I don’t die quickly
but close to my heart so I put my hand to my chest and bleed out slowly
as each pulse escapes my grasp and my life flashes before my eyes
each a fleeting memory never to be recalled

I really want to be shot
as she tried to stop the bleeding, she cries out
stroke her by the face and tell her everything will be alright
smile a midst the chaos to ease her pain
eyes close as I fall into a sleep I probably will never awaken
open them to the warmth of lips upon my cheek
I really want to be shot so I can ask ‘Am I in heaven?’

Drift on the clouds into melancholy

In the depths where creativity dwells

Dip the brush into the palette of my mind

And fill the canvas with strokes of genius

In dim lit rooms and smoky hallways

A thousand violins begin to play

As smoke becomes sky and light becomes moon

Ocean currents move in perfect rhythm to the music

The stars make way for the sun’s birth

The shimmering light and the hidden sights a new world it brings

The branches of the trees conduct the white noise of the wind

And after all this time, imagination is still fiction

Eyes bring the only reality

If only I could hold a mirror to the world and show it its own beauty