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Nov 2013 · 474
thanksgiving day
Charlotte Nov 2013
i am not one to count my blessings
i usually forget
and i am not one to be selfless,
to remember what i have
when i have it
but there is one thing
that i will never stop thanking god for
and that i will never forget to add
to my prayers at night
and that is
the feeling i get
when our lips
touch
Nov 2013 · 580
the alternative
Charlotte Nov 2013
in another world
there would have been a you and me
and we would have fought
the way we do in this world
but in that world
instead of ending in solemn, silent goodbyes
the fighting
ends
in
kisses
Nov 2013 · 487
zb
Charlotte Nov 2013
zb
i remember when i met you for the very first time
and i thought i was going to cry
because you were so beautiful and you. weren't. mine.
and i had to go along pretending everything was fine
and i had to go along acting like it was okay
that you weren't mine and
i remember kissing your cheek and wishing it was your lips...
and i remember how it nearly was when my mouth slipped
and i remember how tall you were compared to me
and the way your mouth curled up whenever you looked at me
and i remember how we had a chemistry that he couldn't dream
of making with every element in the world
and how i just wanted to be your girl
i remember when you and i first hung out alone
and how it was to hear your voice outside of the phone
and i remember how it was to breathe you in
and how
i never wanted to be alone again
Nov 2013 · 976
Sometimes it takes awhile.
Charlotte Nov 2013
It started out with one
"I love you," said he.
She said, "I love you, too.
It'll always be you and me."

And yet, as often is the case
He was soon on his way
Out the door, he left her
Once there was nothing left to take.

It took awhile for the second
To convince her to let him in
And she was right to worry
Since he left right after, fin.

It soon turned into three
'Cause that's when she stopped believing
She let him in, saying, screaming--
"Oh, please, just stop my grieving."

But that was too much pressure
And he was ill-equipped
To deal with such a girl
So sad, alone, and whipped.

So three faded into four
But he was nothing but mean
He did not love her, not one bit
And the things he did, obscene.

Five tried to save her
Oh yes, he truly tried
But she was much too broken
And sadly, their love died

Six is the devil's number
And there's a good reason why
He used her face as a cutting board,
Now she can't look him in the eye.

Seven could have been her everything
He was her greatest maybe
But neither of them were ready,
Torn apart by an unborn baby

Eight was a late night mistake
Fueled by drunken lust
Though in the morning, she denied it,
He was her needful, solid must.

Eight told nine about her
And he was rather struck
Nine was one of those guys,
The ones who only want to ****

And though she told him no
He simply didn't care
She was quiet, she was still
She pretended she wasn't there.

Ten came rushing in
He saw her eyes and scars
And he said, "There is no yours or mine,
There is only ours."

But she wasn't ready
And their love began to falter
By the time she wore her dress of white
She was fleeing from the altar

But eleven understood her past
She told him more each night
And he promised to be there
And help her put things right.

He waited patiently every day
For her to settle in
For her to remember who she was
Before she attempted to love him.

She remembered back to the days before
The days of one through ten
She realized there was more to her
Than to be an object of men

She started painting every day
She started baking pies
And in the process of filling up her world
She opened up her eyes.

She started to believe in herself
She managed to look in the mirror
She knew that she was worth something
And she stopped living in fear.

Eleven waited patiently
He held her hand when she cried
And she helped him with his demons, too.
She called him out when he lied

Their life together was not perfect
Love never really is
But it was something completely new
It was both hers and his

She never forgot about her demons
But she discovered she could forgive
She could make amends with her past
She could fight her sadness, she could live.

She kissed him softly every night
And he held her close each day
Their story is the living proof
That everything will be okay.
Nov 2013 · 499
I Am a Funeral
Charlotte Nov 2013
My brain is an autopsy
Observing your
Remains
Turning them over
And over
Trying to make sense
Of what you left behind
My body is your body
My hands could be yours
Only they are full of life
And yours feel cold in mine
My heart is a eulogy
It remembers only
The things I loved about you
It refuses to acknowledge
How the story really ends
My lungs are a graveyard
I breathed you in
But I cannot
Breathe you out
I am your tomb
And in me you'll remain
And maybe it's me
Who's buried after all
Oct 2013 · 808
hearts filled with ash
Charlotte Oct 2013
the house burned down
with me inside
you were gone
and i was left behind
you lit the flames
locked the door
and let the smoke cloud over me
you were gone
and i was left so far behind
your eyes were stained glass windows
cracking
they burst in the heat
you ran away and
the house came down
on top of me
you were gone
and i was left far behind
and i gathered up the ashes
and swallowed them whole
i wondered if they'd help me
find your soul.
you came back
bearing flowers bathed in ashes
to this desolate lot
and there was nothing left but me
trying to pick up pieces
too small to even see
trying in vain
to put the house back together,
the house of you and me
but everything was buried in gray
and it stained my soul
you came back
to where you left me
and i was still there digging
still there singing your song
but you had picked a new tune
that did not cause the heat
to burn up inside you
you tried to touch me
the way you used to
but it was then that we learned
that i was still on fire
and that you still could not bear to touch me
you stayed there
solemnly
when you had a moment to spare
to come to my gray tomb
my ancient, hallowed burial grounds
of you and me
the house is gone
the fire has long since burned out
but i still carry it inside me
and it makes me painful to touch
you come back sometimes
and i let you stay close
but i still burn you,
and i know
that the day will come
when you will not return
and i'll still remain here
picking up the ashes
of a love lost longer ago
than i'd like to admit
and you will walk away
cold as ice
but the fire will never burn out
in my mind
our house burned down
with me inside
you were gone
and i was left far behind
Oct 2013 · 620
Addict
Charlotte Oct 2013
Make me want you every day
Nothing but you
Who am I?
Wake up alone
And I claw at my skin
Covered in traces of you
And who am I?
Addict.
I am nothing without you
The world closes up
Without you dripping in my veins
Crave each touch
You have me begging on my knees
“I’ll let the bad parts in.”
Addict.
Hazy vision
I’ve lost my way
I stumble into walls
With your voice dancing in my head
And I fall down
                      down
                            down
Into the abyss.
Craving your touch
Makes everything else lack meaning
Is this a way to live?
Addict.
This love is all-consuming,
Leaves me raw and screaming.
Pushed down and drowning
Can’t come up for air--
Is this love?
I crave you and you fill me up
You pour yourself in me
And I claw my way along
To take yet another hit of you.
Addict.
The sun’s been gone for days
Or weeks, or years;
I can’t tell when I’m living in a world
Revolving around you.
The fog settles all around
The haze has filled my mind
There is one last question
That I grasp to, desperately:
Where did I go?
Addict.
Charlotte Oct 2013
here we are again
old friend
we tried to drift apart
to empty out our chests
to drain our broken hearts
over-flooded with tears
of a love gone toxic
here we are again
dear friend
i couldn't forget you if i tried
and god, did i
oh god, did i
i closed my eyes and dreamed of a life anew
but nothing really came close
to making me as happy as you
here we are again
my friend
you are mine, aren't you
there is no one else here now
once again, it's me and you
Oct 2013 · 522
detour
Charlotte Oct 2013
i began to accept
that life was different now
and that i would never
taste your lips again
and that someone else
would feel the flush of your cheek
and the warmth of your smile.
and yet
as soon as i threatened life
with my weak strength
and my forced contentment,
as soon as i pushed forward
through the looking glass
into a life i never imagined
here i fell
right where i wanted to be,
all along.
this was a long-winded journey
to the same spot
i was at
several times before
and yet
i cannot say that
i am sorry things
turned out this way
because it is hard to imagine
your lips tasting as sweet
if i had just taken
the empty, concrete path
that we had been on
before
Sep 2013 · 475
hazy days
Charlotte Sep 2013
i'd been crawling toward redemption
and i'd almost made it there
when a detour to nowhere
sent me straight into the air
take a hit, take a hit
i never wanted to be like this
but when you left me you took my soul
this smoke is all i have left
the haze that i brushed away from you
is surrounding me instead
Sep 2013 · 353
falling action
Charlotte Sep 2013
i reached heaven too early
my peak was long ago
i took a hit of love
and it kept me high for years
but now the smoke has cleared
and i am all alone
Charlotte Aug 2013
before you attempt to date me
i want you to know
that though i may be beautiful
and though i may smile at the right moments,
i am nothing but
someone addicted to love.
and that i can put on a show
that will be given nothing but 10/10
but please remember that that's all it is:
a show.
because there has already been someone
where you want to go
there has been someone
(who is a stranger to you)
who has kissed my scars
and told me he would marry me.
he has made me ***
four times in forty seconds,
but i promise i won't compare.
even if he did wear magnums
and go down on me
every time i asked
(no, i promise i won't compare)
but anyway,
the reason i bring this up
is that nothing you do will be new to me
and you can think you're good
and you can try and change my mind
but you won't.
and i can honestly say that i don't think you'll try all that hard
because i am a sad girl
and boys get tired of those
faster than they'll admit.
(god, do i know)
they would rather date someone
who will give them what they need
and be nice and sweet and lovely
than be with someone like me
who craves love
the way addicts crave
their next pick me up
someone like me
who cuts her skin for fun
just to see the blood
run down my arm
and feel something other than
him.
inside my head
my heart
every part of me
pushing whatever is left of me out
letting him just take over,
****** every thought.
i simply cannot forget
the love that we had
so if you want to date me
go ahead.
but i just want you to know
that it will never just be you and me
no matter what you do
there will always be three.
Aug 2013 · 831
words
Charlotte Aug 2013
i fall in love
with people i can't see
i fall in love with the words
that they place inside of me
if you want to taste me
i'll let you take a bite
only if your words
turn me on just right
words make me blush
they make me smile bright
they turn me from an angel
into a **** at night
words stringed together
in the most perfect way
can make me want to marry you
and be yours alone someday
words place themselves inside of me
and they spread from head to toe
when you tell me how i'm perfect
it's hard for me to say no
but trust me when i say
that i believe every phrase
anything you whisper
will leave me latched on for days
your words made me perfect,
in love and quite insane
and ever since you took them back
they've haunted me in their refrain
Charlotte Aug 2013
i remember that you liked dodge
and that you thought my chevy was dumb
but i never really cared about cars
so i never really paid attention
and i think you thought that maybe i didn't care
about what you preferred
i remember that you said that when you were little
you said you wanted to marry the little mermaid
and since i'm not a lot like her
i never really said anything about it
and maybe you thought that
i didn't care
i remember when you said you wanted to travel the world
and join the peace corps for a few months
and it upset me because
i missed you all the time
as it was
and i got more than a little upset
and maybe you thought
that i wanted to control you
i remember when you told me
your dream was to be in a band
but composing would be your back up
and i got so scared
and the fear led to hurt
and anger
maybe you thought that i didn't want you to be happy
maybe you thought that i was trying to turn you into
something you weren't
but i wasn't
i swear
you left to make a life on your own
one that you could be happy with
since you thought i didn't care
about what you wanted
and that i didn't remember
the little things about you
but i do
i want to be your little mermaid
traveling the oceans with you
and the land too
on feet made of gold
while we make music together
with our laughter
you stopped believing in me
thinking that i stopped believing in you
but
i do believe
i do care
i do remember
Aug 2013 · 696
unafraid
Charlotte Aug 2013
knives are angry
and they shine
menacingly
guns are loud
and toxic
to society
ropes burn heavily
they snap
and send me tumbling
down to earth
where i no longer want to be.
death is scary
but cliffs are not
mountains
bridges
looking over an endless blue sky
and maybe an ocean or two
majestic and beautiful
free and unafraid
i am not afraid of heights
so when i want to die
i will fly away
in happiness
step off of the ground
containing me
and into the world unknown
into the deep, shining blue
and i will die
unafraid
Aug 2013 · 1.9k
Going shopping
Charlotte Aug 2013
I'm going shopping
For a boy with a smile
That can melt the ice in me
I'm going shopping
For a boy who can hold
My pain that's grown so heavy
I'm going shopping
And looking all around
For a boy who will pick me up
Whenever I fall down
I'm going shopping
With my big shopping cart
For a boy out there somewhere
Who will take care of my heart
Aug 2013 · 879
sixteen forever
Charlotte Aug 2013
sixteen forever
craving nothing but
skin to skin
mind to mind
heart to heart
staring in your eyes
and seeing forever
seeing nothing but
the sun
craving everything you've never had before
and maybe will never have again
sixteen forever
tearing down your walls
burning all your bridges
and refusing to become what they want
nothing standing in your way
craving love and nothing more
no fear of the future
just fear of the night ending
because when you're sixteen forever
you feel infinity
and your heart smiles
through the tears
because nothing can stand in your way
nothing can hurt you for more than a moment
because you're brave and you're young
and you're free
close your eyes and remember
when you were sixteen forever
your heart is open
your eyes are wide
your light is blinding
and unstoppable
forever is real
forever is now
forever is in your reach
and you take it
unflinchingly
i want to be
sixteen forever.
Aug 2013 · 10.3k
i'm flirting with a boy
Charlotte Aug 2013
i'm flirting with a boy
for the sole reason
that i am desperately lonely
and i want the attention
that he is so willing to give me
i'm flirting with a boy
because it makes me feel wanted
and that is a feeling
that you forgot to give me
long ago
i'm flirting with a boy
and i think i'll break his heart
not because i want to
but because you do not want me
Jul 2013 · 2.0k
whore
Charlotte Jul 2013
i am your *****
and i'm craving you again
you fill me up
until all i can do is cry
and take it
like a good little girl
but isn't the whole point
that i am not a good girl
i am your *****
and we like it that way
Jul 2013 · 932
deviant
Charlotte Jul 2013
make me a ****
**** me up
make me believe
i'm not worth anything
i can be your *****
if you promise not to leave
i'll let you ***
all over me
close your eyes
and it's me you'll see
lying beneath you
while you're crying out
in ecstasy
heaving chest,
naked breast
don't believe in what they say
they don't see what we do in the dark
they don't hear what you ask of me
and they don't see my response
i'll get on my knees
and i'll beg the way you like
you'll never find another *****
like me
Jul 2013 · 306
you knew
Charlotte Jul 2013
you knew
you knew
you knew
you knew
you knew
you knew
how i felt
about everything
and that's why it was so easy
for you to figure out
exactly what would tear me apart.
you tore me apart
in more ways than one
and you smiled because
you knew
Jul 2013 · 595
Spare Me
Charlotte Jul 2013
hail to the hero
and what a hero you are
you made girls believe in you
one by one
knocking them down
like bowling pins,
and i was your strike.
your marble eyes
caved me in
you struck me down
all at once
but it's the end of our game
and you left me
in pieces
Jul 2013 · 318
mad girl
Charlotte Jul 2013
there is nothing left to give
nothing left to say
besides the regular things
the i miss yous
and i love yous
that don't really mean anything
to you.
i listen to mournful songs now
they understand me
almost as well as you did
almost
Jul 2013 · 662
your bedroom walls
Charlotte Jul 2013
blue walls
white clouds
a tree goes up
to the ceiling
i remember
this sacred place
as well as i
remember your face
you were a man
of wilderness
you made me believe
that i was the jane
to your tarzan
even though really
i was nothing but a mall girl
playing pretend
in your bed
you first kissed me there
under a may sky
you first touched me there
with nothing but your walls watching
you made love to me there
with the blue screen glowing
and we whispered to each other
as if the animals on your walls
could hear us
we dreamed as if we were actually
in the sky
Charlotte Jul 2013
words drip
from friend's lips
a memento of coffee cups
and foamed cheeks
lost are the days of feeling alone
an empty cup filled
with warm memories of new days
made bright with new faces
and drinks made in order
to soothe your swollen heart
the evening fades
to a stardusted night
and a comforting solace
grows in our stomachs
a garden replenished
the dark seems less lonely
the stars seem so close by
no longer dead things
floating in
a desolate sky
so close in proximity
they seem almost
like our moonlit
freckles laughing
Written with Cadence Musick
Jul 2013 · 326
lost love
Charlotte Jul 2013
you asked me why i no longer danced
but you never noticed that
you no longer sang my song
Jul 2013 · 266
two kinds of people
Charlotte Jul 2013
you picked me a rose
and all you saw was beauty--
all i saw was death
Jul 2013 · 278
Cycle
Charlotte Jul 2013
You raised your hand to me
And when you were done
You put it down and said
"Never again."
But I saw your eyes
And there was nothing but
Hatred
And the promise of
Next time.
Jul 2013 · 327
heat
Charlotte Jul 2013
your breath
mingles with
mine
and i can hear your
solemn sigh
your sweat
flicks on me
but i don't mind
'cause i can feel your passion
and it's getting me off
tonight
i can feel you
inside
and all i can do
is close
my eyes
and get lost in this
ride
since i only feel fine
when you're on top
and
i'm open,
wide
Jul 2013 · 747
uncertainty to insanity
Charlotte Jul 2013
there is a chance that i may never hear you voice again
and it is that chance that makes me pick up a cigarette
for the first time
there is a chance that i may never see your face again
and it is that chance that makes me wipe tears from my eyes
every single night
there is a chance that i may never feel your love again
and it is that chance that makes me pick up a knife
for the very last time
Jul 2013 · 609
taker
Charlotte Jul 2013
i love you and i can't breathe
without you, there's nothing left of me
i am nothing but an aching wrist
covered in blood
i am a mouth opened wide
but i can't make words anymore
you took my voice away
you took my golden smile
you took all that was left of me
and you've been gone awhile
Charlotte Jun 2013
everything good
is going away
making it harder
to get up in the morning
each day is a struggle,
a battle, a war
and i am losing
Charlotte Jun 2013
there is an urn
that will grow from ashes into a tree
i saw it today
and i thought of you
because you are so alive
and so in love with what is real
you will be a tree after you die
and you will keep on living
you will smile at everyone
and wave your full, green branches,
letting people breathe you in.
and i?
i will lie under you
six feet, to be exact
beneath a stone cold grave
proclaiming my death
for i am not alive
anymore
Jun 2013 · 270
you were different
Charlotte Jun 2013
He kissed my eyelids, and that was very important to me.
It made him stand out in my mind
For kissing lips may be more common,
But eyes are the windows to the soul
Jun 2013 · 422
Hello Alone
Charlotte Jun 2013
Hello Alone, old friend
I always knew you'd come back again
You could not stay away, I see
And so you're here, haunting me
You brought along your friends, those three
Named Sadness, Confusion, and Misery
You all go through my heart's debris
Dancing around in endless glee
Singing, "No one is as sad as she"
I wish that you would let me be
Hello Alone, it's you, old friend
I always knew you'd come back again.
Jun 2013 · 1.4k
the trump card lie
Charlotte Jun 2013
i've told ten thousand lies today
and each one came out rough
this poker table of life will
sooner or later call me bluff
but each lie turned out well, it seems
since no one questioned my word
i laid them down like playing cards
and the guilt inside me purred
there are still tears around my eyes
and an ache inside my gut
but there's nothing anyone can do
with their eyes closed wide shut
i've told ten thousand lies today
yes, this much is true
but none were close to the one you told
when you whispered "I love you."
Jun 2013 · 538
pretend
Charlotte Jun 2013
love love love
i need it like
i need oxygen
in my lungs
like i need
a thorn in my side
you you you
i don't have you
but i need you
like oxygen
in my lungs
and a thorn
in my side
him him him
i don't need him
i know it too
but i suppose
he'll have to do.
Jun 2013 · 376
"I love you."
Charlotte Jun 2013
I used to cling to "I love yous"
like they were the only things that mattered
I would wait months just to hear those words
One more time.
I became addicted
And I placed them under my skin
Pumped them in
One by one.
I finally became
A daily user of the phrase
And a daily recipient, too.
I never thought I would tire
Of the words
Dancing inside of me
Over and over again
And you knew it, too.
It got to the point
Where "I love you"
Was the only thing
You could say to me.
I became numb to the phrase
But I craved it even more
And I grew delirious
As the words
Built up inside of me.
One day I woke up
And I looked you in your the eyes
And you said "I love you."
But I was out of room
In my "I love you" bloated heart.
Yet an emptiness filled me and
I asked you "why?"
And all you could do
Was stare at me blankly
For you had long before
Forgotten the answer.
Jun 2013 · 286
What is love?
Charlotte Jun 2013
Love is a question you stopped answering
Love is a time and not a place
Love is a longing that won't go away
Love cannot be erased
Love is something that I can't feel
Love is what made me feel alive
Love has lost it's meaning, it can't be replaced
So all that's left to say is goodbye
Charlotte Jun 2013
boys boys boys boys boys
boys boys boys boys boys boys boys
boys boys boys boys boys
Jun 2013 · 492
the end.
Charlotte Jun 2013
there are ghosts in my walls
and demons in my head
they enchant me with stories
of what it's like to be dead

they cradle me softly
when no one else will
they whisper how lovely
it is to lie still

they sing to me sweetly
and make love to me at night
they tell me there's no way
anything will turn out right

they carry me away
from this place that i call home
this place that feels so empty
and where i've felt so alone

they've dug me up a grave
and they've sung their lullaby well
they don't have to push me in
since all i've known is hell

i step down on my own
and they smile sweetly still
blankets made of earth
are the only things i feel

the spirits wave goodbye
and the last thing that i see
is a new ghost among them
and i can tell it's me.
Jun 2013 · 202
Night and Day
Charlotte Jun 2013
you fear the moon
and i fear the sun.
you fear the darkness,
and i fear everyone.
May 2013 · 530
Drown Me.
Charlotte May 2013
Thoughts that don't go together
It smelled like summer
May air everywhere
Can we stay like this forever?
You are mine
There is no speaking
Only feeling
Body and soul.
You held my heart
And it wasn't pretty
A sea of scarlet
A pile of mush
A bent up heart
Still beating.
We are a storm
You are an ocean
I am a swimmer
No match for your power
You carry me away
Swallow me whole
Until I cannot breathe
Cannot sleep
Cannot live
Outside of you.
The eye of the storm came
And I had a chance to leave
I was thrown onto the shore
Given a chance to turn away
I look you in the eye
The vastness of your blue, green, gray, spectacular--
I look at your waves
Starting to grow
Fierce
Violent passion
Is it a risk I'm willing to take?
The dark water comes closer
And I know that if I follow
I will not come back
And I beg you with my eyes
"Push me in,
Push me in."
Charlotte May 2013
Rubber bands, rubber bands
pull them back and they burn my skin
but isn't it better
than digging in?
May 2013 · 448
first kisses
Charlotte May 2013
Number One
i kissed you in a ditch
and you liked it
you tried to take me in the woods
i didn't like that

Number Two
you kissed me in front of two hundred people
and i liked it
i didn't let you **** me in your bed
you didn't like that

Number Three
you kissed me in your bed
and we liked it
number two found out
he didn't
May 2013 · 385
the fly
Charlotte May 2013
can you please go away?
i don't need you
you aren't who i want
but you slam into my mind
at the most inconvenient of times
and i remember all we had
lost in a limbo of
memories
of when i was living
in your spider's web
May 2013 · 381
tell
Charlotte May 2013
violet
wrists
tell stories
no one wants
to hear
May 2013 · 695
The Transition of a Virgin
Charlotte May 2013
he looks at her
and she recoils
her bright, nervous eyes
scanning his body
as if she has a
test on it
and she must memorize.
she takes shallow breaths,
teeny, tiny breaths
unable to bring the air
back to her lungs
she doesn't want this
but what can she do
but agree
in exchange for love?
he does not smile
with his eyes
instead he falls down on her
causes her pain
and she closes her eyes
in grief
as he takes her away
May 2013 · 558
In the Morgue
Charlotte May 2013
roses are red
violets are blue
your face feels cold,
and your hands do too.
May 2013 · 466
In the Tower
Charlotte May 2013
Blonde haired beauty
With pale skin that locks away
Scars
Long since healed
In the physical sense only
Wake sleeping beauty
Your prince, he awaits.
You nymph of a girl
What a queen you will make.
He screams when he sees you
Half-covered in blood
Not him, but you,
Angel
Why couldn't you wait?
He was coming to save you
He was coming one day
He clings to you,
Baby
He cries out your name, saying
"Why wasn't I enough?
Why couldn't you just stay?"
Now, you dear, dead angel
With the halo above your curled hair,
Can only watch your prince weeping
Why weren't you there?
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