Rain falls
From the heavens
Washing the air
Cleaning
The land
And music begins

The tidal sound
Of rain
The marching rhythm
Of contact with earth and pavement

The crescendo and decrescendo
As clouds pass
The beat of droplets
Gathering from guttering
To land on resonant surfaces
Like the crackling of fire

The sky responds with greyness
Swirling haziness
I watch through my rectangular window
Dry and warm
As the symphony delights
My ears and eyes

The birds are quiet and still
They have departed for shelter
The trees stand silent, enjoying the shower
And then it is over, as quickly as it started
April shower

Arbiter
Is idleness
A natural state
For humans?

The gaps in between ‘work’
Grow shorter
And the wheels of production
Keep turning
Faster and faster

When competition is fierce
Must we fight harder?
Is it better to have scarcity
Or abundance?

Is it better to have too much
Or too little..?

How should we fight?
Against others
Or ourselves?

Arbiter
What or who?
Drives the engines of our lives
Is it our own desire
Or the desires of others?

'I will pay you
If you do this for me'
I will be paid
If I toe the line

Arbiter
If you allow me to
I will peel off my outer layers
And expose what lies beneath
I will shamelessly stand before you
In my nakedness
And let you see what I am made of
I will allow your essence to absorb mine
And the space between us will melt into nothing

Arbiter
I will lie curled up on the floor
If I need to
Counting the beating seconds of time
Looking at the slow growing blades of grass
Allowing the rest of the world
To go wild in its craziness
For the dream that is being chased
Is to my mind
Never near enough

The dream is now
This moment is all I have
Right now this moment with you
Breathe in
Be with me
In this moment
Now
Please

Are we really thinking of bombs again?
Can it ever be justified to take a life?
The cycle of blame seems so never-ending
Who will state ‘Enough of this violence!’

How can we let our children grow up thinking
That killing is a defensible act?
Do we really believe we are curing the malady?
Are we really thinking of bombs again?

High Speed Two
Is approved
Let’s celebrate
CELEBRATE

Passengers
Will reach London
From Birmingham
Thirty one minutes faster
Than they can now
Oh, and its just as fast
On the way back
How about that!

The prices might go up
(The prices will go up)
But think how quickly
We will all travel!

We will hurtle
In supreme comfort
Up and down
Our once green country

This is progress, progress, progress!
Thirty thousand jobs created
(From the taxpayers purse)

Well what’s £106 billion
For a lovely project like this
It’s peanuts
Pea NUTS!!

Let’s be bold
Let’s be brave
Let’s bluster

Let’s get Brexit
Or was it HS2...
DONE

Get it done
Get it done
Get it done!!!!

Don’t worry about
The Sites of Special Scientific Interest
That’s for eggheads and boffins
Forget about
The one hundred and eleven local wildlife sites
What’s so good about them?
As for the nineteen ancient woodlands
We can just plant a few more trees
That solves that one

Who are these negative naysayers
These crusty tree huggers
Stepping in our way??

What we need is speed

Speed for our economy
Greed for our economy
Speed and greed
To feed
The ego
And Make Great Britain Great Again
Let’s give it a hashtag
And a catchy phrase
MGBGA

We need to propel ourselves
Faster than ever towards…

Environmental collapse
and
Climate catastrophe

Now...

Are you with me
Or against me?

All right
I admit
I just don’t get you
At all

I simply do not understand
The workings of your mind
Or your heart

We are different
So different
And right now
We might as well be
On different planets

The toll of lockdown
Manifests in strange
Unpredictable ways

One minute
We are fine
The next
We are not

I guess I will accept
That this day
Has not gone well

But tomorrow awaits
And I will hope
For something
Better

So you wish I was dead
You wish you could extinguish
My very presence from your life

You wish you had never met me
And that you had a life with someone else
Someone better

So you wish that I would disappear
You wish that the earth would swallow me up
You wish that the love I tried to give
Would vanish into a dark distant abyss

You wish that all of the things I ever did
Were extinguished from history
And that there was nothing but air
In my stead

Well I am sorry
But I do exist
And all the things I have tried to do
Are inextinguishable
Including the things I tried to do for you
They have all left their mark on our history

And because you wish me gone
I no longer know anything about anything
And I feel my heart sinking
And I wish that I could vanish into thin air
And that by doing so
I would feel nothing
Not even my own existence

But I know enough to know
That wherever I go
Whatever I do
I will not be able to escape the person I am
I am not able to escape the things that I have done
Or the upset that I have caused
Or the joy I may have given
And so here I am

This person who you would have gone
Still here
Just
Here

A river is flowing
And I am in it

I hear the swirls and bubbles
And experience the shocking, refreshing burn
Of clean cold water

No longer
Are there barriers
To this journey

For I have discovered
A great opportunity
To make a fresh start
And I will take it

I leap upon the currents
Inhaling the morning air
And stride forwards with hope

I allow the great creative currents of the universe
To enfold me with their compassionate love

I dance through the ebb and flow
Of magnetic tides

And sing with the breezes
Sigh with the rushes

The future is mine
And I will take it

With arms open wide
In a loving embrace

In the end
Everything
Is about art

How we live
How we love
How we speak
How we move

All
Art

Every choice
Every thought
Every wish
Every deed
Acts of creativity

Ours is the choice
To create a drama of great beauty
Or not

We hold the paintbrushes
Decorating our unique canvas
With the paints of life

Why are we drawn towards artists?
Perhaps because they embody
The human being
In its most natural and unrestricted state

A shot in the arm
Is on the way
Hip hip
Hop hop
Ouch…Hooray?!

What will it mean
For life on this earth?
Have we learned
What nature is worth?

A shot in the arm
Is on the way
Hip hip
Hop hop
Ouch…Hooray?!

This year has been full
Of loss and pain
But we have to do better
Not repeat the same

A shot in the arm
Is on the way
Hip hip
Hop hop
Ouch…Hooray?!

I hope this pandemic
Made us stop and grow
We have to put love
At the heart of tomorrow

A shot in the arm
Is on the way
Hip hip
Hop hop
Ouch…Hooray?!

Are we born free?
Or are we
Born into a slavery
Of our own making?

Is playing politics
To win an argument
And propel the self
Into society’s spotlight
An act of greatness?

The debate may have concluded
But reality remains

‘Go back to where you come from!’
Is that the victory cry
Our nation yearns for?

Are we born free?
Or are we
Born into a slavery
Of our own creation?

Sometimes I just don’t know
My country anymore
And it shames me
To call it home

So for now
Another rallying cry
Love
Share
Co-operate
Give

Live
Together
Harmoniously
Love
Love!

It’s a small distance
Between success and failure
Happiness and sadness

It’s all in the mind
It’s totally up to us

Happiness is a state of being
It’s nothing to do with what other people think
It’s only decided
By what we choose to do

Now is the time to face our fear
To look at it carefully, patiently, calmly
To understand what it is telling us
About ourselves, about our lives

For the longer and more carefully
We examine our fear
The more we see its detail
Its components, its way of working

The more we spend time with our fear
The more we understand
How the devil of our own fear
Was built by own very own hands

Engineers spend time
Observing things, examining details
Wondering what parts to refine
What component to remove

We are the engineers of our lives
Either studying and learning
Or running away
Avoiding our truth

If we spend time with our own fear
We will come to know it
And how it can be dismantled
Broken into its constituent parts

And with all of its pieces
Laid out before us
We can assemble a new creation
Courage

A storm
Is coming

The clouds are bunching, towering, angry
The skies are black, grey and wild
The heavens are gathering their energies
To pronounce a great riot
And I am alive

I am alive

My heart is swirling
Like the winds of nature
As I step out into the world
To realise
That I am part of it

I am one with it

And I will embrace it
This ferocity of nature

And I will stand in the eye of the storm
And scream with my human voice
Life!

Life life life!

I will scream at it
I will scream with it
I will command it

To grow and twist and shatter and advance
To become manifest
To express its deep core
To soar upon the adverse winds
To explode like the crashing of cymbals
To dance a terrifying tarantella
To exist
Now
Powerfully
And shake the earth to its core

And when it is over
We shall be cleansed
We shall be awakened
To our precious soul
And our earth
Our universe
Will soothe us
With gentle love

There is a strange kind of magic in the air
It is the return of Spring
Sounds of nature
Unpolluted by mechanised human activity
Float through the air

I can actually hear the birds sing
And bees and insects buzzing along

The natural world is showing us
That there is beauty all around
If we allow it space
And offer it our respect

The human race
Has stopped racing
For a brief span of time
And it feels like the natural world
Is breathing a sigh
Of relief

Everyone should know
That there’s a place to go
When they’re feeling weak
Or frightened

Security
Is paramount
To the healthy development
Of the soul

I wake up
Sensing the fragility
Of who I am

I decide to fill
A tiny cup
With a small draft
Of courage

This I draw
From dwindling reserves
To quench
The thirst of my anxiety
As bricks of fear
Build walls
Around my essence

I think of everyone

I think again

Confidence is powerful  
To wear its armour well
Is magnificent

This day
Spreads before me
And my legs shake at
The thought of it

My chest tightens
And I realise
What a fool…
What a fool I am.

I can be
Whatever I wish to be today

I can support others
I can write

I can live
I can create unique memories

I can interact with the universe

A rose-bed of fragrant experiences awaits

I only need
To step out

And walk
In the cool breezes
Of the morning
And bless
The tears that well in my eyes
At the smallest of happenings

Walking the tightrope of life
I shed my skin
Give my blood
Yield my sweat
And let my tears fall

To live, to live
Is beautiful

A great thick bell tolls
For my future

Folds of light
Ripped into shreds
Shimmer on a horizon of inky black

Washing up is carried
To the shower block
A barefoot march across the fields
Blotchy legs sprinkling sand as they go

Dogs bound eagerly
With their half chewed tennis *****
Desperate for one last game
Of fetch

Older brothers
Sprint past their siblings
And jumpers are pulled on

Campfires are lit
And the distant peals of laughter
Echo above
The reassuring rush of
The eternal tides

Vistas change minute by minute
Whilst stars prepare to pierce the night skies

On the footpath
Slugs appear
As if from nowhere

While crickets sing out to each other
I am here, I am here

Meet me
At the sea, see?
You and me
Will be free
To be
Who
We want to be
When we meet
At the sea
See?

I see
That we will be
Who we need to be
When we
Are free
To be free
You and me
Finally
See?

We
Will be
Free
See
At the sea
See?

On this day
The sun
Drifts across
Our planet’s equator

Day that exceeded night,
Balances
For a single day
Only to fall to deficit
As night’s lengthen
And the darkness
Takes hold

We drift
From the light
Into the dark
And we must prepare
To survive
Journeying inwards
As we face
Winter

And it will
Be a time
Where new treasures
Of the heart
Will be created
And held
Sparkling in the gloom
Illuminating the world
Until we emerge
In the spring
Wiser, stronger
Ready for new growth

As the shutters of my eyes close
Ideas roll like billiard *****

And I let go
Of what was supposed to be
And regain what it is
To be

The time and tide
Will wait for me
As a single leaf falls
To earth

Outside the fireworks of Autumn
Decorate trees
Red, orange, green, brown

Inside
Lilies stand
Timeless
In floral jug

Each flower an artwork
Six flesh-pink petals
Six bristling males
Aching to shed powdery pollen
A single queen
Standing tallest
Mysterious
Owner of seed

A clock ticks softly
As male and female
Stand millimeters apart
Awaiting
Union

I’m back on the trains
7.25am, Prittlewell to London
A journey last taken
5 months ago

I talk to the ticket lady
I converse with a passenger
Confirming my sense
That this is
A most strange time

Just three souls wait on the platform
And my carriage is empty
Another reminder
Of the great disturbance
Of this pandemic

I have my mask
Under my chin
It stifles me to wear it
But I will cover my face
If others sit near me

What will London be like
I wonder?
Will this great historic capital
Lie in deep slumber?

The trees of Essex
Are untroubled
Leaning into each other
Bearing the lush greenery of summer
They have endured for decades and centuries
Without complaint

I sit observant
Nervously journeying forward
Uncertain of my future
Facing it all the same
As I peer into the unknown

Children dance on the station platform
So happy to be together
They are going back to school, at last

Backwards
Forwards
Backwards
Forwards
The pressure
Of time
Is always
At work

Day
Night
Day
Night
We act
And rest
We act
And rest

Me
You
Me
You
Together
Apart
We live
And love

Living
Dying
We share
Our lives
The new arrive
The old survive

Ebb
Flow
Inspire
Expire
Hush
And be
Just who
You are

Child
You just want you own way
Child
You are passive aggressive
Child
You need guidance and safety
Child
To grow up and become healthy

Bad parent
You give too much then nothing
Bad parent
You care too much or zilch
Bad parent
You don’t work and then push too hard
Bad parent
Your relationship stinks

Child
You don’t meet all my needs
Bad parent
I don’t like the look of you
Child
You smoke and you drink
Bad parent
Your life’s on the blink

Child
You waste hard earned money
Bad parent
You just need some space
Child
You're just so **** embarrassing
Bad parent
Please get out of my face

Child
I want the other one
Bad Parent
Well I’m all you’ve got
Child
If you weren’t so detestable
Bad Parent
That’s enough now just stop

Child
Just leave me alone
Bad parent
We could have a hug?
Child
Never, I think you are horrible
Bad parent
Ok, fair enough

I gasp

There you are
Stretched
Across my window

Perfectly still
Resting in mid air
High
Above the ground

Yesterday
You were not there
And somehow
Overnight
You appeared

Your symmetrical body is poised
Securely resting  
Upon the mesh
Of night long labours

Your task was simple

Climb to safety
Make a home
Survive
Reproduce

Are you so different from me?

And yet

Others must die
So you can live

Are you so different from me?

Why choose my window?
Why look in?

Perhaps you watch what I do?
Perhaps you want to make me...think?

I will count the days that you endure
Observe your presence
Ponder
Your message

You will wait
For death
Silently
As balmy breezes ripple
Your web

The beast of
Self destruction
Relentlessly scrapes at my soul
Straining
Lunging
To awaken me
In the dawn hours

A psychotic
Furious
Raging bedfellow
Wraps around my neck
Pumps chemicals of panic
Through my body

Quaffing my energy
Leaving me pale
Weakened and empty

The beast stirs
As thoughts keep me awake
At 4.30am

I try to soothe its howls
With a sweeter song
Lull it back to sleep
Lest I be drawn
Into the skin of the beast
To rage with its fury
Ripping to shreds
Everything I have ever made
To furiously tear, bite, scratch, seethe
Hurt
Hurt
Hurt myself

Hurt others

Energy drains from my body
Into the scraps of what is left behind

Scraps
Of things
I once carefully built
Now, scattered on the floor

I ,weakened by outbursts
Have shrunk

But the beast
Grows larger

Red
Bed
Lead
Head

Gob
Rob
Sob
Mob

Flit
Fit
Bit
Writ

Ooze
Cruis­e
Choose
Lose

Glut
****
Rut
Mutt

Ace
Race
Space
Face

Haze
Craz­e
Daze
Maze

Crump
****
Dump
Slump

Wipe
Ripe
Snipe
Tripe

Dub
Gr­ub
Tub
Hub

Gnaw
Draw
Flaw
Saw

Gape
Ape
Tape
Vape

Lick
Sick
Nic­k
Pick

Flop
Plop
Drop
Mop

Age
Rage
Sage
Page

Bend
Tend
Mend
En­d

There is so much beauty
In each
Moment

Behind every door
In this town
People are living together
Day in day out
The energies that they create
Are swirling and mixing
Blending to create a whirlpool
That joins the whirlpool
Of their neighbours
And their neighbour’s neighbours

Each singular energy
Connects to
And affects
All other energies
Seen and unseen
A change in energy
Be it positive or negative
Affects everyone
In the community

Tiny hands
Red lips
Bruised head
Sleeping

Sometimes shaking
Breathing softly
Dreaming
Dreaming

Eyes shut
You stir at noises
Flinching slightly
Absorbing voices

Mother’s eyes
Deep and tired
Father smiles
From a distant planet

Being born
Is not so easy
Being born
And living

Moving from
Another eden
Embarking on
An epic journey

By trying to be
Who I really am
I’m trying to be someone
I think I should be

Does that mean that I am not being
The real’ true me’
Or does it mean that the true me
Is someone who tries?

What if the things we believe in
Came true?

If we truly believe in heaven
We would one day end up there?

What if reality
Was a complete product of our beliefs?

Then again, what if it wasn’t?

What if we things we believed in
Never happened?

Then there would be no reason
To believe in anything

And it follows that in time
We would cease to believe
In the importance or relevance
Of our own existence

And then we would, in time
Cease to exist

But we do exist

And we do have beliefs

So if our beliefs
Do create our reality

Why do we struggle
To believe in a better life?

Why do we reject the possibility
Of creating a paradise on earth?

I realise
That I don’t quite belong
That I don’t fit
A certain kind of lifestyle

I am different now

I am uncertain about many things

I only know myself well enough
To know that I am not who I was
And not who others thought I would become

What I am doing is waiting
To find out who I am
And who I will become in the future

I am aware that I don’t fit
Into any of the usual boxes

And if that makes it difficult to cast me
In any of the existing parts

Then, so be it

This day
Is someone’s first

This day
Is someone’s last

Make this day
Your day
A day of human triumph

The sun is shining brightly
Your struggle to reveal
Your unique potential
Is valiant

Bricks at the base of a building
Bear the greatest weight
Yet they stand
Strong, bold, immovable

Be the one
To bring a smile to each face

Be the one
To resolve the conflict

Be the one
To reach out

For those of us who survive
This day is precious

Betrayal
Has come
Hidden
But visible
Left to be found
Surprising
Yet not

Sharp
Like a dagger
A piercing
Of safety
Dull
Like concussion
A kick
In the heart

Damaged
Are children
Broken
Is Trust
Weakened
Are families
Branches
Are Cut

Betrayal
Of hearts
Assumes
Dumbness
Of victims
A slur
On humanity
Driven
By
Self

Betrayal
Of union
Years of great effort
Crumble
Like sandcastles
Under your feet

Betrayal
Great robber
Of my human
Dignity
Futures are frozen
Our cords
Are cut

Betrayal
Most human
Act
Of cowardice
Unspoken
Discovered
We meet
To part

Happiness exists between us
Like oxygen
I can’t see it
But it is there

Like an umbilicus
It connects us

Like a circle
It has no beginning
And no end

Happiness exists between us
Without you
I couldn’t be happy

Even the islands
Are surrounded by sea
And the earth joins the sky
And the sky encircles the moon

I could never be happy just on my own
So its you
That I send my happiness to

I couldn’t be happy without you
Nor could I be sad
In fact I couldn’t be human without you
No matter what you do
I will be glad

Beyond existence
In this form
Lies
Unending space
Time
Compassionate energy
Eternity

Beyond time
Beyond space
Lies
What is not known

Beyond knowledge
Beneath what is not known
Lies wisdom
Truth
Soul
Spirit

Beyond matter
Lies essence
Essence
And energy
Which animates
All matter

Momentarily
We are together
In this form
In this state

Let us remember
What lies beyond

Beyond
I have travelled
Beyond

Beyond
The boundaries
Of former experience
Into uncharted territory

And I have found
Not myself

Not another
No deity
No mysticism
No other

Just
Space

Beyond the fear
Lies the future

Beyond the pain
Lies release

Beyond the anxiety
There is courage

Beyond the unknown
There is opportunity

The artist is constantly tortured
By the fear of losing life
Whether it is the loss of his or her own life
Or the loss of a moment...

The artist is only satisfied
When something meaningful is captured
A moment, a mood,the fleeting brilliance of sunrise
Or the shine of light on a beautiful woman

Such things manifest
And then, they are gone

The artist feels loss deeply
And wishes to hold fast
To the transient wonder of life

The artist counters death
By capturing life while he or she can

And thus the artist lives
Beyond death

Beyond the revolution
There will be:

Clean air
Culture
Art
Music
Dancing
Chemical free fields and food

Work opportunities
Clothing
Equality
Balance
Nuclear free energy

No nuclear weapons
No more greed
No more war

A deeper consciousness
Dialogue
Housing for all

Governments that serve
Respect for each living thing

The revolution
Is ours to make

Beyond the revolution
Is every moment
From now

Beyond the revolution
There will be:

Clean air
Culture
Art
Music
Dancing

Chemical free fields and food
Work opportunities
Clothing

Equality
Balance
Nuclear free energy

No nuclear weapons
No more greed
No more war

A deeper consciousness
Dialogue
Housing for all

Governments that serve
Respect for each living thing

The revolution
Is ours to lead

Beyond the revolution
Is every moment
From now

Be yourself!
Follow your instinct
Do what you should do
To fully express
Your life

Be yourself!
Stop pretending
To be wise
Strong
Intelligent
Or in control

Be yourself!
Never push
Others around
To get
What you want


Be yourself!
Be who you are
Express yourself
As honestly
As would
Your inner child

Be yourself!
Don’t buy
Into the need
To please
Or appease
Speak your mind

Be yourself
Create!
Things that you need
To live the way
You want

Be yourself
Be your self
Be
You…r
Self

How many more times
Will I approach Billericay
On this particular train journey?

Can it be counted

Is there a heavenly spirit
Who had pre-destined
The number of times
I will make this journey?

Will it be more than I thought
Less than I thought?

After all – I could be dead in a week, a day, an hour,
Is this my last ever journey
Through Billericay?

Bird

Soaring
Free
Happy

I wish
I could fly
Just like you

On this day
48 years ago
I incarnated
Arrived, was born

Some might say
My existence began
But I know
That's not the whole of it

I may have been born
But my life
Just like yours
Has always been

It is energy, pulsating
Vibrating, waving
Manifesting in countless ways
Always existing

And you and I have travelled together
In lifetime after lifetime
Brought together
In this moment

To celebrate
Our eternity

Evening sky
White and grey
Silver and blue
Textured before my eyes
Describe the heavens
Above me
As I rest on earth

I sway and pass
Between
Parallel lines
And liquid bodies
Entertain my eyes

This experience
Can not contain me
I choose to live
I choose to be

Fields of long grasses
Sway in the
Iridescent light

A canal of greenery
Ushers me safely
Home

Home

A thousand miles away
Candles burn
Quietly
Fluttered by breezes

For some
Time is running out
For me
Time is rushing in

The future
The future
Ever open and waiting

Communities of winged creatures
Gather together in the humidity of the evening
Perhaps a greater consciousness
Directs their dance
Down
Up
Over
Side
Down
Up
Repeat
Repeat

Gather together for the wonderful dance
Stay with the group
Always together
Dense in the middle
Shimmering vibrations
Sharing your aerial choreography

The closer together
The more intricate the flight
Not one on top
Not one leader
Togetherness
In the dance
Of evening

It is a time of day
To rest the body
Absorb the birdsong
Breathe the fragrant air

To compose poetry
To write verse
A poetic time of day

Evening skies
Blue and white
Drift overhead
Blue
And
White

Blue
And
White

Sunrise
Was pink
Then orange
Then pink again
Before blue
And black

Seagulls improvise with the wind
Skybound shadows
Dancing in twos and threes

In my mind
Confusing messages
Intertwine

I realise how important
Relationships are

A brave face
On what is wrong
Will no longer do

I must see things
As they truly are
And transform

Stand in the truth
Do not fear what others say
Live in it

Sunset was

Golden

Brilliant

Expansive

Blue note
Blue note
Help me be free
Free from the struggle
That weigh down on me

Blue Note
Blue Note
Make me belong
To somethin' much greater
Than my simple song

Blue note
Blue note
You bendin' the rhyme
You got me, a prisoner
From bygone ol’ time

Blue note
Oh blue note
I plod out my blues
And under my feet
See my vagabond shoes

Blue note
Blue note
I’ll gather my tears
And pray for redemption
For all the lost years

Blue note
Blue note
Why you so blue?
When love done gon lef' you
Ain't nothin’ to do

Blue note
Blue note
Resting down low
Ain't no one, no never
Don fall down so slow

I see
Children lean
Into those
They love

I observe
Grown bodies turn
To those
In their care

Protective energy
Surrounds the young
Embracing them
Nurturing them

And in that security
Young lives
Grow
And flourish