I think you tried to tell me with your unveiling silence that we no longer were an us.
I think you tried to tell me, subtle many times before, but I just wouldn't listen, I just wouldn't stop.
Thinking, writing, felling
I just couldn't stop.

I don’t know what to tell you

I don’t know what you want me to say

Every weekend it’s the same

Same question

Same silence

Same feelings

Same darkness

Every time it’s an elongated silence from that question

The one I can’t answer

You stand next to me, looking down from our height different holding your Heineken as you slur your words to me

Do you love me?

There it is again.

That question.

How do you tell someone you love you don’t love them the same way they love you?

Our drunken nights and endless fights are like a boomerang thrown at the end of the night
Delaying its return every time

I’m sure I don’t want you

Is all I have to say, but I’ve kissed you and held you and dribbled with your heart

I am the ***** that has used you for the lack of embracement she is most needed of

I chose the wrong person

The wrong lover

The wrong time

You’re drunk with all these lies I tell you

Enamored by the ones you barely remember

From the memories of when I used to make you coffee
“You make the best brew” he says

But what he doesn’t know is that even my demons make good coffee

Even the heartless monster inside me has sweet kisses to give out

Even the ***** that I am can make you think she loves you back.

I’m sorry, I just never told you that.

Your guitar is left untouched

Your computer is shut down

Your eyes are heavy, enclosed from last night

I touch your unshaven face, the kind of raspy I felt in between my legs

I roll out of bed and straight to your living room

The smell is of you, the one I’m still not quite accustomed to

Our sporadic encounters leave me warm inside

The kind I haven’t felt since the happy brown eye girl died

I go into your kitchen and look for your medicine cabinet, then it occurs to me I’m probably the only human being that keeps their medicine right above their spices, just like any indigestion of food

I turn around and spot my reflection on an awkwardly placed mirror

My hair is long and red, the one I had before I got depressed

I like you because you understand, or maybe it's because you don’t try to understand

When I lay in bed all day and you bring your guitar and sit down next to me

You play me little tunes for my sadness, I write words of morose for your amusement

We work because I’m sad and you’re not and for some reason you’re not fed up with my mood swings and my weird yet, nonetheless this disease that’s consuming the optimist girl you first met.

The bizarre movements, of your hand in my lips
The caress of your lips on my lips
Your sweet tender tongue, and mine through the fight
Wrestling yet so gently, through the movements of guitars
Song you play so tingly, in my stomach I can feel
Tingling sensation, as you work your way through me
Caress me so gently, make me feel your love
Let me hear your heart, yet feel it against my chest.
Let me feel you drumming,  pure seduction of the soul.

I'm tired of you, because you make me feel like I can't do anything.
I'm tired of you because you make me inadequate for the working world
I'm tired of feeling broken
I'm tired of making plans with my life and being unable to because you come in the way
I beg of you to find someone else
A more desirable body for your impregnation of inaptitude
I'm tired of feelings hopeless
Sleeping all day
I'm tired of you embodying my soul
I'm tired of all of you and every least bit of you
I want to be happy and deserving of this human world.

I like to think that you are here
With your memories and said words that could never be returned
The smell of your mouth that tastes like coffee
The smell of your hands and cigarettes too
I like to think of you
As a mere memory of whom once I thought you'd be
The perfection in form of a man
The creation of the objectified love
The sadness within all of this hallucinating
And the love that was lucid
Your hands a few centimeters from mine
Never touching never mine
Go through your soul but soul mates aren't real
Go through the world but we all have fears