once,
you were smiling
your eyes reflecting
not only sunlight
but happiness

now,
you're smiling
your droopy eyes reflecting
not only tiredness
but emotionless

then,
you're smiling
your closed eyes reflecting
not only stillness
but death and peacefulness
*c.r

of the same human kind,
they shall be opponents?
Oh how tragic!

and as they manipulate you
you come to think and fight
for what might not be possible
but you can't control
your thriving of the feeling

and so all of you fight
Oh how tragic!

(c.r)

pacing moderately down the road
avoiding any contact
maybe it's just me who
constantly worries
or maybe it's their suspicious act

i do not like these people
i don't like how they think
i do not wish to stay forever
i wish i wouldn't overthink

(c.r)

but how do you not want
  to live in the past?
   everything was fine!
    people were happy,
     and so was I
          

                don't you want to be
                happy?
(c.r)

most of the time I hate looking at pictures from the past

why?

because everything was much more simpler
       and everyone was happier

who likes to ponder around in the past
and mourn on the happiness you used to carry

I'm sorry I'm not as outgoing
I'm sorry I don't like to
go outside everyday
I'm sorry I don't agree to plans
I'm sorry I don't socialise a lot
I'm sorry I'm self-conscious
I'm sorry I prefer to stay at home
I'm sorry I feel unsafe
I'm sorry people intimidate me
I'm sorry I think people are suspicious
I'm sorry if I am too selfish to accept the fact that we've moved

The list will go on but who has time?

I'm sorry
    I'm sorry
          I'm sorry I changed

(c.r)

these beautiful sceneries
I admire as I flip
through The world's
most beautiful places
but after scanning
these pictures,
my face sinks to a frown

why do I keep imagining
being with you?
It's just stupid
(c.r)

this typical question I receive
confuses me,
tears me slightly
and causes me to lie

"do you prefer living in ...........
or now in .........."

well,
would you prefer living
in a place you lived your
whole life
with places you knew
friends you loved
landscapes to visit

or a place
where you felt intimidated
no where to go
having limited friends
and having to just live with it?

(c.r)

it still surprises me
that i remember the places
                            the people
                            everything
                           (well not everything but you get me)
as i have a capability of going
through the places i've been before
and i can relive those moments
even though i left
for more than 2 years ago

the chirping of colourful birds
i hear in the morning
are the simple serenities i miss

to pick the fruits from
the mango tree
collecting 42 in cardboard boxes

the green landscape that
welcomed me at 6:00AM
laying in the hut and breathing fresh air
as rice fields surround me

how i would wash my wandering feet
in the cold rushing stream
then collect my bicycle and return

was i yet to discover
i was leaving this place in
6 months

(c.r)

thoughts of non-existing
anymore doesn't terrify me

it's the fact that I
never really existed to
you in the first place
*c.r

i filled up
my head with you,
every time i looked up
to the sky
it reminded me
of your
pretty pale
blue eyes
i can analyze endlessly
*c.r

i don't like to verbally fight
so when someone throws
their anger at me
i can just stay silent
and not say a single word.

i don't like to admit things
so when you ask me
for reasons
i can just stay silent
and not say a single word

i don't like to ruin things
so when you decide to
spend time with me
i'd love that and
i can just stay silent
and not say a single word
(c.r)

but one day you tore her down
you were both storm and pesticide
so she shrunk and withered
and couldn't take what was happening
so she was no more of
that beautiful flower
and you were no more of
her beautiful strength

*c.r

what's gotten into me?
you're just silly
i'm so sorry
for being a silly girl
to fall for you

(c.r)

you are the sun
and i am dust from a distant

i want to chase you but
each time i get closer
you travel away from me

making it impossible to
hold you in my
embrace

(c.r)

what is happiness?
they say the definition is:
"state of well-being characterized by
emotions ranging from
contentment to intense joy."

well in my opinion
happiness is found
in yourself

and for me,
i found happiness
from yours
(c.r)

there is this boy
I admire
with blue eyes I can
analyze endlessly
and his smile is described
as a little source of my happiness

there is this boy
I admire
who's quietness makes him
oddly attractive
and also when he fiddles with
his hair at times

there is this boy
I admire
whom in his eyes I don't exist
and in his eyes he seeks for another
and that other won't ever be me
but as long as he's happy
I'm okay
(c.r)

it's a bliss to just
lie down and think of nothing

but when you hear
tick tock,
tick tock
with every second
and so it begins to taunt you

by then you know
you've wasted time that
can't be reversed

(c.r)

The first thing I do
when my eyes open
is to remember
that I'm still alive
and that I didn't
dose off to blankness

You, my friend, might want
to leave forever
but I realise
that time is very
valuable and
it has to remain
a gift you each hold

People say, there are
places to go and
people to meet, so
why on earth would you
want to escape now

(c.r)

you give me comfort
you give me happiness
you give me feeling
you give me strength
you saved me

        but out of all of that
        i can give you nothing
        and most of all
        i can't save you.
(c.r)

it took me a while
to realise that
i might not ever
meet the people that
makes my day better

(c.r)

the clock constantly reminds you
of the time wasted
and it daunts me that our time is slowly
but unnoticeably, running out
though it would be a pleasant serene bliss
to waste each tick and tock

                         being present with you
*c.r

I woke up remembering
the latest movements
in my dreams
but a millisecond later
you're in my mind
and so then I continue
to think about you
as an untouchable dream.
(c.r)

real* voices are the ones
who make your skin static
with goose-pimples
the ones that send an electric current
down your spine
the ones who makes the
pair of your eyes prickle
with tears of sense and feeling

(c.r)

as I stare at the ceiling
and it stares back at me
my mind booming with thoughts
after a while it clusters and clears
into one subject

you
your baby blue eyes         your personality
your smirk          your cheesy grin
your jawline           your hair
your arms         your voice
your laugh              your hands
your height       your accent

the list will go on
but it honestly hurts me
that i haven't physically met you
and you can be a figure of imagination
a lie or a story once told
and you have no idea
i even exist
(c.r)

when it comes to
late hours, i do
intend to pour myself
into writing

but hey, i just wasted my
11:11 wish on you
i do hope you feel
special

(c.r)

I stare at the screen
which displays a film
so I stare blankly
and draw the letters
of your name without ink
on the table
and I know how
delusional I am
for wanting you

(c.r)

if only i had the courage
i would speak up to those
jibbering mouthes they own

if only i had the courage
let me be free and happy
avoiding negative thoughts
on my surrounding

if only i had the courage
would i carelessly not worry
about who or how
or why or what

(c.r)

please don't mention his name
   I'm unable to control my emotions
      you can say I'm an
         emotional wreck
           because my tears can't stop
             the redness in my eyes won't
                disappear
              he makes me sad and happy
            though he doesn't acknowledge
        my existence
    so please do me a favour
please don't mention his name

(c.r)

but i love the fact that
i can put my anger,
frustration, happiness and
any kind of emotion
to a piece of writing
that won't mean anything to anyone
but it would to me