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Christien Ramos Jul 2020
i
decided
to
sleep
early
when
dawn
started
to
hurt
me
Christien Ramos Jun 2020
i even fell
in love
with the idea
of you existing
what more
when you laugh
when you cry;
what more
when you frown
when you smile?
that's ******, dear --
it could possibly
**** me.

but please do.

be my death
that i did not see coming.
Christien Ramos Jun 2020
while it is true that past is past,
my calendar still reminds me
of my yesterday.
it still sores
that even a bag of ice
can't cure.

it still haunts me.
crawled up to my nerves.
gave me lots of it's-time-to-cry nights
which i think i deserve.

crying became my lullaby
as if it is now a prerequisite
for me to sleep.

but
i am tired
of this solitude,
of guilt,
of crying for help.

it's hard to forgive others,
but i guess
it is harder to forgive yourself.
--
Christien Ramos Jun 2020
patawad
patawad kung natakot ang mga balikat ko.
kung wala silang lakas ng loob upang pasanin ang bigat ng mga kwento mo.
alam nilang mangangalay sila
at baka hindi ako patulugin sa sakit,
sa pangamba,
sa pag-aalala.
nababahala ang kanan,
ang kaliwa
silang dalawa
kaya patawad;

patawad kung inalagaan ko ang lamya
hindi mo makakapitan ang mga buto
dahil sa rupok
dahil sa walang kasiguraduhan
dahil takot sila sa pusok
hindi kongkreto ang pundasyon
at inisip kong 'wag sila ialok sa'yo.
kaya patawad;

patawad kung walang tamis ang mga pangungusap.
tinanan ka ng matatabang na salita sa kawalan
at wala silang balak na bumalik.
iniwan kang nakalutang sa ere;
nag-iisip,
nanabik
sa ginhawang mailap.
kaya patawad;

takot lang ang mga balikat na ito
na maging makasarili.
ayaw lang nilang sumandig ka sa pader
na nagdadalawang-isip.

kaya kapag dumalaw muli ang gabi
na kailangan **** ihilig ang sarili mo,
handa na sila

sumandal ka't makikinig ang mga ito.
Christien Ramos May 2020
you used to bleed love
where are they now?
you're drunk with hatred
this isn't your know-how
come back
to where you belong
sober the pain
love's our home.
Trust me. You'll be fine
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