looking out of the window
it’s scary I can’t see my reflection
I just see all of the demons I’ve defeated in my past lives
When I close my eyes all I wish for is a glimpse of heaven
looking into your windows
it’s scary I can see my reflection
with guardian angels all around me
as I enter my new life
I finally got a glimpse of heaven

I close my eyes, say a prayer, receive some blessings
this pain, it hurts, but it’s a lesson
My angels never warned me about your presence
oh, what an essence
the most wonderful present
a guardian angel
and everlasting glimpse of heaven

stupid songs make me fragile
I was heartbroken a few times
but I had to be tough cause momma
said boys don't cry
stupid people made me quit writing
I was heartbroken a few times
but I had to be tough cause pops
said my skin is thicker than leather
and I should have never let anything penetrate the surface
but what do you do when you meet someone who is a shape shifter
shifting everything into place as if it wasn't good enough before the storm
you realize you built a house without a gutter
where did all of the water go?
stupid weather makes me fragile
I was caught in the storm a few times
but pops said men don't need umbrellas
so my hoodies soaked
and my shoes are mushy
making that stupid high pitched sound
with each step
Stupid love songs make me fragile
They let me know I am not alone,
but they also let me know I am not special
Heartbreak
"It happens to everybody"
that's supposed to make me feel better?
I started writing again. Why did I stop?
Stupid people.
"Not everyone has the same heart as you."
the good people aren't as good as they say they are now
Who am I supposed to believe?
I don't want to turn into them, don't let this world make me that way
Jaded.
I'd rather be fragile, so easily taken away in the wind
Though the wind is not always gentle, storms pass by but my house still stands
Misunderstood but I understand now
those good people are good, not just pretending
those good people have let the world change them
Still there is heartbreak, there is stupid & jaded
But we need genuine, we need soft, we need fragile
Just to remind us "Not everyone has the same heart as you" so find the ones who do

I am standing on a ledge
five hundred feet away from my doom
sometimes I would rather rather fall here
than fall for you
sometimes I would rather fall here
than fall for
you
sometimes I would rather fall here than fall for you
and isn’t that funny?
why am I falling at all
I am too high for this
you should have met me here a long time ago
and here I am again
falling

falling

falling
just to be on the same level as you

energy crystals surround her desk
drinking chai tea
and reading a book about opening chakras
her history is filled with articles about spirituality
being more connected to the earth than ever before
she’s tough and I’m aang
she’s teaching me how to disconnect
to reconnect to what actually matters
she bombards me with articles and essays
I read them all
learning more and more each second
she reads my birth chart
now she knows more about me than I know myself
sun is in 17 degrees virgo
losing sight of larger issues
I’ve sworn perfectionism
cautious by nature
Venus is in 02 degrees Leo
love is a combination of pride and respect
remaining loyal to those whom I am attached to
taking it quite serious
friendship is highly sought
such reading explained me better than I ever could
energy crystals hang from her necklace
drinking chai tea
and reading a book to me about herbal healing
we’re walking barefoot along a creek
I’ve never felt so connected
but it all makes sense

Each day I'm going to wake up in the arms of a pillow pet instead of you
Reliving those last moments together
I almost died on my way home that night
I'm was so afraid to lose the star that guided me through the night
Each day I'm going to wake up in the arms of a pillow pet instead of you
Reliving each time you were in my arms saying you loved me
We never thought we could live without each other
I should have died that night
Each day I'm going to wake up in the arms of a pillow pet
Wishing I could go back to that summer night
When we first met
I should have kissed you then
I was so alive that night
Each day I'm going to wake up in the arms of a pillow pet
With a cold sweat from the dreams I have of you staring at me like you're lost again
But this time I can't find you
And this time I can't save you
Each day I'm going to go to bed with a pillow pet in my arms saying all the things I wish I could have said when I had the chance to say them, like
I love you more than I've ever loved myself
I love you more than Ive ever loved myself
I love you more than I've ever loved myself
Each day I'm going to go to bed with a pillow pet in my arms being squeezed to death, baby girl, I will never let this go
Because I promised I would never let you down
And here we are ten months later and I've left you to drown
If only I could save you and just dive back in the water
My friends keep pushing me off the diving board to rescue you
I don't need a float because your love was weightless like a delicate feather floating in the air
What a beautiful presence you brought upon our eyes
I'm afraid that if I dive in the water to save you
Giving you my breath to breathe again
Then you'd wake up and realize that I was the one to make you drown in the first place
And you'd return my breath and tell me
That I saved you once but I can't save you twice
Now your eyes are red
And so are mine
Each lifetime I will go to bed with a pillow pet in my arms instead of you
Drowning in an ocean of guilt
with no one to save me
Such an ironic way to pass
Only a coward could stay alive and try to swim to shore
I will live my life at the bottom of the sea
hoping that maybe someday in another lifetime, you'd come to find me